anchor-hold

and so i finally succumbed to the dark side and got myself an ipod.yes, aisa,i am a guilt-ridden, happily-broke bandwagon-jumper. although any feelings of doubt or self-reproach vanishes immediately when i think of the long commute spanning home and work.besides, i deserve it.i've been working way too hard and gluck(yes, i named my ipod) is my prize.
at the same time i was in the store, derek ramsey was also there, shopping for a g4.the salesmen downloading songs to my ipod kept glancing in his direction, muttering "nandyan yung boss ni kris." at first, i thought they were referring to one of abs-cbn's top honchos or to joey marquez but one of them said, "yung driver niya lang si kris."ah, the san miguel commercial where kris felt she was anjelina jolie and uma thurman all in one body.buti na lang nga talaga, nag-iisa ka kris.i don't know what the world would come to if there were more of you.

*****
i learned the other day that my friends, mickey and minnie (no, these are not their real names) are finally engaged. they met on a blind date and more than a year later, they've pledged to be bound to each other for life.what do you know, blind dates do work.
when i called up my friend mickey to congratulate him, he sounded distant and not at all his usual welcoming self.later on, when he learned it was me, he warmed up and acted more like how i knew him - talking nonstop and kidding me endlessly."akala ko kasi, ikaw yung ex ko."haha.
for a brief moment, i had a vision of myself frantically interrupting a wedding. i have yet to be in a wedding though where someone actually stands up during that part when the priests asks if there was anyone against the couple joining in marriage.would they really stop the rites if someone did stand up?

*****
some friends and i are planning to watch once on this island this friday in rcbc plaza. the first sentence of the reviews reads..."once upon a time, a girl dared to fall in love with a boy she could not have."
don't we all?i might as well take a quick stock of my life right now and not miss anything in the play.do i really have to watch what is but a theatrified rendition of my life story?

i had a conference call this afternoon with some of my colleagues from europe.the meeting was going along fine when our dog started barking like mad.my tita shushed him to make him stop whining.we're using the standard issue pldt phones at home so there was no way i can mute from my side so they won't hear what's going on.on the other end of the line, i heard one of the french guys say, "who let the dogs out?".that got everybody laughing while i apologized profusely for the interruption.
and just when everybody was saying their goodbyes, i heaved a sigh of relief because the meeting was over and there were no further canine performances.just when i thought that was all they heard, the french guy says, "meow-meow, goodbye."
i was even more embarrassed because i thought they didn't hear my cats meowing in the background because they were too discrete to be heard.apparently, i was wrong because when i talked to one of my pinoy colleagues who was also in the meeting, he said that aside from the dogs and cats, they could also hear a woman (my tita) shushing the dog.
oi.i will never again take conference calls at home.

*****

the funny french guy, we call him f(short for francois because he says some people mispronounce his name and also because there are two other girls at work with similar names like frances and francoise) knows a bit of tagalong words which he occasionally uses during our conversations. and i'm not talking about the formal tagalong phrases you find in those learn tagalong and tagalong in 30 days books. he actually knows a bit of colloquial tagalog like, "hanep, pare" or "astig." he probably also knows some cuss words and funny salutations like "kumusta na, pogi?"
there's also this japanese call center operator that i get to talk to sometimes via the office im and i was surprised when her sentences ended with a "po". at first, i thought she also knew how to speak tagalog and was about to talk to her in tagalog. but after a while i realized that that was the only word she knew which she suffixed in her sentences. so desu ka.

*****

one of the amusing things about working with people from other countries is hearing some weird-sounding and unusual names. so far, the most unusual names i've encountered, based on length and the combination and arrangement of letters are the thais. how would you like to greet someone with a name like warunee phaninthararak or taweesilpa pengprecha. so to make it easier, they "westernize" their names. but it's still weird because you wonder how john or mark can be the western equivalent for such names. the people from latin america have long surnames, usually a combination of two surnames like hernandezarreola or cordovaechevarria. on the other hand, our counterparts from chinese countries have the shortest family names - wu, dy, ng.
a few other mention-worthy names are chukwuma ahuchogu (do you have visions of an african chief with a voodoo-priest-like headdress?) and erni erni (yes, that's her first and last name).for all i know, someone somewhere in the globe is also making fun of my name too.

one of the downside of working the night shift(aside from a disrupted body clock and an interrupted social life) is missing out on an officemate's birthday treat. for some people, it's no big deal, but for me, free food may not be a life-changing event but it is edible (an dhopefully, delicious)and more importantly, it costs nothing.
pitying our night-shift bound state, most of my teammates would usually leave a box of pizza and a gallon of ice cream in the refrigerator.and in all those times that someone leaves food for us in the refrigerator, the food mysteriously disappears. it was funny at first, especially hearing my other teammates talk about how they also "stole" food from the ref that was intended for another team.one of them even shoved half a slice of pizza to hide the deed. it's funny the first time.so we learn our lessons and start labeling our food.previously, one of us had a barbecue, left it in the ref with his name on the label.the next day, the stick, styrofoam container and even the label were still there.the barbecue was not. the second time our food was missing, it was a little less amusing, especially if this time, there were two cans of ice cream.this time, it was just annoying.so when i went to the pantry, i made a big fuss of looking for the ice cream and making comments in a loud voice hoping the culprits/suspects (a.k.a. the other group) would hear.
one of my teammate says, it's no big deal, it's just ice cream, we can buy them ourselves.i told him that wasn't the point.the point is, it's not right to take what's not yours(isn't this one of those things you're supposed to learn in kindergarten?).besides, this isn't the first time this happened and stealing is stealing no matter how small the item you take.well, at least they were decent enough to hide the empty ice cream containers because when we peeked at the trash, it was already empty.
*****
i have been gastronomically deprived since saturday.well, aside from meals at home, the rest of the food that i've had during the past few days is a disappointment.last saturday, i was looking forward to our lunch buffet in dive and trek so when we made a stop-over in dencio's in tagaytay, i only ordered a scoop of ice cream with four pieces of turon because i had a vision of a table full of delicious food.
when we got there, i was half-right.there was a table, there was food, but it was debatable if it was delicious and it definitely did not fill the table.there were only four viands,all of which have gone cold.the combination was unusual - pinakbet, sinigang na taho, inihaw na tilapia and fried chicken.even the banana tasted like paper.
for dinner, we went to sanctuario in tagaytay.the interiors of the place was impressive.everything else wasn't.when we got there at 8, we were told our food would arrive in 35 minutes.we started eating after two hours.well, most of us.apparently, the waiters missed taking one of our orders.the dish we ordered which was supposedly their specialty (you'd think we should've taken a hint with pasta bulalo) was like the banana i had for lunch - bland, bland, bland.
being hungry makes me cross and whiny.wouldn't you be, if you're only 86.2 lbs?so if anyone wants to save me from malnourishment and underweight-ness(if there is such a word), i will not say no a free meal.instead, i will love you for the rest of my life(or at least as long as i can taste the food):)

in the interest of self-preservation, i'd rather not say anything and pretend not to be affected at all than to speak up and make myself vulnerable.that was the plan.so even when i was upset, i continue flashing that bright smile and coughing up some hollow laugh. then, i'd sulk and be cross in my head.i swear, one of these days, it's going to drive me to the edge of sanity and straight to the loony bin all for pride.
take my case right now for instance.i've been upset over the past few weeks because i feel i'm being neglected and ignored.add to my frustration the fact that there are other scene-stealers who get in the way with all this flashy but shallow theatrics, putting all my efforts to waste.and i am too tired and too ma-pride to try to keep up with them.after all, i always tell myself, we get what we deserve in the end.you think i'd know better after all this time that i shouldn't expect anything to be fair, at least not as far as i am concerned. sorry for the whining and the riddles, i will stop now.
one of my major, profound, philosophical and a bit egoistical life questions was, why me? whenever i'd have these bad days where i get caught in the rain or stuck in the mrt, i always feel that it's some sort of personal attack against me or a karmic retribution for an past misdeed or a future good fortune.in time, i've gone from active resistance to passive acceptance, but not without feeling resentful and asking that all-important question, why me?
it was only during the pope's death and seeing how such a good and upright man suffered so much that i understood that it wasn't about me.bad things happen to good people inasmuch as good things still happen to bad people.of course, more good things keep happening to good and already happy people.but that's another story altogether.the point is, it all makes sense, maybe not to us, or in the way we want it to, but it does to Someone else and sooner or later, we'll catch up.
so i am writing this down to remind myself, it isn't about me and that no, the universe isn't ganging up on me.it's just one bad day among a hundred other better days.and i think either i've achieved self-regeneration or i've just exhibited yet another case of manic-depression.that is why, talking in your head can do you no good.i've got to stop.