Friday, March 20, 2009
/4:05 pm
A Sort of Fairytale with You-
And I was ridin' by
Ridin' along till you lost me
Till you lost me in The Rear View
You lost me I said
Way up North I took my day
All in all was a pretty nice
Day and I put the Hood
Right back where
You could taste heaven perfectly
Feel out the summer breeze
Didn't know when we'd be back
And I, I don't
Didn't think
We'd end up like
Like this
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/2:31 pm
那天看着你 就只有心疼。
成熟的男人也可以这么的让人想保护吗？
如果那一天我拥抱了你，一切都会不一样了。
但是 我不能。
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/1:48 am
recently i discovered that i have a huge problem with spelling. 'i wore a teeSHIT' was almost the worst. and my 'in the' always turns out to be 'int he'. its so frustrating.
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/1:35 am
i spent almost the whole day on facebook today. MY DEEPEST FEAR CAME TRUEE! facebook sucks for people with no self-discipline like me. SIGH. but it was so interesting just browsing through pictures and all the random nonsense floating around everywhere. not nonsense nonsense but you know, lovey dovey nonsense. without it ceteris paribus my day would have been totally productive, i would have managed to start on my work straight aftre i came back from tuition, or have started it after i watched a little tv, or after i helped search for monkeys and apes for my brother's young zoologist homework, or... tried to file the income tax form which is super duper complicated but sian-ed the moment i looked at it. and then i tried to go on to policy paper which is due soon but failed, of course i was distracted by intermitten guilty impulses toward clicking on the facebook bookmark. DAMNNNN.
why did i pick NKnuclear proliferation for SFP WHYYYYY.
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Tuesday, February 24, 2009
/11:50 pm
went for emerge09 with sky. fun night. met with herman sujuan n frens. got my belt back after exactly one year it was lent out. everything has come full circle. im im sure ive grown, cos when everything then seems so immature now and youre sick of pretending its still the same, you get it.
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/11:42 pm
went shopping with aileen and saw the perfume he wears. it brings back so much and scents do really have a strange power over memory. im tempted to buy it. maybe i'll wear it for myself but the thought scares me.
i really want to move on.
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Sunday, February 15, 2009
/2:03 am
i forgot to mention that in the midst of the girlish happiness i actually
missed him.
i guess im never gonna be over him, cos define over. definitely not if youre thinking of the things you did together and wishing he was here.
i think i need a hug now.
(and i know its not gonna be) his.
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/1:22 am
my
nth valentines spent with ade. despite her attachments over the years and my lack thereof, we somehow devoted valentines as a time for friendship and sharing the love. being with her gives me a sense of security which is probably the production of time and its unsparring tests which we'd overcome. there was a strange nostalgia tonight. i recalled our times in korea, our icecream eating and ramen cooking days; and i looked at her across the mango ice on our table. i knew that her smile had always stayed the same for me.
we cam-whored as usual, and fed each other occasional spoonfuls of grilled chicken fish n chips and omelette rice. i wore a bob hair which looked extremely weird, and there might be a certain resemblance to an ugly version of cleopatra there. not cool.
movie was funny, felt valentine-ish. had popcorns and coke.
before i boarded the train she pulled (jerked, more like ;p) me over and gave me a hug. i screamed i love you to her through a closing door in an outrageously loud voice, im certain that 2angmos by the door laughed and the other 20 pair of eyes in the train stared. we were such a scene; a romantic one of course <3
it had been long since i posted such a random what-happened-on-a-happy-day post. i am happy, so. yea.
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Friday, February 06, 2009
/8:18 pm
im back in town! <3
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Friday, November 21, 2008
/2:29 am
i love cookies.
im going to learn how to bake cookies during this holiday. and im gonna make cute tarts that look like theyre fresh out of delifrance. heee.
pls look forward to it folks! i mean for the pictures. lol
this entry is totally just for distracting myself for 2 minutes from studying marx and thoreau while feeling like a caffeine blooded marshmallow stuffed zombie.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
/12:45 am
光与黑暗交换舞伴时，我牵起黑暗的手。
离开光的一瞬间，以为世界会随着眼前的盲目消失不见。以为可以因此逃离不想承受的承受，连寂寞也准备当作代价照单全收。但是我却始终和现实保持着现实距离，意识对我不肯放弃。
毕竟习惯黑暗时，还是看得清自己。
inspired by decartes, cogito ergo sum. we cant escape our own consciousness.
it's god's carrot and stick.
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
/1:44 am
"but the trouble was that my hysterical fit could not go on for ever"was reading notes from the underground in the library this afternoon and dostoevsky was amazing. i made up my mind to go back to it after the exams. not that i would be studying much for it anyway but just to feel less guilty about things. digging up kierkegaard online. i've always known why i loved reading these, it feels good to find out that im not alone, that in the human condition no one was spared. there would be one philosopher after another explainng my own suffering to me with such grandiose or feign innocence of a novel. suddenly my selfishness and nihilism seems magnified and almost justified by the fact that it was philosophical. such a perverse comfort. (i fell in love with the word
perverse:persistent or obstinate in what is wrong) the whole reading experience anatomised my conscience. anatomise. im reminded of biology practical, the prawn and the scapel on the tabletop - no i did not want to remember it.
今天在雨中跑回家的。停在十字路口一分钟才发现所有的交通灯都罢工了。街上只闪着橙色的街灯，而突然发现少了闪烁的小绿人其实多了一份自由。不被指示灯所控制，自主行动的自由。路上的车子在不该转弯的地方转弯了，和我并肩的路人一手遮雨一边决定要不要冲过马路对面。在这种时候清楚知道有些自由是有代价的。但最可怕的是当我们没有选择权的时候，那份脆弱，才是不自由的。
街上没有车时我冲到了对面去，回头看时下雨的画面依然美丽。
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Monday, November 10, 2008
/8:09 am
man is born free, and he is everywhere in chains. i have not closed my eyes for 32 hours and now im finally done!! im DONE. did 5000 words of research paper within two days. im awfully proud of myself though im guilty that the quality could be much improved. but i couldnt care less now and i have a guard feeling it is not too bad. so, mukyaaa~
one more freaking essay and the exams and im free!
its bad though cos ive been working in the night till dawn. it comforts me and i love the atmosphere but it's a problem cos in the night i work but cant make myself eat anything. anyhow im lovin' it. heh. i cant stop playing insa on my piano. i wish the tone of my piano was slightly deeper though. mine's too crisp and its killing me. especially when i play schindler's list and chopin the feel is jsut WRONG.... ま、ま
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Thursday, November 06, 2008
/10:14 pm
the essentials are not to be perceived. lets all be airy-fairy.i repeatedly click on the url linking me to you. the gateway to your thoughts is virtual - it is one reality which does not seem to strike me that bad anymore - that i need to be so reliant on a web page full of html just to feel closer to you and your life. thought has never been literally more symbolic than now.
i relate to your emotions through the colours and moods of your icon and almost, just almost, manage to feel what you mask behind those words. smiles and tears, or ambiguities you could not detangle. im not a realist for the written. the prose is a reflection of who you are; it is a part of you, an extension of you; but not essentially, you. your fluid expressions, thoughts and state of mind are mirrors of who you believe you are- your self-perceived reality. do i, or even you, really have the knowledge about yourself? or does it matter, since we really just function on a world of mirrored realities?
i still think i
do know you.
if you had to define your existence, what would it be?
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Monday, November 03, 2008
/4:13 am
how dare the lizard crawl in front of me.
it should know that it is disgusting, if that's the only thing it knows.
at least i know how bad a person i am.
and that makes me better than the lizard, if no one else.
oh how proud of it
that i absolutely detest myself for who i am
and more so for who im not
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/4:03 am
how long had it been since i gazed upon a distant star and made a wish.
just because i dont believe in it anymore.
i just... keep hurting people...
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Sunday, November 02, 2008
/6:59 pm
ね、ほんとに、忘れたくない。
でも、簡単な問題でわありませんでした。
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
/11:55 pm
we partied in 112N and you hid in the toilet from the rangers
we makan on your miccrowaved chinese food
we ate tubs and tubs of dreyers
we marvelled at how much pizza i eat at we cook's
we rambled on about nana
we bitched about whats her name (Terri)
we piled on one another in my room
we hiked down the twisted trail and saw a desert mountain big horned sheep
we met a weird japanese photographer granpa who hike as fast as a mule
we were paranoid with your 'spots'
we had a tiff over getting lost in fremont street
we ate food lousier than bright angel's in las vegas
we loved little tokyo's yogurt and bakeries in los angeles
we stripped the shaky beds in our hostels
we froze strolling on hollywood boulevard in the night
we pretended to be fearless with the motorgangs
we sipped from the shamu mug in san diego
we took a bus aimlessly, fell asleep, and ended up at la jolla beach
we missed the movie that you always wanted to watch
we screamed in a mummy rollercoaster (you reminded me to scream when i was in shock)
we never had a proper picture taken by other people
we laughed like crazy people over things we dont remember
we had a meaningful conversation in a thai restaurant when all other places blacked out
we lugged heavy suitcases up and down the endless flights of stairs
we looked up and down for the dimsum shop at johnson street
we walked endlessly in union square
we walked from broadway street to fishermans wharf and crookedest street (crazy)
we ate the best asqew in haight ashbury
we talked to crazy people on the bus
we craved for fried chicken watching zorro in a greyhound station
we had starbucks mocha chip in different cities
we learnt to make pancakes and cream bagels for breakfast
we went nostalgic about common canyon miscellanea
it does seems endless, this list.
when i miss you again, id let it continue.
p.s. glad we were part of each other's journey. i miss you.
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Friday, October 17, 2008
/1:58 am
i remember the lights along the street. it was strangely foreign, as we walked on an unventured road in a place we were both familiar with. it was one of those moments, which struck me - how our horizons differ just with a little variation in angle and perspective. we thought we knew the other side all our lives, but we never really did.
it was seven in the evening and a mist veiled the night sky. it was starless - why would i even hope to see stars in the city - but the mist softened the blinking rays from the streetlights. for once they didnt look commercially harsh and blinding, they looked like coloured clouds from afar. it was quiet too, and if not for our 'un-gownly'
(what word is that but you get it, right?) clothings i would have thought i was enchanted. you know, spinning in our highest heels, singing a lyrical song.
i then realised that i dont need a prince to be a happy princess. i have a princess living in my lalaland!
toast to friendship!~ 愛してる♥
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/1:50 am
I still have not perfected my American accent. I annoyed the passers-by more than my companion ever did. We bought colourful sweaters with floppy bunny ears. (This reminds me of the Fran & Vaan fanfic I once read which made my sides split.) The sweater was the sweetest thing in the world. We could not resist. Mum snipped off the ears the next morning before I had a chance to snap a pic of it to show you guys.
Never mind.
(Changed. Not so innocent anymore. She knows. Almost as if she were reveling in it.)
-darling's post on our fantastic night trip.
i do not know why i did not blog about that magical day.
maybe it was to beautiful to be written.
of course it wasnt perfect, and i know she had thoughts on her mind even in the happiest and most playful of times.
but whats beautiful, is.
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my nth valentines spent with ade. despite her attachments over the years and my lack thereof, we somehow devoted valentines as a time for friendship and sharing the love. being with her gives me a sense of security which is probably the production of time and its unsparring tests which we'd overcome. there was a strange nostalgia tonight. i recalled our times in korea, our icecream eating and ramen cooking days; and i looked at her across the mango ice on our table. i knew that her smile had always stayed the same for me.
i love cookies.
man is born free, and he is everywhere in chains. 
how long had it been since i gazed upon a distant star and made a wish.
