Pregnant moms go through a lot to get our little ones here. I'm a complainer, maybe not to everyone, but I definitely complained a lot to my husband. I remember specifically telling him that I hoped that he had to carry the babies when we made it to the next life. I whined about back aches, dizzy spells, and feeling unattractive. I was so ready to be done being pregnant, to have my body back to myself and back to normal.

Now I wish I could take back every word. I miss my big belly. I miss feeling her hiccups. I miss sitting with the girls and watching their eyes light up every time they felt her kick. I realize what a privilege it is to carry these spirits with us wherever we go. Keeping them safe until their little bodies have grown enough to survive on their own. I'm so grateful for the 34 weeks and 4 days that I carried Gwen.

There was an article going around a few weeks ago that every woman should read called The Importance of Birth. It really confirms what an important, divine calling it is to be a mother and to bring children "through the veil of birth" as she calls it.

Sunday April 28, 2013 at 12:36 pm the most beautiful little angel I have ever laid eyes on came into this world and changed our lives forever. Though she never took a single breath, she has impacted so many lives and brought us closer together and closer to the Savior. There are so many moments in a day when I wish that I could just hold her close and watch her grow, but I am so comforted by having the knowledge that she is such a perfect, clean spirit child of God that she didn't need to live amidst the sorrows of this world. I am so grateful to know that she is still a part of our family, she is just waiting for us to get back to her.


I spent a lot of time in the hospital recovering and found myself waking up in the very early mornings thinking about Gwen. During those times I would start to think about all of the midnight feedings that newborns have and that special bonding time with her that I would miss out on. I was looking for comfort and found a conference talk that I might have heard before, but it hadn't applied to me at the time. This time when I read over it, it was exactly what I needed to hear. It is titled "Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also" by Shayne M. Bowen. When I read the quote by Joseph Smith I felt more peace and comfort than I ever have before.

• “The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again.”

Another morning I woke up wanting to find a song to sing at the graveside service and came across an alternate version of I am a Child of God.

• I am a child of God and He has called me home.
  My earthly journey's through but still, I do not walk alone.
  He leads me, guides me, walks beside me, helps me find the way,
  He welcomed me with open arms. I live with Him today.
  
  I am a child of God and I have gone ahead.
  My earthly life was brief but oh, such peace and love you gave.
  You loved me, held me, stood beside me and though I cannot stay.
  You gave me much to help me and I live with Him today.
  
  I am a child of God and I will wait for you.
  Celestial glory shall be ours, if you can but endure.
  I'll lead you, guide you, walk beside you. Help you find the way.
  I'll welcome you with open arms, One bright Celestial day.
  
  ~Donna Kulliard

We have been amazed at all of the generous people in our lives. Everything from kind words and home-cooked meals, to gorgeous flowers and thoughtful donations have been so appreciated and we cannot thank everyone enough.

Arches

Four Wheeling

These were really taken the day before Easter, my grandma has a party and a candy hunt at the park near her house. I forgot to get pictures of them in their dresses on Sunday, but the Easter bunny brought them some new dresses and "spilled candy all over the place," or at least that's what Adrian told everybody :)