Everything Under the Son

There is something about music that touches me like nothing else does. It reaches those deep recesses of my soul, and speaks to me in a language that seems as though it were meant just for me. I could sit for hours, probably days, listening to music, feeling the rhythm of my heart as it works in rhythm with the music. I love to ponder lyrics, and if you ask what some of my favorite songs are, you'll probably find that they are not necessarily the most catchy, popular tunes, but they are the ones whose lyrics speak straight to my soul.

As Natalie was preparing for her end-of-year program for Pre-K, we sang the songs over and over together. By the time the program rolled around, I could have participated up there with all of the adorable 5-yr-olds!

One song spoke especially loud to me...the lyrics went like this:


Beautiful! In the busy-ness, in the hustle and bustle of the everyday, in my brokenness, Jesus is ALWAYS the answer. Jesus is the solution to it all...He will provide strength for today, and hope for tomorrow!

I came across this quote in my reading, and wanted to post it here to see what your thoughts are.

My plate is full...life is busy. The schedule for the week is looking crazier by the day. It seems overwhelming at times, when I stop and think about all that is to be accomplished by me in the days and weeks ahead. It would be so easy to be bogged down in it all...to become consumed with the lists and everything that must be checked off.

Instead though, I am choosing to think of things a bit differently. I am choosing to meditate on this..."The joy of the Lord is my strength!" In the moments when I am feeling overwhelmed, I am choosing to remember that my strength comes from the Lord! With a spring in my step, and a song in my heart, I will attempt to maneuver the lists and schedules of the week. More importantly, I will know that I am not maneuvering alone, and that He is by my side. The lists exist because of His richest blessings on me...my children, my husband, and much more. I will rejoice and be glad that THIS is the day the Lord has made!

Natalie asked me an interesting question today. It was a reminder of how much the world has changed in my lifetime. It was a reminder of how far we have come, and also how far we could go. It was a reminder not to forget, and a reminder to share memories/traditions with my children. Nathaniel and I need to tell the kids stories about things that happened when we were younger...things that were popular, and things that were invented.

What was the question?

"Mommy, what is a typewriter?"

It's here...Mother's Day 2008. I am so thankful to my mother for all that she has been for me! I know I was a challenge, but don't worry, I am paying for my raising :) Thanks Mom, I love you!

I am also so very thankful for my four children...they make me Mommy! Today I will celebrate with Natalie and Levi, loving on them all day long! My list of 'thankful's" for them is just too long. And I will think much about Hope and Carson, and how wonderful it will be when I see them again, too. It will feel like Mother's Day all over again for me!

Blessings on this Mother's Day!


This afternoon, we were planning to relax, mow the yard, do some work around the house...you know, typical Sunday afternoon stuff. Nathaniel decided to take the kids to his parents for a bit to deliver his mom's gift and allow me a little Mother's Day Afternoon Nap. I, of course, was thrilled! I was enjoying the peace and quiet, and had fallen asleep, but was awakened to the sounds of crying and talk of 'blood'. What in the world was going on in the other room?!? I hopped up to go see what was happening, and found Natalie and Nathaniel in the kitchen, complete with blood-soaked napkins wrapped around Natalie's hand.

Apparently Natalie had closed her hand in the car door when they had arrived home...the door had completely shut on her left thumb, and she had to pull the door latch to open the door in order to get her thumb out. OUCH! It must have been wedged in there pretty good because there is a scratch in the paint on the inside of the door where her hand was stuck and she was trying to get it out! Bless her heart, she was in shock, and crying, and the sight of the thumb was pretty scary! She was being a trooper, but it was obvious that she was in some extreme pain. The thumb was swelling like crazy, and looked a bit crooked, so we decided that a Mother's Day trip to the Minor Emergency Clinic was in order.

Off we went, she and I. They immediately got us some new gauze. Then she waited in the waiting room with me while they processed the paperwork and she could be seen by the doctor. The doctor surveyed the wound, and decided to take a couple of x-rays to make sure the thumb was not broken. Thankfully, it was not, and we were bandaged up and on our way back home in no time. Natalie requested a Sonic treat to reward her bravery, and of course, I said yes! She deserved it, she was such a brave girl!

Here is a picture of my brave one and her HUGE thumb:


She is a little concerned about being in her Mother's Day Out program, but we have assured her that it will be fine. I think she fears that the other kids will tease her. Poor thing!

So pray for sweet Natalie. She is still in some pain, and I am afraid the next couple of days might be just as bad. I am supposed to call and talk to our Pediatrician tomorrow, and then follow up on Wednesday at the minor emergency clinic.

Through all of this, I was reminded that being a mom is my calling; my passion. It is the one job that I want more than any other...the one thing I feel like I was made to do. I may not always be the best, and I know I make lots of mistakes, but one thing is for sure: I would do anything for my kids! Anything! The Lord has blessed me so much with my children, we went through many trials before we were able to have them, and I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything in the world, so Happy Mother's Day!

I have been thinking alot about the journey I have been on. I have no doubts God has a plan for me through the journey. Probably many plans. Some of those plans may have already come to be, as God has used the events of the last 6 years to grow me into a different person, hopefully closer to the person He wants me to be. Some of those plans have yet to come to be, and that is okay too. God's plan on God's time.

But as I think about sweet Carson, and the journey of losing him, of handing him over to Heaven, I can't help but hope that the plan includes a way for me to bring glory to God. I don't know what He has planned for our story...but I know He has a plan. Whether I am sharing by speaking to others, writing about it in books/children's books, singing about it, or simply sharing through this blog, I want the Lord to be glorified.

Though I have many unanswered questions, there are some things I know for sure.

God is love.

God is joy.

God is in control.

God knows better than I.

God is God...always and forever...and I will praise His name all the days of my life.

NOTHING is going to change those truths. Not my worldly anger over losing Carson, not my doubt or questions of 'why'...NOTHING. My God is the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He is the God of the universe. He is the God that rejoiced with me when we discovered I was pregnant with Carson, and He is the God that carried me when Carson died. He is the God that continues to love me when I don't deserve it, and He is the God who never walks away. I may waiver, but He never does.

My prayer is this...through all of the journey, Lord, be glorified. Show me Your plan, and help me to tell Your story. Lead me to Your ways, and direct my paths to fulfill Your plan for me. Amen.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have started making homemade bread, and it has turned out so yummy! Sunday, Nathaniel and I made three loaves, and delivered one loaf to the neighbors. There is something about the smell of yeast and bread rising that is wonderful!

Check back later...I hope to have some pictures posted of the process!

I just pulled a loaf of homemade banana bread out of the oven! MMMMM! I had three over-ripe bananas that I needed to do something with...I didn't want to waste them. I have a super easy banana bread recipe, so voila! Now I have the warm aroma of fresh baked banana bread floating around the house.

I guess I have caught the baking bug!

It is May 5th. Three years ago today, I was big and pregnant, and looking forward to life with Natalie and Carson. I had no idea how my life was about to change. I had no clue that my world was going to be forever different. I didn't know that I was going to be changed and different...but God knew.

Only 14 days until Carson's third birthday in heaven. I can't help but picture what he might look like as an active three-year-old. I wonder if his hair would be brown like Natalie's or blonde like Levi's. Would he have those same LONG eyelashes that Natalie and Levi have? When he was born, he had that little turned-up nose like Natalie's...

Really, no matter what he looked like, I know he would be beautiful to me. The pictures I have of him are beautiful to me, though to others they may look different. That's the beauty of being a parent...all of your children are precious in your sight, just as we all are to God.

I can't wait to see them both in Heaven...God and Carson, hand in hand, waiting to greet me!

Today Natalie and I went out for diapers and wipes at the store. Afterwards, I decided to treat her to a slush from Sonic since it was half price time. She chose a grape one (YUK!) and was thrilled about it. As we were driving home, this was the conversation:

Me: Hey Natalie, how is your grape slush?

Natalie: It's splendid, Mommy!

Yes, she's five and she describes her slush as splendid! SPLENDID!!