Who's running the show....AUTISM....or me?

 Got the call this week. 

There is an opportunity to move Spencer into a house with a higher client-to-staff ratio. Unlike the last time this happened, the new house will be managed by the same company we've used for the last 12 years. 

Spencer irritates Tyler and disrupts his space. Spencer cannot leave things alone. Tyler is making great progress except for being able to tolerate Spence being up in his business. This kid. 

Sigh. 

My momma heart cracks open with any little change. the memories complicate my ability to stay calm and present and yet I can still feel satisfied that I'm in a better head space than I have ever been. 

Not gonna lie... I still hate autism and there are parts of me that hate that I hate it. It can be both. 

Leaving tomorrow morning for a short two-day visit. 

Wish me luck. 

 This is a real come to Jesus week for me. 

I've started a new business venture with Lisa. Right now, I'm straddling two counseling practices and facing the daunting task of finding clients/helping new clients find me and get started. 

I have done so much self discovery that I'm able to recognize my anxious and paralyzing thoughts faster. 

This is what needs to happen: 

Design and execute a marketing strategy. 

Complete all the hours of EEFIT training.

include physical fitness into my daily practice

Take my exams for licensure

learn how to write treatment plans. 

Get an NPI

Identify sacred times of the week to work on the research

Figure out a way to catch the anxiety sooner and make a functional recovery process. 

I need 10 new clients. 

 1. What is the worst thing that will happen if I do the thing that I fear doing? 

2. What are the things I can do that will prevent each of the worst things from happening? 

3. If the worst case scenario happened, what can I do to repair it? 

4. What are the benefits of an attempt or a partial success? 

5. If I don't do the thing that scares me, what will my life look like in 6 months, one year or three years? 

 I had a brain wave the other day while working out. My new gym is fun and I'm enjoying  getting used to it. 

I had the thought that I'm not working out for myself right now...I'm working out for 100 year old me. 

I've had a fixation on superaging for some time now. i'm endlessly inspired by video of old people still living like they are in their 30s. 

My goal is to be able to wipe my own ass for my whole  life. 

I'm of the opinion that it takes about nine months in a new city for the worst disorientation of relocation to calm down. I'm half-way there. Here is what I have accomplished so far.

A trip to AZ
A trip to the Bahamas
A trip to see the Kids in SoCal.
Another quarter of graduate school.
Hiking.
Shopping for land to buy a house. (Location is important).
I know pretty well how to get around town but I still use my phone to find stuff. There is a shortlist of places I can find on my own: Costco, groceries, Target, the mall, my therapist, the mountains, the airport.
Found some good places to eat. (I was really worried when I first got here. This is the south and there is a LOT of paper-mache on the menu:colorless-vegetable-less-fatty-fried-stuff. Most of it hurts my stomach).
I'm unpacked.
Got my driver's license.

Still drowning in boxes. Not quite able to cook. We weren't ready to do church on Sunday morning. We decided to worship in the mountains instead.

Pano of the view off our balcony

The logistics of this move have been maddening. I don't know how the rest of the world does it, but the Skoy's send out the breadwinner first and then the cleanup crew plays catch-up.

Guy started work on October 7th. Today is October 23rd. I'm sitting in a hotel room in downtown Knoxville. Our cars are sitting in the parking lot in front of our new apartment. Our stuff is arriving tomorrow for unloading.

Don't tell the transport company, but the driver helped me shuttle the cars from the Children's hospital parking lot a half-mile away to our apartment complex. Nice guy. He was from Chile.

I set up the utilities. In Florida and Ohio, you can do this online. In TN you need TWO forms of govt ID. Good thing my passport wasn't locked up in the safe on the truck.

Every day has had constraints on it where someone needed to be at the apartment within a three-hour time frame. Three hours in an apartment without furniture or toilet paper. (I found the grocery store yesterday, mischief managed.)

As far as my school work is concerned, I did as much as possible while I was still at my desk in Winter Park. That was a good strategy because today is the first day that I feel two brain cells are available for doing some thinking.

I'm weary of the uncertainty. Even though Guy has been working for two and a half weeks already, it takes longer to feel settled. We've had two dinners with the higher-uppers in the company already. There is a distinct un-fussy vibe about all of them that I appreciate. With Lennar, the money culture was strong, the pressure to look good was in the water. It was competitive and not in a good way.

So. Tonight, Guy is driving four hours home from Huntsville, Alabama in a rental car. I'm meeting him at the rental return and taking him to the apartment complex to pick up his own car. We have one last night in the hotel room and tomorrow is furniture-geddon. UP two flights of stairs for all the boxes/bikes and one baby grand piano.

The weather has been GORGEOUS. Chilly with sunshine and I can barely feel the humidity. The vibe around town is laid back and the people have been very friendly. Always a good sign.

One last observation. This might be a telling sign. People put their grocery carts away here. Interesting detail. I'll see if I notice more behaviors like this.