Everything Under the Son

My Dearest Carson,

Happy Birthday son! I cannot believe that you are having your fifth birthday today. I have no doubts that you are celebrating big...birthdays in Heaven must be the best! I bet that Angel Chorus can sing an amazing "Happy Birthday"!

Today, on this special day of remembering you, I thought I would list some of the things I love about you. And even though you aren't here with me, you can be sure I could make a list a mile long.

I love the way you make me smile. Just thinking about you makes me smile...I am so happy and blessed that God chose me to be your mother.

I love the way Natalie and Levi talk about you DAILY! Even though you haven't shared a room or toys with your brother and sister, they love you so very much. You have touched their lives with your never-ending presence as a brother guardian angel.

I love the way you used to kick in my belly. I vividly remember those kicks, and treasure them. Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember what those kicks felt like...precious to me.

I love the way you have made me better. Having children changes people, and having you changed me...you made me stronger.

I love the way you continue to help me keep life in perspective. Things that once would have rocked my little world don't seem so important now. You taught me what is important in life. You continue to teach me that family, and relationships, and love are important. You always bring me back to hope and to the promise of Heaven. I am thankful for that promise...one day soon that promise will bring us together again, son! I cannot wait!

I love that I can call you my son...my firstborn son. You live in our hearts every day! I think about all of the things a five-year-old would be doing, and I wonder what it's like in Heaven. What are your favorite foods? Do you love to play soccer, or are you musical? Are you Heaven's little cowboy? So many questions...but the most important thing is that I know you are happy and whole. What's not to love about living with Jesus!!

So Happy Birthday, my son! I love you yesterday, today, and forever. You are always on my mind, and in my heart.

Love,
Mommy

Tomorrow is Carson't fifth birthday. It will be a hard day, but it will be good to follow through with our traditions for him. We will sing Happy Birthday, and we will cover helium balloons with messages of love and send them soaring to Heaven. Yes, it will be a really hard day, but one I will NEVER forget. One of my worst fears is that my son will be forgotten...that no one will remember him or speak his name. What's important though, is that I never forget, and that I continue to speak his sweet name as I tell his story. I hope that his story can be used for good...that even though he doesn't walk this earth, that he will touch lives.

Never forgotten.

On Mother's Day, I sang a solo for worship service at church. It was a special day, and one full of emotions for me. I love celebrating my own mother, and all of the ways she has helped to shape my life. I love celebrating my own motherhood. Spending the day with Natalie and Levi is wonderful, but I would be lying if I told you there wasn't something missing. Not being able to hold and celebrate with Hope and Carson makes Mother's Day hard. I miss them so, and I am forever their mother. I cannot wait for Heaven...it will be Mother's Day for me again!

Singing this song was great...difficult, but great. The words are so powerful. They speak so well of the emotions I have. I must cling to the Hand of God, for He will walk with me through life. I want to live my life giving glory to Him. When I begin to feel angry or bitter for the pains in this journey, I remind myself that it is through Jesus that I can have hope. I cling to Him, knowing one day I will see my babies again. I cling to Him, and strive to lead life as a Living Prayer.

Here are the lyrics...

Today, the air conditioner is still broken, the oven is still broken, and my house is still a wreck. But today, I am still looking on the bright side! The Lord sent some FABULOUS weather to my town today...cooler temperatures and some rain, which I LOVE! As I type this post, I have a window open just a tad so the cool fresh air can come in. We had a homecooked dinner together, and everyone ate it up so it must not have been too bad! With Natalie out of school, and me still teaching, she was able to spend a fun day with Nathaniel at his office. She has started learning to type with some great online curriculum, and also enjoyed choosing her very own soda to drink with lunch. It's the little things, right? I totally get it because Diet Coke can sure make my day :)

I am also looking forward to spending the day tomorrow with my two favorite kids. I'm not sure what kind of mischief we will get into...who knows, maybe we will clean out closets or something?! No matter what we do, I am sure there will be much laughter. I mean, just look at these two...what's not to love?

Some weeks are just like this...it seems like there are little "issues" everywhere you turn. Really, though, it's an opportunity to choose my attitude. I can choose to get bogged down, or I can choose to look on the bright side. This week I am choosing to look on the bright side.

Broken Oven + new part replaced by hubby = Oven STILL broken! *

Bright side...I'm not under any pressure to make fabulous meals this week! :)

Broken Air Conditioner + 2 new parts replaced by hubby = Air Conditioner STILL broken! *

Bright side...it was overcast most of the day today! And it makes me really appreciate that cool a/c when I am in the car! :)

House is a wreck + not getting it cleaned up today= house STILL a wreck!

Bright side...Natalie is finished with school for the summer and we are all home together! I only have another week and a half and then we will really be celebrating summer's arrival!

See, it's all about looking on the bright side! :)

** Please note that hubby is working super hard to try to fix broken things around here...the fact that they are still broken has no reflection on his skills! :) He is amazing, we just have stubborn appliances!

...hearing your daughter say, "Today would be a great day for a swim!"

...sweating when you are doing nothing! Seriously!

...pulling out the sunglasses you haven't worn in quite some time.

...the oven going out. Yes, my oven is broken.

...flip flops!

...tank tops!

...green coming up in the garden - a sign of yummy things to come!

...snow cones! Coconut is my favorite!

...the air conditioner going out. Yes, my air conditioner is broken.

...fresh mowed grass!

...no more school! Natalie is already out for the summer, and I only have two weeks left!

...beautiful sunrises and sunsets!

Yep, I think it's beginning to look a lot like summer!

...is the face of a girl just in from a nice long trot.




I would say that I went for a jog, but based on my speed, I don't know if it really qualifies. It certainly doesn't fall into the run category. Nonetheless, I've been doing some trotting. I'm not in love with it yet, but who knows, maybe someday I'll be one of those people who loves it...or not.