Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Friday, August 21, 2015
Local Cub Scout sign
I am in love with how this turned out.
It didn't go 100% according to plan, but since it was a
quick project I am okay with that.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Blessed
Over the last couple years I have increasingly noticed how blessed I've been. Sure, life is rough, but there have also been a lot of amazing blessings in my life.
I thought this, again, the other day when I realized that we were meant to be in Lander. How often do you run into someone who is so incredibly kind as to volunteer, un-asked, to let you use their large unfinished walk-out basement as a studio, free of charge? Then to ask you if they could commission you to do some artwork for their home, as they wanted to start collecting art, but couldn't afford the $60,000 price tag at Jackson Hole... and to give you complete creative freedom on what to paint...! Then to come down every so often just to chat, and even ask if you would like it if they painted the walls to make it more friendly and inviting (I laughed and assured here the walls were just fine as they were). This woman is such an incredibly sweet women, I told Ryan that I'm pretty sure she is pretty near perfect.
I am painting some signs for her to use in cub scouts; I figure it is a fair trade for letting me use her basement. Plus, it gives me the chance to practice. I am pretty sure she was expecting a simple poster, but instead i'm making it look as if it is a post industrial wood cut printing press type sign. whew, that's a mouth full to say, lol. I want it to look nostalgic. It is still in progress, but I'm loving how it is going. I wish I could plan things out in detail before doing them, but I've found that when I try that I never get anything done. So instead, I've learned that I learn best by trial and error. Thus the sign is evolving as I figure it out.
When I went to buy some paint today, I heard a lady complaining behind the counter about how she couldn't wait until her work day was done. It wasn't even 10:00 AM yet. Again I realized how blessed I am to be able to go do something I love so much that instead of watching the clock all day to see when I can quit, I have to keep watching the clock to make sure I don't forget to go do the other things I need to do. Being passionate is a blessing.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Sunny Day
I have been struggling. It has been emotionally draining and crippling. After months of trying out ADHD meds with only terrible side effects to show for it, I finally called it quits and asked the doctor for a prescription for anti-depressants. It took about a week for the medicine to kick in, but today was the first day of waking up without that heavy weight of anxiety and depression holding me down. I didn't go back to sleep for several hours after exercising with Ryan (which is what I have been doing for several weeks now. some days I even spent the entire day in bed). Instead, after my shower I got dressed and weeded the garden, and then spent about an hour sitting out in the sun reading from a parenting book I bought for a class in college. I love this book and highly reccomend it. http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Basic-Principles-Good-Parenting/dp/0743251164/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436813811&sr=1-1&keywords=10+basic+principles+of+good+parenting
It is scary how much mental illness destroys people, and it is sad how much negative stigma is attached. I have known for years that I have a genetic predisposition to depression and other mental illness--simply by observing my family and ancestry. However, it is still hard to recognize the need for medicine, because at least for me the depression comes and goes, at least in intensity. Plus, I still struggle with sadness and fear of failure issues when on meds because I feel so strongly about things, but it is not as crippling and overwhelming when I am on the medicine. This time around, though, I was just tired of having to deal with the overwhelming anxiety and sadness and said I'm done, I don't care if I have to take a medication for the rest of my life, it would be worth it to not feel like that. Here is a good article that describes one of the hard things that comes with depression: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2015/07/depression-i-cant-make-a-decision-everything-feels-wrong/ It is also so very frustrating to have dreams and goals, but struggle attaining them because of medical issues that hold you back. I want to paint and create, but I can't focus. I sit staring at the canvasses and the table and the drawing supplies... and I don't know what to do, where to start, etc. And when I finally force myself to do SOMETHING, it is the hardest thing to focus on what I am painting and I feel I waste so much time and supplies... http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/living/this-is-what-living-with-adhd-is-actually-like-for-some-people/vi-AAddVro?ocid=mailsignout
I have also started to realize the freedom of age and time. I have lost a great deal of my fear of what people think. It is liberating. If you think that I'm lazy because my house isn't immaculate, I don't care. If it bothers you that I'm super forgetful or easily distracted... I really do not care. I know that I'm not lazy, and I know how hard I work, so that is all that matters. As I said, it is liberating. I am free to be me, and to be awesome at it.
It is scary how much mental illness destroys people, and it is sad how much negative stigma is attached. I have known for years that I have a genetic predisposition to depression and other mental illness--simply by observing my family and ancestry. However, it is still hard to recognize the need for medicine, because at least for me the depression comes and goes, at least in intensity. Plus, I still struggle with sadness and fear of failure issues when on meds because I feel so strongly about things, but it is not as crippling and overwhelming when I am on the medicine. This time around, though, I was just tired of having to deal with the overwhelming anxiety and sadness and said I'm done, I don't care if I have to take a medication for the rest of my life, it would be worth it to not feel like that. Here is a good article that describes one of the hard things that comes with depression: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2015/07/depression-i-cant-make-a-decision-everything-feels-wrong/ It is also so very frustrating to have dreams and goals, but struggle attaining them because of medical issues that hold you back. I want to paint and create, but I can't focus. I sit staring at the canvasses and the table and the drawing supplies... and I don't know what to do, where to start, etc. And when I finally force myself to do SOMETHING, it is the hardest thing to focus on what I am painting and I feel I waste so much time and supplies... http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/living/this-is-what-living-with-adhd-is-actually-like-for-some-people/vi-AAddVro?ocid=mailsignout
I have also started to realize the freedom of age and time. I have lost a great deal of my fear of what people think. It is liberating. If you think that I'm lazy because my house isn't immaculate, I don't care. If it bothers you that I'm super forgetful or easily distracted... I really do not care. I know that I'm not lazy, and I know how hard I work, so that is all that matters. As I said, it is liberating. I am free to be me, and to be awesome at it.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Charlie's wedding
I love my siblings, especially the older we get. Childhood pain is left behind more and more, and I find that we can simply enjoy each other now. Everyone was able to come except Stephanie, Robert, and Laura.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The evolution of my cooking skills
Doesn't this look so amazingly delicious?
I think it is kind of funny to look back at how my cooking has evolved over the years. When it was just me, back in college, I'll admit that I really didn't eat very well. It would typically be a one item menu such as spaghetti, or even just sauteed veggies. Actually, it was just popcorn or cereal more often then anything else. There was a reason I was so tiny, and honestly it wasn't the great metabolism that my sister Stephanie insists I had.
When I got married I was that typical spouse who wants to impress the other one with their cooking skills... this resulted in lots of fattening casserole type dishes. Picture the majority of the recipes you see floating around on Pinterest, and that basically sums up my cooking early on in our marriage.
After having Ethan I decided to start eating healthier, and so I stopped cooking with many of the ingredients necessary for those beautiful Pinterest meals. Today it is so rare that I will use cream of chicken soup, because I can't get past how unhealthy it is. Plus, those meals typically take more time then I want to put into them.
I've gotten into this push to simplify, and I love the meals that are so simple that it takes moments to prepare because most of it is fresh. Like the tacos above, all they are is left over shredded pork with a tiny bit of green chili enchilada sauce mixed in, Monterrey Jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, and corn tortilla. Violet was unimpressed and wouldn't eat them, though she picked out the tomato and ate that. Ryan hates corn tortillas and tomatoes so he made his own with flour tortillas, re-fried beans, and a lot of cheddar cheese. Ethan liked the ones I made. I love them. I figure if I keep making these types of meals, maybe my family will eventually get used to them instead of pining after heavy pasta dishes... we can hope right? :)
Friday, May 1, 2015
Not so helpful
I am attempting to get organized in my home, and I am completely at a loss as to what to do. So, I start looking up articles on organization and ADHD (Because organization is a whole different monster to someone who has ADHD, like I do), and I come across this piece of advice:
5. Use a "body double."
This is a friend or family member who sits with you as you tackle mundane chores, like balancing a checkbook, filling out a job application, or reviewing financial statements. Your body double will create a productive atmosphere by sitting quietly and doing an unobtrusive task, like affixing stamps to envelopes or clipping recipes from a magazine.
RIIIIIGHT..... so.... where does one find these "body doubles"? can you buy them at the store? Rent them from the library? I have not succeeded in convincing any of my siblings to move to Wyoming and rent the place next door, though I admit that I have possibly pleaded and begged...
Oh, and the part about "Your body double will create a productive atmosphere by sitting quietly and doing an unobtrusive task..." Do these people have any idea of who this advice is for?!! sit quietly?!! seriously?!! That's not gonna happen, if there were ever such a beautiful scenario to occur where I actually had someone to hang out with and make my tasks less boring, I guarantee we would not be sitting in silence. I am quite certain that is impossible for me... and every other person I have ever met who has ADHD :)
5. Use a "body double."
This is a friend or family member who sits with you as you tackle mundane chores, like balancing a checkbook, filling out a job application, or reviewing financial statements. Your body double will create a productive atmosphere by sitting quietly and doing an unobtrusive task, like affixing stamps to envelopes or clipping recipes from a magazine.
RIIIIIGHT..... so.... where does one find these "body doubles"? can you buy them at the store? Rent them from the library? I have not succeeded in convincing any of my siblings to move to Wyoming and rent the place next door, though I admit that I have possibly pleaded and begged...
Oh, and the part about "Your body double will create a productive atmosphere by sitting quietly and doing an unobtrusive task..." Do these people have any idea of who this advice is for?!! sit quietly?!! seriously?!! That's not gonna happen, if there were ever such a beautiful scenario to occur where I actually had someone to hang out with and make my tasks less boring, I guarantee we would not be sitting in silence. I am quite certain that is impossible for me... and every other person I have ever met who has ADHD :)
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