Jokes
Twelve Year Old Scotch
A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.
The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.
The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."
The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.
The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch."
The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch.
An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?"
The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "Why, this tastes like piss,"
The old drunk replies, "That's right, now tell me how old I am."
The Gender of Computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
More jokes:
1. Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
~~~~~~
2. Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
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3. God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created
YOU. (GUYZZZZZ)
~~~~~~
4. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
School for Lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun
Made a note, And posted on the apple tray "Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile
Of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is
watching the apples."
~~~~~~
5. One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand
Your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
~~~~~~
6. What are the three fastest ways of communication? Three fastest means
Of communication in the world. Tele-phone Tele-vision Tell-a-woman. You
Still want faster? Tell her not to tell anyone (LADIES,WATCH OUT)
~~~~~~
7. A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling
People u're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare
Touch ur mom!"
Labels: joke
posted by T at 8:48 PM | 0 comments read on
