Last year, Me? A Mom? wrote a post that has stuck with me. It was not a flattering post but it was very real. She wrote about getting out of the shower and wanting to put lotion on her legs. Well there wasn't any in the bathroom so she asked her husband to bring her some lotion. Well he was busy doing something so he was taking his time. She started to get upset because you need the lotion right after the shower to lock in the moisture!! I remember reading the post and how upset she got and thinking, "Oh yeah, that will definitely be me and Jamie someday."

Well that someday has come. In the past couple weeks I have been having trouble controlling my anger and sad emotions. I can sit back and tell myself that I am overreacting but it does no good. So I have resolved myself to just shutting up and waiting for it to pass. One instance where someone at work said something that I took as "mean" took me 3 hours to get over. Luckily I did not say something to regret to that person.

This past weekend I was grocery shopping. All was well, I got to the checkout and started putting my stuff on the roller. I look up and realize that the one and only bagger that I absolutely cannot stand is in this check out. In my defense, she really is awful. In her defense, I think she has a mental handicap. She is the type that will put tomatoes at the bottom of the bag and then pile cans on top. I try to avoid her line as much as possible. Well when I looked up and saw her I went from perfectly happy to tears welling up in my eyes. It was too late to take my things off the roller so I was stuck. I felt my blood begin to boil and turned the anger on myself. Stupid, stupid me for not looking at the bagger before I committed to a line. I got everything on the roller and started to help with the bagging, trying to grab the tomatoes etc. At one point she started filling, I mean absolutely filling!! a bag with cans. I tried very calmly to say that she was making it too heavy and I would not be able to carry it, she looked at me kind of blankly, pulled a couple of cans out and put the bag in the cart. I inhaled and exhaled slowly and started telling myself to chill out. Calm down, don't cry, this is only grocery shopping damnit!!! CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!!!

So I get to my car, in a terrible mood but I did succeed in not knocking her to the ground for trying to squish my tomatoes. Poor Jamie calls and asks if I am still at the store because he wants beer. "No I AM NOT AND I AM NOT GOING BACK!" ok, no problem he says. He can hear it in my voice I am sure. So I let him know I am on my way home. I think to myself, yay, he is home and can help me get the groceries out of the car. I had a 2 minute drive and he knew it. Well I get home and the door is locked. So I kick the door, throw down the groceries, throw open the door and what do I hear? The shower. Jamie knew I was on my way home with groceries and he got in the shower. I know it's not just him, most men cannot read women's minds. But I think God kind of screwed up here. It would be much easier for men if they could just read our minds. That is a super power I would be ok with Jamie having. 3 months ago, I would not have cared, but now? Oh poor Jamie.

So I trudge back to the car 2 more times and get the rest of the groceries, throwing them on the counter. (poor tomatoes) I was about half done putting them away and he gets out of the shower and says "I hope you left some in the car for me to get!!" with a smile in his voice and then off to the bedroom to get dressed. I am silently fuming holding back the angry tears. By the time he came out almost all the groceries were put away, he asks if any are in the car? "NO!" OK, well can he help put them away? "NO! I'M ALMOST DONE!!!!"

Now credit to Jamie, he is very good about reading when I am angry and ALWAYS leaves me alone. He knows not to bug me about what is wrong, that does not work with me. He is best off leaving me alone and I will usually snap out of it. This we handle very well. So off he goes.

I realize the dishwasher is done so I start taking dishes out and slamming them around as I put them away. He comes out and says, let me do this. "WHY?? I AM ALREADY DOING EVERYTHING ELSEEEEEEE!!!!" Psycho bitch screams back. Again to his credit, he knew not to walk away this time and he proceeds to put the rest of the dishes away. I melt a little and tell him that I am upset that he didn't read my mind and wait to get in the shower so he could help me with the groceries and that I got the horrible bagger and she upset me. He is very understanding and I get over all of it about 1 hour later. 1 HOUR LATER!!!! What is wrong with me???

So on Sunday, I will make a long story much shorter so you get the idea, the toilet leaks. He cleans it up with the bathroom rug that I had just washed the day before. I absolutely lost it, almost in tears again. Jamie quickly threw the rug in the laundry and rewashed it. I don't think he will ever do that again.

So all in all, I want to reiterate that I have the most wonderful and understanding husband ever. I truly hope he doesn't hold all of this against me someday in a room with a big conference table, us on each side with a lawyer.

Twiggy is an ear of corn this week, haha! I love that her taste buds are developing. Hope she gets used to Tapatio and spicy foods real fast! She is also hearing more. I noticed this last night. I was in bed reading and she started jumping around! It was more than a poke, like I could feel her whole body moving. I yelled out to Jamie who was int he living room, to come see/feel. As soon as I yelled she stopped moving :( So maybe my yell startled her? No worries, she started up again a couple minutes later. It is amazing how much she is moving these days. I don't have to be in a reclined position anymore. I sometimes even feel her when I am standing. Hard to believe this gets better as it is pretty darn great now!!!!

I just booked our 10 week Bradley method class. We will start on Feb 24th. How exciting!!! I had a comment yesterday about doing a no meds birth and this is something I am interested in. I think it will be a goal for me but I also plan to be open to whatever needs to happen. I think it will be super wonderful to have a doula there to help with everything.

I also booked a hospital tour for one of the 2 hospitals we are considering and booked a day care tour. Now don't start leaving comments about staying at home and the evils of daycare!! I do not know if we will use daycare but I want to cover all the options out there.

This baby is coming in less than 16 weeks and there is sooooo much to do!!! Agh!!!!

Well we have reached the point of viability. Twiggy would have a 50/50 chance if she were born right now. I certainly want to meet her but I am definitely happy to wait a while... like 16 more weeks. It does give a sense of relief knowing that if I went to the hospital the doctors would do everything they could for her.

This morning we were lazying around and Jamie was feeling Twiggy kick. He asked if he was hogging her and I said I get her all the time! I told him about how I have started watching my tummy a bit and I can see her kick sometimes so he moved his hand we both stared. Well she started moving!! It wasn't just kicks but like weird ocean swimming like movement. Hard to describe but very cool to watch. That was the first time he saw her move. What's even better is knowing that her movements will just keep getting more obvious and fun to watch!

I had a girls night here at home last night and there were 10 of us :) What fun, we played 80's Trivial Pursuit (which is sooooooo hard!!!!) One of the girls that was over was my friend Michele who will also be my doula. She brought over a bunch of cool stuff. Books on breastfeeding, some blankets, nursing pad and even some diapers! Where am I gonna put all this stuff!! I guess we really have to get going on the nursery! She also gave me the phone number for the Bradley Method teacher she wants us to take classes with. So I will be calling her Monday. Can you believe I am almost ready to take a birthing class?!?!?! Where is the time going? It's all going so fast!

Today we went and saw the doctor for our monthly check up. She measured your home (my uterus) and it measured 24 cm, just perfect! She also asked how much you were kicking and I said all the time (You are even kicking now!) She put the doppler on my tummy and found your heartbeat instantly!!! That was exciting because before she had to move it around a bit to find you. You are getting so big that there isn't much room for you to hide :) Your heartbeat was 148 which is also perfect. Thank you for being perfect so far, you make your mommy very happy.

Next appointment is on the 22nd and I get to do the 1 hour glucose test beforehand. Yummy! I also asked the doctor if we will get to see you on an u/s again and she said yes! Somewhere around 32 and 34 weeks. So only 8-10 more weeks before we see you again. It's a date! :)

Now how is that for a title? haha So for the last week or so, alot of Twiggy's kicks seem to be right into my colon. It's not what I would call pleasant. Go ahead and laugh at this but it seems like little farts but no actual fart comes out.. does that make sense? It doesn't hurt, just really, really odd.

Yesterday and today I was in Laguna Beach for a work meeting. She kicked a ton both days and Jamie said it is because she missed him :) I think I agree. I sure was glad for all the kicking though because on Monday and Tuesday she must have slept a little extra or turned around or something because she had a lot less kicks and they were hardly noticeable. Crazy I know but I started to worry. I like it much better when she is on a regular kicking routine. I find that when she starts kicking, I stop moving and I don't want to get up. It's like I don't want to disturb her and I want to feel her kicking as long as possible. I guess I am already spoiling her.

Twiggy is about 11 inches and weighs over a pound. She is now compared in weight to a large mango. Yummy!

Here are some belly pics... I think I look about the same as 2 weeks ago. If you want to compare all my belly pics, click this link.

I have to admit that I stole the idea for this pic from Balancing Act. I thought it was a cute idea but I don't know how to look down without getting a double chin! Balancing's picture just struck me as so sweet...



This one just makes me smile because it shows how happy I am :)



I also took a few pics of the guest room before it gets transformed into the nursery. The wall color is staying the same. When we bought the house 2.5 years ago and chose the paint, I was thinking ahead of what would work for the nursery. I was still optimistic then thinking that it would be a nursery in a year or so. Oh well, better now than never!

So starting with walking in the door, this is to the left. The blue IKE.A dresser will be moving to the garage and the desk will move to the next picture. In the desk's place will go the crib. I think the wall where the dresser is will be empty as the crib will stick out alot more than the desk.



The desk will move to where the head of the bed is now (bed is moving to my mom's house much to Jamie's dismay. It is currently his insomnia bed!) The glider and ottoman will go in the corner so we can look out the windows.




The wall to the right of the bed is empty right now since the bed is in the way but that is where the dresser/hutch will go.

Finally the closet. When we bought the house there were no doors on the main part of the closet because it is old (just like the rest of the house! 1932 I think... but I digress) and too shallow. The hangers stick out past where doors would go. The top had doors but I took them off because it already looked ugly so why not. So we have been waiting 2.5 years for a reason to rip down the closet and rebuild it! YAY! So we have to figure out where all the coats will go, probably some to Good.will. Also have to figure out where the catbox will go. This is a HUGE dilemma! I am sad to say it will probably go in our bedroom. :( The last big thing is Jamie's wetsuit. I have decided that when we put in the custom shelving, I will arrange it in such a way to have just enough long space for the wetsuit. There just isn't anywhere else to put it! So Twiggy will learn from an early age to share her space in a little house. She gets the wetsuit and the desk. For now at least...



Now you may be wondering how we are going to rebuild the closet. Well we just happen to be master carpenters!! Well not really but my uncle does know alot about woodworking etc. This was our laundry closet before, during and after. We had to rebuild it too since it also was to shallow and the doors didn't fit on it! (At least our master bedroom closet works!!!)






Wow this is just one big picture post. :)

Well, I have heard bad things about Tar.get's return policy but your comments have added to it. I really liked the suggestion of doing an Amaz.on.com registry. Heck, I would buy a gift from there! Free shipping! So I have deleted my Tar.get Registry and created an Ama.zon one instead! YAY! It's basically duplicates of the 20 main items from BRU but I will keep an eye on both and if something gets purchased from one I will delete it from the other.

Best part though is that on Am.azon they have the Phi.l&Ted Stroller we want! YAY!! So I was able to put it on the registry since BRU does not carry it.

Fantastic idea ultimatejourney!! Thanks!!

OMG! Had so much fun yesterday!!! Went with my friend Stacie, mom and cousin (the one who will be throwing my shower.) Stacie has an almost 7 month old so she is pro at this. She also researched the heck out of everything while she was pregnant. So we all went to Bab.is R Us because well... where else are you going to go? We spent the next 2 hours and only covered half the store! This starving foursome then took a break and went for lunch. Back over to BR.U all recharged and finished off the registry in about 30 more minutes.

I was very surprised when I turned in the gun and they printed out the registry. 10 pages!!! WOW, how did we get 10 pages of stuff? So now I need to go through it and narrow it down a touch. I did scan a bunch of <$10 items as well but I think that just gives more variety. There are a few things to narrow down though, for example I scanned 2 bathtubs because I couldn't decide which one. So now I have to figure it out, things like that should reduce it by two pages or so.

I said I started the registry because I think I will also do Ta.rget. I can take the BR.U list and put some of it on Tar.get making the BR.U one a bit shorter as well. The BR.U's around us are at least a 30 minute drive whereas Tar.get is only 5 minutes so if anyone goes shopping the day of the shower they might appreciate the Tar.get registry. I would love opinions if you think this is too much though!!!!

Stacie then went off to her in-laws to work on plans for her SIL's shower and my mom, cousin and I went to the place where we ordered the nursery furniture. They seemed to really like it!!! My mom ordered the super-extra-special vibrating crib mattress (YAY!) and I ordered the co-sleeper we want. We then went and saw 27 Dr.esses which I do recommend, it was a fun movie and pretty well done. Don't force the husband though, he would probably hate it. Definitely a chick-flick.

So all in all I had a wonderful day. It was a bit overwhelming looking at bottles and breast pumps but Stacie helped a ton with all of that. At one point towards the end it hit me that we will have to have room for all of this stuff!!! Agh! It never really hit me that we were doing all this for a baby girl that will be here in only 4 months. That part is still a bit too unreal for me. Maybe when the furniture comes?

One of my favorite parts was seeing my mom grinning from ear to ear buying her granddaughter a few little gifts. She just looked so very happy. I think it's getting real for her :)

So as of today I am 4 months from meeting this little girl who is kicking me right now as I am typing this. It's so hard to comprehend. In a way I know 4 months will go really fast and I want that. BUT I also want it to go slow. I waited so long for this pregnancy and I want to enjoy every minute of it. BUT I am so very impatient so I want her sooner (not now though surprisingly.) I am still looking forward to an even bigger tummy and seeing her foot pop out against my skin. I want my mom to feel her kick, I want to set up the nursery and hang her clothes and just sit in there and absorb it all. BUT I know as soon as the nursery is ready (mid-March or so) I will be dying with impatience. How did infertility not teach me patience? I don't get it. Hmmmm, I'm just so happy and enjoying all of this so much. So much to look forward to BUT so much to enjoy in the present.

Where did I come up with that? Well for all you new mommies to be, you can sign up for a weekly email newsletter that will tell you what fruit or vegetable your little one is as well as all sorts of interesting facts. You can know when they get eyelids and start to swallow the amniotic fluid and all sorts of stuff like that. Just go to www.babycenter.com and sign up. Enjoy!

A spaghetti squash? That's what Twiggy is this week. I don't even know what one looks like, oh well, hopefully next week will be a more recognizable fruit or vegetable! Something I do understand, she's 1 pound and almost 11 inches! WOW!! Her bones are getting stronger, hence the stronger kicks. Although they don't necessarily seem stronger but they are much more often even when I am standing sometimes!

Knockin on wood but still no stretch marks. All the books, emails etc are talking about stretch marks and varicose veins this week. Maybe my slower weight gain is helping with this, I sure hope so!

Still on cloud 9 about the furniture! We got about 75% of the stuff out of the top shelves in the guest room (nursery) closet and everything out from under the bed. We have a long way to go with the room but it's nice to get started. Hmmm, I should take a before pic tonight...

Interesting what you can learn by talking to your spouse. I assumed we were done with baby making after this unless some 3-5% miracle occurred. Well over the weekend Jamie said something about a second kid and I said not to count on it. Well he said we would do IVF again. What? Really? You do realize insurance is tapped out so that would be around $12k? He said yes and that is ok with him. He was very matter of fact about it. It blew me away. I had no idea. I thought the money would be a big issue and so not even a topic for discussion. Turns out since this one worked on the first try he is pretty optimistic about it working again. So stay tuned, we might be doing IVF again in 12-18 months. Hmmm, very interesting! :)

Jamie and I spent about 3 hours at USA Ba.by yesterday. We ordered this furniture



It's from Munire and is the Majestic collection. We got the crib, hutch and dresser in the picture (except the dresser will be all drawers instead of that one door. It's all in cherry (cabernet) stain.

We also started a bit of a registry and picked out this bedding:



and this stroller (in red)



I am soooooo excited to really be planning for our little girl's arrival!! We went to dinner and I couldn't stop smiling the entire time. I am truly on cloud 9!!

So I am up 6.2 pounds. I now weigh more than I ever have and you know what? I love it! I love that my little girl is growing enough to have an impact on my appearance and my weight. I feel for the women who have weight issues and concerns that are not able to enjoy this feeling. I know that I am pretty fortunate to be excited about gaining this weight. Wow, what a silly post though... Enjoy your Friday!!!

Oh last thought, as of tomorrow we will be 22 weeks. That means we will have known for 18 weeks that we were pregnant and we have 18 weeks left. That's more of a half way point to me than the 20 weeks!!!

Well you are either taking an exercise class or planning n being a dancer. You were wiggling up a storm last night!! No little poke here or there for you! I would feel you down on the left and then a second later up on the right. Kickboxing perhaps? When your daddy got home I told him you were moving so he dropped everything and came over to feel. You kicked him right away! Good job!

Last night Orangie was laying on my lap with her head on my tummy, I can't wait til you kick her in the head, I may just die laughing though so be careful!

Love,
Mommy

Twiggy is the length of a carrot and weighs 3/4 of a pound!

She is kicking pretty regularly now. I feel her numerous times throughout the day. Still not when I am walking, just when I am still but it's pretty neat. Jamie definitely felt her Saturday morning. We were still in bed and she started kicking, he put his hand on my belly and waited a minute and she did it again. I touched his hand where the kick was and that was where he felt her! He is sooooo happy!

In other news, I cannot eat enough. Even when I think I am full I can't stop thinking about food! It's driving me crazy, all I do is eat. I think I might be up to 5 pounds gained now, I'll do my super scientific weigh in sometime this week.

So here are this weekends belly pics. I took the first one with me sucking in my stomach as much as I could and the second one is letting it all hang out!

I finally got a chance to scan the u/s pics from our 19week6day appointment where we saw Twiggy's girly bits. Now you have to use your imagination a bit. I have circled the 3 dots that represent her parts. Imagine a leg going up to the left and one off to the right and this shot is right up the middle. On the video it's easier to see because the legs are much more clear but this is the only still pic we have. So if Twiggy does pop out a boy then he sure hid it well!



Here is the 3d pic of her face. Hopefully you can make it out on the left. She is looking down (hence the piglet nose). You can see her eyes, top lip and her arm under her chin. The stuff on the right is the placenta or something.



In other news, Jamie was pretty excited when I woke up this morning. I guess he woke up a bit before I did and I was kind of on my back so he put his hand on my tummy to say hi to Twig. He said he felt 4 pokes in a row! He kept his hand there and also felt some gurgles which makes him think the pokes were actually Twiggy and not just my inner workings. So we are both going with the idea that he felt Twiggy move! YAY!

One more thing, I am definitely up 4 pounds now! Woo-hoo. I should start gaining a ppund a week so I guess that means I'll gain about 23 pounds overall. That sounds pretty good to me!

If you saw Twiggy now, she is about the size of a banana including her legs (most of the fruit and veggie comparisons don't include the legs.) She's getting pretty big!

I am feeling her kick fairly regularly now. When I am sitting still after a meal I can usually feel her. It feels like a finger inside my belly giving me a poke. Pretty cool. Last night I had my hand on my tummy and she kicked and I think I felt it on my hand too but it was hard to tell if it was my imagination. I told Jamie and he immediately put his hand on my belly and kept it there for about 20 minutes but she didn't kick again :( Making her daddy wait!

Another cool experience, I was at the bank on Monday and had to go to the counter, when I leaned up on it, I noticed my belly like it was in the way!!! Yesterday the same thing happened with our kitchen counter. I think it's more that it is pretty firm now as opposed to sooo big, maybe a combination of both?

Just for s's and g's, here is a cute pic of Orangie. We have stairs going into our bedroom and she has taken to sitting on them so I put a mouse in front of her and she just kept staring at it. Cute though, she's trying to decide what to do...



And now I shall bore you with pics from NYE. We hosted our 3rd annual New York, New Year Poker Party. (We celebrate NYE at 9pm and everyone goes home by 11 and we are in bed by 11:30!! It's wonderful!!!) We had such a great time and a great turn out. There were 15 people and we even had 3 poker tables going!!


Kelsey (Megann's friend), Megann my cousin, Renee my cousin, Renee's friend Jeremy


Avi, Jamie (my handsome man), my Aunt Sue


Me looking like an idiot taking a pic of myself


Playing poker!!


Playing poker!!


Grandma, Grandpa, Karen (Alisha's friend), Alisha (my brothers girlfriend)


Mom, Uncle Mike and Grandma


My brother Derrick and my mom

YAY 2007 is over!!! I am so very glad. It was a rough year but it seems to have straightened itself out towards the end. Of course selfishly (since this is MY blog after all) I am most happy to be pregnant. But unselfishly, I think most of our family would say the same thing. It was wonderful over these holidays to see the happiness on family faces when they saw my belly. I love hearing them talk about our little Twiglet and the joy of anticipation. I love listening to my 16 year old cousin discuss whether she wants to be known as an aunt or a cousin (choice is hers!) I loved watching my grandma's face light up when she found a cute little onesie to buy her great-granddaughter. I could go on and on about all the little memories that our little Twiggy is causing. My very favorite though is when Jamie looks at me with mountains of love and asks me, from across the room, to turn sideways so he can see my tummy. We are just so very blessed and in such a different position from last year.

Last year we had had our first RE appointment and I was pretty darn optimistic that by Christmas 2007 we would be pregnant or in the midst of adoption. Either way I knew we would be on our way to having a baby in our house in 2008. Dreams do come true. :)

I think I have figured out how to load videos onto Yo.uTube and then onto my blog! So let's see if this works, here is the video of my family and their guesses of Twiggy's sex.



This one is when my mom cut the cake and saw the pink frosting. Warning, there is lots of screaming, you may want to turn down the volume!



Happy New Year everyone, may all your dreams come true!