OMG!! Can you believe it???? My tummy is really starting to show. I went to the mall and bought some maternity tops and they actually are starting to look like I belong in them :) Just lovin every minute of this!

We went back this morning for the follow up u/s for the spot on Twiggy's heart. The u/s went really well and the doctor was pleased. There are no other markers for Down's so our chances are slim to none. I also asked him to point out her girly parts and he did. :) I have an u/s pic but not going to work today and that is where the scanner is so next Wednesday I'll add that to the blog. He also did a 3D pic of her face. Very cool but she does look a little like a piglet instead of a Twiglet! I'll put that one up Wednesday too.

Thanks for all your kind comments! It's amazing how many people we don't know are happy for us :) Thank you, thank you, thank you.

GIRL!!!!! Thanks for all the votes!! Wow, 50 for boy and 48 for girl!

We had a great time telling the family. I made this cake.



In between the 2 layers I put a layer of pink frosting. After Christmas Eve dinner, I put the cake in front of my mom and said that since she has walked with me (literally, we walk together 3 miles every morning!) for the past 1.5 years and been supportive the whole way. She has learned all she can, read other peoples blogs to learn more and even read books on IVF, infertility and adoption. So I wanted her to have the honor of cutting the cake. She seemed pretty happy about that. We did a quick video around the table of everyone saying their vote, boy or girl and then mom cut the cake.



There were lots of yays and maybe even a tear or two. I think it would have been the same reaction for a boy but the surprise was pretty fun!

On Christmas day, Twiggy got 3 gifts! I don't think Twiggy expected any, I sure didn't. :)

She got a little onesie from Jamie's parents.





and Jamie practicing with the onesie...



My brother got Twiggy a plush Grumpy and gift card for Disney store! The Grumpy suits my brother perfectly and he said he even got one to keep at his house so Twiggy can have one at both places.





Last but not least, my grandpa ordered this cute little onesie off the internet. Pretty sweet :) I think he is very excited about his new great-grand daughter.





We had a wonderful Christmas!!! I hope yours was wonderful too!

Mike and Liz adopt also had a great Christmas, their son was born on Christmas morning!!! What an amazing Christmas gift!!!

Can't believe it!!! I am 19 weeks pregnant, just impossible to imagine and even harder to believe. I guess this belly is starting to make it more real... forgive my attire, Jamie had to go to work today so I had him take the pics before he left and I was still in jammies ;)



Jamie has been bugging me to take one with my bare belly showing, so I apologize in advance but here it is...



In even bigger news, I am 99.9% sure I felt kicks last night. The last few days I have felt something but I wrote it off to all the gasses floating around inside my body (joy of pregnancy!!) But last night I had just eaten and I was sitting watching tv and it felt like someone's finger poked me but from the inside. If it was gas, it felt different than gas has felt before. I just sat there and waited for it to happen again and a minute or so later it did, and then again, and again! I called Jamie to tell him and he was pretty excited but now he is dying to be able to feel the kicks himself.

Not sure how much I will be blogging in the next few days and not sure anyone will bother reading anyways, but I will post on Wednesday for sure!!! Gotta change to pink or blue! Thanks for all the votes, looks like boy is winning right now :)

Back in June I met Patience at TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP and she was in her 2ww after IVF. I remember hoping so badly that she was going to have a positive outcome but unfortunately she did not. Well I am VERY happy to report that she just got a BFP on an HPT yesterday and had it confirmed today with a beta of 68!!!! I am sooooooo excited for her!!!!! Please go give her your congrats!! This is a very good week on the infertile island.

how happy I am for Mike and Liz. After 17 months they just got the best Christmas present ever. They have been matched for adoption and the baby is due tomorrow! Please go over and give your congrats!

This is unrelated to Twiggy but I think those of us with IF will get something out of it. My 25 year old cousin was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a couple years ago and it greatly impacted her college life and early 20's. She handled it all with strength, courage and determination. Her entire family is extremely proud of her. She is currently applying to law schools and had to write a personal statement. She sent me a copy of it to read. As soon as I finished I asked if I could share it. The whole statement really spoke to me. I am not comparing her cancer to my infertility but alot of the emotions she discusses mirrored my own. I found the entire thing very uplifting and a portrait of someone who defines inspiration to me.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

“Whoa, that’s a gnarly scar!” This was the reaction of one Southern California teenager to the horizontal scar left on my body from thyroid cancer; perhaps the exclamation should have embarrassed me, but instead it made me feel relieved he acknowledged the enormity of my situation. The usual comment of people who notice the scar is, “It just looks like a wrinkle to me.” My gut reaction to this latter response is always anger and disappointment. In order to analyze why I have such a poignant response, I researched some common feelings of cancer survivors. As I typed the words “thyroid cancer survivor” into the Google search box, it finally struck me- I am a cancer survivor. The significance of those words is exactly why a nonchalant reaction to a scar signifying the single greatest challenge and triumph of my life somehow trivialized the considerable growth it has meant for me.

Google search parameters: follicular-variant-papillary-thyroid-carcinoma-treatment- survival. Results: completion thyroidectomy, Iodine 131 radiation treatment, and survival rate 96%. My first step after hearing the dreaded “C” word from the doctor was to research the statistics and details about my specific type of cancer. Once I knew the particulars of my diagnosis, I was better able to get a handle on what I was facing and the fear was gone. I approach many of life and work’s problems with this same analytical mind frame. I am logically passionate which sounds like a paradox, but I have come to realize the extent to which these personality traits can work together. Once I have researched something enough, I give myself whole heartedly to it; along those lines I make important decisions methodically. Both my passion and dedication come from the logical and analytical intellect I have; because of this, I am sure in my head and in my heart the practice of law is the right path for me.

Independence haunted me in March of 2006 when I was forced to endure complete solitude in a hospital room for 3 days to receive radiation treatment. As I was utterly alone in that hospital room, I reflected on the word independence; I determined there is a limit to its value. Throughout my cancer treatment I discovered I needed others to take care of and help me- physically and emotionally. My family and friends were a source of support I could not have done without, but I had to learn humility and to give up some of my independence in order to accept their help. Humility was a hard lesson for me- showing vulnerability and weakness is rarely something I did because I measured my success by people’s perception of me as a strong person. Acknowledging a need for support, I now realize, does not mean that my sense of self and independence are lost, but only that I am human. My experience with cancer treatments showed me independence and humility are traits that can, and in fact should, co-exist within me.

Google search parameters: personality-formed-at-age? Results: evidence of character formation by age three. I got what I wanted the majority of the time when I was a child- eventually; by eventually I mean that I wore my opponent, child or adult, down with my persistence. Home videos detail the quiet, calm perseverance which characterized my quest at age three for a toy that another child possessed. I would quietly say, “I have that now” as I took the toy. The other child would take it back and I would repeat the same process over and over until the other child grew tired enough to simply surrender the toy. Fast forward to my college years at UCLA where I worked hard to maintain my grades and finish my bachelor’s degree in three years in the midst of feeling ill from what I now know to be cancer. I also kept my job as a paralegal and earned my certificate during the two treatment years. Despite the obstacles in my way, I would not quit. Lately as I am healthy and training for a 10k race I feel an overwhelming sense of joy I can run and I am reminded that my illness did not change the core of my personality, but instead made the quiet perseverance I have always displayed even more apparent.

One of my favorite television shows features an intelligent woman solving the answers to the who, what, when, where, and why questions of unsolved murders. In contrast to Jessica Fletcher’s role in “Murder She Wrote” of solving the cause of murders, I will never know the reason I was afflicted with this illness. Instead, I have taken control of the effect cancer has had on my life. My anger at the non-visibility of my scar is not a wish for pity or the result of regret I had cancer, but a reaction against the accompanying notion that cancer did not impact my life in any way. It believe it did, but in a positive way. The development and enhancement of logical passion, humble independence, and perseverance in my character following my battle with cancer make it a life affirming experience I carry with me everywhere in the physical form of a barely visible four inch scar on my neck.

Twiggy is a bell pepper this week (a green one haha!) and is busy moving around although I still can't feel it!

My apology in advance to my IF readers still in the trenches. This post will come across as complaining. I am sorry it comes across that way. I am sure you know how very ecstatic I am that we had a healthy baby u/s but especially after going through infertility for 1.5 years you build certain things up in your mind. I had really built up the big u/s as this wonderful, amazing experience so it is a bit hard for me that it didn't live up to those expectations. Forgive me for complaining. I know I sound ungrateful and for that I truly am sorry but in the interest of an honest blog and a history for my child I want to write about the bad aspects of myself and experiences.

The more I think about yesterdays u/s the more bothered I am. I am upset and I feel a little jipped. I kept hearing about big u/s's that took an hour and they really got to see all the parts and just watch the baby for a bit. They get clear shots of the boy/girl parts and it was overall a very cool experience. I have even heard where the doctor poked around or had the mom turn on her side in an effort to get the baby to move so they could see more. Our scan was literally less than 5 minutes. The doctor barely said a word to us during it and kept jumping around so we could barely catch what he was seeing. I was warned by my OB ahead of time that he has no bedside manner and is an alarmist. She said to not get too worried about anything negative he said until we talked it over with her. So wow, was she right. No bedside manner. He wasn't mean or anything just didn't do any extras. Maybe since Twiggy was in a bad position and he knew he wanted us back next week he just cut it all short? I certainly hope so.

Next week I will be asking him to point out the sex so I can see for myself. This time when he was all done and had explained the white spot on the heart he then said "So do you want to know what I think the sex is?" I said yes real quick and he told us. I asked how sure he was and his response was "Well don't remind me next week what I said and let's see if I have the same opinion." So we will make our announcement at Christmas (not sure how yet :) but a part of me is thinking we may have to retract it on Friday! Well at least no one can buy too much in 4 days. So although I am excited to know the sex I am taking it with a grain of salt and won't 100% believe it until I can see the hamburger or hot dog with my own eyes!

We had our big u/s today and the bottom line is a healthy baby. The u/s pic is a bit hard to see anything but the head is on the right and you can see the spine along the top.



Twiggy was face down so that meant a short u/s, no 3d and the need to go back next Friday. The doctor said the size was great (Twiggy measured exactly 18 weeks 2 days!) and all looked good, except he counld not get a good read on the heart or see the face due to the position. He did see a see a white spot on the left ventricle of the heart and wants to see more but the spine was casting a shadow on some of the heart.

The white spot is called Hyperechoic Focus and means there was mineralization of the papillary muscle (he gave us a sheet on it.) This is not a defect and there will be nothing wrong with the heart itself. 4-8% of the population has this and it means nothing. Except it is known to sometimes be an indicator of Downs Syndrome. By itself it is usually nothing and that is why he needs to see the face and the heart more. If there are more indicators then that will mean something but this by itself is not that big of a deal.

Jamie is a bit worried but I am not. I spent all weekend worrying there wouldn't be a heartbeat at all or a missing liver or something else that this just doesn't seem like anything. Honestly I would much rather be told I have a chance at having a Downs baby than a heart defect. So no worrying and certainly no concern until next Friday.

On more superficial news, we know Twiggy's sex!!!! You'll notice I changed the color of the blog to green. Well next Wednesday after we have told our families, I will change the blog to blue or pink. :) That's a fun way to let you all know, don't you think?

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Even more superficial news, here is a super cute pic of Orangie curled up on the Snoogle (it is of course under the covers)



On Saturday night I had a girls night so here is a little shout out to my ladies!



From Left: Michele (who will be my doula) holding her daughter Kaylee, Amanda, Ginny, Vicki, Annie, myself holding Michele's youngest Kolbe.

Well as you can see, I did not run off with Leo. Alas, he was no where to be found.

We got there about 9 and checked in. We walked into the main room and immediately saw Rob Schneider. Jamie got a drink and I got a Sprite :) We started Leo watch and moved across the room. The food that was laid out was pretty fun!! Pizza, mac n cheese, hamburgers, 3 chocolate fountains (white, dark and milk) and all sorts of other stuff. There was even a guy wandering around, pushing an ice cream cart! We didn't see anyone else interesting so we made our way to the next area, the bowling alley. TO get in, we had to wait in a line because it was so crowded they were only letting people in as people left. So there we are in line and this tiny little short guy cuts in front of us. No big deal, we thought he was with the people in front of us. The line started to move and the cutter turned to us and said, "Watch, it's going to cut off at me!" Well low and behold it did! So we stood there talking to him for a minute and I kept thinking to myself, he sure looks like that guy Eric from E.ntourage. But no it couldn't be him, way too short, very red hair and a crapload of freckles. So he starts chatting me up (Jamie said he was hitting on me) We were talking about the line and the party etc for about 5 minutes and he ignored Jamie the whole time haha. Well they finally let us in and he darted over to the smoking area. Jamie goes, "well there was another one, the guy from E.ntourage." No way, he was sooooo short, couldn't be more than 5'1". But yes, talking to other people it was him. Funny how different people look on tv. He was really nice though.

The bowling alley was packed and no one to see there so we mosied over to the Jam Session room. We saw some of Jamie's friends and they told us that a friend of theirs said they were going early to reserve a lane for Leo!!! Agh, panic alert, gotta find Leo!!! So we keep looking and head on to the ice rink. In the hallway we walked past E.dward N.orton (Love him! I would see any movie he is in!) And no one in the ice rink, no T.om Cruise playing ice hockey with S.teve S.pielberg. Sigh...

Back to the Jam Session room where we parked ourselves for a while and waited for the jamming. Finally A.dam S.andler went on stage and called up R.ob S.chneider and a bunch of other unrecognizables and they started playing all this great music, it was soooo much fun! Jamie's boss' boss (the films editor) was even playing the drums. I was very impressed with how good a singer Adam is.

We watched for about an hour and went back on Leo watch. Back to the bowling alley. I look over and see another big crush of my past. M.atthew Pe.rry! Woo hoo, he looked really good, not all scruffy and facial hair covered like all the other guys.

We noticed that it was emptying out a bit and went back to the main room which was also emptying. Back to the jam session, noticed the ice rink was now closed and decided that we were not going to find Leo. Not from lack of effort though! I just don't think he was there. Jamie was told there were around 3000 people so it was a bit like a needle in a haystack. Anytime we saw someone Jamie knew we asked if they saw Leo but no one did.

So around 12:30 we called it a night. I was soooooo tired and so many people had already left. I really hope Jamie doesn't find out that Leo showed up at 1am!

So Jamie is currently working on the new A.dam S.andler movie (he's an asst editor) which means we got invited to the H.appy M.adison Holiday party!! Woo-hoo!! It's tonight!! Now I am not normally a low grade paparazzi but there are two celebrities who I would give my left arm to meet. B.ette M.idler because I just love her and drum roll please..... L.eonardo D.iCaprio. I have been in love with him since Basketball Diaries and my love has never faded (Don't let go Kate, don't let go!!!!!)(yes Jamie knew there was someone before him but he did understand my chances of marrying Leo were slim to none so he took a chance with me.) Jamie has heard that this annual party is a pretty big deal in the celebrity world. Last year T.om C.ruise and Ste.ven S.pielbeg were playing ice hockey together at the party (it's at Pickwick center in Burbank which has bowling, ice rink, horses, etc) But screw Tom and Steven... when I heard that Leo was there last year.... well this has now become the Diana WILL meet Leo party and it's all I can talk about at home. Jamie knows that we will get there when it starts at 8 and will not leave until it ends at 2am (considering my average 9pm bedtime this will be interesting... "Who's the delirious pregnant lady stumbling around over there, drooling and saying Leo over and over?") I expect to spend every moment on Leo watch. There is only one little glitch to this plan... just because he was there last year doesn't necessarily mean he will be this year. So if you have read that Leo is in Antarctica right now and can't possibly make it, go ahead and tell me so that I can get home and to bed at a normal hour. Otherwise you may leave me all the good luck comments you can muster.

Have a great weekend, Big u/s is Monday!!!! and a big thank you for all the compliments on the Holiday Card. After I had ordered the cards I saw a post on the 2nd Tri board that asked if it was tacky to include an u/s on the Christmas card and almost everyone said it was! One person said "No one wants to see inside your vagina." So I was a bit worried that people might think it was weird. Anyways I am happy with it and Jamie is happy with it and 7 people who read my blog are happy with it so I am content. Thank you.

If you click on it, it gets bigger :)

I have been asked several times if we plan on having more than one baby. I guess my simple answer is you can plan anything you want but it doesn't mean it will happen. When Jamie and I first started dating, I made it very clear that I wanted to adopt a child (or 2 or 3) someday. I hoped to have babies of my own but still wanted to adopt an older child or a baby if I could not give birth for some reason. It was very important to me to only date someone that was open to adoption. He hadn't really thought about it but said he was open to the idea. That was good enough for me and we kept dating :)

Back then I wanted to give birth to 2-3 children and adopt 2-3 once my bio children were in their early teens or so. Jamie always said, let's start with one and work our way up.

I still dream of having 2-3 and adopting 2-3, so yes I would love to have more but I can't plan on more.

Yesterday I did some final figuring on our infertility insurance. I updated my spreadsheet and discovered our insurance has paid a bit over $9500 for infertility coverage. My lifetime limit is $10,000. Assuming i can only get pregnant with IVF, this means we are most likely not going to get pregnant again. Yes, things can happen. When we first got diagnosed with high FSH, we were told our chances of conceiving on our own was about 3-5%. So yes, we could maybe get pregnant on our own. I could get a different job someday with different insurance, Jamie's insurance could improve (I expect pigs to start flying first) or we could win the lottery and afford to pay $12,000 for IVF on our own. So I guess what I am saying is that I am 99% convinced this is the only baby that I will give birth to and while I am EXTREMELY grateful to have this one baby, there is a part of me that is sad about losing my dream of 2-3.

About adoption, Jamie and I have not really talked about it now that we are pregnant (he was of course very on board adopting before IVF came into the picture) so I am not sure how he feels yet about child #2 and I imagine he will still say, let's just have #1 first and worry about that later. So here are my thoughts only, I want to have more than one child in my life. I do not need the next child to be a baby though (at least not now) Considering adoption will be $25k - $35k for an infant, I would rather adopt a child or two in the 2-5 year old range. When would I want to do this? I am not sure, I guess I am with Jamie on just wait and see.

So if any of you were going to ask if we plan on having more than one... here is the answer.

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Snoogle update, I only woke up 4 times last night!!!! Orangie shared very nicely with me too :)

So for my birthday, my mom bought me a Snoogle. I have been putting off using it because I wanted to stomach sleep as long as possible and I knew there was no going back. Well at my last OB appt, my doctor said I had to start side sleeping in the next week, max 2 weeks. Well that was this weekend. On Sunday night I broke it out of the bag and shoved it under the covers. Orange cat was instantly amused. I spent the night tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. The point of the bottom part of the "C" is for one leg to be on top and one to be under the pillow. Well when you want to turn over you have to untangle your legs, turn over and retangle them. This means that every time my body decides to turn over, I wake up. About 10 times on Sunday night and 10 last night. I am really hoping this is just a matter of getting used to!! If you have used a Snoogle, please give me your experiences and how long it took to get used to.

Now with all that said, it is AMAZING how comfortable the Snoogle makes side sleeping. If I could just stay on one side the entire night I would be fine. I do realize this might be just the beginning, when I have a big belly in the way I am sure it will just be harder. I should thank my lucky stars I can turn over right?!

Orange cat LOVES it though. She curls right up in it and I think she thinks we got it for her. Usually at bed time, if she is on my side of the bed, I make a motion to move the covers to get in and she gets up and goes to Jamie's side. She then waits for me to get settled and climbs back onto me. Well last night she was all Snoogled in and I went to move the covers... she cocked an eye at me and promptly shut it again. She was not moving! I moved the covers more to where it normally would have bothered her and she still refused to budge. (I know I could have easily moved her but I was laughing to hard at this point! You non cat lovers are all rolling your eyes at me aren't you?) So I climbed in next to her and moved her a bit with my leg, she just rolled a bit like a raft on the ocean. So there I was, on the edge of the bed with the cat taking ownership of the Snoogle. Silly Orange Cat.... or is it silly me for letting her?

OK, so there is the belly pic from yesterday (sorry hair is not done and since it was a weekend, no makeup! But you are looking at the belly anyways!) One thing that struck me was how much it looks like my back is bending already. I don't know if it is always curved like that and it's just more noticeable with the belly or if it really is curving more. Weird!

So Twiggy is a turnip this week. Funny but I can't even really picture how big that is. I'll just assume it's bigger than last week! Some of the bones are starting to harden so Twigs not just a blob of rubber anymore.

So one more week until the big u/s!! I can't wait!!!

On Sunday we went furniture shopping because I think we should order furniture sometime in January and I wanted to start looking a bit. Jamie actually enjoyed it and kind of got into it! One of the things I really wanted was a big hutch/changing table combination at Pottery Barn Kids. It was only available online so we went to PBK and looked at their other furniture just so we could see if we liked the way they made their furniture. Well we were both very disappointed. Everything they had in their white collection just felt and looked cheap to me. The drawers didn't slide easily and looked like they were made out of fake wood. So I am really glad we looked and didn't just order! We had gone to a local store earlier and saw some stuff we liked and it was all really well made and better priced. I think we will look at a few more stores but we may end up getting the stuff at the local store. Another big decision, we both decided we don't want white anymore. I think we will be going with cherry wood or a darker wood like that. It was so much fun!!!

Here is a picture from 1st Annual Holiday Cookie baking day, my friend S and baby Ella! She is wearing a jacket I gave her for Hannukah :)

17 weeks is a big deal for me as a good friend of mine gave birth to and lost her son at 17 weeks about 9 months ago, making this a sort of milestone. I have lots of emotions about it and I am sure she does too. She reads this blog and I just want her to know I have been thinking about her all day and cannot wait until she is pregnant again.

I will be glad when next Saturday comes and this week is passed.

Complete change of topic, I went to a cookie exchange today with my LA Nestie group. I had such a great time! It's so much fun to put screen names to faces :) I had taken Thursday off work for my 1st annual Holiday Cookie Baking Day and made 8 different kinds of cookies. My mom, cousin Renee and friend S came over with baby Ella. They all helped thank goodness!!! I think I may have been a bit overambitious and never would have finished without them! The cookies came out great so I will have to try to do it again next year although it may be a little harder with a 6 month old!

We forgot to take a belly pic this morning so we will definitely do one tomorrow and get it posted Monday. My belly is definitely showing. We had our Christmas work party Friday and I had several people come up to me to say congrats. I think they may have whispered to each other "Diana is a bit fat, is she...?" It sure was fun to be congratulated! I even had one belly pat :) My friend Greg came over and held his hand over my belly and said "Can I?" Big smile on my part :) I don't think I will mind belly pats at all, especially when people ask first.... not sure about strangers though, that could creep me out.

My friend L had her baby Londyn Rose Mitsu S. last night. So exciting!!! I can't wait to meet her, hopefully today or tomorrow!!!! Little Twiggy has another friend to look forward to meeting!

So I did my ultra-scientific weigh in this morning (unclothed, before breakfast but after my glass of water) and I was up 2 pounds!! Now this has happened before only to disappear a day or so later so I won't believe it until I weigh again. I think I will on Thursday and see what happens.

BTW: Yea that was the super cool grandma in the picture that leaves comments on the blog sometimes :)

Wow, that seems far doesn't it? I remember reading other peoples blogs and seeing tickers on peoples signatures on the chat boards and if they were at 16 weeks or more it just seemed so far. Like they were really, really pregnant. Oh what I would have given even 3 months ago to know I would be this far some day.

Yesterday my grandmother told me that she and my grandpa had discussed it and they want to give us our rocker/glider for the nursery. WOW, I so appreciate it but more than that I was overwhelmed by the discussion to begin with. We can actually be talking about putting a rocker in the nursery. This isn't in the abstract, it will really happen. The crib didn't hit me in exactly the same way because it will be a little longer for that, the rocker can be the same day we pick it (possibly) It was just really special to talk about.

So Twiggy is the size of an avocado now (Jamie and I LOVE avocados!) and weighs about 1/2 pound. S/he will double weight/size in the next 3 weeks. :)

Last night we had a special dinner at grandma/grandpa's house. We celebrated grandpa's 91st birthday (will be on Tuesday) Here is a picture of the clan!



Top row: My uncle Tom (the one building the crib), Grandma, Jamie
Bottom Row: My mom, the birthday boy, me

and since we are in a picture mood, here is what else we did this weekend!