My brother Matt, or Uncle Matt as he’s known in our house, turned 31 recently. As I was thinking about him and his birthday, my mind just wandered around the past and present relationship I have with him. So, to “honor” him for his birthday, I’ve compiled a list of 31 “things” about Matt. They are in no particular order – just wherever my thoughts led me – and cover a vast array of categories (qualities, memories, quips, observations, etc.) strictly from my perspective. Without further ado…the “Matt List”:
1. When we were little kids, and I mean little, we used to walk up and down our street in the evening with a bucket and collect frogs. We’d wear Glad sandwich bags on our hands so not to get frog funk on us. Once we had the frogs, we’d perform frog marriages under the corner street light.
2. He has a distinct “thinking face”. It’s hard to describe, but he puts his lips together, runs/twirls a pencil on his lips, and squints his eyebrows. It’s usually followed by a “Hummph.”
3. He is extremely musically gifted and talented. He can hear a song on the radio or TV and then play it on the piano – with no music, just by ear!
4. And closely related, he knows every single commercial jingle, from start to finish. Test him. He knows them all.
5. And further closely related, he can recite a line from a movie or TV show for any occasion. He’s like a walking encyclopedia of movie and show quotes. And I’m not just talking about the popular, over-stated quotes.
6. Speaking of TV shows, he got me hooked on
The Office, which is now my favorite show. He asked me one time if I’d watched it and in the course of the conversation he encouraged me to give it another chance. I’ve been hooked ever since.
7. He has a dry sense of humor, so I’m often blindsided by his humor or sarcasm. Thus, I look very stupid, very often when he pranks or teases me. And I know he gets a big kick out of that. So, in a nutshell, he’s sneaky and ornery.
8. Speaking of sneaky and ornery, when I was little, I couldn’t stand it if something touched my belly button. It made me nauseous and sometimes I even puked. Matt found it quite amusing to chase me around, tackle me, and poke my belly button until I puked.
9. I am grateful that he brought his wife, Krissa, into my life. He encourages our friendship and likes that we’re friends. Mostly. Until we gang up on him.
10. He is patient, and waits until he has the facts before he draws a conclusion. It’s frustrating sometimes, especially when I need him to jump onto my irrational bandwagon, but it’s helpful when he can provide a rational alternative.
11. He is a wonderful Uncle to my kids. He gets so creative and holds their attention with fun games and such. He is responsible for the majority of Megan’s repertoire of songs, and teaches her a new one every now and then – either in person, over the phone, or by webcam.
12. We often talk sports, especially Rangers baseball. Frequently, I get a text or phone call right after a good play or crappy call. It’s a common bond. Only sport we don’t talk about it is golf.
13. He is particular about certain things. He has a certain way he wants it done, and it’s really hard to convince him otherwise. Once while doing laundry at his house, I got in trouble for putting his clothes in the drier instead of hanging them to dry. Never did that one again.
14. He is very loyal, as a customer, friend, employee, etc. When he’s a fan, he’s a fan; when you’ve broken the circle of trust, you’re a goner. I try to stay within the circle of trust.
15. When we were in high school, I was the academic nerd and he was wrestler/athlete/way more popular than me. He wouldn’t claim me as his sister and made me stay away from him. He’d even ignore me in the hallway.
16. Also in high school, grades were very important to me and not so much to Matt. He did well, but it wasn’t his main focus like it was to me. So imagine my anger when he made a point higher than me on the ACT. Still pisses me off to this day.
17. One of our family traditions is that he wraps his Christmas presents in plain white paper and draws hilarious stick figure pictures with a black Sharpie marker on the outside of each present. Each one is person-appropriate and yet not always socially acceptable. Did I mention they are hilarious?
18. He is too cool for Facebook and makes fun of the rest of us for getting on it all the time.
19. When we have a family gathering or actually any family anything, he creates a logo for the event and, if necessary, he creates an itinerary to go with it. We each get our own copy with his funny “Matt-isms” inserted here and there.
20. He was “green” before it was cool to be green. I used to get letters in the mail from him in a Fruit Loop box “envelope” or other piece of repurposed packaging.
21. Slightly related, I have a collection of letters and notes he wrote to me while he was on his mission in England. He addressed them to me in “Podunkville” no matter where I lived…Texas or Minnesota. That has since become a family joke.
22. We went to England as a family to pick him up from his mission. We got to meet many of the people he worked with in England, and because of that experience, it was the first time I really saw him as an adult sibling. Oh, and he scared the crap out of me as he drove a white Volvo van on the “wrong” side of the road hugging a cliff.
23. He is persuasive and direct. One of my favorite “tactics” of his is: “Try it and tell me what you think.” It’s not, “Why don’t you try it?” or “If you try it…”, it’s “Try it and tell me what you think.” The only option is to try it and form an opinion. Brilliant. Which is why I won’t talk to him about golf (see #12)
24. One thing that I have learned from him is how to ask questions to get an answer. He is great at asking the right questions to get real answers. It’s amazing.
25. I’ve never seen anyone manipulate duct tape to make actual, functioning everyday items such as bow ties, folders, and anything else his mind can come up with to make.
26. He is goal-driven. We may not be privy to the goal or the drive behind the goal, but it’s there.
27. He can do an awesome reproduction of Neil Diamond singing
We’re Coming to America. I have it on film if you don’t believe me.
28. He is a Photoshop wizard! I am amazed at what he can do with a mouse, few clicks, and a picture.
29. He likes things ultra tidy, clean, and organized. Strange, considering how messy we were as kids.
30. When we were little, he liked that song that goes, “I love rock-n-roll…put another dime in the jukebox, baby…”. He played that record (for you young whipper-snappers, that’s the black thing that came before tapes…which came before CD’s) over and over. One day, I broke the record in half. And I still feel really bad about it.
31. He is an awesome brother!
Happy birthday, Matty, and I’ve gone into the witness protection program until you’ve gotten over this.