I'm feeling withdrawals from Built On The Rock.  It was over a week ago.  I attended 5 performances, including the last full dress rehearsal.  And I would keep going if there were any more performances.  The costumes were amazing. The talent was incredible.  The spirit was palpable.  The youth were glowing.  The testimonies were undeniable. 
Elli and Emma: they made me cry. 
I just can't express enough how much I loved watching my own daughters participate in and be immersed in something so powerful and so life-changing. 

Clearly, the following videos of their biggest roles don't do their performances or the production any justice.  You can't get the full spirit of the show with just a small piece of it and you can't quite feel the full effect of the 200+ kids in the risers singing back up and doing small hand movements.  But hopefully you CAN see a little bit of what makes me so proud as a mom. 

Emma dances in a scene that portrays Alma the Younger, just after he believes Abinadi's words and escapes the wicked King Noah.  The vocal soloist in this WATERS OF MORMON scene is unbelievable.  The girls dancing are being baptized by Alma the Younger.  It was a very beautiful number to watch and listen to. 





 

Emma is

• a dancer
• a singer
• a learner
• a friend
• a missionary
• an arguer
• a nurturer
• an artist
• a hoarder
• a leader
• a musical-theater junkie
• a Netflix entire-season-in-one-sitting watcher
• a napper
• a gourmet popcorn popper
• a soft-pretzel maker
• a bathtub (did she fall asleep in there?) soaker
• an earphone-in-one-ear-24/7-music-listener
• a baby lover
• a crier
• a forgiver
• a thinker
• a rule follower
• a cream cheese hater
• a clothes-borrower
• a caesar salad lover
• a john green and jodi picoult reader
• a physical-ailments-complainer
• a talker
• a yoga-pants-whenever-she-can-get-away-with-it wearer
• a self-conscious-selfie-taker
• a very loved daughter

side note:  Ellison and Emma both bore amazing testimonies today in sacrament meeting about the upcoming youth conference production of Built On The Rock.  I am so proud of both of them for both recognizing and sharing the little ways that being a part of this experience has strengthened them.  I can't express enough how excited I am to watch them this weekend. 

Nolan is truly a joy to parent.  It's not that I love him any more than any of my other awesome children, it's just that he is so responsive and aware.  And if he's this aware at twelve, how much better will he get?

When I think of Nolan, I think of these descriptors:

• mature
• responsible
• accountable
• genuine
• enthusiastic
• appreciative
• intelligent
• learner
• organized
• anxious
• persistent
• happy
• funny
• witty
• eager
• loving
• compassionate
• aware
• likable
• successful
• respectful
• sleep-walker
• chocolate lover

things he spends his time doing:

• writing computer programs/games with Scratch.

I could probably end the list with that, but I'll add more just to make him seem more well-rounded:

• playing with Madsen
• checking his email
• looking up cool and random information on the internet or in books
• reading books on his Kindle
• asking me if he can buy another book on the Kindle because he just finished the book I bought him 2 hours ago already
• asking me to take him to Target to waste his money on candy and toys that break on the car ride home
• reciting Brian Regan jokes
• telling me how many followers he has on Scratch
• growing out of his clothes and shoes
• wrapping up in his Snuggie or electric blanket
• reminding me that I promised to take him to Hawaii like 8 years ago

things that endear me to Nolan:

• when he tells me thank you out of the blue for things I do daily for him.  "Mom, thank you for making my lunch every day.  I really appreciate it."
• when he races ahead of me to open my car door for him.
• when he stops what he's doing (on the computer) to unload the dishwasher the very first time I ask him to do it
• when he gives me a hug or tells me he loves me before he leaves for school
• when he gets so excited that I've made his favorite breakfast for him (eggs benedict)
• when he thinks something through and has everything organized and prepared for school/event the next day (backpack packed, asks me to wake him up at a very specific time so he can study again in the morning, reminder notes written to himself or me about stuff he needs to remember to do/get in the morning).  this is my kind of thinking
• when he leaves the 2nd testimony page blank in his Faith in God book because he's "leaving room for his testimony to grow"

lest you think he is the perfect child, these are some of the things that drive me crazy about my 12-year-old:

• his annoying sounds /noises he makes...just because
• his constant need to go to the bathroom when he's anxious or excited about something
• his weirdness about not being able to fall asleep some nights.  panicking and crying because he's so worried that he can't fall asleep- even though he has clearly woken himself up to come into my room and wake me up to tell me he hasn't been able to fall asleep at all. 
• his constant determination/persistence/badgering when he wants something or when I've "promised" him something
• his impatience with Ray when Ray is being annoying
• his magnetic draw to the computer
• his tendency to get frustrated easily and sabotage himself when he doesn't get something right away or can't find something
• his annoying habit of chewing on his shirt collar when he's on the computer

I am grateful for my Nolan.  He is a blessing to our family every day, weaknesses and all.  I am proud to be his mom and an excited to see what he will become as he grows up.

I go back and forth between being worried at the thought of a crazy, questioning, avoiding teenaged Ray and being comforted by thoughts of a sweet, sensitive, shy teenaged Ray.  He is kind of a mixed bag.  He can be very frustrating because it's nearly impossible to pin him down to get anything done, but he is also the sweetest, most sensitive kid I have. 

When I think of Ray, several words come to mind: 

• crazy
• he's crazy.  he attempts stunts that i'd rather not know about.  he belongs in the circus.  he can do multiple variations of the back flip on the trampoline, he rides a unicycle, he climbs on the roof, he flat out scares me.  but, of any of my kids, I also trust his skills the most.  I don't necessarily trust his judgment, but i'm confident he could do most anything he attempted.
• physical
• this kid needs physical activity.  he is biking, running, jumping, flipping, wrestling, skate-boarding, GOING all. day. long.  he loves to walk to school (only kid so far that turns down a ride to school) and the only evidence I have that he is home from school is that his backpack is usually right smack in the middle of the entry way.  he doesn't mind rain or snow or sleet or hail.  he is usually outside doing something regardless of how cold he is or how wet he's getting.  and if he's not, he's driving us crazy inside. 
• energetic
• he's tired and slow-moving in the morning, but he has a lot of energy otherwise.  he would prefer to stay up later, but he crashes pretty quickly when he's forced to go to bed.  his body must be so relieved when I finally force him to go to bed
• reader
• this kid loves to read.  or be read to.  it's taken him a couple years to really take off with reading, but this is his year.  he has finally broken away from reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid books over and over and is reading actual books right now.  there isn't a night that goes by that he doesn't ask Damon or me to read to him.  His current series he is reading is the Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan.  They are way over my head (and pronunciation level), but he seems to know exactly what's going on and is engaged the entire time he's being read to.  Damon is usually the one who ends up reading to him; I love that Ray has forced that routine on us. 
• soft-spoken
• ray is a mumbler, particularly in a new situation.  this is the one consistent weakness that comes up in every parent-teacher conference:  Ray needs to speak up.  we are working on this, but sometimes I feel like i'm perpetuating the problem because I get frustrated when I can't understand him and I lay into him about speaking more clearly and getting his hands away from his face. 
• questioning
• for as soft-spoken as he is , he can ask some pretty bold questions. from why we have to go to church every Sunday to why he has to do "all the work" around the house to when will Grandpa Ray and Calvin be alive again?  sometimes his questions make me pause and sometimes his questions make me worried he's going to be a disrespectful teenager.
• sensitive
• he doesn't take criticism well.  and can easily end up in tears.  and then move quickly to sobbing.  and then mumbling.  sometimes he get upset over something as little as being asked to do a chore that he doesn't want to do, but he also is very sensitive about serious things that seem to come up out of the blue.  grandpa ray, calvin, and Jesus Christ's crucifixion are all sensitive topics that can quickly lead to a meltdown.
• adventurous
• I like to think this is the trait he got from my dad.  he does what he wants.  one day last summer, he found an old tire in our backyard (no idea where that came from) and he asked if he could make a tire swing with it.  at first, I was like "no way; it's not going to work.  you can't just take a tire and make a tire swing out of it.  it's not that simple."  but then I realized he wasn't asking for help, he was just asking for permission to use the tire.  so I told him it was fine.  and he actually made a tire swing.  that we still have in use today. 
• strong
• he is strong.  much stronger than me.  if I let him play football, I'm sure he would be great at it.  i'm so glad he's never asked.
• athletic
• every sport he's tried, he's excelled at.  he is just a natural.  he is ridiculously fast, he has great stamina, awesome hand-eye coordination, and a quick strategic mind.  I was a little sad this spring when he told me he wanted to take a break from playing sports because he didn't like "having to be somewhere".  I love watching him play sports.  I have a smile on my face the whole time. 
• musical
• as i'm writing all this down, I am realizing how talented my son is.  he has so many natural abilities that he just amazes me with.  I am in awe of his ability to listen to a song- any song, walk over to the piano and plunk it out.  almost without error.  he has never taken piano lessons, but he can play songs from the radio, music from video games, hymns he is learning in primary, songs from movies.  it is incredible.  I really, really love to hear him downstairs figuring something out by trial and error.  this is something he tends to do on Sundays when I send him out of the room over and over because he's being too crazy and physical.  I'm happy he has an outlet that doesn't require being physical.
• shy
• he is naturally shy, but once he's comfortable, that (mostly) goes away.  he is still a little quiet and awkward in group settings, but he seems to have an appropriate balance of interacting and being reserved
• annoying
• once you move past the shyness, he can be downright annoying.  haha.  Nolan can testify to this.  if he wants attention, he can be in your face and pestering non-stop. 
• avoider
• oh man, he is an avoider.  next to Elli, he is the worst offender for not doing something I asked him to do.  I am constantly coming across (undone) things that I asked him to do.  Since he's usually at school or outside with his gang, i have a hard time following through with him.  his most frequently "forgotten jobs" are putting his backpack away, unloading the dishwasher, putting his dirty socks in the laundry basket (how many pairs of socks can a boy own?!!), and showering. 
• snacker
• he is not a big meal-eater, but he snacks all day.  i think it's mostly because eating a meal requires being still for a certain amount of time.  snacking can be done on-the-go.  luckily, he eats fairly healthy stuff for snacks like spoonfuls of peanut butter and protein bars, and fruit
• loyal
• ray is a good friend.  he is loyal and sticks up for his friends if someone is being mean to them or talking about them.  he is loyal to me.  i can tell by the way he looks at me sometimes that he genuinely loves and appreciates me.  he seems to have a tender place in his heart for me, as his mother.  i love that about him. 

right now in his life, doing things with his friends is his favorite pastime.  even though several of his friends are older than him, he seems to be a leader and has lots of different types of friends.  on top of riding his bike, jumping on the trampoline, playing BUMP at the junior high, playing tag and other games in and around our backyard and street, he also loves to play Terraria and Minecraft on the Xbox, build Legos, build forts, play with and pester Madsen, make bracelets on his rainbow loom, make lemonade and shaved ice and smoothies and scrambled eggs (messes), and leave his dirty socks everywhere

he prefers to do his homework in the morning before school when he is all alone and doesn't have to give up precious daylight with his friends after school. 

Every time i see Ray's bare feet (sometime after he's removed his dirty socks and left them somewhere for me to find after he's unavailable), I think of my brother Chad because they both have ridiculously thick and long toenails.  haha.

he has adorable freckles across the bridge of his nose.  i notice them every morning at breakfast.  i love those freckles!

his laugh is adorable.  he shrugs his shoulders and scrunches his head down in a way that makes it look like he has no neck.  and then lets out a loud laugh.  usually over something that nobody else thought was funny.  :)

my favorite thing about Ray is that he makes me feel needed as his mother.  Having my children recognize that they need me is equivalent to me feeling loved.  Ray makes me feel loved. 

I love this kid.  He is so unique and mature and just awesome.  I want to capture each of the kids right now.  I'm starting with Madsen:

• he loves puzzles.  he is unbelievably amazing at putting puzzles together.  the way his mind goes and goes blows me away.  he is capable of doing a 100-piece puzzle all by himself.
• his very most favorite puzzle (and possibly possession) is his puzzle of the United States.  He has relationships with each of the states.  IF a sates is "missing", he KNOWS.  and he cares.  He knows the states in alphabetical order, their capitals, and can recognize the shape of any state, no matter which way it's turned.  He even knows some of the states landmarks and state flags and birds.  he has also recently ventured into the world map and puzzles and is familiar with south America, Europe and Canada.  he is teaching all of us. 
• he is still in love with Perfection.  on any given day, the very first thing he does is wake up and either gets his state puzzle out or his Perfection game out.  and then proceeds to take all the shapes out and put them back in or assemble the puzzle, disassemble and reassemble.  over and over.  talking to the states and perfection pieces as he goes. one of these prized possessions usually comes with us in the car if we leave. 
• he loves my phone.  particularly watching videos of himself on my phone.  over and over.  often he is watching a video of himself putting the state puzzle together...while he is putting the state puzzle together in real time.  I have become accustomed to hearing my voice being played as background noise all throughout the day and have finally stopped reacting to cries or calls I hear...on video. he also watches you tube videos of states and capitals songs.  most of them are very annoying.  if he isn't watching videos on my phone, he is looking through my camera roll at pictures of himself.  he also loves playing some game on damon's phone that has gangnum style playing in the background.
• he loves the trampoline.  especially if ray and his friends are on it.  he thinks he is "one of the boys" and follows Ray and Nolan and their friends around whenever they're here. 
• he prefers not to wear pants.  we have finally gotten him trained to at least have underwear on
• he still loves letters and is starting to "spell words" by grouping a bunch of random letters together.  "what does E-R-E-T-E-R-E spell?"  almost every word he spells ends with E-R-E.
• he loves macaroni and cheese, smooth yogurt, cheese sticks, marshmallows, bagels with cream cheese, smoothies, chocolate milk (carnation instant breakfast), things presented to him on popsicle sticks, candy, peanut butter, plain slices of bread, pirates booty, strawberries, raspberries, and cold cereal
• he generally prefers Damon over me- unless he's really tired or hurt.
• for the past couple months, he has routinely ended up in our bed around 2 am every night.  I think I allow it because he is my last baby.  he is adorable when he drowsily staggers in every night and crawls into "his spot" and falls right back asleep.  he is a sleep-talker and often recites the alphabet or sings the states/capitals song in his sleep.  it's either that or an argument with Ray that he is dreaming about. 
• he goes through pretty strong phases of what he likes to watch on Netflix.  he is pretty opinionated, but once he's latched onto something he watches it over and over.  currently he is watching the Color Crew, which only has 4 episodes available so that gets pretty annoying for the rest of us.  in the past, he has loved Leapfrog, mickey mouse clubhouse, super why, he is equally picky about what he will NOT watch.  he hates Psych and Frozen (and most other shows) and screams when they are on because they're "scary".  um, ok
• he is pretty easy to negotiate with (unless you're trying to negotiate what you want to watch or listen to) and seems very mature accountable for his age.  he will even put himself in time out when he does something that he shouldn't do
• he loves his royal blue Crocs
• he has an incredible memory 
• his favorite primary songs are If You Chance to Meet a Frown, Popcorn Popping, I am a child of God, and Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes
• he loves books and has several books memorized.  his current favorites are THE MARSHMALLOW INCIDENT, 10 LITTLE MONKEYS, Z IS FOR MOOSE, I WANT MY POTTY
• he is just starting to recognize that a chair is his friend.  it can help him get (almost) anything he wants to reach.  I find chairs pushed all over the kitchen, a sure sign that Madsen has been there.
• he's sassy
• he doesn't like to go to bed and avoids me at bedtime.  he hasn't napped since before he was 2 1/2
• he likes the idea of going places, but he usually asks when we are going to be home not long after we've left
• he loves going to the park.  especially if "all the everybodys" are there.  he loves the swing and going down the slide
• he loves taking baths and can play in the bath (foam states and letters, of course) for hours
• he makes us laugh
• he is polite and is very good about asking for things he wants/needs and thanking me for getting him things.
• he is independent and fairly predictable. 
• he is one of the most loved little people I know.

no, really.
today my kids ate fruity pebbles for dinner
AND
I hooked Elli up for EFY in Hawaii.
seriously.