ALLY

Never in my life I thought would ever enter a church on my own but I did it today. For a good reason. I’m not converting but to help someone to pray.

I woke up early in the morning 8am to prepare to go St Anne’s Church today. Upon reaching the church, a service was about to start and people were walking in, cars driving into the carpark, church helpers giving directions… everything was so unfamiliar to me but I know I need to pray. Standing and praying for about 5min in front of the Mother Mary on my own is the longest time ever. I hope my little move can help this person and the rest of the people who needed the same assistance.

Ps: I’m still a Taorist/Buddhist
Psps: 天时地利人和 brought this person who needed help to me. I hope I’ve helped.

当初爱你所以不要放弃
今日因爱过你所以放弃

当初想尽办法想挽留 想维持
如今因太累而不想

No matter what you say, it doesn’t affect me anymore because I’ve given up on you or rather on us.

The hardest thing is how to break the news to my love ones…

每一个人都有自己的故事。。。

那个人为什么 说话时表现得 很像什么都知道 很多话
但 为什么一个人时 却是看起来心事重重

那个人为什么 那么成功
但 谁知道那个人经过多少波折

那个人为什么 那么可怜
但 谁知道那个人可能就是个大坏蛋 死性不改

那个人为什么 那么漂亮
但 你可知道 那个人以前的样貌 经过多少努力

什么是 真正的 真相 事实

不要看表面 应为没人有没资格批评别人的 不是 不好

我以前太天真太自大 所以现在觉得自己很蠢

人总是在跌倒后才学会末些事和道理。。。

亲情只不过如此。。。

We thought that there will be a change, a better change but it turns out to be otherwise…

Being accused without knowing what’s happening. Being bad mouth without knowing what we’ve done. Being despise from being younger and youngest.

Money makes the world goes round. Being high maintenance, most people will think you’re right all the time… Being in an average or lower living, people will just think that you’re nothing…

亲情何在？ 天理何在？良心何在？

I’m so blessed with good friends around helping me and to walk through this with me.

Thank you :’)

I’m looking back at the photos with ex sch colleagues… with them, I always feel home.

My direct superior aka Mother always scold us, shout at us and nag at us but never give up on us. We used to have a male colleague who wanted to leave for better pay and prospects, so finally he left company. Then, he met obstacles like me and he shared his problems with Mother. I remembered she cannot concentrate on her work and keep looking through her contacts and hunt job for him…

I always complaint to Mother that I want to leave and she always reminded me “别边跟Schenker很不一样，没有人会帮你的。你要会保护自己。” I thought it was just saying. When I break the news that I’m leaving her, she couldn’t sleep and worried for me. Now, I dare not contact any ex colleagues because I’m afraid they know about my situation and especially let Mother know. This feeling is sucks! I feel so bad…

Sometimes I was wondering if I’ve made the wrong decision.

Sometimes I think that if I never get out of my comfort zone, I will never learn.

Indeed its a painful lesson and I hope I can move on and press on.

I have never seen any direct superior who will give such support to her subordinates even when they choose to leave her.

Thank god there is still such a wonderful person exist. I appreciated the love from Mother Mary.

I will find my way…

I have been thinking a lot since that day…

Why would this happened to me? What could I have done to prevent it? What’s going wrong? Is it my problem or was I being back stabbed? 

A colleague from there told me “don’t stop thinking too much, its alright not to know all the answers.” Perhaps, I should reflect and think what I’ve learnt from this incident instead…… 

I always thought I am very successful in terms of achieving my dream but when this news broke out to me, it devastated me. My mind was telling me “you have fall. you have fail.” I couldn’t believe it… I couldn’t control my emotion and body. The next 3 days I woke up telling myself that it was just a dream, a nightmare. I continued to go back to sleep when I think I’m back to reality. I just doesn’t want to face it. I can sleep up to 20 hours straight. *smirk* I was living in denial… 

Thank god, I have a wonderful boyfriend who support and take care of me. Another 2 beautiful friends who keep talking and consoling me. Despite of their busy work schedules, they accompanied me for meals and bring me to walk around the park. Really, I am so blessed with good friends around me. I decided to pull myself together. Take a step out, talk and stop crying; as I have not speak a single word since that very day. 

Today 04 Mar 2014 (5th day), the second day of job hunting; I received call for an interview. Although it is not the ideal job scope but I would give it a try to go for interview. 

I also went to gym alone and for the first experience in gym, trying to sweat out all my sorrows. It was a good workout! However, I am still feeling a bit sad but I feel much better. 

Thank you for the support and encouragements. I will buck up. I will move on. 

I want to make this fall a part of my successful stories. 

I want to tell people that “Because of this fall, I’ve succeeded!” 

终于了解为什么我怎么讨厌我的头儿。

Up there, demanding…
Down here, complainting…

Sandwich-ing has become my daily life.

Debt debt debtsssss…

School debts.

10K

How long do I need to clear?

If pay monthly bills, can’t pay debt.
If pay partial debt, can’t pay for anything.

Sometimes I regret studying university which bring me to this state.

fml.

2013 marks my first promotion. But the $ is still kinda sad… I’ll move on, to the next company in the near future (I hope)

Jia you! Fighting ~  (o^^)oo(^^o)

Actually I don’t like to stay at home alone… I’ll switch on all the lights and tv so that I won’t feel lonely…

I don’t like to reach home when there is no one at home… it makes me feel sad. No one at home to welcome me back.

But I like to stay home when someone at home. No need to talk all day long, just physically stay in the house will do… hmmm…

Sometimes there are many random thoughts going thru my mind but I always have problem on where to store all these thoughts. Is it facebook? Twitter? Blog? All are social media that link to all my friends… so where?

A friend ever told me to write or type out then delete after finish so no one will know. But I want to keep them and do not want anyone to know.

Another friend told me to remember it. But how much can my memory store? I will remember the recent one but forget the older ones.

So many self talk running thru every day… 

My life sucks

Using up all my positive mind n strength to hang on but God is not on my side…

Everything leave impacts on me. 

I want to be alone.

Birthday week I should be happy…

My heart is not happy at all…

I don’t like my birthday cause it always bring unhappiness…

Just wanna be alone.

Perhaps we gave up the bto was a hint… A hint to me… to tell me that it’s all not ready. A specific period of the year will remind some of the memories which I still do not have the courage to move on. And it always hold me back when making some decisions. I think I’m stupid. I know oldhe can easily replaced by friends but still… perhaps, the scar oldhe left on me cannot be fade off easily… I know nowhe is the best and never be replace but still… I hope and seek understanding and forgiveness from nowhe of my indecisive. I am still hoping oldhe will return because I want to revenge on him. On the other hand, oldhe will not admit because oldhe always think otherwise and that’s the other reason why I hate oldhe. heson is looking for oldhe. I did not tell anything to heson but heson found oldhe. Heson brought me to see oldhe. Heson cried and told me heson want oldhe back… how much can I do? We are impossible… the feeling of letting go heson is horrible. Heson wants to go with oldhe I told heson, do not break them up (for oldhe happiness) and pls break them… My heart, soul, mind is not listening to me… Perhaps, I need longer time…

有些东西即使是坏了，还是那么珍惜…