Acknowledging His Grace

I just finished watching "facing the Giants" and God just overwhelmed me! I cant help tearing hearing it being repeated again and again that with God all things are possible!

I've been self seeking, a lover of self in certain ways and have questioned my faith whether it has just been an illusion but NO, the Lord is not done with me and He wont let me go! He just won't, and kept speaking to me through the show that He will not give up on me no matter what. I truly just stand in awe and amazement at what the Lord can do through man and how much His love extends. Can I be a little greedy and ask for more? Lord will you give me more? Will you not stop touching and convicting me and moving me to make decisions for and with you?

Give me the wisdom to know what is pleasing in your sight then give me the strength and courage to do it! Speak to me concerning what I must do! Will you liberate all fears and disappointments and set us free! let the truth burn in our hearts! Fan it into flame Lord and give me back the spirit of POWER, LOVE AND SOUND MIND! Let me come back into your presence and allow the Holy Spirit to take over! teach me and guide me to slowly but inevitably surrender all to you! and put a heart in me that desires no more then to please you!

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I'm the rich young man/ruler! I've many riches in this world but are unwilling to part with them for Christ sake. I see that i have no lack in any area of my life! Yes such arrogance but am i not right? what more do i need? Perhaps more knowledge and wisdom but these i will never stop seeking. what then?

I've kept the commandments like the young man, and is now seeking the way to eternal life BUT no I'm not ready to put down all my riches and simply follow! My identity have been partly build upon all these riches, and they have given me the confidence that i have. Do not be mistaken, i'm not talking about monetary riches but riches in every single area of life. who can say that i lack? Passion for the sick and those in need still burns in my heart and i've a great desire for them. Talents and attitude for success is within me, no doubt arrogant and complacent too, but with care, meticulous planning and right approach what can stop me from achieving what i want? Love is definitely something that I dont lack, there are many who regards highly of me and love me for who i am. Be it Teachers, Peers, Family, Church, Brothers and Sisters. They have so much faith in me, believing I'll do something great. I've also gain the trust of many people. Many trust, believe and have faith in me! What then do i lack? TELL ME!!!

I'm not willing to just let everything go, sacrifice everything and follow You! Cant i carry them with me while following You? I recognize you are the way but must i give it up? Must i give it all up? Why? Why give it to me in the 1st place when you want me to let go? Its so difficult! I read through my journal of my mission trip and my past posts and i wonder where have the passion that i used to have gone! The desire so deep that I was willing to give up anything to follow after you. Have I been so taken in by the world that I've conformed to the world?

Lord would you stand by and do nothing? would you not continue your work in me and let your promise come to past in my life? Lord I ask, according to your word, that you come and create in me a new heart again, one that is humble enough to submit and surrender for it is so difficult to do so. let me stop going in this cycle of believing I'm self sufficient and the arrogance that irks even myself! I'm sure you find it distasteful too so Lord, answer me and come and do something within me. From the inside out! PLEASE!

Much has happened recently and I'm still ever Thankful to God for being graceful assurring me that His grace is enough. i shall not say more for time is of the essence but just Praise God for His promises, His word and His providence

It’s been such a long time since a last posted anything here! Time is extremely precious now, especially so when I want to spend them with the ones I love. In fact haven’t been touching the computer for quite a while. Some of you must be wondering what I’m doing posting a blog on Monday, shouldn’t I be in camp? Well I’m having an off in lieu.

The reason why time is so limited now is because I’m no longer in BMT but OCS. You can bet it took me sometime to adapt to all the new changes. The 3 weeks confinement was extremely excruciating, not being able to see loved ones. But life has still been good and amazing with the Lord. His grace and favour have been tremendously visible in my life. Can’t thank the Lord enough.

The Lord has been arranging my time for me with regards to my training schedule. Take last week for instance, my 2^nd time I book out on a Sunday morning. Was expecting to book in at night itself but the good Lord extended it till Monday morning which gave me the opportunity to spend the time with my family at the Chinese Singpetra concert and get the opportunity to see my father getting saved. Praise God! I was supposed to start field camp supposedly today in Tekong and miss National Day celebration with my loved ones. Again He did a miracle for me even without me praying, Aunt Sarah did though which I believe was what caused the miracle. Field camp got postponed and I get to spend time with them! Delight in the Lord and He will grant your heart desires. I believe this is a great example. Somehow I feel that I’ve grown a little less self-centered, putting my focus on my loved ones and neglecting what I have to go through in there. And so even without me knowing the desire of my heart He knows and He arranged it such that it was as I would have desired. I’m so amazed.

Oh and I’ve been blessed by the group of Christians in my platoon as well. I joined them for the 1^st time on Saturday morning at 5 to worship and can you imagine, the few of us ushering in the presence of God? It felt so good and refreshing. It totally made my day. Now that I recall and remember the words of aunt Sarah, there was a surrounding presence all over me when I fall in which made me exceedingly joyful for which ever reason I did not recall but I know for sure that’s the JOY OF THE LORD! He has taken delight in our worship!

Pray that the coming days ahead will be ever more accompanied by His presence and being His witness to the people around me! Especially my parents and platoon mates. Hope to be able to use my life to preach His Gospel. More determined then ever to commit my life to Him and serving Him!

I thank you Lord for Your presence in my life. You’ve given me strength and joy in my heart to sustain me, grace and favour with the people to allow me to see how abundantly life is with You! Show me Your plans concerning Your Kingdom and open my eyes, ears and heart to see hear and feel Your heart cry for the Nations as I seek to please You and love You! Lead me in my days ahead and truly let me known as Your Son, a disciple and not just a Christian. Lord I commit my days ahead and life to You and ask that You use me mightily as I live for Your GLORY! In the name of my Lord Jesus I pray! Amen!

After some time I’ve come to realise that I’m again on that same journey towards nowhere, lost again in the midst of everything. All alone choosing to walk without God. Sometimes don’t you just feel that you’re capable of living this life without God? You’re smart enough to deal with the situations that come, courage to face the fears… the line goes on but yet why do I feel this emptiness in my heart? Despite God’s faithfulness, I seem to have concluded that even without God I would have been great. Look at how arrogant I can get! Disgusting but yet this is who I am. I need to learn humility like never before! Will I never learn from my mistakes?

That’s the price to pay I guess for forsaking God but thank God His people never cease to pray and encourages me in the faith! HAIZ! So much head knowledge but not in my heart! Zhen Ming warned me bout this! Need to pray more to understand better His will for me, church and His people! Sometimes I don’t even know why I do the things I do, trying to be righteous, upright. No wonder pastor says we’ll never make it by our own effort.

Sorry Lord for forsaking you and believing I’m capable enough to live this life of mine without your grace so freely given! Open up my eyes to see that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom! And truly I will be able to live my life wisely! Teach me humility for pride will be my downfall. You’ve been ever so faithful never choosing to forsake me sending all the encouragements around me and constantly reminding me that you’re near! Thank you Lord!

Life in BMT sure looks likes a breeze after how it has passed me by these 9 weeks. I really can’t bear to leave all those great friends that I have gotten so close to over the 9 weeks. As the Chinese saying goes, there’s never a party that will never end. But the wonderful memories will serve me well in the days ahead!

I’ve been very loved by a lot of people, especially by Aunt Sarah, my other mum! She’s just like a Mother to me and she treats me like a son! Every week without fail, I’ll get some ginseng soup of some kind. My 1st 2 book out I got ginseng soup but as I found it too bitter (not told to her but she observed that I drank so slowly and made the conclusion) that she changed it to ginseng chicken soup! IT WAS DELICIOUS! Even when she was going to Hong Kong, She slept at 2 and woke up at 5 to cook and bring it to church and left after praise and worship! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is! Love you Aunt Sarah! I’ve just been extremely blessed and loved! I can never stop praising God for how he has drawn me into this wonderful family! And its not just Aunt Sarah lets not forget my little children. Their hugs and kisses every time I went to church revitalize me and made me feel so much loved. Aunt Esther even told me that every Sunday before their family left the house Marilyn would ask Aunt Esther if Kor Kor Cheng En would be going! Isn’t that sweet? Last but not least would be my 2 mei meis who would text or call to encourage, especially Min Min Mei Mei. It’s just … AWESOME to know that people care, love and remember you!

I was very glad that on my POP day, my whole family including Aunt Sarah’s family could make it! I really enjoyed myself that day as we took pictures, shared and have dinner together. Guess what Aunt Sarah brought me Bird Nest! Told you I’m blessed! =D oh and it was such a coincidence that my platoon commander is actually one of my father’s trainee! Talk about a coincidence eh!

The Lord has indeed been faithful, VERY faithful!

I just spend another 2 weeks away from loved ones in Tekong. Seriously I would not have mind living the way we do in there if all my loved ones are there by my side physically. The feeling of being detach is ever so strong and you just feel like all the time you've spent in building up relationships may just go to waste. But well I believe God will preserve it! Must push on!

Though many loved one was not with me, one always stuck by me! My beloved brother, friend and Lord! His grace was present as we went through field camp and it still is! He covered us with rain and so much favour.

Just yesterday night I manage to gather a few to pray. Ok it was just me and Zhi Bin with Ashley joining as we were ending. Well I asked around but many weren’t interested and some felt uncomfortable but trust me, it was encouraging and comforting praying with Zhi Bin! I'm going to start calling him prayer buddy! Unfortunately he got confined because he lost his magazine (the one that carries rounds/bullets) during field camp. Hope his confinement's not too tough! Well the Lord will look over him, that’s for sure!

I feel very encouraged by the influence that I'm bringing into NS. Gerald and I often talk and of course God was part of our conversation. Then there was this once when we were cleaning the toilet that he started the topic and we started discussing. I knew in my heart I’m sowing seeds that will one day be reaped for I know the Lord has great plans for this young man. He is one of the best leaders I’ve encountered. John also expressed his interest to come to church. Well I believe the day of salvation is not far from them. Pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to show Himself to be real to them!

Wow, NS have been great! mentally and physically challenging. Initially I thought it would be a breeze but it turn out to be really grueling with all the physical punishments and tekaning from the sergeants. Now I finally understand what Yeows was saying about being stressed out over the sergeants rather then the training. All the vulgarities and all really gets you uncomfortable even for the frequent users. 

Sorry recently my laptop crashed and i couldn't be bothered to get it fixed since I'm going to be enlisting for national service soon thats why haven't been updating(using Long's MacBook now). lots of things have happened! All's good though, =) cause i know all things work out for the good of those that love Him and are called by His purpose! Guess you won't get to hear much from me for quite a while, i'll update life in NS once i get the chance too =) or perhaps if i get the chance to use Long's MacBook again, i'll share bout Sunday! =D God Bless to all!

So very often we meet with coincidences whereby people like the same thing and certain things happen in such a way we identify them as coincidence. Too often have we just cast it aside and consider them random coincidence that we do not see the hand of God in our midst.

Just 2 nights ago (the night Long went over to Woodbridge), I saw how evident God's grace is upon my bro's life. Sometimes I too wonder if he over 'Spiritualize' things, but guess it’s the reality of God so evident in his life that he can’t stop bringing God into the picture. I was just laying in bed half asleep half praying, trust me my mind was no where near my brother. I can’t be bothered with him especially when he can be really erratic sometimes. Going to Woodbridge late in the night without bringing his hand phone? You get my point, he almost belong there. =) Then all of a sudden I remembered him still outside, not sure if he got a key. Like I told you I can’t be bothered so I continue laying there until it kept coming back to me so I thought I might as well go out and keep my gates unlock for him. Little did I know that he did have the keys and here is where the ‘coincidence’ takes place.

Just as I was walking to open the door, I heard him turning the knob. The thing is he kept turning the knob but never pushing the door in. So I walked over to find the door locked so I help him unlock it. And guess what? Timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Normally our door would not be locked with just the gate locked but that night it was locked and I had no idea. He had the keys to the gate alright but he didn’t know that the door was locked. I came just in time to unlock it to let him in. well what can I say?

I wasn’t even the one receiving the grace but I saw it! Coincidence? Maybe you can reconsider a little?

Heavenly Father, pardon us if we ever brush your hand of Grace aside forgetting to give you due Glory for the things you’ve done in our lives. Open up the eyes of our heart to see ever so clearly You right in the midst of all that trouble.

I’ve gotten my results and I’m pleased to announce that I’ve got a full certificate! I’m grateful and Praise God that I passed everything including math (I only got 3/100 in mid years and 23/100 in prelims) and got a full A level certificate which means I meet the requirements of Officer Cadet School (OCS). Well of course the results are not desirable, for one, I neither have any As nor Bs(not including mother tongue considering that I’ve taken it twice) and another would be that I had only achieve an E for my General Paper (GP). My grades are:

H1 General Paper: E
H2 Mathematics: D
H2 Biology: C
H2 Chemistry: C
H1 Geography: C
H1 Chinese: A
H1 Project Work: B

This earns me a total of 66/90 for my University Score.

Frankly speaking I’m definitely most disappointed with myself. I know I’m fully capable of getting better results if I have not been so foolish and arrogant to believe that I could make it like I did with my O levels. A well learnt lesson though. I believe this would serve most useful as a reminder to give my best and excel in whatever I’m doing and to keep that arrogance in me in check.

Perhaps I should get back to my topic on my previous post. Where have we laid our hopes on for our future? Money? Perhaps too many have not properly confronted the purpose of their existent and their life to an extent that they just do what everyone else is doing around them and try to beat the rest at it. Is this you? Do you live a purpose driven life?

I think it’s a good time I go through this again before I make any further decision concerning my future! As what Pst Don says yesterday during service, it’s not what you go through that determines your future, but your choices and decision concerning what you’re going through. So why do you still allow circumstances imprison you?

Tomorrow is the big day as so many have said! We’re getting our A level results at last. Well of course being one of the slackest students in class, not much seems to be in stall for my results. Things have change I guess ever since I became a Disciple! It doesn’t seem important to me anymore what I get though I know I’m going to be a disappointment not just to myself but to many who have long put their faith in me. I must admit I dread the thoughts of having broken and disappoint so many hearts but my apology shall not suffice. I believe the only thing that would suffice would be to learn from this and make sure that no matter what I do in the future I give my best and get my best out of it! I hope it’s not too late to learn this important lesson in life.

Even as the date draws near, a lot of friends have expressed their concern for the bleak future that seems to hold true for some of them. There are lots to consider upon getting our results as it will really determine our career. But it does not determine our Future! Maybe you need me to repeat that for it to sink in a little, OUR RESULTS ARE NOT GOING TO DETERMINE OUR FUTURE! I wonder how the notion ever come about but have you heard of this: you study to get a good education so that you get a good job so that you get a good pay in order to live a happy life. Somewhere along that line. In which I find no logic. Where has the purpose of life gone? What is happiness? If you happen to have never thought of this then i believe its a good time to start.

Got to go send Jia Xian off for his mission trip so shall continue tonight. Take a serious thought over it!

My Pastor started this thing called the meditation verse last year in our church to help us grow in the word and I’m amazed at how much it has lead me to grow and understand the word of God! Every week, a verse or few verses will be given to us to ponder and meditate upon for the whole week and on Sunday, we will share what God have spoken to us concerning the verse/verses. This week’s meditation verse is Proverbs 25:2, “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings” (NIV). I felt lead to share and so I shared! I’m still amazed at the revelation God gave me concerning this 1 verse!

Well actually God brought to my mind an analogy but well did not manage to share it with the church but I believe what I said was what the Lord had intended for me to share! As for the rest of you here, you get to hear the whole thing! To those that seek, God will give you all the more!

When I read this verse on Sunday night last Sunday, the 1^st thing that came to my mind was that this is exactly what we’re doing meditation verses for! The word of God is hidden with many wisdom and knowledge which can only be found by those that seek for them. And that is where God’s glory and our glory can be found! Matthew 13:10-11 says: ‘the disciples came to Him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?” He replied them, “the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God have been given to you, but not to them.’(NIV) Jesus wasn’t showing favouritism to His disciples but because they inquired and desire to know and seek for the answer, it was revealed to them! And this is their glory as kings of the Kingdom for they were men of God, after God’s heart! Anyway all this didn’t come to me the 1^st time I read, I still had to meditate upon it throughout the week.

But the Lord revealed yet some more! (Some parts here were not shared in church.) I’m sure everyone is aware that everyone has their own struggles and has their own problems. And so very often we ask the most asked question: why? Why did this happen? Why didn't He stop it? Why am i not happier? Why did He allow it? Well its natural that we ask why, and often never get answered but you see that’s where the Glory of God is. Funny I should say that right?

Well when I was born, I was an extremely over weight baby weighing 5+ kg. (So far I only found 1 that’s heavier then I am in my whole life) But even though I was overweight, I was low on blood sugar and had to be on a glucose drip. And as I was sickly having asthma and all that sort of thing, I had lots of drips and needles poking into my body. Even in places you would never have thought possible. I also had a certain vitamin deficiency such that my dad had to back me in the sun everyday to get that vitamin (I believe its vitamin D). Seriously who would have thought I was ever that sickly? Going to the hospital was a common family trip. But the thing is as I was a baby, I didn’t ask why, much less understand the why. All I had was my parents who would comfort me and sooth me in my pain and suffering. All I had to do was to rely on them for even as a baby I had no power to take my own life. And that was what I found to be so true today. We may be in pain, great pain and do not understand why and yet when we wished we could just end our life, we don’t have the power to. All we can do is to trust and rely on out Heavenly Father trusting in His sovereignty! He is our shepherd and He is good and faithful! That is where His Glory lies! In us trusting and seeking Him in the midst of all those troubles! He may conceal the why but as long as we have Him, is it not enough?

Do you understand His Glory and the Glory that you and I are entitled to receive? Seek to shine His Glory and attain Glory for yourself then.

Oh and not to forget to thank God for my dad for giving me a massage to relieve my muscle aches. Just to give him (my dad) some credit! =)

Heavenly Father i commit my earthly father's salvation into your hands!

Yesterday was really an unusual, extraordinary Friday night! I would have blogged about it yesterday night if not for my exhausted physical body. We had the privilege of having Reverend Victor again! He came once and preached at our church on Sunday on the 17^th of February. However unfortunate for me, I was in the Sunday School teaching my little adorable children! That is not to say I didn’t enjoy myself in there, but upon hearing how Rev Victor preached yesterday night, I was caught off guard and I got to admit his anointed and his one of a kind!

Just some background on him if you’re interested: he came from America and used to be a gangster there until you know what! GOD touched his life! God RAN to him! Well what I heard about the differences in the gangsters in America and here in Singapore is that guns are more available in America, or should I say they have guns while we don’t at all. So you can expect more death there in their day to day troubles. On the Sunday when I didn’t get to hear him speak, I saw him and could recognise him as a gangster from his looks. Seriously he has that look, no joke.

Rev Victor’s sermon do not have lots of notes to take which I would normally prefer because that would mean I’m learning a lot. But yet every word he speaks forth seems to be stirring something in the spirit realm. I would not think it exaggerating to say that everyone in church got touched by the Holy Spirit yesterday night. Truly not by might, nor by power but by the Spirit of God, each and every one of us got changed one way or another and I just can’t wait to see what God is going to do in the midst of us and where He is leading us!

People may be out there getting themselves drunk at pubs and bars on this Friday night but we’re not losing out because we’re in the House of God getting drunk with the Holy Spirit! We were receiving Fresh Breath, Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire as we entered straight into the enemy’s camp and remind him that the gates of hell shall not prevail and take back what have been taken from us! Such boldness did we have as we got drunk in the Holy Spirit! After preaching for slightly more then half an hour, as he was led by the Holy Spirit, he told us to put our hands on our head and he got us to deal with our mind and get us to lay down what each one of us is struggling with. He wanted our minds to align itself with the word and ways of our Lord and to get rid of every other thing. And it so occurred to me now that the “Battlefield of our Mind” did mention that how we need to get right our thoughts and ways of understanding in our mind making the mind a fertile and conducive ground. He was telling us how we need to prepare ourselves for an alter call through the renewing of our mind and he continued preaching on and on!

But the best part didn’t come till he stopped preaching and asked for an alter call! Well it wasn’t an alter call actually cause every one was asked to come to the front and participate in calling forth to God and receive! Like I’ve previously expressed it has been a while, a year perhaps since I got the chance like yesterday night to go down to the front and feel the Holy Spirit in our midst! And there are no words to express that experience! I did not experience or feel much yesterday as I usually do with trembling but there’s this recognition within my Spirit that He indeed is here. I wasn’t in the best of mood honestly but I disregard how I felt and focus on asking our Heavenly Father for all that He has for this church. As I was praising and praying in the Spirit, Rev Victor was going around and I could see people slain! I have never had a true experience of being slain and I was wishing how I could be in front and not serving as a back up singer! But well I still had a great time being ministered to. I don’t know why but when I saw Yang Jun being slain I started crying, tears came down which I find absurd as I didn’t know what they were for. But there was a joy in my Spirit to see more of what He is doing and is going to do and I cried out for Him to come and show us! I was not going to let go I cried! I believed I held my hands up there for more then half an hour (If you didn’t know how difficult it is you should give it a try)! And we did see a friend of Uncle Paul, Ali, saved! Praise God! Nothing was going to stop us from being blessed that night! Thank God for granting the desire of my heart as He led Rev Victor to ask the Levites to come to the front like everyone else and position ourselves to receive as a church the blessing our Heavenly Father is pouring out! Pastor Ronald later then Prophesy of how we’re going to take up our Apostolic role and be shining forth His great Glory by reflecting of ourselves His Glory!

We ended up ending our meeting at 2305! Then we quickly went and ‘clear’ the refreshments with our mouths before all of us left! Thank God there was transport provided for us or else we would not have been able to get home by then! God is an all providing God! WOW! I just feel so refreshed and energized by what He has done yesterday night! The gates of Hell shall not prevail, and we shall take up our rightful places, being chosen to be vessels to work WITH an almighty God! Aren’t you excited? I AM! WOW!

It is a pity for those that did not manage to turn up! But hear the good new because God is in the good business and He is not willing to let those not blessed be left unblessed! He is determined to get to you so, He sent Rev Victor back next week for MannaLife AGAIN! I seriously urge and encourage all to come and see and experience the Spirit of God for yourselves! Just in case you didn’t find what I experienced convincing, Kor Rennie shared what he experienced on the Sunday service so you can see for yourself what you missed out on! For all you know by the time you go he already had a new post concerning yesterday night! I’m sure my brother would also be sharing so go on up and take a look!

WE’RE SO BLESSED!

Thank you Heavenly Father for sending this servant of yours at such a time to encourage and urge us to draw and tap upon all that you have! Indeed we have been most blessed! I pray that as you pour down abundantly your blessing and love, we would indeed be filled and over flowing such that it would not be by our efforts but by Yours that people all around us shall be able to be blessed as we are blessed! Do not stop doing the deep work you are doing in the midst of us, never give up on us and do not depart away from us for you know we are able to accomplish nothing being apart from you! Change us from the inside out! Give us the ‘whatever’ attitude such that whatever you say, we’ll just reply: “WHATEVER you say Lord!” Make us drunk with the Holy Spirit! Lord i acknowledge your very presence here in the midst of us!

WHEN GOD RAN

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run

CHORUS:
Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run

And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me

BRIDGE:
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He’s been waiting for this day

I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again

He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”, He called me Son
He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran

Its amazing how what we pray for would be answered! Look at my previous entry on LOVE on Valentine's. I heard this song a few times from my brother's mobile and liked the tune but never gave any attention to its lyrics but yesterday as i sat down and quietly listen to it repeatedly from Jia Xian's laptop, it just overwhelm me that this is what God is saying to me. I don't know since when but even though i may be praying and reading the Bible every day, I seem to have gone to a distant land by myself seeking my own ways. And it wasn't until i made a decision, seeing what a mess I'm in, that it occurred to me that His Running to me! His waiting for my return into His embrace. He calls me Son. He still love me! HE RAN TO ME!

Its a new day and I'm going to start things afresh with God by my side! I'll try to get the version i heard from 'Imeem' so in the mean while if you want it you can search for it yourself!

Thank you Father Lord for calling me Son, forgiving me and loving me still! Its amazing to hear it from You, from the depth of Your heart as You seek each one of your children. Teach me Your ways and make me walk beside You for You are my Shepard and there is none that i would follow other then You! Teach me to be satisfied being Your sheep, getting only Your attention, acknowledgment, approval when i do anything. My Lord, make me, lead me, guide me, prepare me, anoint me for You are ever with me! Thank you for Running to me!

What is love? Constantly throughout the week I have been confronting myself with the enormous notion of Love! What does it mean to love somebody? I suddenly realise that what I have termed as love is no more then selfish search for self gratification. That is to say, it's SELFISHNESS working on the inside of me, seeking to satisfy my needs.

When will I grow up from selfishness? Perhaps I’ll still be learning till the day I die but at least I’ll try. Been reading “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and I was enlightened about many ideas I have regarding dating that seem inappropriate now. Who would have thought that our 1^st kiss should be left at the altar? Nobody I know practice that. Maybe we have conformed to the world after all as we are so constantly being exposed to the showing of affection all over the various sources of media. We are so conformed that we did not realise that our morals have slacken to an extent that anything not beyond sex is alright. Is that true for you? Well I must say both Joshua Harris (the author) and I share rather similar conservative standards.

So far I have never held any ladies hands and thought that even for holding hands would be intimate. I always view kissing alright but guess I was wrong after he showed readers that the person they’re kissing may be someone else’s spouse someday. How would you like someone to caress your spouse to be? Never right?

It has become evident to me even in my own life that people are constantly seeking for love. BGRs taking place at a much younger age from my time and I’m not that old. I too myself do that, getting into one at what? Sec one! How ridiculous, now that I think back. Even for the Christians, it does seem like the invisibility of our God hinder us from seeing the realness of His love in the midst of us. Yes even for me. Do not misunderstand, I have no doubt that God loves me but recognizing it subconsciously is rather difficult.

There have only been one incident when His love so overwhelmed me that as I was praying I uttered “I love you” subconsciously not knowing what I say until I took a paused. That occurred during the periods of my A levels. Loving subconsciously? Sometimes the pastor may ask you to repeat after him that you love Jesus, and when you pray and you tell yourself you love Him, that’s conscious loving. And loving someone takes commitment! You game for that level of commitment or is it just plain talk? Cheng En, wake up your idea! Love is not seeking for yourself but looking out for those that you love! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!

To those whom I've so selfishly seek self gratification, I'm sorry!

Being loved deeply gives you strength but loving someone deeply takes courage! – Pst Don

Wishing all a Happy Valentine's Day! its so wonderful to be able to celebrate Love and I'm very thankful for those people that I know that love me for who I am! =) And of course there are a few that i dearly love as well so its nice to recall and nostalgia over them. And of course when we celebrate Love, what greater love is there then that of our Closest Friend Jesus who died on the cross for us!

I cant help but remember there was this time when i felt really unloved and as if no one cared! And that particular morning the preacher was preaching along the lines of love i think (cant really remember). All I could remember was that there was an alter call and i went up knelling in front of the pulpit and i simply asked a very simple question. Though the Word of God proclaim it so very clearly, i asked it all the same. I asked: "God do you love me". I'm very sure every Christian would be able to tell me Yes He does. Yet knowing as head knowledge and knowing it in my heart is different and i need the latter. As soon as i asked in my heart, Pastor Ronald came up behind me put a hand over my shoulder and proclaim over me: "God Loves you". of course there were other things that he was led to say but those particular words caught my attention and my attention never left them, for they spoke right into my heart. It was such an experience right there and then knowing in my heart that He listened and answered.

Sadly that was a one time off occurrence, I wonder if i were to asked now in the quiet, would the Holy Spirit answer me and give me assurance once again? By Faith i believe so and thats what I'm going to do right now before i go for Studio! Nothing shall be able to separate us from His love! Neither life nor death, angels nor demons, present nor the future, height nor depth, any power and creation shall be able to separate us from His love! He is Love!

Happy Valentine's Day! =)

Hi all! I'm starting a Blog to acknowledge His Grace! Just in case you didn't already know, my chinese name, Cheng En, means acknowledging the grace and favour shown. And i think it speaks well of me needing to acknowledge His grace and favour above all things! if you were thinking, my parents aren't believers but isn't it obvious that God have had a hand in drawing me near unto Him ever since my birth? or should i say even before my birth! =)

It is my greatest privilege that i can use this avenue to Glorify and Testify of God's goodness not just through my life but the testimonies and revelation that the Holy Spirit may impress upon me. If you're thinking this blog is going to be another devotion, then you're wrong cause I'm committed to show forth God's very reality through my every single day and not just giving a Bible study through this Blog so i hope you'll look forward to what I've got in store, or rather what God has in store for me! So pardon me if i complain or even put up controversial subjects.

Lets start of this Blog with my very own testimony of how i came to know Grace as i am so very unfamiliar with in the past! OR NOT! Sorry for those who want to hear bout it cause i know many will just be bore by it! another time perhaps! in any case i would just like to express my many thanks to all that have celebrated and wished me happy birthday. i really appreciate it and would like to offer my heartfelt gratitude to all of you and to God who constantly reveals HIS LOVE for me(in this case through his ppl)! THANKS A LOT!

There my 1st blog entry! Oh and Happy Lunar New Year!