Westerman's World

 

 

We went to a Bluegrass Festival at church on Sunday night called "Hoedown on the Hill." The shirt Luke is wearing is actually one that Scott wore when he was two! 

Time just keeps flying by! I find myself looking at Luke each day in amazement-- He is just getting SO big! I know that all parents feel that way, and everyone warned us that it would happen, but it is still such an incredible thing to experience. Life just keeps rolling on!

He has no interest in crawling yet! He is content to sit on the floor and play with his toys. His friend Bo, who was born a week later on Feb. 11th, is already crawling all over the place and even pulling up on things. I honestly am in no hurry for Luke to hit this milestone because I realize that my whole world will change when he becomes mobile! He will hit that stage soon enough, and I want to savor the days I have left of him being dependent on me for transportation!

We are making plans now to finally get the bonus room finished out as a playroom for him. It has been wasted, unused space up until now, but I am sure it will become a valuable play area for Luke soon. I can't wait to get it all fixed up for him with toy storage and a huge bookshelf for all of his books and a table and chair set for future craft projects!!! I am such a nerd when it comes to having visions of decorating! I just love it! The one drawback is that once I get the vision, I want it to become a reality ASAP-- I get so excited that I want to start work on all aspects NOW-- I am not very patient about doing things in stages....

The ZOE conference begins in two days! I am SO excited about this year. I have been praying every day and really trying to be mentally and spiritually focused and prepared more than I even have in years past. I have SO much to be thankful for this year and I want to offer that hope and joy to those who are coming to the conference who might not be in the same place. As far as the rest of the group goes, we had the best time of rehearsal and prayer last week. We are having a big prayer time tomorrow night for all of those involved in the ZOE ministry. It should be a truly special time for all of us.

I know I have blogged before about those guys, but I just love them to death! They are truly family to me! I can't imagine singing with a better group of people. When I think about all of the worship leaders who will be here this weekend for the conference who are trying to put their own praise teams together..... it is just an overwhelming thing to ponder. I know that they are bogged down with so many issues that they have to face-- I know that we face many of those same issues at Woodmont and at Otter Creek.... When they look to us-- the ZOE worship team-- as an inspiration and maybe somewhat of a pattern for what they are trying to achieve, it almost seems unfair, because we are SO not typical as far as praise teams go. Meaning-- we have sung together for nine years-- we have traveled together, experienced times of tragedy and loss together, times of answered prayers and joy together.... I just don't know how the average praise team that gets together once a month can capture that sense of "togetherness" and that kind of bond that we have shaped over the years. I guess what I am trying to say, is that we are held up as some type of model, but I don't think that it is very realistic for most churches. I don't think we ever set out to be that "model"-- we just wanted to bring new songs to worship leaders that they could introduce into their churches.... We never envisioned how big the ZOE entity would become. It is still hard to believe how far-reaching the whole thing is at times--- Very humbling. Yet, it is proof of God at work, because we all realize that any success that we have had HAS to be because of His hand at work-- We are aware that ANY good that has occurred is because of and due to Him-- NOT us! It is in spite of us! :) He is good! I can't wait to experience those incredible times of worship and praise this weekend! It is indescribable to be a part of it! Hope to see some of you and maybe even meet some of my fellow bloggers out there! :)

I will close today by saying that I am still trying to figure out how to best serve Him-- how to use the gifts He has given me to His glory.... But, I know He is faithful and that He will guide me to the place He wants me to be-- as a mother, as a wife, and as His servant! Praise be to Him! :)

 

Luke and Mommy! 

Luke's Adventures in Philadelphia 2004. 

We returned late Sunday night from our trip to Philly to visit my sister and her family. We had a GREAT time, and Luke did SO well. They live right downtown, so Scott and I got a hotel room within walking distance. My parents and my youngest sister and husband also went, and we thought getting a room would make things a little less chaotic as far as the sleeping situation went. It turned out nicely, except that Luke had a little bit of trouble staying asleep the first night. The hotel crib was beautiful but a tad to narrow for Luke who wriggles around into all corners as he sleeps-- so he would get trapped and begin to cry. We'd take turns picking him up-- he really wasn't awake-- we'd hold him for a minute or two and lay him back down-- then a few hours later he would get stuck again. He must have figured it out, because he slept soundly the rest of the trip.

We visited all the historical places-- the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, Betsy Ross's home, etc-- and Scott got to take Luke to his first Major League baseball game on Saturday night-- the Phillies vs. Montreal. The weather wasn't all that great-- it turned out cold, rainy, and VERY windy. We decided to take Luke back to the hotel after the fourth inning.

Scott and I have always loved to travel and have done more than our fair share over the past twelve years. It is such a different experience now that Luke is able to travel with us. He is such a great baby and so easy-going, but it still adds a little more effort and planning when we travel now, obviously... Do we have enough diapers, clothes, baby food....?! We both can't wait to take him all over the world to experience the things that we have loved seeing. We have so many things to look forward to as a family!

Luke also started getting one of his top front teeth in on the trip! He got his first tooth in St. Louis-- now his top tooth in Philly! We can tell that he is not quite himself when he is teething, but he is still such a good baby in spite of it.

We are SO blessed to have such a great family and to be able to vacation together! I am so thankful that Scott is such a great dad and husband and that he is so good with taking care of Luke.

I have re-read my last posting several times. It is nice to be able to reflect on your thoughts and to discover that perhaps things never are as distressing and hopeless as you sometimes make them out to be.... It also allows me to ponder on the promises of God: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph. 2:8-10) He has His own plans lined up just for me! I have to believe and to trust that, and also to realize that He is already using me in ways that I might not even be able to see.

I heard a GREAT message today at church. My preacher is Rubel Shelly, and I think he is the BEST! I feel so blessed to be able to sit at his feet each week. He and John York-- another of our incredible preacher/teachers at Woodmont-- have started a study of Isaiah. It has been wonderful so far, and today's message was so relevant to me. You can read or listen to the whole
sermon at http://www.rubelshelly.com/content.asp?CID=18551. Today's text was from Isaiah chapter 5.

The highlight for me was the whole concept of God as the vineyard planter and gardener. He has prepared the soil, provided sun, rain, and created the perfect environment for our growth, but how do we so often respond?! When He returns to see what harvest His vineyard has produced, He finds not ripe grapes, but instead, rotting raisins! Isaiah is lamenting over the state of God's chosen people, Israel, 8 centuries before Christ... But it is SO true about us today, too.

He has blessed us in every way, and He expects a "harvest." Yet, we typically decide to choose to be our own gardeners-- we strangle ourselves as a result of our selfish sin and produce no fruit.

The concept of producing "good fruit" hits me because I think that is what my last blog somewhat addressed-- my frustration over not recognizing the "grapevine" that God wants me to be-- What type of grape am I?-- When will I start producing? It is really a silly thing to question the One who has planted you... In Isaiah it is even more convicting and even sinful:



It is not my job to question the Vineyard owner. It is my job to strive each day to produce the righteous fruit that He has planned for me to do since before eternity began. That is such an overwhelming proposition that I can't even begin to get my tiny little mind around it!

So, I think I will be content, sitting in my little plot of freshly tilled soil. I will let His cleansing rain pour over me. I will soak in the rays of His Son. And, maybe, if I am still, and willing to let Him prune and train me, I will begin to produce the exact harvest He is looking for. Please, Lord!

Luke and his Mom-- a comparison. 

Luke at six months-- August 2004. 

I have been so spiritually restless lately.... in the sense that I feel like there is something that I should be doing, but I just don't know what it is. I am suffering from the "faith-without-works-is-dead" fever. I am fully aware that God doesn't need me in order to accomplish anything in this world, but I desperately hope that He wants me to help in some way. Every time I bring this up with people they look at me like I am crazy. Evidently being a stay-at-home mom is ministry enough. I agree that my most important job right now is to take care of and to nurture Luke and to be a good homemaker, but.... there has to be a bigger spiritual calling on my life, isn't there?

However, I can't find any Biblical evidence to support this theory. To my knowledge, nowhere in scripture is there an example of someone coming up with his/her own plan of how best to serve God. For example, Moses was not out in the pasture with his sheep wondering, "What oh what can I do to further the will of God along today?!" He was just taking care of the sheep. Instead, God came to him and used a burning bush to get his attention. It took a great deal of persuading as well.

I have been in Bible studies that challenged me on this.... It is my responsibility to be faithful to God in the small, day-to-day tasks that comprise the Christian walk, so to speak-- Then, when He presents bigger opportunities for service, my only responsibility is to respond. It is my choice to participate or "spectate". It is not my job to come up with the master plan-- I must simply be still and wait upon the Lord to move.

But, what if He doesn't? Are all of us called to be a Moses, Abraham, Joseph, Paul, etc. in our lifetimes, or are most of us going to lead simple, quiet Christian lives that only impact those immediately in our paths? So, is living a simple "say Hi to your neighbor and invite them to church" routine what God has called the rest of us to do?

The worst part of all of this is probably the fact that in my heart I realize that I am nowhere near prepared enough or even ready to be a Moses in Pharaoh's face, or an Abraham who was ready to give up all he had to follow God to an unknown land. Maybe that is why I am anxious and restless-- because I am not satisfied with where I am spiritually-- not satisfied with the quality of my relationship with God.

I have also always thought that perhaps I have the "Rich Man and Lazarus" complex (Luke 16:19). Each day the rich man walked by Lazarus without a second thought. Lazarus only wanted the crumbs that fell off his table, but the rich man had no time or pity for him. Perhaps I am just as blind as the rich man.... Maybe God is presenting me with "Lazarus moments" each day that I am blindly walking by without a second thought. Maybe even my "crumbs" would please God if I were to recognize they were needed and share them.

Also, now that I stay home and I am no longer in the workplace, I feel like I don't have the ministering opportunities I used to have. I am somewhat isolated. The people who live around me are Christians. I assume the women I run into at the Y each day are Christian-- Hasn't everyone in Nashville heard the gospel by now? It is the buckle of the Bible belt, isn't it? So, who do I share Jesus with and how? I have been on missionary trips. It always struck me as odd that I would travel so far away from my day-to-day life just to share Jesus when I am sure that there are those in Nashville who need to hear the same things, but I am so pathetic here in my own backyard! So blind to all the Lazaruses around me.

So, I am not sure what God wants from me in the bigger sense beyond following His Son and accepting His grace. I want to be obedient to Him and to live my life like Jesus. He is going to have to open up my eyes to the things He needs me to do. For now, I need to focus more on my relationship with Him-- more time in study, thought, and prayer. More time listening instead of worrying about "doing".... Maybe, in doing this, I just might find a cure for my blindness.

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Lord, I surrender these anxious feelings to You. Take away my need to control spiritual things-- to have some type of program that will bring me and others closer to You. I acknowledge that You alone can make and implement plans, and that all my attempts are worthless if You are not the motivating force behind them. Father, work on my heart so that I will be ready to join You in Your work, whenever-- and however-- You call. Amen.

Luke in his "big boy" overalls.

Luke is 7 months-old!

Luke and Pa Bob on the tractor.

Luke turned 7 months-old on Friday! It is CRAZY that he is already that old!!! Where is the time going?! He is sitting alone like a pro-- with only the occasional collapse. He has a head full of baby fluff that is a people magnet! People just can't avoid commenting on his silky spikes and how cute he looks! He is still a great sleeper and napper and eater. His personality gets more and more defined each day.

We had a great Labor Day weekend with my parents-- very relaxing! It is so fun to watch them with Luke and to see him react/respond to them. It still amazes me that my mom spent an entire month with us when he first arrived! We never would have made it without her....

Daddy took Luke on his first tractor ride (a grandkid ritual now)-- complete with protective ear wear! Luke just stared with his big eyes and didn't even flinch. I'm not sure which one of them enjoyed it more!

Mom and Dad also had fun "showing him off" to everyone at church. They call him "Mr. Westerman" because he has always been such a big boy. He started getting a little fussy when the actual church service rolled around-- it was his naptime. So Mom took him back to the nursery. She had a great time with him although he never did go to sleep. He just laughed and played.

Both Mom and Dad constantly remark about what a good boy he is and how good-natured he is... and I won't argue with them! I think he is pretty great myself!

Luke is one blessed kid to grow up with SO many people who love him to death- from wonderful grandparents, to amazing Aunts and Uncles and cousins-- He just couldn't be more cared for....

I don't think Scott and I have truly come to realize how blessed we are to have such a supportive family when it comes to Luke since we haven't really started to take advantage of the babysitting pool yet. We have tended to take him with us everywhere instead of leaving him. This mainly had to do with the whole nursing component, but now that he eats real food and will take a bottle, that isn't really an issue anymore. We just like being with him and sharing the experience with him.

Lately we have decided that we need to start doing the "date night" thing at least once a week-- this all goes back to trying to focus on our marriage and keeping the relationship good between the two of us. Plus, we have people on all sides lining up wanting their turn to keep him-- what a great problem to have!

I can remember leaving Luke for the first time on Valentine's Day-- he was only 11 days old, but my Mom and Dad were staying with us, and I really was happy to be getting out of the house. I was still recovering from the traumatic delivery, c-section, blood loss, and anemia-- but I really had no idea at the time just how much I was still impacted by all of it. In fact, it took me months before I could really get enough distance to see how mentally and emotionally off I was during that time. Anyway- I remember pulling out of the driveway with Scott that night and feeling so odd. Just 2 weeks before we were driving around in our pre-parental state without a care in the world! Now we had a beautiful baby boy that we had no clue what to do with and TONS of responsibility. I told him that I felt like our lives would never be the same and how there was a part of me that wished it was still the two of us. I was terrified that we would lose that special bond that we had together because we would become more focused on Luke than each other. I can admit now that for a few fleeting moments, I didn't want to return home! I wanted life to go back to the way it had been for the past 12 years of our relationship! That didn't last long-- and obviously, I now realize that we are the most blessed people in the world to have such an incredible boy! But, it is still funny to think back to those days that almost seemed to blur by-- those days of fear and lack of sleep and tears and exhaustion and stress and anxiety.... We learned so much about each other and about ourselves during those first months-- We are still learning. What a difference a few weeks and months make!

Today I put Luke in his first real pair of overalls, and I just couldn't believe it! He was no longer my baby, but truly my little boy! He has just grown up right in front of me-- yet, it has happened so subtly from day-to-day that I can hardly even see that it has happened until I look at some photos or the moment just strikes me like it did today when I plopped him down on the couch in those overalls. Everyone told us that we should treasure each second because it goes by so quickly. I even find myself telling new moms-to-be the same thing now-- knowing that there is NO way they can even begin to imagine how true it is until they experience it for themselves. We couldn't, but it is so heart-breakingly true!

They also told us each stage gets better and better and that each stage has its own rewards and upsides-- we are learning this, too. He just continues to amaze and delight us in ways we never imagined! What a fun six months we just finished up! I look forward to each new milestone and memory that lies ahead of us!

When the next Valentine's Day rolls around, I'm sure I will think back to so many of these days and smile. We will drop off our one year-old at some lucky relative's home, and Scott and I will go out and celebrate what a wonderful year 2004 was for us!

I think I have become somewhat of an eBay addict! It all started out innocently enough... my goal was to find fall clothes for Luke. There are just so many great deals out there! Brand new things with the tags still on! And I can just envision him in all those cute outfits! Plus, he really does need some fall things.

I have used eBay quite regularly in the past-- I have bought computer software, books, tennis shoes, etc.-- But, I have never spent as much time surfing through the listed goods as I have looking for Luke!

My favorite play clothes for him are from Gymboree, and there are so many of the discontinued lines out on eBay for pretty good prices. I am a tad competitive, too. I have my own personal strategies for winning the auctions. First, NEVER bid on an item to start off-- especially if it has more than 5 minutes left before it ends. Why? Because if you bid on something you are telling everyone out in eBay land that you are interested in buying that particular item. The goal is to sneak in during the last few seconds out of nowhere and place your bid. Then it is too late for anyone else to one up you on the price. They had no idea that anyone else was even paying attention to the item, and they have more than likely let down their guard!! You also must have two screens up-- one with the item, current bid, and time left-- and one with your bid amount all ready to go, so all you have to do is click submit as time runs out. It works 98% of the time. The only wrench that might get thrown into the equation is if someone has submitted a maximum bid that is higher than the bid you entered-- it takes some time to decide if you are willing to pay more and to re-enter bids until you surpass their maximum. Since this is always a possible scenario, I usually place my bid when there is about 1 minute left on the item. This gives me time to re-bid if necessary.

Perhaps I should not have shared this invaluable information with the masses-- it could possibly hurt my chances on some future auction! :) All of you with seven month-old boys in need of fall frocks beware!

Seriously, what a crazy world we live in today! Luke will never know what it is like to be in a computerless world. I can remember the first time I used a computer... I was in an after-school "gifted and talented" program (not a very PC title these days!) and we spent an entire afternoon typing in several pages of "code" just so that if we had done it exactly correct, our name would scroll across the screen repeatedly in many vertical rows! Talk about practical application...

Luke will never know a world without e-mail and internet and DVD players in the backseat of the car. Cell phones with cameras and text messaging and e-mail and who knows what else will be standard fare for his generation. They probably won't even resemble phones as we know them now-- maybe some little micro chip implanted into a wrist band or attached to your ear!!!

When I was in high school, I read a book by Alvin Tofler entitled "Future Shock." His premise was that one day a generation will wake up to find that technology has escalated at such a fast pace that it can no longer keep up-- it will be similar to being dropped down into some third-world country and experiencing culture shock-- not knowing the language, the customs, the diet, etc. It will be "future shock." He explains that our civilization has advanced more in the last 100 years technology-wise than in the rest of all previous civilizations combined. I am sure he would be a fan of the Matrix.
I always believed that the Matrix was a great movie for Christians in the sense that it vividly paints a version of the reality and challenge we face each day we wake up here on earth. Work with me here.... Each day we live in a world that we believe is "real"-- We put our trust, our hopes and dreams firmly on the reality of our "here and now." We all need to take the "red pill" and remove ourselves from the falsely-created present, realizing that this world is only temporary-- no matter how real Satan wants us to believe it is. Our real lives will begin in a sense when we see God and join Him in eternity-- that is why each decision we make here is so important. We need to live each day here with that day in mind.

Taking the red pill is a risk-- it means our eyes our opened to the truth, and that can be a painful revelation... showing us our sin and complacency. It also starts us on a long path of questions with the new knowledge that ignorance really was bliss. It is easier to float along with the "blue pill" world each day, never thinking about how completely consumed we are with the temporary things it offers. One can keep this line of thinking and pondering going forever and ever-- so, I will leave the rest of the analysis and pursuit of this equation for another day!

By the way-- a thought: Isn't the country divided now into "red states" and "blue states"? Those who recognize truth and have a sense of reality and those who live in a dream world of oblivion?! Was Hollywood aware of the statement it was subconsciously making?! Go "W"! Sorry-- I just couldn't resist!!!

Luke is sleeping. His reality now is so simple and innocent-- eat, sleep, play, laugh. He is not corrupted in anyway by anything. All of his motives are pure and/or instinctual. He trusts me completely and doesn't have the capacity to think and reason on his own yet. Maybe that is why Jesus said we should all become as children in order to fully understand the kingdom of God....

My Prince Charmings-- Scott and Luke in front of our home.