Hello November,

Time for a check in because both my boys are asleep at 9pm, which is rare because Cash was born with a double hit of Aimee and Scott night owl genes and recently has been keeping his eyes wide open until 10pm. Who is he? Oh yes, our child..... hmmm. I am feeling disheartened that this might be the beginning signs of the end of naptimes. Nooooooooooooo. I need a tee that says, "I heart naptime." Because I really love it. It gives me the strength to not go totally insane. But only barely.

So I hesitated to write about this, but I wanted to put my money where my mouth is and be open about the issue of pregnancy, birth, babies, miscarriages, etc., as I have complained over and over that women need to open up more about their stories. Plus, this is my only place I commit my history to words so I wanted to make sure it was recorded.

We got pregnant back in September. It was an oh-shit-how-did-that-happen pregnancy. Ready for too much information? Well here it comes. You know how they tell you in high school that you can get pregnant from the pre-party? Well I am here to tell you that yes, yes, you can. I felt like a high school girl twirling my hair around my finger.

[Insert valley girl accent]: "Sorry Doctor, I didn't know we could get pregnant THAT way! We used a condom."
Gum smack.
Finger twirl.

I also blame Sarah Ellenwood, who had come to my house, and I did an intense fertility dance in my living room which indeed got her pregnant (yay!), but also residually got me pregnant (wha?). Beware of the intense fertility dance, people.

After the shock and confusion of seeing that positive pregnancy test and realizing that Grey and the sneaky power sperm baby would be 14 months apart (I repeat—fourteen freaking months). I cried with the reality that I was pregnant AGAIN. I had gotten pregnant when Cash was 9 months old so truly I felt like I had been pregnant or nursing for the last 3 years of my life. This wasn't my plan. No. No. It was NOT the plan.

Over the course of the 8 weeks of being pregnant I was working on acceptance and had dreams of slowly getting into the excitement phase (Scott got excited more quickly than me - remember, he doesn't know what a vagina feels like at 9 months pregnant) when I woke up and started bleeding. They think I lost the baby fairly early on and my body finally realized it wasn't pregnant anymore. Do I cry or do I feel relieved? It was a confusing few days.

There is sadness for the Heffernan that would've been. I was getting used to the idea of our three kids being in consecutive grades at school as crazy, crazy as that would have been. The Heffernan tornado. The three little amigos. They would've always had each other for better or for worse.

And I am thankful that I can give all my baby love to Grey for a while longer without a growing belly. Plus, a mini van? Am I ready for it yet? Three kids change the game. No more dividing and conquering. Outnumbered.

So until the mini van and three kid chaos which we hope to get someday, we are going to enjoy being a family of four for now.

And have sent a little prayer to the idea of the family that could've been.

Just wanted to show all my non-Instagram friends how beautiful my first born was yesterday. Sometimes my love for this child gets so strong inside me it feels as if the love is going to pop off the ends of my fingers and toes. He is growing up.

Wow, has it really be 5 months since I have visited this place? Good heavens, that is too too long. Perhaps the longest I have ever been away from here as a few of you have reminded me. You know who you are. Hi. I am here! Yes, you are actually reading a blog post from me.

Back when I was in my early 20's I was lamenting to my dad about how times goes too fast while we were walking in my favorite forest. We started saying to each other, "Can you believe it is already early {insert month}?!" And, "Can you believe it is already mid {insert month}?!" And also, "Can you believe it is already late {insert month}?!" We have been doing the early, mid, late month check in together for over a decade now. So recently I said to him, "Can you believe it is already mid-August, Lee?!" MID-FREAKING AUGUST. What the cuss?!

And I ask you all blog friends: Can you believe it is already mid-August 2012? Where has our life gone?

Time; you know what you are. I don't even need to say it.

Sometimes at night when I am closing the door on my two little boys I shake my head and wonder how I got here.

Wasn't I just worrying about when I was going to get my first kiss?
Wasn't I just a teenage girl tanning out on our tramp? (I was super tan in my teens years (and maybe all the years until I married Scott). I miss it. Blasted cancer.)
Wasn't I just moving up to Seattle and having no friends my sophomore year?
Wasn't I just riding on the bus for my high school graduation with Rushie sitting next to me?
Wasn't I just talking late into the night with Nicole up on the top bunk at Western? (She is having twins any week now!)
Wasn't I just riding my bike in a skirt and on packed snow in Japan as a missionary?
Wasn't I just loving life and living with the girls in the Hermosa house?
Wasn't I just falling in love with Scott on the couch on the back porch?
Didn't I just become a mom? How do I have 2 humans to be responsible for now?

Doesn't time ever just trip you out? Geeze Louise.

Anyyyyyywayyyyyy......

So what have we been up to? This is where 5 months of radio silence takes it toll. Let me give you the highlights and overall feelings about life at the Heffernan's.

Transition to Two: Not so bad, people. Ya'll tried to scare me about having them so close but honestly it hasn't been too bad. We are already deep into babyville over here. Diapers, sippy cups, stretch marks, poop, blow outs, bath toys. How life has changed ladies and gentleman. So why not just throw another little one into the mix? I do think my transition from none to one was the hardest for me. You might remember this post and this one. Yeah, things have been much more chill for me this time around. I remember worrying that I wouldn't love #2 as much as I loved Cash. If I could go back and tell my 6 month ago self how my love would expand so much, she probably would just not understand. Grey is a lovie. A lovie I tell you! Which means I can't but help to love all over him. He is chill and happy and lets me know when he wants to be swaddled and than other than that he only cries when I may not be paying enough attention to him or when Cash sits on his head or something. I really think I like his personality and sometimes he smiles like he gets my jokes and silliness. I love it. I have enjoyed babies so much more by having my own. As many of you know, I wasn't a huge baby fan pre having my own so I was kind of nervous about the whole newborn/baby phase of my life. But I am here to report that I love my children! Phew! (You think I am kidding but I was seriously worried about myself).

Exhibit A: Get out, right? He could be the Gerber baby. I would make him a kid star if kids stars weren't so kids stars ifyaknowwhatIamsayin'.

Scott: He is still loving his weird job at Archie McPhee. I am so pleased he found a job that suits him so well. Suddenly my husband has become more of an extrovert. Evidenced here and at certain social events I'm like, "Let's go," and he's all, "I just want to say hi to this person." Who is this man and where have they taken Scott? I actually really like it though. Scott is such a fun human and I love when people get to see that side of him. I think motherhood has made me a little more introverted so it has been an interesting reversal for us. We just celebrated our 6th anniversary. Old.

Our House: We have a house! I am still not over this or taking it for granted. I love being in our own place. We have done pretty much all the painting in the house inside and out. It has slowly become our own. My neighbor owns a painting biz and we did a little summer trade. I took his daughter 3 days a week and he painting the exterior of my house. Good deal. I now know all about the Disney teeny boppers and sadly have this song in my head way way way more than I want to admit. Now I just need to pick a front door color. I will try and be diligent and post the before/after pix here too. Of course there are still tons I want to do (hang more pictures, change out lighting, yard stuff, bathroom remodel, new living room furniture and on and on) but I am content with our humble little house and we will do things one $$ step at a time.


Cash: He is obviously the cutest almost-2-years-old-next-month year old. He talks like crazy. Everyone is like, "Whoa, that kid talks a lot." I don't think it is anything we have done really. He just talks a whole bunch. Like full sentences and he understands social nuances. For example, the other day he was like, "Bye, Dad. Have fun." When Scott was leaving for some garage sale shopping. His curls are awesome and I love him most of the time (Sunday are hard. Don't judge.). I am so proud of the little person he is becoming. It has been such a joy watching him be alive for 2 years.


Aimee (I like to refer to myself in the third person): So I am just still busy at my practice. We've worked it out so that I can work hours that Scott can be with the kids so we only have to have someone watch them every once in a while (Thanks, Shan). I updated my website this week which was fun. I was bored with my old one and feel different as a therapist now that I have some time under my belt so I needed a change. It is sexier now. I hope you like it. You can tell all your friends to come see me. You know, because I can't see you since we are friends and all. Even though sometimes I get clients that I want as friends because they are cool. I am still working for Julie too doing the clothing thing and it is working great for me to be home and do that job. She is good to me. I am hoping lots of sweaters sell at BP this fall/winter! Make it rain, baby. Make it rain.

My hair is falling out way way way more than after I had Cash. What is up with that? At this rate I am going to be bald by September. The things we do for our kids. (Do you ever find yourself thinking in hashtags now? Like just then I thought #thethingswedoforourkids but then thought it would be weird to get all hashtagged up in here.) Oh, technology. Again, you should follow me on Instagram if you haven't already. My username is aimeeheff and you should follow Scott too (scottheff) because he posts some funny shit.

I am not even going to say when I will be back next or why I have gone missing for so long. I love this history that I have in this space so I really do have good intentions to be here. But alas, no expectations will be best for me.

Thank for reading. Come over and talk sometime soon, would ya!

I guess it is about time I introduced him here. Most of you already know via other means of social media that he arrived safe and sound but we need to make it officially official here in this space.

Blog friends, meet my new crush.
He smells like heaven. Heaven I tell you.

Hello there. (She says shyly, raising her shoulders awkwardly.)

Remember me? I am the one that use to own this space. Here let me refresh your memory.

I am not going to go on and on about why I haven't blogged. I just haven't so we'll just get on with it, okay? I am in the mood to blog some so I'm just going with it.

Currently, I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. How in hell's name did I ever go 42 weeks last time? All that hippie birthing talk must of really increased my patience because now I am super over it. Particularly the stuffy nose, heart burn and THE PRESSURE. (You know what I'm talking about.) It is natures way of getting me out of denial and into facing the fact that this nameless child will be joining the family. C-secction is scheduled for March 2nd unless I magically get all soft and squishy down there and my cervix decides to not be a scaredy cat and heads down south, then, and only then, will the baby escape the knife. I am feeling peace about the whole thing. My uterus is a bit of a concern being that it was plum-tuckered out last time and refused to contract back. Situational or hereditary? Not sure. I got at least one more baby that needs to be housed in there so I am feeling protective of her (my uterus that is) so I just am setting any expectations free and going with whatever comes. Without fail this will be a better labor than last time, right. Right?! Send good love my way, please.

We have a house. We really do. It is ours and I love every little 1971 piece of it. It hasn't gotten old to me yet. And even though home ownership has some burdens I wouldn't trade it for anything. We are working on updating the rec room which is the room we spend most our time in. I came home from work Saturday and the color went from a buzzing puke yellow to a delicious light grey. It was the highlight of my week. I am dead serious. It will be so fun to see this room be done. We will have you over for a party or something. We get our new couch tomorrow and the carpet and new tile is all picked out. In no time it will fee like ours. Happiness.
Tonight Cash was in such a sweet, chatty, sing-y mood and I got all melancholy about our last few moments of just the three of us. I had the same feeling when we were having him. I was sad to have the two of us (Scott and I) get all changed up. Veteran Moms, will I feel this with every baby? I am slightly jealous of my oldest sister because I realize the special place the first born has in your heart and therefore my parents heart regarding my sister. Clearly my parents love me tons and tons but there is just something so vulnerable and raw with your first born. Will I love this one as much or is it just different? I hear your heart just grows bigger with each kid and I am hoping that is true.

And, you really should start using Instagram. It is all the craze and where I am updating much better than this space. My username is aimeeheff. Hit me up if we aren't following each other. I would love to see what is going on in your world.

Next Up: A new little baby boy Heffernan. Stay tuned...

We got our keys tonight. Driving to MY home knowing I was going to walk through the door and have it be ours was surreal. Truly I didn't expect to own a house for a few more years so it all feels so meant-to-be. This box of love from Heather was there to greet us.

We just hung out in our space for an hour and let it soak in. Wandering around from room to room without feeling like intruders. There is lots of work to get done in the next few days (and beyond- anyone up for taking down some granny wallpaper and eagle wall hanging?!) so I was trying to just enjoy the emptiness for a moment.

Our first home. Weird. And exciting.
So much possibility. Do we look like grown ups now?! We had to make it official with our first family photo in the house. Cash is overjoyed you can clearly see.


Everyone always remembers their first home purchase. Now we get our memory.

Hello first home. Please be good to us.

Soooo we got the house! Closing date is November 28th and our fingers are crossed that everything goes smooth with the loan and that we are in our new space come December. I can already see the Christmas tree all lit up in the front window. A Christmas tree of our very own. Gee Whiz. I am so excited. We have a lot of cosmetic updates to do but we have plenty of time to make it ours. Perhaps it will give me good blog material as we transform the granny feel of the house into something of our own. Stay tuned my friends. I will probably be asking for lots of tips along the way. We are not handy.

Dish washer, washer and dryer, and our own walls. OH MY! I will never take living in a house for granted again. That being said, I have loved living here in the Madison Park area and despite the stress I feel sharing walls with people while raising a baby/toddler it has been a fun chapter in our history to live in these charming apartments. It was the space I brought my first baby home and became a mom. Every time I drive over the 520 bridge I will look at these apartments and fondly remember our time here. Goodbye Edgewater. You have been good to us but it is time we move on.

I hadn't mentioned this before on the blog but Scott got his dream job back in September. He is working for a company called Accouterments aka Archie McPhee. For those of you that are not local or not aware of Archie, it is a novelty company that sells just weird stuff. I'm not sure I even really know how to explain it to people when they ask so you can see their website here for a flavor. It speaks for itself. And here is a news spot done by Evening Magazine to see what Scott does on a daily basis. He is on the creative team so he participates in the brainstorm meetings highlighted in the video. Fun, right?! Scott loves toys and has sort of a weird sense of humor so it is a perfect fit and I couldn't be happier to see him thriving.

In other news, as I had always hoped for myself when I finally bought a house, I have been thinking of ways I could justify buying myself one of these Japanese toilets that I heart. I bet if I had one of these babies you would definitely want to come over for a dinner party, no?! While peeking at their website to remember the cost so I could get serious about this plan to get one, I saw they had a new video explaining their new technology "Pure Stream". I will share the video below. After seeing this, I'm sure you too will be convinced that I need to have one of these of my very own. Come on over and play and you too can feel "true cleanliness and smoothness like never before." ;)  Now if I could just rationalize $650 for this fresh feeling...

Oh yes, and this is happening. Too fun.

And every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be

Home, where my thoughts escape, at home, where my music's playin'
Home, where my love lies waitin' silently for me
- Paul Simon



I have been thinking about the word HOME today. My dad arrived back to Seattle from Bountiful late last night with his two sisters after being in his family home with his siblings going through 80+ years of his parents collections. They were together, all 9 of them, in their deceased parents home one last time before it sells. I was driving and thinking about how emotional and significant that experience must have been for all of them. Those walls, the kitchen table, the carpet, and the orange and brown wall paper all hold inside of them millions of memories of their lives together. After all those years, this was the LAST time those walls would hold all of them together. Crazy the time and space of 121 East 1700 South's history with the White family is coming to an end. How did that happen? How has life already passed for my grandma and grandpa? You know what I think of you, Time.
As I was getting teary about this experience I was actually driving to my parents house in Kenmore. We've lived in four wonderful houses in the years I have been alive. Each hold such sacred memories of our history as a family and I am sentimental and get nostalgic about each one of them. The common denominator in all those homes is that the feeling is the same when you walk in the door and sit and converse in the space. Love, acceptance, and joy spill from the walls. How lucky I am to have grown up in that energy.
Then tonight after some back and forth and back again, we heard that we got mutual acceptance on a house we made an offer on in Bothell. It is a true Christmas miracle that Scott and I agreed on a home. I thought it would never happen. This is a big accomplishment in our marriage so we are celebrating a huge victory. (Yes, the envelope is still sealed!). If all goes well with the inspection and closing process this means we are going to be settling into our first house as Heffernans. This idea of creating a home of love and safety, just like my grandparents and parents created, is close to my heart tonight.
What are the magic ingredients?
What needs to happen to make sure we create a home that our children and their friends want to hang out and feel comfortable to be themselves?
Lots of food?
Extra pillows and blankets?
Ears that listen?
Open hearts?

So yes, we are on our way to officially entering the middle class and adulthood where we will discuss wall colors, and sewage problems, and will probably get in fights about who mowed the lawn last.

Hold on tight, Scotty. Time to make a home for ourselves.


P.S. Our agent has been AMAZING. Organized, informative, knowledgable, flexible, and most importantly not pushy. You should use her if you are in the home finding/selling business. You will not be disappointed.

This envelope is still sitting on our table staring at us. Unopened. Not knowing the fate of its life.


Scott wants to be surprised. His reasoning is that it was the best part of my labor last time. He is right about that point. It was pretty cool.

I want to find out. I think. If I end up having a c-section again I think this will be a fun way to break up the pregnancy. And inspired by this picture I thought it would be fun to have a party with the best fall foods with our favorite family and friends and open the box and see the balloons come floating out revealing the next face of our future family. Will there be pig tails or a fort-building little brother for Cashey? (Please note: I hope if it is a sister she will also want to build forts with Cash too though. All kids should build forts no matter the gender.) 

If we decide to open it, Scott says he would like to go have an intimate dinner with the two of us and open the envelope.  Hmmmm? Not quite what I had in mind...

Ah, the woes of an extrovert/introvert union. What will we do with ourselves?

Anyway, of course I will keep you all posted on what the final verdict is if we ever come to a compromise.

Until then, I will continue to ignore the envelope and the little piece of paper inside stating boy or girl.

Cash is his mama's baby and hates to miss anything going on.
Here is where we trap him inside while he longs to be with his older cousins on the deck causing mischief.
 I can thank dear sister Shan for bringing the decor. I am a hopeless non-crafty mom.
 Cake time!


This picture below is titled: The Thinker While Frosted.
Just reflecting on his 1st year of life.
It's no big thing.
He is really mature for a 1 year old as you can clearly see.
Jammies and kisses with his favorites before we head home.
This kid is spoiled with love.

Goodbye Summer. We will hold out for you during the long, boring winter months to come and will think of this song fondly as it will remind us of the Summer of 2011.

This little human was 1 years old yesterday. Which now makes him a toddler human.

Birthday pictures to come and commentary/emotions about become a veteran mom. We made it!

Sometimes the heavens smile down on me and reminds me that it knows who I am, that it has a sense of humor, and tells me not to take life too seriously.

If you have been around my cousin Christian Janke and I for more than a few minutes you more than likely to hear the word schweddy at some point in time. It has now become a term of endearment we have for each other.

Chris: Hi, Schweddy.
Aimee: Hi. (unfazed by the salutation)
Chris: Are you feeling schweddy today?

Chris leaving me a voicemail: Schwedddddddy Balllllllls. (that will be all that is said on the vm - no further message included)

I love his face and I just want to eat him up.
We are soon approaching the big 1 year.
Time; what a thief you are.

Good night.

Thank heavens there is an app for that or else how else would I know little Heff #2 is joining the family?! Thank you, iPhone for keeping track of all the important life stuff. How did we function before you were invented? {insert valley girl toned, sarcastic font} 

13 weeks and counting. Dreamy second trimester here I come...

And just so you don't have to ask in the comments:

Yes, it was planned.
They will be 18 months apart.
Due end of Feb. (It is a leap year. Eekk!)
Yes, we are crazy so no need to give me that look through your computer screen of are-you-crazy?!
I have been seeing that look a lot lately and it is not helping so STOP IT.
I mean it.
I see you out there giving that look.
I am reframing by telling myself it will be "happy chaos" for a few years and then I will just force them to play with each other so I can parent from my favorite chair, read books, and take cat naps.
I mean, I will have deserved it by then, right?
My pregnancy has been pretty mild like last time. Can't complain because I know too many women that have it much harder than me. (Just hoping praying I don't have a similar labor experience!)
We are not sure if we are going to find out the gender this time.
I am leaning for finding out but I could change my mind.
Surprises are fun.
But knowing is good too perhaps.
Hmmm? What to do? What to do?
I am keeping my heart and body open to try for a VBAC. I found a doctor (since the UW midwives are moving and can't do VBACs anymore) that is super great and is willing to give it a try if the baby doesn't want to cook forever like Cash did.
I am whispering "spontaneous labor, spontaneous labor" to the mini human daily hoping it will get the hint before 41 1/2 weeks.
Happy VBAC vibes and encouragement are welcomed.
I am working through my labor fear from my trauma of Cash's adventure.
I need a birthing therapist.
I am also open to changing my mind and having this baby cut out of me because I have learned that there is no shame in a c-section.
Take that homebirth moms. {insert playful wink to my homebirth mamas}
We are looking to move soon before I am too big so we have walls of our own.
You know how I feel about walls of my own.
I can't wait to have them and give them a big hug.
And a dishwasher.
And a washer and dryer.
Can you tell I am ready?
If you, or someone you know has a 3 bedroom house for rent in the greater Seattle area that is calling our name please send me the info.
We are really nice and clean.
I promise.

It is late and I am sleepy. Just wanted to share the news and say "hi. I miss you."

I am feeling sentimental tonight so I decided to take to my blog. Two for two?! Something must be in the water.

Tonight my dear, sweet, sarcastic, witty, techy Grandma Helen Grace Cracroft White has decided to not proceed with dialysis as her kidneys are getting a flunking grade and an pneumonia has decided to make itself a home inside her body. Not doing dialysis was an obviously BIG decision and intentional on her part. She didn't want a heroic act and had always felt that when it was her time to go she wasn't going to prolong the inevitable.

What this means is that fluid will fill up her lungs and the toxins will slip her into a coma. She will be transfered out of the ICU soon and all the tubes will be disconnected except the IV and food lines.

Of course anything could happen but if we are realistic my grandma's time on earth may be coming to an end...

Hence the reason for the sentiment.

Here is the last personal email interaction I had with my grandma. I will forever cherish this email from her - especially the last two lines. For the record, my grandma Helen was on Facebook, was an active reviewer and commenter on Goodreads (check out her profile here - her comments are so much fun to read), would instant message with me late at night, and was never afraid of technology.