The Wilkins Family

Hello to all who choose to read this! I hope this update finds you well and happy. I apologize up front for the length of this letter: I don’t know of any way to keep this from becoming a novel when I write only twice a year now and have twelve people to cover! I feel the need to write this letter not because you are so anxious to hear from me, but because I want my children to have a record of things they did long after those memories have left my consciousness. Steven has been gone from our home and serving as a missionary for the LDS Church in Salem, Oregon, for 11 months now. (11 down, 13 to go!) It has certainly been a difficult adjustment for several of us, but I see more and more the wisdom, optimism, and social skills Steven has developed as a result of this experience. I am constantly amazed by his maturity and perspective, especially for a kid who has seen and done so little bad in his life. Steven is an even better person now than he was when he left, and I can tell he is making a difference to those he serves. I treasure the messages of appreciation I have received from those members whose lives Steven has touched, and I appreciate how well the members have watched out for my sweet boy. Steven has served in only two areas so far in his mission, which has allowed him to thoroughly cover each area and to develop friendships. Steven often has the opportunity to play the piano and organ in church meetings. Daniel finished his junior year of high school with excellent grades despite having a tough schedule academically. He is still waiting for scores from the three AP tests he took in May. He has studied for and taken the ACT three times now, and though his score is very good, his competitive side pushes him to get a perfect score so that he can beat Steven. He loves soccer and played on the high school team, though this year’s team was not as unified as last year’s, as was apparent in the team’s demeanor and failure to secure a state championship again. I love it that Daniel has a desire to be more culturally literate; he has been reading classics like Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Sense and Sensibility, Brave New World, and The Jungle just because he wants to know what these are all about. He devours games on his Gameboy DS more voraciously than the classic books, but I appreciate his desire for more balance. He has been quite frustrated with an unsuccessful job search yet again this summer. It seems that luck and connections have a lot to do with getting these coveted summer jobs. Fortunately, he has had the opportunity to earn some money doing yard work several times a week for some family friends, and I appreciate the interaction he has with them.Daniel used some of his money to purchase a new (used) Android phone which can do a lot more than his old one could. In particular, it has a calendar function and a decent camera, and it can receive a whole text without splitting it into multiple messages - woo-hoo! Daniel (or at least Daniel’s bedroom) is very popular with his younger siblings, as they like to play with Daniel’s collection of rubber duckies. Every night, Jonathan insists on spending a few minutes with “Dam-o” to spar with him with his toy seal and walrus, then to give him a hug and say good night. It has been fun to watch Daniel’s relationships with his younger siblings change over the last year since he is now the oldest one at home. Julia, who will be turning 16 in a month, loves to learn and do. She finished her sophomore year with a full school schedule, choir, orchestra, and soccer. She has kept her 4.0 GPA both years of high school so far, and plans to maintain it. Due to a mix-up about the new state core curriculum, Julia tested out of the first half of the first year of secondary math and completed the second half. Later we found out that she would need to retake the entire year if she wants to qualify for the Utah Regents’ Scholarship (which she does) so she will need to retake that class over the summer and double up on math classes next year. There are so many things about which Julia wants to learn that she can’t stand the idea of using four periods for math alone, so we are trying to figure out if she can take a class online or even work with one of the math teachers to complete assignments on her own outside of class. Julia has lots of things going on this summer: Girls’Camp, two Youth Conferences (youth retreats), a family reunion, daily workouts for soccer, driving enough hours so that she can get her driver’s license, completing a two-semester math class in ten weeks, and finding some time to relax. How do I say this nicely? Michael is generally very easy-going, and doesn’t cause many problems at home or at school, but he just can’t seem to find the motivation to work hard at certain things, like school. I was very grateful when three teachers in one day threatened to write him up for school discipline if he didn’t get his hair cut, and I was able to cut his hair a few weeks before the end of the school year without being made the bad guy. Michael loves to watch sports and play electronics. He also enjoys soccer, and he played on the high school team as a freshman. He talked us into letting him try out for a club soccer team (as did Daniel, Natalie, and Matthew.) We signed them up with a clear understanding of our expectations for them to help pay the considerable fees by doing extra chores and yardwork/getting jobs, and to continue to do their schoolwork, chores, and piano practice even though they will be busier. I hope that this was the right thing to do and that I can handle getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there – as well as giving the other children sufficient attention in whatever their activities and interests are. Michael loves spending time with his cousin, Guts, and they have started working out at the high school weight room most mornings. Michael and Alyssa developed their own fantasy baseball game, which has given them something fun to do so far during the summer vacation. Alyssa was so excited to turn 12 years old in January because she aged out of the Primary (the children’s organization at church) and into the Young Women’s group. Alyssa was sad to have the school year end. She loved her time as a sixth grader with a fun teacher and classmates who all got along well. Though she loved this school year, it has probably been the worst one yet for headaches. Over-the-counter drugs and the couple of prescription drugs we have tried have not provided much relief. I finally made a worksheet for her to track any possible triggers so that we can figure out how to help her. It was fun to watch Alyssa perform in show choir again this year, but she has decided that she will not do it next year. Alyssa still loves to do hair, nails, and gymnastics. She and Natalie will often pile up our foam pads and practice gymnastics. Alyssa is hoping to perfect an aerial and a back handspring before our upcoming Dosdall Family Reunion next month, but hasn’t made as much progress as she had hoped and I don’t want to sign her up for a class until she promises to stop fighting piano lessons so much. I have a really hard time knowing how much to fight my kids to do those things that I believe will make them better people in the long-term. This parenting is very tricky work! Alyssa (as well as all the other kids, except maybe Katelyn) love to play soccer together. Alyssa often comments on how cute little kids are (especially Katelyn and Jonathan) and she likes to hook up the bike trailer and take them on rides around the neighborhood. In January, Natalie won the school spelling bee as a fourth grader competing against 4-8th graders. She had studied hard and was disappointed to have lost the opportunity to advance to the national bee when she misspelled the word palette (pallet? palate? – I would have been confused, too!) at the regional bee. She and Hugh had studied a lot, and I was so proud of her for the dedication and discipline she developed through the whole process. There are three people in this world that Natalie thinks can do no wrong: her dad, and her oldest and youngest brothers, Steven and Jonathan. I make a completely different kind of list altogether, one that makes me a frequent recipient of her anger and sarcasm. I’m not sure what I can do to fix it other than keep being a good mom and hope she will outgrow this. Natalie loves to do gymnastics, watch America’s Got Talent, read books, and watch/follow BYU sports. Together, Natalie, Alyssa, and Julia can mix up and bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies (including clean-up) in 25 minutes flat! Matthew finished second grade, and loved it. He is a boy with a fun personality and lots of energy, which can sometimes translate into lots of noise, and sometimes exaggerated reactions, but always enthusiasm. I was so happy to read the comment on his end-of-year report card, in which Matthew’s teacher said that he is sweet, caring, and thoughtful, and the best-mannered kid in her class. Matthew has lots of friends, and would sometimes opt out of going out to lunch with me because he didn’t want to miss playing with his friends at recess. Matthew enjoys lots of sports, and we have tried to give him an opportunity to try everything (which has been a source of contention with his two older sisters.) Matthew’s soccer-loving Uncle James made us aware of an opportunity for Matthew to play club soccer with an amazing coach, so Matthew tried out and made the team. I hope he loves soccer enough to happily go to the twice weekly practices and one or two games per week once the season begins. Matthew is a very skilled little player, and it has been fun watching all the kids play because they love it. Emily is a good reader and a smart girl who learned this year how to make friends, so she has really enjoyed first grade. She is very assertive, and says just what she thinks. That is good when she won’t let people mistreat her, but not so good when she is talking about the fat on my belly that she loves to feel because it is so squishy, or when she persists in asking for something until she makes people crazy. But she is not afraid to try new things, which I so admire in her and in Julia. In fact, Emily broke both wrists back in February when she insisted that her Grandpa Dosdall let her try a new gymnastics trick which didn’t quite turn out the way either one of them had hoped. She’s good as new, but unfortunately maybe no more cautious than she was before! Katelyn is a very cute four-year old who knows she is cute. Sometimes she will use as her defense for doing something wrong, “I’n just a wittwe kid, I don’t undastand!” I love to hear her sweet little Katelyn voice when she says things like “I hink…” (I think…) and "stoy” (store) and “sista” (sister)and "moy"(more). She does get angry and yell sometimes, and I’m amazed at how well she can keep a straight face when she glares at me. Katelyn is Jon-Jon’s best friend when the kids are at school, and Emily’s best friend otherwise (if Emily will allow it, which she usually does.) Katelyn (and Natalie, Matthew, and Emily) started swimming lessons this week. Jonathan is the adored baby of our family. I am determined that he will not be a spoiled brat, but I can see why that happens so often to the youngest when there are so many people around who want to gain his favor. Somehow, we think almost everything about him is cute, especially his flaming red hair and his wrinkled-nose smiles. Jonathan loves his Dad, so much so that if Hugh is around, he wants almost nothing to do with me, much to my chagrin. Jonathan is not the most verbal little two-year old, but wow is he coordinated! He can kick, hit, and throw a ball like nobody’s business! He impressed all of us (but Katelyn) when he hopped on the bike we had just put training wheels on for Katelyn and proceeded to ride around very competently, steering and all, even though his legs just barely stretch far enough to push the pedals. Michael and Matthew have started a tradition with Jonathan of giving each other a series of high fives, high heads, high foots, high elbows, and anything else that occurs to them at the moment. Jonathan had taken over Hugh’s old phone until I told him he could watch music videos and play games on it only when he is sitting on the potty, after which his phone time mysteriously dropped off rapidly. I am staying busy with these cute kiddos and the constant chaos and activity that come with them. I constantly fret about how to balance my family members’ agency with my responsibility as a mother and wife to help them all to be happy and become who God wants them to become. I have appreciated the respite I felt mentally when I was released from my big church calling; I now teach a very challenging Primary class of up to ten cute but high-spirited 6 and 7 year-old kids. I am often frustrated because I want to really teach them and learn with them, not just babysit for two hours each Sunday. Since I can’t control whether they learn or not, I hope at least I am learning what I should from this experience. Hugh is plodding along at work, as usual. He seems to live from one work deadline to the next with little joy in between. I wish I could change that, but I think only he can. I really appreciate that he provides for us – even though being the mom is usually thankless work, I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to raise my children full time. And truly, there are so many precious memories available for our enjoyment every day, if we only have the presence of mind to see them. I hope you are well and happy and learning something new every day.

(Yes, I know this is now almost 6 months old...I'm just a little bit behind!) Merry Christmas 2013, Our Dear Friends and Family! We hope our greetings find you well and happy! Steven, our oldest, turned 18 and graduated from high school in May, then left on July 10th to serve a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Salem, Oregon. I have sorely missed his pleasant presence, his good example, and the role he filled as mediator between parent and siblings. I miss his thoughtful gestures, his perceptive intelligence, his help around the house, and the fun we had together. We need to learn how to play games again without him! We look forward to his weekly emails, and I marvel at the wisdom and maturity he is gaining through this experience. He is discovering who he is, who God is, and how he can help others to that knowledge. We miss him immensely, but how could we want him anywhere else when he is doing so much good? Daniel, recently 17 and a junior in high school, is in the middle of his most demanding year of high school with ACT’s and AP and concurrent enrollment classes. Due to the right combination of hard work, talented players playing as a team, and a demanding coach, Steven and Daniel’s high school soccer team won the 2A soccer championship earlier this year. Daniel is looking forward to starting practices in January for the upcoming soccer season. After a frustrating summer of unsuccessful job-hunting, Daniel secured his first “real” job working at Shopko here in Spanish Fork. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom doing homework (“My life is all about Calculus!”), listening to music, playing his Nintendo DS, and reading. Julia, 15 and a sophomore, loves to learn about so many things! She plays the violin, guitar, and piano. She enjoys her cousins and friends, school (other than the 2-3 hours of homework nightly,) choir, orchestra, and soccer. She is a great example to us all in her dutiful daily scripture study and journal-writing. Michael, 13 and a freshman, is a very smart and gifted but reluctant pianist, violinist, and student. He enjoys friends (especially his cousin, Guts,) video games, and sports. He went through a brief time of fanatically collecting decks of playing cards, but that stopped abruptly when his money ran out. Michael is generally easy-going and has developed a soft spot for his little brothers Matthew and Jonathan. I have been pleased to watch Michael serve willingly in a leadership capacity in his church class, which sometimes requires him to do good things he doesn’t feel like doing. Alyssa will be turning 12 in January and is anxiously anticipating graduating from the children’s Primary organization at church and joining the Young Women’s program. Alyssa loves practicing gymnastics, drawing and making crafts (but not cleaning them up,) playing soccer, eating and baking treats (she and Natalie are the fastest cookie-bakers this side of the Mississippi,) playing with her cousins, and interacting with little children. She suffers frequent headaches, and we are still trying to figure out a cause and manage them better. She is still taking (forced) piano lessons, and I am hoping she will learn to enjoy it. Alyssa is part of the 5th/6th grade show choir at school, and while she is gifted with grace, she does not have an outgoing personality, so it has been fun to watch her try something that stretches her. Natalie, recently 10 and a 4th grader, is one of only two early-to-bed-early-to-rise, punctual people in a house of otherwise night owls and procrastinators, which is a constant source of frustration for her. (There are so many opportunities to learn how to live with different people in a big family like ours!) She is a die-hard BYU sports fan (second only to Hugh) and regularly watches the games and reads post-game stats and analyses. She is responsible about getting her homework done and is already studying for the big school spelling bee coming up in January. She plays the piano usually willingly and is progressing well. More often than anyone else in the house, she ambitiously makes waffles or multigrain pancakes from scratch for the whole family. Matthew, who just turned 8 and was baptized, is a fun, energetic little 2nd grader. I was recently thinking about how amazingly pleasant he is compared to what a difficult baby he was! Matthew loves his family, friends, school (especially math,) sports (especially soccer and basketball,) and video games (some favorites being “Plants vs. Zombies” and “Don’t Starve”). He loves to watch BYU sports with his dad and siblings. Matthew takes piano lessons willingly but without enthusiasm, but again, I hope that will come as he develops the skills and realizes that he can be good at it. Emily is 6 years old and in 1st grade. She is excited about doing well in school, making new friends, reading, piano, and soccer. She spends most of her time after school playing with her little sister, Katelyn, and occasionally with friends (I have learned that attending a charter school 4.5 miles away makes it harder for children to maintain friendships in the neighborhood.) Emily and Katelyn are very much into Barbie and My Little Pony. They enjoy dressing up, role-play, and coloring. Katelyn, 4, gets the best of both worlds with a little brother to play with during the day and a big sister to play with after school. When she isn’t playing with her siblings, she likes me to read to her or play card/board games with her. She loves visits from Grandma Dosdall and Aunt Jeannie, when she has someone’s undivided attention, which is such a great blessing to me and the kids. Nearly every night when we are gathered for family prayer, Katelyn says she is grateful “that Jon-Jon is cute, and for my sweet Mom.” Melts me every time. Our baby will turn 2 in January! Jonathan is adorable and adored by everyone in this family. He has flaming red hair, blue eyes (unique in our family) and his own opinions. He loves his daddy more than anyone or anything in the world, which makes my life interesting when Hugh is not available and Mom just won’t do. Jonathan loves pushing buttons, throwing and kicking balls, and getting into things. He still doesn’t talk much, but we sure delight in watching him learning new things all the time. Hugh continues to plod on in his tax accounting job for the LDS Church in Salt Lake City. The commute has now stretched to nearly two hours each way – so I am pushing harder for a deadline on either a new job or a new house closer to the job. In any case, we appreciate how hard Hugh works to provide for us. Hugh makes an effort to take the kids to at least a couple of concerts on Temple Square each year, as well as various BYU football, soccer, and basketball games when possible. He continues to play the organ and teach the adult Sunday School class at church. As for me, I was recently released from a nearly three-year stint as president of our congregation’s Relief Society (the women’s organization.) I am grateful for the lessening of my burden and responsibilities, but more than that I am grateful that I had to do things which pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped me to grow. I am now teaching 8 year-olds in Primary, and that will be wonderful, too. This has been a difficult year for me in many ways. I have struggled with challenges which have caused me to question my beliefs and even lose my faith for a time. I am coming out of that dark place with deeper empathy for others, a greater capacity to love, and an understanding that my belief is a choice. I had to ask God, “If you are really there, and if you love me and have power to help me, please let your light and power shine through me to make the world a better place, and make me more than I can make of myself.” I choose to trust in the power and grace of Jesus Christ to heal my sorrows and help me to see and then overcome my weaknesses. And so I hope for you: enough joy and sorrow, health and sickness, peace and turmoil that you learn to recognize the difference, and most of all, that you always choose light over darkness.