I know he is going to read this but I still had to write about it. Yesterday he called me to say he wants another weekend vacation. He wants to go skiing. I said yeah, that'll be fun for me! He said I could hang out in the lodge and drink hot chocolate. I laughed and told him we shouldn't spend the money. We need to start thinking about baby furniture. WHAT?! Already?! I said yes, my friend L, who is due next week, still hasn't received her changing table/dresser she ordered in July!! I have heard several stories like this so I think we need to consider ordering in January. Maybe we can go look during Christmas break?

He countered with we don't need to save money for it, how much can it really cost. All baby furniture is disposable since you only use if for 2-3 years. Agh! I tried to argue that if we buy nice stuff it can last until they are pre-teens. For example, a changing table/dresser becomes a dresser etc. So he said there was no way I was spending $42,000 on baby furniture. I promised I wouldn't spend $42,000. He then said I couldn't spend $400. Again I promised, there was no way I was spending $400 (definitely more than that!) I think he got scared and ended the conversation.

Cut to today, he just called on something else and then mentioned he was looking at baby furniture online today. (OK, that is just too cute, can you imagine the other guys he works with walking by and seeing him looking at baby furniture!) He said he was searching for bargains! Oh that poor deluded man, he really has no idea what he is getting into does he?

So yesterday I looked up when Mother's Day is next year and it is on May 11th. I would actually be a mother on mother's day next year. What a huge change from last year. I have a wonderful mom and grandmother that I spend Mother's Day with every year but last year I was still a bit sad. We went to breakfast and of course there were babies everywhere. I very much look forward to Mother's Day 2008 where I have a baby in my arms or am about ready to pop!

Funny story from this morning, I have not bothered to put on any button up shirts because I am all about comfort these days and they just aren't as comfortable as a nice cozy pullover. Well today I decided to be daring and grabbed a button up shirt that is normally pretty loose and comfortable. I started with the button over my boobs and I had to pull it to close it! WOW, lots of people have been telling me the girls are getting bigger but that finally convinced me. I worked my way down the buttons and knew I was in trouble when I got to the one right above my bump, it was a tight fit. I then went for the bump one and burst out laughing as it couldn't even reach! There was a good inch between the button and button hole!!! So the shirt is now sitting on my dresser. I'll pull out all the button ups and too short shirts and box them away tonight. They will be brought out into the light in about 7-9 months!

First things first, this just cracked me up!!!



I stole it from Amanda at Waiting In Line...My turn, yet? hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!

Second, will BALANCING ACT please give me your blog address? I would love to follow along your blog since we have the same due date and all. I tried clicking on your bio but it doesn't link to your blog. Thanks for your kind words yesterday. Glad you found me :)

Lastly but certainly not least, let's talk about the Twiglet!!! I went in for my OB appointment today. The nurse took my blood pressure, weight etc and then said the doctor would be right in and was about to walk out. I said "Wait, what am I supposed to take off?" She said "Nothing." Cue me staring at the door in disbelief as she closed it. What? A doctor appointment with my clothes on? What kind of place is this? I am surprised we don't all undress in the waiting room to same time. So there I sat with all my clothes. I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I normally fiddle about with the paper dress and spend time seperating the paper sandwiching the plastic and tie and untie the plastic belt. I got very confused and grabbed my magazine and read. Hmm. So in came my doctor and I almost expected her to tell me it was a mistake. "Take off your clothes you silly clothed woman!! Where do you think you are? The dentist?" But no, she just started chatting. She went over my bloodwork results. You will all be glad to know I am O+, tested negative for AIDS and syphillis and most importantly negative for cystic fibrosis. All good things.

She then came at my belly with the Radi.o Shac.k walkie talkie and pulled down my pants a bit. We discussed the Bella Band and how it worked as she had never seen one before (Really?) so she said she was going to start recommending them to others as she thought it was a great idea. She found Twiggy's heartbeat right away. I said, OK if you say so... how do you know that's not me? She said that if it were my heartbeat, she would drive me to the ER! Nothing in my body should be beating that fast except Twiggy. So yay! She also said she could tell Twig was moving around a lot.

So we made my next appointment for Dec 27th and discussed my need for a prescription for the Big u/s (stupid insurance is requiring it) So on the prescription she wrote:

dx = ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE

Sigh.

Yesterday I scheduled my big u/s! It will be at 8:15 on Monday the 17th. At the u/s the doctor will check out all the organs and body parts to make sure everything is going ok. For me the big thing is checking the heart, etc. If they were to find an issue, sometimes they can fix it in utero or be ready to do something as soon as the baby is born. For a bonus, we will also be able to find out the baby's sex! Hoping the legs aren't crossed! So in the spirit, I have added a poll to the right. Please cast your vote for boy or girl! We will not be telling anyone the sex immediately. We want to have this secret to ourselves for a little bit of time. We plan on telling the family at Christmas and then everyone else the day after. Jamie thinks it's a girl and I think it's a boy so we are pretty evenly split :) I think a lot of my family is thinking girl though.

Tomorrow I have my 2nd OB appointment. I do not expect an u/s but she will be using the doppler to hear the heartbeat. I can't wait!!!

So Twiggy is the size of an apple now. Just so amazing that I have an apple in me with arms and legs, wiggling all around and I can't feel it! Crazy!

I was starting to get worried about not having gained any weight yet (checked again this morning and still 128.6... yup, the .6 is even the same!) I posted on the 2nd Trimester chat board about it and I got 12 responses of people telling me they didn't gain weight until weeks 17-22!! They all said that as long as the doctor isn't worried we shouldn't be either. So I feel much better by that.

You can see from this belly shot from Saturday (15 weeks) that I do have a belly, so not sure where the other weight went to!!!



As a little bonus, here is a pic of Jamie and I from this weekend in Sequoia. :) We had such a great time! As I packed my suitcase, I thought "wow, this could be the last time I pack it until I get ready for the hospital!"

So I will do the obligatory "Things I am Thankful for", the only reason I hold back a bit is I know I will leave out 100 things, so keep in mind this is not a complete list and it is not numbered because it is in no particular order.

* Twiggy :)
* My amazing husband Jamie
* My family, my friends
* In less than 2 weeks we will be celebrating my grandfather's 91st birthday
* My cousin is still cancer free
* Our wonderful, old house
* My uncle who has helped us fix up that wonderful old house
* Doors and windows that open and close *Bonus, they do it without squeaking
* I finished half my Christmas shopping in 1 hour last night
* My job here at this company that has wonderful insurance
* My silly little Orange cat that woke me up at 4am last night because she was having a nightmare and making very odd noises in her sleep
* That I can easily fall asleep 99% of the time
* no morning sickness
* that I live in Los Angeles surrounded by family and friends
* that I live with freedom thanks to the armed forces that are working hard to protect us
* that I am who I am because of what life I was given and choices I have made
* that everyone in my family is fairly healthy, especially my almost 91 year old grandpa :) (this should be at the top of the list)
* that my brother, his girlfriend and my in-laws will be here at Christmas
* that today is the very first day I am wearing maternity pants, and boy do I love them!
* that I have so many things to be thankful for that I could keep writing for hours

May you all have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING and give thanks to your maker (whoever that might be for you) for all you have. Especially to those who are still in the infertility trenches, may your blessings take over the weekend for you so you can have a few days without sadness. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.


Speaking of Twiggy...
Here is a copy of the u/s from 11 weeks 4 days that was done on Halloween. I had a guy at work that is good with photoshop doctor it up so it could be seen as I want to use it on our Christmas card :) When I had tried to scan it 3 weeks ago it just looked like a black blob. I think he did a good job!

So there is no sucking in the belly at this point. It doesn't look like I just ate too much Thanksgiving dinner, it looks like I ate the whole turkey! I'll take another belly pic this Saturday. I think we are going with the every 2 weeks theme. I also think I have finally started gaining weight. In the beginning, I lost 2-3 pounds as the bloat from the IVF drugs wore off. Last week I was up about 1/2 a pound but when I weighed myself this morning it seemed about 3 pounds higher. I say seemed because I had eaten breakfast and had clothes on. My scientific (haha) weigh ins Have been pre breakfast, after 3 mile walk, no clothes. So I will weigh again tomorrow and use that as my official number. The books say that in the 2nd trimester I should start gaining a pound a week. That will be just weird. I don't have weight issues per se but I think like every woman seeing the scale go above a certain number (for me it's 130) causes a bit of breath holding. To go 5 pounds above that, well hmm, just not sure how I sill feel. As long as it all stays in my stomach then who cares. I think I will actually laugh at the weight going up. I don't relish the idea of gaining but I don't hate it either. Most women I know, lost it all in a few weeks or months after having the baby so it's really not bothersome. I think the actual number on the scale will just eb weird, that's all I am trying to say. Please do not walk away thinking I am complaining of weight gain, that is absolutely not what I am doing!

Twiggy is about the size of a lemon this week, about 3.5 inches. Twiggy can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb. What's that? Pee??? yup. Twiggy ingests the amniotic fluid, pees it out and ingests it again. Really quite gross when you think about it literally. We will definitely have to break Twig of that habit when he comes out!!

This was a great weekend in the Twiggy house! I am trying to get house projects done before Twiggy comes because I know I won't care anymore and Jamie won't want to spend any money. So for my birthday I asked for 2 new bedroom doors and a new bathroom door. I know, I have gotten a few looks from people when I tell them that is what I wanted. It really is though! See Jamie doesn't care too much about super cosmetic stuff like that. The old doors worked and they didn't look "awful" but I hated them. So he and my uncle spent the weekend installing them. WOW, do they look great!!! Now I just have to get Jamie to paint them since I am not allowed to paint anymore but they look so much better as is! So Twiggy will have a nice pretty door when s/he arrives. :)

In nursery news, my uncle (the handy one mentioned above) has asked if he can build us Twiggy's crib. He wants to build something that can be an heirloom for the family. I think this is a wonderful idea! So although I am not quite furnishing the nursery yet, I do know what the crib will look like!



It will be painted white though and the little details along the top edge will be pink or blue or green to match the room, not sure which yet. So excited about this!!

Look close (you can click on the picture to make it bigger) and you will see 5 deer. They live in the mountains behind us and sometimes come to the bottom of the mountain so we can see them (and yes, I live about 15 minutes from Downtown Los Angeles!!!) Since we moved here and first saw the deer I have always thought we could tell our children they were Santa's Reindeer :)

Hope this made you smile. Enjoy your weekend!

OK, here is the one from Saturday at 13 weeks with my bad hair.



But I am not digging this one either from Sunday so I'll just post them both and let you decide!!!



Stupid little side note. I am reading B.elly L.aughs by Jenn.y Mc.Carthy because I have heard on the boards how funny it is. Well I am not impressed. I think the writing sucks and she isn't funny at all. She spends the whole book complaining about how awful pregnancy is and how she had horrific back pain because she slouched over all the time to hide her pregnant belly. Thank goodness I didn't read this while undergoing treatments. I might have been tempted to seek her out and give her a smack on the head for not appreciating her very easily achieved pregnancy. I do not recommend this book to anyone. Ugh.

I am in New Jersey right now so not with my normal work computer. We did take a belly pic on Saturday and then I had Jamie take another one Sunday because I didn't like my hair Saturday.... hehe. I'll get it up on Thursday when I am back at work.

Big news is that we are now officially in the 2nd trimester! YAY! Twiggy now has some fingerprints and if Twiggy is a girl, she now has 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Let's hope she still has a bunch of them well into her 30's and avoids her mom's reproductive issues. :) But the best part of all about this week is that our miscarriage chances have dropped below 5%. Twiggy needs to just keep growing now... for the next 27 weeks... wow that sure seems like a long time.

You are going to be one lucky Twiglet when you arrive in this world. You will be surrounded by so much love. You will have a mommy and daddy that want you more than anything. You will also have grandma Pat that lives 2 blocks away that you can see anytime you get tired of mommy telling you what to do. You will have grandma Marie and grandpa Jim in Florida that you can go see when you get really tired of mommy and daddy both! Less than 5 minutes away, you will have great-grandma Peggy and great-grandpa Charles to make you lots of scones and cookies. Uncle Tom, aunt Sue, uncle Mike and cousins Renee and Megann also live very close by to give you lots of love and attention. If you ever want to learn to love the snow, you can also visit your great-grandma Hazel in Colorado. You also have aunt Kristie and uncle Dave in Michigan and uncle Derrick and aunt Alisha in Virginia! All these people are waiting to meet you and sooooo very excited. I could spend all day listing the people related to you and barely have time to mention the non-relatives that are excited too.

I do want to talk about 3 people that you won't meet though and it breaks my heart. You will hear a lot about them when you are old enough to understand but I want you to know how much I think of them right now. You see, I think I am thinking about them even more now that you are just forming. It could be my hormones going out of whack or part of nesting, I'm not sure. But anyways...

You won't meet your Great-Grandma Joanne. She was my dad's mom and a very special lady. I remember she took me shopping for my birthday every year and made the best English muffins with lots of butter on them. She always had a box of costume jewelry for me to play with and was always dressed perfectly herself. She was always a lady. When she knew she wouldn't be with us much longer she even took the time to pick out special things she owned for each one of us to keep to remember her by. She gave me a little fake Hummel figurine that I had bought her at a cheapie store for her birthday or Christmas or something when I was very small. Even though it was a cheapie little thing, I think she loved it because I had picked it out. She kept it with all of her valuable Hummel figures just like it belonged. It is also your Great-grandma Joanne that talked me into going to college. I had no intention of going to college as I had a great job at a music store and thought that was all I needed. Well she knew better and kept talking to me about different schools and how important it was. She passed on Thanksgiving Day (this is the reason I don't like celebrating Thanksgiving very much) of my senior year in high school. When she passed I decided I would go to college because I knew it would make her happy. I started the next fall and went on to get my Bachelor's degree as well as my MBA. I do believe she is very proud of me now which make me very happy but also makes me sad that she won't meet you here on earth.

You also will not meet your great-grandpa Walden. He was my dad's dad. I remember playing UNO with him. He was very good at UNO and would play it with me anytime even when I was very young and probably not a very worthy adversary. He loved working with wood and kept a box in the guest room closet of wooden toys he had made. I loved playing with those with my brother! He was very handy and loved building all sorts of things. I still have a backgammon table that he made, it includes little round playing pieces too! He and grandma also had a pool table at their house and he would play with us kids. We weren't allowed to use the cues but we were allowed to aim the cue ball with our hands. He also loved setting up the croquet set in the backyard for us all to play, we got to use the mallet then! He was probably one of the kindest men I have ever known. I remember him as very quiet though, maybe because grandma Joanne talked so much :)

Last but not least, you will not meet my dad. His name was Kim but everyone called him Fred. He would sign things Fred the Frog and draw a little frog head picture. I am actually a bit glad you won't meet him. He was a very severe alcoholic and died from the disease. (warning, it runs in our family!) The good thing about him being gone is that bad memories tend to fade and good memories tend to get stronger. I think you will have a good chance of only hearing the good things about him. There were so many good things, it's too bad they got overshadowed by his sickness. He was an excellent cook, especially spaghetti, yummy! He loved to spend money on people and make them happy by buying them things. (not always the best idea, but he really loved it) I remember I loved playing the video game Tempest. One day we were at an arcade and the arcade was going out of business. Well he ended up buying me the full size Tempest game! He kept it at his house and when I went there on the weekends I played it nonstop. All my friends thought it was so cool when they came over! He was amazing with computers, way ahead of his time. I think he would be very proud and amazed that both your Uncle Derrick and I are involved in computers. He was super intelligent. Probably even mensa smart. He loved to read and had hundreds of magazines in his house. He loved Science Fiction especially and took Derrick and I to Science Fiction conventions all the time. We would have so much fun at those with him! He was an avid photographer and loved music more than anything. He took me to my first concert when I was 6 or 7. We went to Dodger Stadium and saw Loverboy, Foreigner and a couple other bands which I cannot remember and you definitely will never hear of. He also took me to a Jefferson Airplane concert when I was about 10. He loved to take me to the horse races and shooting range. I think I first held a gun with him when I was 5. That makes me smile, not sure if I will let you hold a gun at 5 but that's a different story. One of my favorite memories of him happened when I was in my early teens. He out of the blue said to me "You have every advantage. You were born in the greatest country with every opportunity. You are a blonde, blue-eyed white girl that is super intelligent and can do anything she wants. Make sure you take advantage of it and don't waste it." I will never forget that and I have tried to take advantage and do whatever I want. So all in all he was a great guy and I think almost everyone that knew him will agree. Deep down in his heart he was kindness and love.

So Twiggy, you come from very good stock and will continue to be surrounded by love. You will have every advantage. You will be born in the greatest country with every opportunity your daddy and I can give you. You will be surrounded by more love than you can imagine and you will most likely be spoiled a bit. I know it sounds like a lot to live up to but I think you will be up to the challenge.

Love,
Your very proud mommy

I'll be taking a new belly pic on Saturday at 13 weeks. :)

Every morning I get dressed and look at my profile. Some outfits actually help me look a bit pregnant. Probably not enough for someone to ask me if I'm pregnant but enough to make someone wonder and gossip. Well today, is definitely a gossip looking day. As I looked at myself this morning, I had the biggest smile on my face and said another prayer of thanks. I really am so excited for the big freakin belly. I know I might regret saying that but I really do mean it now. What's strange though is that I can't wait but yet I can. I am content to enjoy each day. I still look forward to Saturday and a new week marker but I am enjoying this experience thoroughly, each day.

What I enjoy most of all is the grin on Jamie's face when he kisses my stomach (still 3 times, he started that when there were 3 embies and doesn't want twig to feel neglected by only one kiss now). I think I would have embraced adoption whole-heartedly but when I see that grin of absolute, complete happiness on Jamie's face from looking at my slightly growing belly... well I am just so glad we are getting to experience this. I still can't get over how blessed we are.

Liz at The Gallagher TTC Journey has tagged me to type up 8 random things about me that you might find interesting...

Here are the rules as I have copied them from her blog:

Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.

So keep an eye out on your comments or down below to see if you have been tagged... kind of like chain mail which I hate but it's always interesting to learn 8 new things that are non-IF related in the IF blogs we read.

1. In High school I was considered goth. Black nail polish, lipstick, boyfriends that wore skirts, the whole shebang and I loved it. I still listen to the music, otherwise you would never know.

2. When I was 10 I waited in line for 12 hours at a science fiction convention (yes I went to sci-fi conventions...) to see all 3 Star Wars in a row from midnight - 6am. One of the best nights of my life and I proudly tell people I am a Star Wars nerd.

3. All of my given names (I have 3) are from songs. My dad loved music so... Diana (by Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane), Rhonda (by the Beach Boys, you know the one), Layla (by Derek and the Dominoes) extra tidbit, my brothers name is Derrick after Derek and the Dominoes except my mom spelled Derrick wrong on the birth certificate :)

4. I hate the smell and feel of newspapers. I almost get nauseous when they are near and I refuse, absolutely refuse to touch them.

5. My grandparent's lemon meringue pie is one of my favorite things on earth.

6. My mom lives 2 blocks from us and my grandparents, aunt, 2 uncles, 2 cousins and various other family live within 5 miles. I never plan on moving from LA because of this.

7. If I could start my own business, I would like to be a professional organizer. I actually get a high from organizing things.

8. I was fired from B.urger K.ing when I was 15 because I was too bossy. (hahahahahah!!!!!)

Ok, so I am tagging.... Chili, Me? A mom?, Maybe Baby, ugh and anyone else that hasn't done this yet.

Twiggy is the size of a lime now, mmmm that makes me think of Mexican food... yummy. He is starting to get reflexes and if I poke my tummy it can make him move, not that I can feel it though. Fingers are going to start opening and closing and he'll start making sucking movements.

My tummy is sticking out just a bit more but it's still just squishy fat although there are several pants I now cannot zip at all. Looking forward to the next week or two when I will hopefully pop! The only downside is this horrific trapped gas. About halfway through every meal except breakfast, I get such bad pain. It really sucks. Last night I actually got dizzy and clammy from the pain at one point. I was at a family dinner and excused myself to the restroom. That helped tremendously but wow, I am almost to the point where I don't want to eat out of fear of the pain. I can't pin it on any particular food either. Maybe once I "pop" this might let up a little? Any advice would be appreciated.

In other big news, TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! I am 35 today. So last year, AF actually started on my 34th birthday. We were moving on to cycle 8 and I made an appointment with my RE. I know that my only wish was to at least be pregnant by 35. This year, I am just so thankful, it's too much for words. I am going to be greedy though and have 2 birthday wishes.
1. That on my 36th birthday I am holding a healthy, happy 6 month old in my arms.
2. That everyone that is reading my blog right now and is/has been dealing with the hell that is infertility, will be pregnant or have given birth by my 36th birthday.

I don't think either of those is too much to ask after all I have been through. I think it is perfectly fair for both of my wishes to be granted and I completely expect them to.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, I wish you all a good one.

So on the day that I post I don't have much to write about, I am posting twice. Go figure.

I went to my hairdresser tonight. I saw her 3 months or so ago when I was stimming. She was getting ready to do her 6th IVF cycle. This one was different though, she was using her sisters eggs. Well I had heard from someone at work that goes to her too that the cycle had failed and she was moving on to adoption so I was prepared before I got there.

When I walked in she was actually having her dried by another girl so I sat down and started chatting. She asked if I was going to do any color and the conversation went like this:

me: no, I can't
her: you can't?...... you can't!!!
me: nope I can't (slight grin)
her: OMG!!!! I am so excited, how far are you? (please note, the girl drying her hair, looked sooooo confused!)
me: 12 weeks, we got lucky and that first IVF worked (girl drying hair gets look of understanding)
her: (tears welling in her eyes) I am just so happy for you, I really am.

And you know what, I believed her. I think that those of us in the infertility circle are truly so happy for each other. Her IVF had failed a couple months ago and they had already finished their homestudy so fortunately she had moved on mentally. Later we were talking and she said it is like all of us are on this terrible infertility island together and I was able to get off. I liked that analogy. I hope she gets off very soon. I hope everyone who reads this and is still on that stupid island gets off soon.

I have noticed that when the infertility blogs I read move to pregnancy blogs, they start getting updated less frequently. I used to think, What the Hell? They are finally pregnant and they don't want to tell us about it? Well now that I am in the pregnancy shoes, I am understanding a little more. There just isn't that much to say. With the infertility I was constantly getting u/s's, taking drugs, worrying during the 2ww, etc. (except for those gawdawful "rest" cycles) It seemed like I would never run out of stuff and if I did, I could always call my insurance company, get worked up and have a lot to write about.

Well the insurance is done, I'm all reimbursed, no more daily visits with the dildocam, no more 2ww. Heck I don't even have morning sickness to write about!

So here I am apologizing to my faithful readers. I may be moving away from the daily blogging. I guess that is a testament to how happy I am. Writing seems to come from angst (unless you actually have writing talent) and without the angst I am empty of words. I don't think I can just write every day "YAY, I am pregnant!" because that is what I feel everyday. I also thank God I am not worrying anymore. Sure I know there is still alot to worry about but (knock on wood) I am doing ok. You see, I always knew I would have trouble getting pregnant but I never had a feeling of having a rough pregnancy. So all my life I prepared for the infertility part but never prepared for something bad happening during the actual pregnancy, probably because I could never actually visualize being pregnant.

OK, so alot of babbliing but I think you get the gist. I may not be blogging everyday but I will be reading your blogs every day and that is the most important part I think!