The Axelson's: 2009

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years Resolutions

I am going to be brave and post some of my new years resolutions. Maybe my family and friends or the few of you who read my blog can keep me accountable. I am a goal oriented person so setting goals or resolutions is important for me and really do help me make changes in my life whether big or small.

1. My huge resolution is to learn to be content with what I have. I just finished Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover and my small group at church is about to start a 13 week series on Financial Peace. My husband I have realized we are not in as good of a situation as we thought we were in. So this year will be a year to make some major changes. We are sticking with the all cash envelope system and there will be no room for extra spending. If we stick to our plan we hope to start building a new house in 2011!

2.) My personal goal is to do the 40 day Love Dare by Kendrick. I want to clarify that I am not doing this to save my marriage but I will admit that much selfishness has crept in and I am partly to blame. Lately, I have recognized the tendency to be more like business partners than a husband and wife. I need to learn to show more love and patience. I hope I can be committed to do it everyday for 40 days! I will let you all know how it goes. (good thing is my husband never reads my blog so he has no idea I am doing this)

3.) I plan to get back to my one year Bible. In the past five years I have probably read the entire Bible but never once have I read it in one year. Maybe this year will be the year!

4.) On a lighter note, I am going to try to be out of my pajamas by noon. Actually, I will start with being out of my pajamas by the time Chris gets home from work and once I can accomplish that then I will try to actually be dressed by lunch (even if I am not going anywhere).

5.) And lastly, I am going to try to get to bed earlier. It is way to easy for me to sit up late watching tv or playing on facebook and then I always regret it the next morning. Both Chris and I are going to try to be in bed by 10:30 each night.

-Tammi

Christmas in Dallas

This year we spent Christmas in Dallas. We went to the Christmas Eve service with my parents. My grandmother who is 88 years old few in from Idaho to spend a week with us. I am so proud of her for traveling, she is an amazing lady! We actually had all of the crouse kids together for one evening. We didn't have Raelynn but all the immediate family was here. It snowed on Christmas Eve! I know this post is long but I wanted to post some great pictures!

Christmas Eve, Cole's first experience with snow!

I am surprised he didn't try to eat it!

What an amazing family picture, we are all here and we are ALL looking at the camera!

The Young's

Heidi, Caitlyn and Zach

Cole is fascinated with the ornaments

Cole got a cozy couple for Christmas

It was a big hit with all the kids!

Cole's first remote control

What cute kids!

We actually bought all of the matching pajama's last year on the clearance rack!

I had such a great time in Dallas. I love being with my family and I especially loved the all day shopping trip with my mom, grandmother, sister and sister-in-law! What precious memories!

Christmas with the In-Laws

We celebrated Christmas with my In-laws on December 12th. Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Cole loved taking the ornaments off the tree

...and eating them

All dressed up for church

Eric and Ashley

Jake and Jennifer

Austin and Travis opening presents

Raelynn loves snow globes

A new dress!

Raelynn helped Cole open his presents while he ate lunch

Of course, Christmas in Crockett must include shooting guns...

and sitting in the back of a pickup

they shot clay pigeons, even Raelynn shot some!

Cole and mommy watching the gun show

We had a great Christmas with all the family. It is never easy to travel with a one year old but it was worth it to be able to spend time with everyone.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Different kind of Mother

I have been realizing that I am very different when it comes to the way I act toward my child. I hear stories from other moms and I wonder what is wrong with me. I feel like I am an unemotional mother who doesn't love my child. Ok, I know that I do love Cole but I am not sure why I am not mushy, emotional and sentimental. Here are some examples of how I am different:

*I didn't have a huge birthday party for my child when he turned one year old. We bought a couple gifts, a cake and had lunch with the family. And I didn't cry or feel sad that he was turning one. In fact we never do much for birthdays, we prefer family dinners out and a few gifts. I never understood birthday's, the kid didn't do anything in order to be born it was mom who did all the work. I always thought if you want to celebrate something celebrate when your child makes good grades, does something kind or graduates from high school! I am also fairly stingy and if I start out with big birthday parties then I am afraid my children will expect even bigger each year. I want my children to learn to be grateful and thankful for their material possessions and what better way to do this than by giving only a few special gifts each year!

*So far my husband and I have cut Cole's hair twice and neither time did I get emotional or have any sentimental feelings about his hair. It is just hair and I guess I don't understand why the first haircut is any different than the other hundred he will receive in his lifetime.

*I feel bad when my child is sick but I always assume he will get better and don't worry about it. I figure I'll wait and if it gets worse I can take him to the doctor but most of the time it goes away. I just don't worry about these things but it doesn't mean I don't feel bad for him.

*I am the really mean mom that allows my child to cry in his bed and I don't go get him. I just don't see crying as anything bad just a way for him to express his dislike for bedtime. It is kind of like hearing my husband complain, I just tune him out but I still care.

*I didn't take pictures or cry when I dropped my child off at his first day of Mother's Day Out. I was just worried he wouldn't sleep and then I cried because I had to pick him up early!

So, I am not the normal sentimental mother who gets emotional over my child's milestones. I really love being a mom but I do not get overly involved in events. I tend to focus more on the big picture such as my child nutrition, emotional health, sleep patterns and his ability to grow up in a morally challenged and self-centered world. I am bad about holidays, birthdays, entertainment and general milestones. I am not sure why I am so complacent and unemotional and it may appear like I don't care but I do I guess I am just different!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sacrifice

The past couple of weeks have been tough for me. I am realizing the extent of sacrificing for your family. I always knew there would be some sacrifices required when you become a parent but I didn't know it would be this hard. Lately, I have been feeling like everyone else's schedule and needs far exceed my own. My husband works a job which requires him to go to work early in the morning and work all day never knowing when he will be done. His job is stressful and many times he is at work until late in the evening. Of course there are times he surprises me and comes home before 2pm but these days are becoming more and more rare. When he is on call at the hospital he must be able to drop everything and get there within 20 minutes which means I must be with the children at all times so he is available to leave. So to say the least, I can't plan to do anything with out my child unless my husband is off work. There are days he is "suppose" to get off work early and sometimes I plan something but it never fails that he ends up working late that night.

Then there is my needy child who does not do well if I stray from his schedule. Most of the time I can't go to lunch with friends or out in the evening because he needs a nap or to go to bed. And another difficulty is we don't have any family in Lufkin to babysit and our babysitter is in high school which limits the times we use her. Right now I m blessed to have about four hours a week while he is at mother's day out to run errands, relax and work although I find myself upset that I don't get the normal six hours that I pay for. My child doesn't sleep at mother's day out so I pick him up early and bring him home for his nap.

So for the past couple of weeks I have realized the things I must sacrifice to care for my family; friends, social events, church, hobbies, shopping and any time alone.

I admit I have felt more like I have been robbed of my needs than a mother who chooses to sacrifice for her family. But after many tears I am learning that it takes sacrifice to be the Proverbs 31 women. Have you ever read all of Proverbs 31! Oh my, can a women of this nature really exist? I guess that is why is says she is worth more than rubies and a women this noble, who can find! I fully understand the sacrifice of a women who "gets up while it is still dark.. and her lamp does not go out" (Pvbs 31: 15 and 18). I will never say that it is easy and I will always hope for some time alone but when I have times like this instead of feeling sorry for myself I will try to remember to be thankful to be able serve my family in such a honorable way.

Oh and my sweet husband has given me the ENTIRE day off tomorrow to do whatever I want (within reason that it) and I think I am going shopping!

-Tammi

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Traditions

I really want to start new and unique traditions in our family. I want the traditions to be something that brings our family together and teach important lessons. We have so many worldly traditions that have no real depth or significance like Black Friday, the Christmas tree, barbecuing on Labor Day, and so many more. I am struggling with combining these fun traditions with some that can bring our children more of understanding of truth.

The first tradition we decided to adopt this year is simple but I think will be important in teaching about prayer. We have a basket on our kitchen table that will hold all the Christmas cards we receive this year. Before each meal we will pick one family from the basket and pray for them. We also started a fun tradition of getting Christmas pajamas on the day we set up the Christmas tree. In the past couple of years we have given the pajamas on Christmas Eve but then the children don't get to wear the fun jammies before Christmas. So this year after we set up our tree we gave the kids one gift and they put on their matching pajamas. We decided to make that picture our Christmas card this year because it was cute and cheap!

Traditions have always been the way parents past down memories and stories of the past, it was a way they filled their children with a solid understanding of where they came from and what is truly important. I want to teach our children about the sacrifice, love and faithfulness of our savior through fun traditions! I am not sure where I can find more suggestions for Christian traditions throughout the year so if you have any suggestions let me know!

Here are the pictures we took after the kids opened their matching pajamas.

-Tammi

Monday, November 30, 2009

Food Battle

I heard form so many people that they had issues getting their children to eat. Well, now I am there and I have no clue what to do. Cole has been sick for the past couple of months with constant ear infections so I decided to be easy on him. I let him eat crackers, goldfish and other snacks foods thinking it was better for him to eat that than nothing at all! I think I was wrong, maybe I should have kept pushing the veggies! No he refuses to eat almost everything! His diet consists of raisins, crackers, cheese puffs, goldfish and yogurt!

Today,he is feeling better so I decided it was time to do battle with him. I am going back to making some baby food and I am going to offer him something healthy and if he refuses I will get him down from his chair and try again later. I am hoping he will get hungry enough he will eventually eat! We did this with our last foster baby because she was used to a diet of pizza, chicken nuggets and french fries! It took about a week but eventually she started eating her veggies and by the time she left I think she actually liked them! I am going to make Cole some sweet potatoes for dinner and I hope he eats them! I just want to make sure he gets a healthy diet and I do not want to start this routine of me trying to find anything he will eat. I know I can't be as strict on him as we are with Raelynn but we tell her either she eats what is for dinner or she doesn't eat! I think it is time for me to start getting Cole into this habit or it is going to be a worse battle as he gets older!

So, this week we will see who will win this food battle and I hope it is me!

-Tammi

Friday, November 13, 2009

Moving to Lufkin

My husband and I are excited because we are about to purchase 25 acres of land. We really miss our family and want them to move to Lufkin. We have extended the invitation to our family to come live on our land. I am not sure if they realize the perks that come with East Texas country living.

1.) Our land is big enough we can fit at least five mobile homes, ten cars and three that don't work, lots of large broken toys in the yard, several barrels of trash, two old boats, and tons of dogs!

2.) You don't have to pay the city to take your trash, you just burn it.

3.) You can use your own sewer water to water your grass (it may stink but it will be very green)

4.) You don't have to spend a fortune on curtains, foils works just as good.

5.) You can shoot anything that moves in your yard with something more than a BB gun. And you can go outside to shoot in your underwear since no one will see you. Also, you can eat almost anything you shoot, with family members being the exception.

6.) You don't have to get regular haircuts or keep up with your highlights, bad hair is widely excepted.

7.) If you have all of your teeth and if they are close to white you will be viewed as beautiful and rich.

8.) If you don't like the view out your window you can move your house.

9.) You are considered educated if you graduated middle school and you are well cultured if you drink red wine and know what sushi is. Also, you are considered to be well-traveled if you know how to drive in Houston or Dallas traffic.

10.) And lastly, Chris and Tammi live here, so why wouldn't you want to come live near us!!!!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Trunk or Treat

We have never done much for Halloween before but this year we decided to do the Trunk or Treat at our church. The only rule was we had to use items in our house for our decorations and costumes (due to recent budget changes and we did not have an envelope for Halloween). I came up with this idea when Chris mentioned he was upset because the Texas Tech football game would be during the event. We decided to "tailgate" and dress up as Tech football players and listen to game on the radio while we handed out candy. So the only thing we bought was this adorable football outfit for Cole. Chris and I were football players, Raelynn wore her Tech cheerleading outfit and Cole dressed up as the football! We had a great time!!

-Tammi

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

"Stay at home" mother

I admit that before Cole was born I was so excited to be a stay-at-home mom! I was excited because I thought I would have so much extra free time to volunteer, have lunch with friends and run errands! Really, how hard will it to be a full-time mom!

Ok, so I was completely wrong! This past learned I have learned what it really means to be a stay-at-home mom. I think it means exactly what it is to "stay at home." Let me first stay that all children are different and my experience is based on my child's schedule. I learned that my first priority is to do what is best for Cole and this means making sure he gets plenty of rest and that I don't push him to far. Cole still takes two naps a day and he definitely needs this and I don't anticipate him changing anytime soon. It seems like everything I want to do falls during one of his naps and will cause him to be late for a nap!

Needless to say, I have spent the last year at home. I never take him to lunch with me (not worth it), I have a hard time finding the time to exercise, I am lucky to run one errand a day and I barely can keep up with my volunteer project! Being a stay-at-home mother is much more difficult than I expected and it requires much more sacrifice that I anticipated. I know now that for my child the best thing I can do is truly be a "stay at home" Mom!

-Tammi

Sunday, October 25, 2009

One year old!

I can't believe that over a week ago Cole turned one year old! The week of his birthday was a busy week with us caring for Adelle and helping the Young family. The day before Adelle was born we had a little party with my family in Dallas. Of course, Cole had no clue it was his birthday, he hated his birthday cake and had no interest in his presents! I am glad I didn't spend much on his birthday he was more interested in playing with papa and pointing at the fan!

I admit I was a little disappointed that he didn't dive into his cake or rip open his presents. I think many parents have high expectations of how they want their child's first birthday to go. We are actually celebrating his birthday again next week. I know this is crazy but his sister Raelynn couldn't come to Dallas and it is really important to us that she be a part of his birthday. So next Sunday my husband's family is coming over and we will do it all again. This time I have no expectations, just that Cole will act like a one year old and be completely unpredictable! I will post more pictures later. Here are the pictures of him at my parents house hating his cake and not too interested in his new toys.

I took Cole to get his one year picture made and I envisioned a cute picture with a number one or a picture of him eating his birthday cake but once again he would not touch the cake without screaming and the cute birthday pictures did not turn out well. But we did get the most precious picture that day. Cole looked so cute in his Texas Tech jersey and of course Chris was so proud of his little boy!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Looking forward

Today was a very exciting day for Cole, we changed his carseat from rear-facing to forward facing! I am normally very strict about the rules and he is suppose to be 1 year old and 20 pounds to face forward. Well, he is six days from being one and he is 19 pounds and 2 ounces but I felt it would be safer for him to ride facing forward. Lately, he has spent most of his time in the car crying and straining his neck trying to turn around and see me and that position would not keep him safe in a car wreck. So last night Chris and I put in his new carseat.

It was so precious to see his face while we were driving to mother's day out this morning! He kept smiling and laughing, he even waved at me! Now he can see everything outside and see his mommy. I wish I could have recorded his face and the sheer excitement.

I realized this situation reminded me so much of my own life. I spend most of my life looking backwards at the past. I know God is driving the car but I can not see him and I cry out in frustration. The sheer excitement I feel when I turn around and can see my heavenly Father driving the car. I know that joy comes not from looking at the past but from looking at the future and keeping my eyes fixed on my Savior!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Martha and Mary

Lately, I have been trying very hard to have quiet time to read my Bible and pray tut I admit it is not going as well as I had planned. I learned very quickly as my child ripped out part of Galatians that I need to read while he is asleep. So I put him down for a nap and I tell myself before I sit down to read (which is my first priority) I need to get the wash started and return one phone call. So I start the wash and then realize I have clothes in the dryer. So I pile the clothes on my bed and start folding them while I make my phone call. The phone call leads to a quick email and a couple of other phone calls. all the while I am still folding clothes. I take a quick brake to make some lunch so I can eat while I read my Bible. Then the washer is finished so I put it in the dryer and start a new load of wash. The phone rings one more time and once I am done I sit down to eat! I start reading and when I get to the third word I realize I forgot to get dinner out of the freezer to thaw. I run the kitchen to get dinner out and I notice I have no clean bottles so I wash them quickly and get dinner out of the freezer. I glance outside and see the mail is here so I grab it and start looking through it, letters, bills and the new pottery barn kids catalog! Ok, now back to lunch and my quiet time. I sit down, take another bite of my lunch and all of sudden I hear it, Cole crying!! He is awake from him nap! What, that is not possible he just went to sleep and I was going to have my quiet time! Well at least I am going to take a minute to pray...

Dear Jesus,

I pray today that you will give me wisdom and patience (oops I forgot to buy milk at the store, I guess I'll have to go back this afternoon when I run my other errands). I pray I will be the woman, mother and wife you want me to be (I wish Chris was home, I wonder what time he'll be home, I really need to go to the store). Please give me the strength to serve my family (oops I forgot dinner is sitting out thawing) and consider others better than myself (I need to call my friend back after I finishing praying). I pray I will be wise with the money you have given me ( I need to write a check, deposit the money and pay that bill by tomorrow) and that I will give generously. Please forgive my sins (I really wish I could pray better and not be so distracted but there are so many things I need to get done and oh I just heard the dryer beep. I need to get those clothes out before they wrinkle so I won't have to iron all of Chris's shirts, I hate ironing). Thank you so my Father for all you have given me and for your sacrifice on the cross. Amen!!

I don't know if anyone can relate to this but it happens way too often to me. I get so busy with all the things that need to be done and I don't just sit and focus on my savior! Jesus said to Martha when she was busy working in the kitchen and not listening to him; "Martha, Martha you are worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."

I am feeling like Martha right now and I wish I were more like Mary.

-Tammi

Monday, August 31, 2009

Broken hearts

If you have not already seen this video about Thomas, watch it, it will break your heart and fill you with a peace that you do not understand.

http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/photography/2009/thomas/

I just watched this video with my husband and I cried because my heart was broken for Thomas's parents. I cried because death is so scary and so final. My heart wondered if anyone can ever truly heal from this type of tragedy. I felt a wave of guilt because today I was frustrated at Cole because he was fussy and I could not get anything done. I am sure many grieving parents would be blessed to care for a child even if he was fussy. How small I felt for complaining today, my precious son is alive.

A few minutes after the video ended Cole woke up screaming and this is very unusual for him. He has a tooth coming in and we thought he could be in pain or he has a dirty diaper (our child will not sleep with a poopy diaper). Chris wanted to check on him but a few seconds after he left the room, I followed him. Normally he would accuse me of not trusting him but I think he knew I just needed to kiss my baby. I admit that I needed to hold my son after watching this story about Thomas. We gave him some Tylenol and I volunteered to rock him back to sleep. As I slowly rocked in the dark room, my tears started pouring. I am so sad for my sister and my brother-in-law. They will be saying goodbye to their only daughter and I in my safe and perfect world can not imagine how they will do this. But even more confusing is how will they find joy in their moments with Adelle. Unlike the couple on the video and I would be begging and screaming to God. Tonight in my selfishness I thanked God for giving me a healthy son. But in the quietness of the room, I remembered something someone told me " Our children are never really ours, God only gives them to us for a time. He loves them more than we ever could and he will do what is best for them." I realized that although I can thank God for a healthy son, he may not be healthy tomorrow. I wondered will Cole bury me when I am an old woman or will I bury my son. So instead I thanked God for the moment I had to hold my son close and feel his warm breath on my neck. Thank you God for each breath you give him and thank you for allowing me to love and care for your child.

I pray Father, that you allow my sister and brother-in-law to feel the warmth of Adelle's body and her breath against their skin. May they experience a lifetime of love through a tender kiss on her cheek.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What I have learned in six years of marriage

Sunday was our 6th wedding anniversary. We stayed home and had a nice dinner, watch a movie and opened a bottle of champagne. Monday was Chris's 32nd birthday so we got a babysitter and we went out for a nice dinner. As we were having some alone time in our room I looked around and realized how much our life has changed. Instead of the romantic getaway or fancy hotel suite I saw lot's of baby toys, a pile of dirty laundry, a nice pile of folded clean laundry, a baby monitor, a dog starring at me because he has not been fed and my husband's pager that could go off any minute! Life has definitely changed for us and we have learned alot about marriage, here are some of the things we have learn!

1. Marriage is not easy and it does not come naturally, it takes work and to make it work you must be purposeful!

2. Never start a deep conversation that could potentially lead to an argument after 10pm

3. You still can't fart even when you are in the bathroom (this is from Chris)

4. The best gift are definitely the most expensive!

5. The budget talk always results in an argument!

6. How selfish and proud we really are

7. People change so you have to be willing to love and accept these changes, otherwise you will never be able to stay married

8. The best thing you can do for your sex life is learn to laugh and it is ok to plan sex!

9. Staying up past 11pm is no longer fun, it's stupid and you regret it

12. Dating can mean, dinner at home with kids in bed, a movie and going to bed early

11. The best thing we can do for each other is speak kind words of encouragement and support

12. God knew what I never knew I needed in a husband!

I am truly best to have such an amazing husband. He is always the first to apologize and quick to forgive. He loves me despite my selfishness! I am looking forward to my marriage continuing to get better.

-Tammi