I have been struggling. It has been emotionally draining and crippling. After months of trying out ADHD meds with only terrible side effects to show for it, I finally called it quits and asked the doctor for a prescription for anti-depressants. It took about a week for the medicine to kick in, but today was the first day of waking up without that heavy weight of anxiety and depression holding me down. I didn't go back to sleep for several hours after exercising with Ryan (which is what I have been doing for several weeks now. some days I even spent the entire day in bed). Instead, after my shower I got dressed and weeded the garden, and then spent about an hour sitting out in the sun reading from a parenting book I bought for a class in college. I love this book and highly reccomend it. http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Basic-Principles-Good-Parenting/dp/0743251164/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436813811&sr=1-1&keywords=10+basic+principles+of+good+parenting
It is scary how much mental illness destroys people, and it is sad how much negative stigma is attached. I have known for years that I have a genetic predisposition to depression and other mental illness--simply by observing my family and ancestry. However, it is still hard to recognize the need for medicine, because at least for me the depression comes and goes, at least in intensity. Plus, I still struggle with sadness and fear of failure issues when on meds because I feel so strongly about things, but it is not as crippling and overwhelming when I am on the medicine. This time around, though, I was just tired of having to deal with the overwhelming anxiety and sadness and said I'm done, I don't care if I have to take a medication for the rest of my life, it would be worth it to not feel like that. Here is a good article that describes one of the hard things that comes with depression: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2015/07/depression-i-cant-make-a-decision-everything-feels-wrong/ It is also so very frustrating to have dreams and goals, but struggle attaining them because of medical issues that hold you back. I want to paint and create, but I can't focus. I sit staring at the canvasses and the table and the drawing supplies... and I don't know what to do, where to start, etc. And when I finally force myself to do SOMETHING, it is the hardest thing to focus on what I am painting and I feel I waste so much time and supplies... http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/living/this-is-what-living-with-adhd-is-actually-like-for-some-people/vi-AAddVro?ocid=mailsignout
I have also started to realize the freedom of age and time. I have lost a great deal of my fear of what people think. It is liberating. If you think that I'm lazy because my house isn't immaculate, I don't care. If it bothers you that I'm super forgetful or easily distracted... I really do not care. I know that I'm not lazy, and I know how hard I work, so that is all that matters. As I said, it is liberating. I am free to be me, and to be awesome at it.
