from another pov:

I would think by now, you would know your way around,
You shouldn’t miss me so badly, you should be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely years, must meander by,
until you learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.
What manner of iron will, must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if you were willing, to let someone take you by the hand,
they could show you a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
…
Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love you will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I awaken to discover,
You’re happily learning a great new land, with a great new friend and lover.

this speaks of all that I’m feeling.

So. went chilling at Acid Bar with Ali yesterday and talked and vented (k not really vent actually), and the band Tuna Pop was playing OH SO MANY AWESOME SONGS WHICH WERE JUST PERFECT AND EXPRESSED MY MOOD AND THOUGHTSSSSS. Even Ali couldn’t deny and said they were helping me to vent everything I needed to, think and say all the things of the past – BUT AFTER THAT, THAT’S IT!

the last song the band sang for their first set was Creep (Tuna Pop was so good. it’s been awhile I heard such an enjoyable live band) And Ali decided to sing it to me this way.

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
He wish he was special
So very special

But he’s a creep, he’s a weirdo
What the hell are you doing here?
He doesn’t belong here

He doesn’t care if it hurts
He want to have control
He want a perfect body
He want a perfect soul

He want you to notice
When he’s not around
You’re so very special
He wish he was special

You’re running out the door
You’re running
You run, run, run, run
Run

I couldn’t help but kepptttttt laughing at her hahah i still remember how tickled I felt when I look at her retarded face. (: ily Ali!

thank youAlicia for your time and the awesome chilling session (thank you tuna pop, erdinger and woman/witch/crow-in-disguise for the goodnight’s sleep!) and when my life turns into a musical all of a sudden, i can always count on you to be my fellow cast. thank you YD for just asking about how I’m doing. thank you aimei for remembering me and the beautiful sunrise and your house address that put a smile, and then later made me laughed HAHA. thank you Maho for the really entertaining first-email-i-read today. thank you Ronda for allowing Ali and I to sing into your life (HAHAHAHA! sorry all the songs too appropriate!) thankyou Jolyn for the amount of time, heart, thoughts, prayers, love you have given me. thank you Clement for your magnanimous understanding and grace and love and everything. thank You God, extremely thankful and grateful. (:

i have enough to keep walking (:

I want to go home.

Not sure if I posted this before. probably did.

anyways didn’t know that people could subscribe to this blog. so sorry for being emo the past few posts, I was just looking for somewhere to vent hahaha.

A song that had some soothing effect on me back then and now.

Far past these roads there is a place
Where all of our precious dreams remain
Someday I know I’ll find a way
To keep myself from holding on
Stay awake with the sound of my voice
I’m restless from the silence in the air
I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again
Inside this room, time will stand still
As long as I’m not aware of changes
The world outside leaves me behind by myself
It shows no mercy for those who hold on

Still awake with the sound of my voice
I’m restless for the silence in the air
I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again

Far past these roads there is a place
Where all of our precious dreams remain
Someday I know
I’ll find a way
To keep myself from holding on

I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again

probably don’t listen to mandarin songs at all, but if you want to, hope you’ll check out the lyrics.

why the dream

why the urge to hear your heart

why the yearning

do you not know what’s real anymore

hold your sanity together

Forgiveness. what is it? how can I be where I am today and still have someone I have yet to forgive? or is it actually the other way round? have you forgiven me?

Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere. (:

—Synonyms
1.  alarm, worry, uneasiness; suspicion. Apprehension, anxiety, misgiving  imply an unsettled and uneasy state of mind. Apprehension  is an active state of fear, usually of some danger or misfortune: apprehension before opening a telegram. Anxiety  is a somewhat prolonged state of apprehensive worry: anxiety because of a reduced income. Misgiving  implies a dubious uncertainty or suspicion, as well as uneasiness: to have misgivings about the investment. 5.  capture.

This morning I woke up with a memory playing in my head. it was the year 2007, nov 26, at around 4 pm, i was in SAJC’s school hall, just finished my last A level paper which was a Lit paper, and i felt so lost, i walked over to Anthea and I cried. I remember thinking “everything’s over.” today, this scene has been playing in my mind over and over again. once again, i felt lost. like there’s nothing to look forward to, there are no more things to strife for. at the moment at least.

these are my friends from Psychology. I first knew Amir, through Theatre Studies 1101 (when he had long and rebonded hair which made him look like the predators in Alien vs Predator hahahaa), and subsequently we got to know Joshua and Jia Lin. oops. Ashley. through our social psychology mod in yr 2 sem 1. (or 2?) we have been through quite some tough days in NUS together, and cos birds of the same kind flock together we are all not eligible for Honours. haha.

when i looked at them today, all that was going through my mind was that I couldn’t believe this is the end. we probably have to lead our own lives from now on, hardly meeting, hardly talking. i really cannot see beyond May. i really dunno where we will all be in 2 months time, or whether we’ll still be in contact anymore or not.

besides feeling crap from the paper, i felt this sadness, because of goodbyes, because of uncertainty.

but i was also reminded on my way home at night, that the Lord is good. And He has been good to me. I prayed so hard that He will let me get the modules settled and tutorials settled at the beginning of the sem, I said “Lord, since You have miraculously allow my appeal to get through into NUS, since You have spoken so clearly about psychology, please let me graduate smoothly.” and I kept repeating that. it made no sense to me that if He has placed me here I would not be able to graduate, unless He has some other plans. And look what He’s done! I prayed on the bus ride home that He will also allow me to graduate by not failing.

i thank God, for the peace. for NUS. for psychology. for the lecturers and tutors who were inspiring. for all the competition from peers. for JC friends who are in the same course as me. for my clique in NUS.

i don’t know where i am headed to now, God please shut all doors and only open one. and i hope this will not be the end of my pursuit for Psychology. 🙂

(took this pic in Nepal, beautiful sunrise isn’t it?)

i have no good photos of taipei! SAD ISN’T IT? totally wasted.

first we went to DANSHUI, but didn’t go to the famous FISHERMAN’S WHARF (where one of my favourite taiwan drama, 家有四千金 was filmed). we didn’t even have time to check out the night street properly. but this place has got more food, more things to see, more things to play! you need time, it is best to go in the afternoon, walk around, go to fisherman’s wharf and then reach back to the train station (which is where you will see this starbucks) by 5pm, to see sunset!

another starbucks nearer to fisherman’s wharf, by the river!! reminds me of one fullerton!

yesyes i am obsessed with starbucks. 🙂 i LOVE starbucks.

then we RUSHHHHH to shi lin night market, cos i was meeting clement there <3. it is also the first time clement’s parents met mine. his mum joked about it lightening up the awkwardness i was feeling, thank God.

and we had oyster mee sua! ….. i am craving for it right now, right this moment… omg i am already salivating!!!! *sucks back  mah ser-lye-vahhh* hahahahahaahahah…

we went also to the flora expo… so much more creative and more installations to see than SG’s garden’s fest lor…

haha dickson found these cute bottles of coke.

i love these posters! they reminded me of my brother, because he always complained that prc talk so loudly when they answer phonecalls on trains, and he would imitate them like “WEI?!!!!!!! ZHAO SHEI AH?!!!!!!!”

i love my timberland signature yellow boots haha they accompanied me to nepal too. (:

now. about where i stayed in taipei. I stayed in Y hotel, which is YMCA. though it is the worst hotel  out of the 3 i stayed, it is really not bad for its location. the best, in fact. it is quite cheap also, and it is just situated right at the entrance to the train station. and this is the MAIN STATION we are talking about… the interchange of taipei where the lines meet and even the HSR is there. actually the hotel when i mention it being the worst, it actually is like a typical 3 or 4 star hotel standard? so not that bad. beside the entrance to the hotel there’s starbucks, opposite it is this bookstore! but beside it there’s smelly toufu so if you really hate the smell you might not wanna stay there…

i went also to taipei 101, and the eslite bookstore which opens til 2am in the morning (but transport doesn’t last that long into the night so i don’t see the point really). and it was quite a sight also when my uncle’s friend brought us to one of the chinese fine dining restaurants on the top floor of one of those buildings near taipei 101. that was xmas eve, so there were other parties going on on that level, and when we took the lift down, we were in the same lift as one of 183 CLUB’s celeb! my uncle’s friend’s wife was so kind, when she heard that i was looking for uni president’s ma you ji instant noodle she offered to help me get from the provision shop near their house! i looked so hard for it from taichung to taipei and i cannot find! not even in the big departmental stores with huge supermarkets leh idk why! but anyway she found yayy. and they were so cute, we were walkin to 101 when they suddenly pointed to this estate of condos across the street, and said Ah Mei stays there, they were neighbours last time. LOL.

alright! that’s all about taiwan!

愛台湾 喲!