A Pure Religion

Today, our expecting mom had her first appointment!  The appointment was at 3:00 and I was eager to hear how it went, but didn't want to text and sound too anxious! My son had a baseball game so we packed and got to the park, but my phone was in my hand waiting for a text or call on how it went! At 6:00 my phone beeped with a new text message from our translator wanting know if I had heard from our EM! She said that they were able to get an ultrasound today and the mom wanted to be the one to text me the picture and the gender!

Let me first say that my emotions were all over the place here.  Yes, I was super excited and anxious to get a picture of our baby and to find out if it was a boy or a girl.  BUT, I was extremely sad for this mom who had just seen a picture of her baby and wondered how hard it would be for her to share that picture with me.  I know what it's like to lay on that warm table with the cold, sticky gel slathered on my belly waiting to see the little life growing inside of me.  I've felt the overwhelming joy and cried the happy tears when the sound of that quick heart beat filled the room.  This mom would no doubt have various emotions as well. But, hers would be different. 

As I waited at that ballpark with Robbie on one side and dear friend on the other, I realized that it must be hard for this mom to press the send button and share her baby with me.  I wanted to give her as much time as she needed.  Like sending that picture would make it all real for her.  I know she was sad from the conversation I had with the translator.  I know her children were excited to see their sibling, and then sad to learn that they would not be bringing the baby home as part of their family.  But I also know that she believes that this adoption is the best choice for this baby and for that, we are excited to bless her with a loving family to raise her child!

                                                 At 7:02 I received the following text;

Girl

I had a dream last week that we got to the hospital with all things girl and we had a boy! So, no counting chickens over here yet! We are still treading carefully and not getting our hopes up knowing that domestic adoptions fall through all the time.  There are no guarantees here, so we continue to pray for the Lord to guide us on this journey as He has always been faithful to do!

Today we were able to talk with our birth family on the phone.  They do not speak English so our family coordinator/ translator was there with them to help us both!  The conversation was slow at first, but we both started asking questions and getting a little more comfortable with the call.  It was a sweet time with us talking with their children and our children getting on the phone and introducing themselves as well. 

They wanted to know how we met, how we have been married and where we attend church.  They also wanted to know if we were willing to send pictures and updates of baby throughout the years. This will be an open adoption and we are so willing and so thankful to have the opportunity to connect with and share life moments with the birth family.  The Marshallese as a culture consider adoption an extension of the family rather than a severing of family ties.  We feel blessed that we will be able to grow our family as well, not just with this little one, but with the birth family as well!

The end of April and the month of May have been extremely busy getting things in order to be able to officially say "Yes" to our referral!  Our home study had expired and would need updating immediately.  We would have to come up with $20,000 immediately to pay our attorney.  Which means we would immediately need to get working on some grant applications.  But, in order to submit grant applications we would need a current home study! Since our birth mom is not due until October, our attorney gracious gave us until the end of May to pay his retention fee, so I immediately went to work making calls for our home study update! Yes, immediate is the focus word right now!

At the beginning of May, we made the hard decision to put the house on the market in hopes of a quick sale for quick cash to help us pay for this adoption. Though this house would be perfect to welcome home a new child, we try not to attach ourselves to it or other things that are not eternal.  The gift of a child is far more important than this house and we can't think of a better way to invest our time and resources!  So, in the midst of paperwork and gathering documents, I had a house to declutter, organize, clean and stage!



We caught our previous home study agency in a transition period.  Our previous social worker was not working anymore and my calls were being fielded by someone in Florida! It took a few days, but I finally got to the right person in Tennessee who was fantastic about getting our home visits scheduled ASAP and was super quick with our written report.  In addition, our amazing grant agency approved us in 24 hours after receiving only a rough draft of our home study! The last piece of the puzzle was waiting patiently for our tax return money to come in! We desperately needed this to make our large payment to our attorney.  Someone was dragging their feet and after numerous calls and emails we received our return just in time! God has given us lots of "Yes's" so far to encourage us along on this huge faith journey!!

On May 26, 2015 we were finally able to wire the money to our attorney and are eager to hear an update on our birth mom!

I'm not sure where to begin this post.  There is so much backstory that this post could get rather lengthy! One thing I do know is this: I want to leave a written story of God's legacy of grace in our family. I believe it is so important for us to remember the things the Lord has done in our lives - the good and the bad.  I don't want to forget, so I write.

In 2012 while we were {im}patiently waiting for a referral from China, we stumbled across some vague information regarding domestic adoptions within the Marshallese community. We were hosting a garage sale and a grandmother stopped by.  She told us that her son was in Arkansas at that moment adopting a baby from the Marshall Islands.  She said it was an extremely quick process, like 2-6 months quick, so my curiosity was naturally peaked! I started researching on the internet and came across a lady's blog about a Marshallese adoption.  The process seemed extremely quick and easy from her testimony as well, so I decided to make a cold call!! Not easy for me to contact a perfect stranger, but I figured out a way to step out of my shy comfort zone and call this kind lady on the phone. She attested that this lawyer was legit, everything went smoothly, and then passed along her lawyer's contact information.

After briefly speaking with this attorney and researching the Marshallese community here in the states, we decided to create a "file", so to speak, of our family and place it with this attorney so that he could then promote our family to potential birth mothers.  Needless to say, we never heard from the lawyer again and, instead, received a referral shortly after for our Chinese adoption.  Hallelujah!



In June 2014, after our Suzie Q. had been home one year, we began to seriously consider adopting again.  I think my heart has been all over the place this last year trying to figure out exactly what that next adoption would look like and where God would have us serve Him through adoption.  In October 2014, we were introduced to a young woman who was living on the streets of Nashville, newly pregnant, and wanting to give her baby up for adoption.  We offered to help her keep this baby by getting her the help that she still so desperately needed, but she insisted that she was not able to keep this baby.  I was there with her when she heard the first heartbeat, when she found out she was having twins, when she lost one twin, when she was hospitalized for early labor, and eventually when she lost the second, a baby girl, at 20 weeks old.  I knew that God had told me to help this lady, regardless of who would end up parenting those little miracle babies. I loved them and wanted them to be mine, but I loved this mama too.  And, I desperately wanted her to get healthy so that she could find a way to parent her babies. 

This dear lady, miscarried the very last day in January.  God brought this lady into my life for a reason I know, but that reason was not adoption.  Since I still felt this overwhelming desire to adopt again, I began praying and seeking God with renewed purpose.  I called about foster care.  We were ineligible due to the of the number of children in our home.  I called about adopting a foster child.  Most were older than our comfort level with young children in the home. I called about Jonah's Journey - fostering babies whose mothers are in prison. I called about cradle care - short term care for newborns while their birth mother decides if she wants to parent or place for adoption.  I thought this was the program for us until I began to think of having a perpetual newborn in the house over and over! While I love newborns and this sounded perfect in my dreamy brain, I desperately love my sleep! I have never functioned well without it and quickly decided this was not the program for us. 

During this time (2-12-15 to be exact!), I also emailed the Marshallese adoption attorney again to see if he still had our family file information.  He informed me that he had taken our file out, but would be happy to update it and begin using it again.  I sent him a brief update and moved on to more phone calls. Over spring break, I read a story about a sibling group of 4 small children in Texas and Robbie, without a hesitation, told me to call about them.  I called over 15 times in a one week period trying to find out about these children to see if they had a forever home.  I finally talked to someone who said they had 3 families already interested in them. I was bummed for us, but so happy that these children would have a home.  We began to pray for direction as God continually closed door after door for us.  We thought about returning to China, but were hesitant because of the enormous cost and burden of leaving our crew again for 2 long weeks.  We were left to pray and continue to seek God.  I just knew God was not finished adding to our family.  He had given me this desire and I prayed desperately for Him to speak and give me ears to hear.

During this season of prayer (March 2014), we had a couple come to us and say that they wanted to give us a very generous donation to put towards our next adoption.  This seemed bizarre since we had no hopes of adopting anytime soon.  Only dead end roads and certainly a long journey ahead before we found the right road.  Then, on April 11, 2015, we received an email from this private, mysterious attorney.  He simply stated "our profile had been deemed acceptable by a birth mother who would like you to adopt her child." He gave a little more information before asking us to sign an attached contract and wire him a huge sum of money!

It was a Sunday morning when I read the email and then reread it before going outside to find Robbie.  I read it to him and simply said I wasn't sure this was for real.  My heart was a little excited, but it honestly sounded like a scam.  We prayed about it at church, researched the attorney again when we got home, and then decided to email him back to see what more information he could provide us.  On Monday, the attorney called and went through a few more specifics, enough for us to decide to spend some serious time in prayer.   I was headed out of town on Wednesday for class field trip, so our attorney said we could talk again the following week. 

Robbie and I both felt God telling us to say yes to this placement, even though it seemed like a huge risk.  For us, we knew we had prayed for an opportunity like this to come along and we were willing to say "Yes!" to God until He told us otherwise.  This adoption will be an open adoption, which is scary and exciting all at once! We know very little about the expecting parents but are praying for them by name as we wait to connect more in the future.

Through our recent research, we have learned that it is not uncommon for Marshallese birth moms to change their minds and decide to parent.  But as I consider the sacrifice this mom is making, I have a hard time rooting for her to give her baby away. At the end of this pregnancy there is a very real chance that we could walk away without a baby.  That we could pay a large sum of money, spend our emotions falling in love with this child and this family,and end up walking away with no child.  I hope this will not be the case, but the Lord has given us both a peace that He is walking this journey with us and will be faithful to bring about His perfect plan. 

After 2 months of trying to find our new groove, we are settling into the new house and feeling pretty comfortable with our new family of 8!  Our journey thus far has honestly been pure joy! Sometimes I feel guilty admitting that because I know many, many adoption journeys are hard work in the beginning.  And, I'm not naïve enough to think that the road won't get harder.  But, for today, we are simply enjoying our little girl and the joy she has brought to our family!  The only hard part so far has been knowing how to correct behaviors or habits that Baby Girl has picked up along the way home.  We haven't had anything major.  No tantrums or even fits to speak of.  More of training issues like throwing food from the high chair and hitting herself in the head trying to be funny. 

We have quickly realized that training a newly adopted child is much different than training a bio child.  We know that we will have a long road ahead of us earning Susie Q's love and proving to her that we love her unconditionally.  One fellow adoptive mom gave me some great advice in training.  She said to remember to always have kind eyes when correcting your children, adopted or bio.  It was helpful advice to make me stop to think about how my eyes can speak love even when I am saying "no, no." For those first couple of months, we really tried not to even say the word" no" to her, but wanted to fill her environment with lots of "yeses".  But, eventually, the time came to start saying no to some things like the throwing food and really just ignoring some things like the hitting herself for laughs.  We even had to tell friends not to laugh but just look away from her so that she didn't get any attention for hitting herself.  By the end of the month, she wasn't hitting herself at all anymore!

It's also hard to hear Susie Q cry! We used a modified Baby Wise approach for our bio kids (some earlier kids got less modification! I'm so sorry MV and Hambone!) so I am used to a  few short sleep training days for babies to sleep well through the night and to develop health naptime routines.  Susie Q started sleeping through the night immediately thanks to some Baby Wise nannies in China! And her naps were 3 hours long just like my Baby Wise bio babies!  But something changed this month and her naps shortened to 1-1.5 hours long.  Now, my Baby Wise degree told me that she would soon fall back into her normal 3 hour routine if I would just leave her alone and let her cry herself back to sleep.  But, my newly acquired Adoption Wise heart told me that she had probably spent far too many days and nights crying alone in her crib.  What she needed now was to know that someone heard her cry and was there to comfort her. So, nap times are shorter these days, but I hope we have a little girl who is beginning to trust us and know that we love and adore her!

Lunch time with turkey, cheese and grapes!

All about Susie Q!
*She loves people and will go to almost anyone.  We have gone back and forth with saying no one but family can hold her and then letting people again.  We think she has attached quickly to us but she's also quick to make friends with strangers and show affection to them.  That's what we don't want!

*She is growing like a weed, but not putting on much weight, just getting longer!
*Her hair is finally long enough to stick a bow in it! For the first time ever, I am using those tiny, clear rubber bands in her hair so that the bow doesn't fall out.  She isn't a fan of rubber bands!
*She loves PB&J!  Just like her Mama!
*She loves to play outside!
*She loves Mac and Cheese!
*She learned to crawl backwards down the steps this month! Best practice is at church when she and Mommy head out during the sermon!

Watching GCA Football with Hambone!

First Fireworks Show for Labor Day!

She loved the swing! And I can't get enough of her smile!

Big time laughing!

GCA's Biggest Fan!  Thanks Cassie for my dress!

She learned to crawl backwards down the steps this month!

Family hike to Burgess Falls!

I LOVE my Daddy!



She loves the outdoors just like the rest of us!

Suzie Q adapted very well to the move to our new, temporary home.  She is sleeping in her own room for the first time and in her crib instead of the pack-n-play.  She didn't have any trouble with the transition!  Thank you, Lord!!  I get asked all the time how she is adjusting and the honest to goodness answer is that I don't think it could be going any better.  We know that this can change and want to still proceed with a cautious and keen eye, but as far as we can tell, she seems happy and very well adjusted.  I really didn't know things could go this smoothly and I am so very thankful that God blessed us with a quick attachment towards each other! Hambone says it best when she frequently says, "Mom, it just feels like she's always been here."  And it really does! It's been a little hard going back to diapers and spoon feeding, but I really have so many helpers that I can't complain!  All of the kids love to go and get her in the morning when she wakes up.  They even take care of her on Saturday mornings for me so I can some extra sleep! That's hard to beat!

We had a friend give us this jumper to help build her leg strength.  She usually just sits in though and doesn't jump unless I help her!

All ready for her first time to go to church!  8-4-13

This was the best shot I got on the first day of school! 8-8-13

Cruising around the couch! 8-18-13



Baby Girl hated the bath when we first got her in China and even once we got home!  That didn't last too long, though!  Now, she will squeal with joy when she hears the water turn on - even if it isn't her bath time!  8-20-13

Suzie Q had her second road trip this month to Texas for Robbie's grandmother's funeral.  We were so sad that SQ never got to meet Grandmother MV.  But, we were thankful for the chance for her to meet some more of her family and get to spend some fun cousin time with the Texas Clan!

Mimi holding SQ at the service.  Grandmother's photo is on the side of the picture.

All of the girl cousins (plus one little E photo bomber!)!

Texas and TN cousins (Minus B)

July proved to be an extremely busy month for our family! We tried to cocoon as best we could but that really only lasted one week before we had to get up and get going with LIFE!  During this month, Little E turned 7, the 3 boys went to football camp, we took a quick family vacation to Florida, we packed up our house and moved, started the building process and got 4 kids ready to start a new school year!  Yeah - so much for cocooning! 

Baby Girl is quickly preferring our American diet!  We started her familiar foods like congee, eggs, and noodles.

I was actually pretty emotional during this month, wanting to just sit and play with Baby Girl, but knowing I had work to do to get us moved by July 31 when I our rent contract was up.  Everyone pitched in and helped as much as possible with either packing boxes or playing Baby Girl.


My packing buddies! 7-21-13

We packed the house as quickly as possible so that we could take a quick, little get away to the beach before school started back.  It sounded a little crazy at the time to travel when we had only been home for 3 weeks, but we ended up glad we did! We needed a break from the crazy life back in TN!

BG's first time touching the water!

She actually liked it!

I'm telling you, this girl smiles all the time!



Here's the whole clan!

We ended the month back at home making the final move out of one house and into another.  I don't know what I would do with a laid-back normal life!  I might just get a little bored!  Here is a short clip of Baby Girl playing in her pack and play, which is also her bed for the time being.  You can see that she is spending more time sitting up playing and is getting so much stronger already!