Healthy & Happy, Hardy's

Riley had his Science fair today at school and he did and awesome job. It was so much fun helping him and watching him figure every thing out. He is such a great kid!

Kyli and Abbey are still doing dance and are now getting ready for the spring recital. They both are so wonderful and great!

I truly have the best kids ever!

The Grinch or Scrooge has infected most of us and we had a lot of grumps (including me) putting up the Christmas tree and decorating. I finally had to say, only happy people get presents, I guess no presents for me! LOL! I am glad we spent time as a family doing something together, time is slipping by so very quickly. I can't believe how grown up the kids are and how short a time we have left with them in the house. My goal is to love them and spend time with them, as much as possible. Spending time as a family is precious and our number one goal. Hopefully, we can talk our kids into it more.

My old facebook account was hacked into, so now I have two accounts!

The kids are all doing very well in school. The girls are in dance companies and are busy Tuesday's and Thursday's dancing and getting ready for the festival of trees. They will be performing on December 4th. Riley is bored most of the time and complains that he has nothing to do.

Jon is busy with work. I am busy trying to keep the house clean, so we can sell it and I am looking for a job. I would like to clean houses, since I am very confidant about my cleaning skills and know that I would do a great job and I could have a flexible schedule. I now need to learn how to market myself and get clients. We down sized our cars; Jon traded his truck in for a Honda civic that runs on natural gas and I traded my beautiful Seqouia in for an Acura MDX. Trying to find some calm, within the storm of change. Wish me luck!

My facebook account has been disabled and I am at a loss as to why, we are looking into it.

This year has been the hardest year of my life! I have been devastated many times and didn't deal well with it, so I had to take a really hard look at myself and be brutal about the things I don't like and want to change. Unfortunately, I have to look at why I am the way I am, so that I can change negative feelings/perceptions in order to change the things I don't like. I feel you have to know the why, in order to change the what. I now know the why's and am working on diffusing and changing the negative feelings that came with the why. Everyone makes mistakes that affect other people for the positive or the negative, that is not placing blame, just stating a truth. I know that I have hurt many people with many of my weaknesses and I not only want to change my weaknesses, but take responsibility for them and for the hurt I caused. I have thought that I have apologized many times for causing pain to others but find no one can ever say sorry enough when real trauma has occurred. So to those who I have caused trauma and pain, I AM SO VERY SORRY! I am in trauma and am fighting to not respond with my trauma response. If any of you have ever sought out assistance from a professional, you may know what that is, if you haven't, it is what happens when there is a traumatic event that occurs and traumatizes you and you now suffer with post traumatic stress disorder and when something triggers a trauma feeling, you respond in a trauma response..

This is from my favorite book, "The Little Soul and the Sun"

And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible.

And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness--and especially if it brought sadness--the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

"Always remember," God had smiled, "I have sent you nothing but Angels."


I try to always remember that to be forgiven, I should always forgive, and even though it isn't always easy or quick, it is possible and that I should take baby steps, in the direction of forgiveness and healing. No one is perfect, especially me, and if I take my steps, eventually, I will have complete forgiveness for others and myself and a whole heart full of love, patience, compassion and especially forgiveness. Life is a journey worth enjoying!

"Now that I look back, it seems to me that in all that deep darkness a miracle was preparing. So I am right to remember it as a blessed time, and myself as waiting in confidence, even if I had no idea what i was waiting for."


— Marilynne Robinson

I believe to truly be loving we need to have our hearts open and never judge the hearts of others by what they have said, they may have tried to say something entirely different than what was perceived by others. I believe hate is spread by those who misunderstand and judge, then criticize and crucify. I hope and pray that I will be able to be more loving and less judgmental. I know that will require me to let go of my hurt feelings to see past the pain and to try and see the other person involved and how they might be feeling and how they just made a mistake. Remembering Jesus and his life and how he handled hate helps me to remember to pray and ask for strength.

I came across this blog site on facebook and thought he so eloquently stated what I believe to be true about any weakness we are born with. I believe we should pray often and follow the guidance of the lord and never give in to temptation, it destroys lives, hearts and souls, I know these things from experience. I also believe that we should always be kind to others and their weaknesses, never judge or criticize, you never know what demons they are fighting or how hard they are fighting. Love, Angi


(Gay) Mormon Guy: President Packer's Talk... From a (Gay) Mormon Perspective

gaymormonguy.blogspot.com

"There are people who can walk away from you.... And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone!! When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…………

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and

see your worth…..

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude…..

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him……..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed………………

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to…..

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2010.

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left … think about it, and then.

LET IT GO!!!

The Battle is the Lord's!"

Excerpts from a fireside, by Alex Boye...

I believe in Heavenly Father with all my heart and soul and therefore believe in Satan the adversary. While praying to Heavenly Father tonight about all of the misunderstandings and pain that I have been dealings with, with some of my family members, a picture came to me of Jesus Christ and his persecutors and tormentors and all of those who judged him and cast him out and all of those who loved him, yet denied him and I am not saying I am Christ or what is going on right now is like that, but that the adversary is using miscommunication between us to cause us all pain and conflict. I for one, am no longer going to listen to him and ask forgiveness for all of the terrible things I have said and all of the terrible things I have accused. I am saddened, that with all that I am learning about the bigger story, God's story for us, that I succumbed to Satan and jumped into his story. I have a lot to work on and the wounds that caused all of this in the first place still need to be healed and it will still take time and space but I am truly sorry for the ugliness I brought forth in my so called defense. I know that there is a loving way to defend ones self and I will pray for that knowledge, so that hopefully, I will never again fall into Satan's trap. I don't care if my parents and siblings think I am crazy, because I know to the depths of my soul, that Satan is real and he is out to destroy all relationship but mainly families.

I am learning that as Human Beings, we are all broken and wounded and being broken and wounded, we unintentionally inflict wounds on others, we don't intend too and we would take it back in that instant but we can't. The only thing we can do is accept what we have done and ask forgiveness.

I have the most amazing husband in all of creation! He surprises me everyday with how amazing he is. He is also the best dad there ever was or ever will be. I am so blessed to have him as my very best friend, husband and teacher. I am excited for each and every day that I get to be with him.

I have the very best kids ever. I am so proud of them and their accomplishments. Kyli is doing an amazing job in school and in dance. She has grown as a dancer and amazes me with her abilities. Abbey is a wonderful little dancer, she tried out for company this year and got on a company with girls that have been in dance since they were really little, she has only been dancing for a year and a half. Riley is wonderful at everything he does, he is in baseball right now and is rocking it, he will be golfing with his dad this summer and then will be doing LaCross this fall and basketball this winter.

My life is so very blessed!

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23).

I just realized that everything is a choice. Whether we are happy, sad, hurt, angry, how we are in relationships.

All relationships require work and marriages require more work than other relationships. If you want to have happiness in a marriage, it requires you to choose to love the way Heavenly Father commanded us to love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." (1 Cor. 13:4–7,) The first two commandments is to Love; Love God and Love thy neighbor as thy self.  Love is everything. Love never ends.

Why do marriages end in divorce? Some would say for many reasons and they would be right, if they were looking at the surface. I believe there really is only one reason marriages fail and that is because they choose too.

To love the way we are commanded by God to love, takes an everyday commitment of 100%. It is a choice we make everyday, to love our spouse the way God intended, whether they choose the same or not. If both spouses make the commitment and choose to love each other the way God intended, then the marriage is unbreakable and both feel happy, loved and safe.

Before we can love another, we must love ourselves. I just learned that fact. When I made the choice to love me, my wall finally fell and all the brokenness went away. Everyday, I still have to make the choice to love me and some days it is hard, but I do it. I choose to practice forgiveness and to Love the way God intended for us to Love. Will it be hard and a lot of work? Yes, but I believe that it will be worth it in the end and Love really can cure all things!

In the not so distant past, I was critical, judgemental and was trying to live in logic and what I got from that was unhappiness, physical and mental issues (anxiety) and a deep darkness, from not being my true self.

Through prayer, blessings, going to the temple and counseling, my defensive wall came down and now I am able to see clearly, hear clearly, the anxiety is gone and my heart is open. I am now taking old wounds and hurts to Heavenly Father to be healed. I have learned through counseling that Heavenly Father brings forth people to touch old wounds to bring forth painful feelings, so I can take them to Heavenly Father to be healed. Until now, all of my wounds have been opened by my husband and gratefully those instances have turned out for the best and we have come a long way in healing and growing.

Recently, a situation with someone, who I have built a huge defensive wall, because of feeling criticized, judged and disliked has brought forth painful feelings and has brought back my wall of distrust. I have known this person for over a decade and learned very quickly to be on guard and hide behind my wall, so as to not be devastated by their comments and hurtful observations. I would always try and make excuses for their lack of compassion and the hurtful things that were said by telling myself that they didn't realize how they came across. I truly felt that under all the criticism, they were really good and maybe even kind but right this minute, I wonder!

My husband shared something with me that didn't feel right and made me feel bad, so I went to the source and asked for clarification and at that time shared my feelings and some fears, something I would have never done with this person in the past, because of my hurt feelings. I was shocked to my core, when I was met with absolute coldness, my question was answered with one short sentence and nothing else. I needed some clarification and asked for it and shared a little more, thinking that I was just being sensitive but was met with no compassion or empathy for my feelings and even more coldness, at least everything was clarified and now I don't feel bad towards my husband but now I don't really want to be around this person because of how shocked and hurt I am. I normally would talk too and share my feelings with the one who hurt me but because of how devastated I am, I don't have the heart for another annihilation, so I will pray and ask for help in forgiving and getting peace in my heart, so that I can be around this person without wanting to cry. I know that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing but learning and growing and experiencing forgiveness is hard and very painful, I pray that I can over come things in a timely manner.

I truly believe that knowledge and logic are of the world and compassion, faith and Love are of Heavenly Father.

Think about it, how did Lucifer get Eve to eat the fruit, with logic. Knowledge and logic can bend and deceive anything and any one can manipulate words for their own purposes. God lives in the heart of man, not the brain. I wish that more people used their hearts, more than their brains.

Being in tune with your emotions, is being closer to God. Knowledge and logic are necessary to live in this world, that was part of Gods plan, he knows they are stumbling blocks but he prays we will see them for what they are and overcome them with our hearts. Why does Heavenly Father tell us to be as little children? Are they full of knowledge and logic? No, they are guided by their hearts and how they feel and that makes them more open to God.

I have a hard time with wanting to always understand things but when I pray about why I don't, Heavenly Father tells me that we are not supposed to understand, we are here on earth to have experiences and to learn and grow from them and that is why we feel and have emotions. Those who learn to feel and process their emotions when they feel them are more open than those who stuff and deny their emotions. If we need to have understanding, we should try and understand why we feel the way we do and what makes us feel that way, so we can turn negative emotions into positive and come closer to Heavenly Father.

Most people have a hard time with their emotions and therefor stuff and hide them deep inside. They feel safe and comfortable with knowledge and logic and then wounder why they feel so empty inside, so they find someone or something to blame for their emptiness. All they have to do is step outside their safe comfort zone and get in tune with their emotions, so they can be open to Heavenly Father and the relationship he is desperately wanting to have.

I was lost for a very long time because I made the choice to try and be more logical and thoughtful/knowledgeable because I thought that was who I needed to be in order to be loved and accepted. I was questioned and criticized to death and thought this is too hard, I must change and be more like them in order to fit in. What I got was years of physical issues, mental issues (anxiety) and a deep dark despair that clouded everything around me. My true nature is love, compassion and empathy and since I have let go of the other and embraced the true me, I am anxiety free, deep dark despair free and feel hopeful and excited to see the world through my eyes, now that they are truly open.

It amazes me how many people live in denial and want too.

As human beings we make mistakes, we are not our mistakes but our mistakes are only beneficial when we repent, ask forgiveness so that we can learn and grow from them and become closer to Heavenly Father and hopefully the person/persons who were hurt by the mistake in the first place.

As a mother, I know that my mistakes are going to cause my children pain and wounds that will need to be healed. I hope and pray that my children will come to me and share with me the things I did or did not do that caused them pain, so that I can ask for forgiveness and that I can learn and grow as a spiritual being, becoming more of the woman I am truly meant to be.

I know the most important relationship we have or ever will have is with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. All our sense of self worth, sense of who we are and how we feel love, comes from the relationship we have with them. We should always seek healing, comfort and understanding from them. When we are hurt or disappointed we should take those feelings to them for healing and if the person is open we should express (in a loving way) that we were hurt and why, so that they have the chance to learn and grow.

I pray daily to be strong enough to be able to face the hurts and wounds, so they can be taken to Heavenly Father to be healed and I can finally become the woman I was meant to become. I see glimpses of her and that gives me hope.

If I have caused pain or inflicted wounds and anyone would like to share them with me, so that we can both learn and grow and hopefully be healed, please do.

I have learned that the thing women fear most is abandonment/loss and for men it is failure. I also learned that Heavenly Father created men to fail and women to experience abandonment/loss, so that they will turn to him. Heavenly Father is desperate for our love and to be our first love and he gave us free agency praying we would find our way back to him, that is why he created us perfectly to experience those things that would bring us to our knees seeking him. The journey back to them is hard and not for the faint of heart but worth every step, every breathe, every tear and broken heart.

I would go to hell and back for my family and have. Now I get to do the hardest thing and that is turn everything over to Heavenly Father/Jesus Christ and have faith in them that my family will be saved and will always be a forever family. I have to let go of everything; control, logic, holding on too tight, old hurts and wounds, expectations, longings/wants/desires and hold on to my faith with everything that I have. I pray I have the strength and patience necessary for my journey.