Feeling kindda heavy inside.. haiz.. been talking to him for the last few mths.. hahaz.. i enjoy talking to him.. makes me always aware of where ive gone wrong.. He's really the only one tt makes me feel guilty and reflect and humble myself. He's sick and he's normally nv sick for the 5 years I know him.. hmm.. must be slping late nites.. Everyday getting mundane for me.. life is just so.. haiz.. Promos coming.. trying to strive help! Oh God I need you...If I have wings I will fly away from this life I'm leading..if I have the power to move time.. i will fast it forward to the peak of my life and keep pressing the repeat mode.. hehe Oh dream on Grace.. life is such.. it wun change.. N yet ppl say one has the power to change our situation.. its up to us to decide our future and work towards it.. ooohz have I told u peeps what I wanna be when I grow up? Well I'm gonna take business admin in NUS.. wanna work in hotel line.. i luuuurrrve public relations man... hee.. life is full of surprises.. wishing for tt day manz... okie gonna finish my lit hw.. my sleep is so obscured by Jude the Obscure... hehe

Felt compelled to just write something down.. haha been a long time since i wrote.. hee.. life's bin pretty not there yet for me.. Hmmz constant tots of whether i'll make it pass my j1 promotional exam.. Oh God help me.. hee well looking forward to the hols.. this fri all the wae to mon.. woo hoo. great... Aniwae who was the one who said... "I have a dream"? haha i want to have a dream to see myself succeeding too... Aniwae life aren't easy these days.. need lots of faith n strength to get me thru.. oohz im tinking of my bed gotta go slp n feel the sheets so comfortably keeping me warm.. haha nitey peepz

and... suddenly the world is crumbling around me.... Don't know what motivates me or makes me want to go on anymore. I'm sinking into the quicksand.. lost of all time and emotion. Trying so hard to be happy. But I simply can't anymore. Feeling all messed up. I want help I want support.. but no one understands.. Was happily watching television awhile ago.. dad came home told me my mum had some difficulty breathing.. And had to be under alot of tubes and stuff.. she couldn't talk. I want her back so badly.. I really do. I don't mind a million scoldings.. I want a second chance to treasure her all over again.. I've come to the end of the road whereby I 've never felt so helpless in my life.. Todays econs and maths was horrifying I studied hard and yet I really din understand the questions.. I knew somewhere at the back of my head I had the ans.. but I just couldn't dig it out.. why oh why...

SaMMi might be leaving me.. going to study private.. Shaun has left skool.. leaving me wallowing alone in PW.. Help! I have lit tom.. n I really have no motivation to study... I also somehow think I'm kindda irritating my friends quite abit.. hehe paranoid.. Okie I really must snap out of it.. going to study Lit and make sure I ace the subject...

Oh yeah congratulate me... I'm the secretary for my heritage and strategic studies society and editor for publications board... woo hoo.. alot of posts but tt beats slogging out as a councillor.. Already no time no life.. hehe.. Oh mustn't forget that I have my babes.. Angelia and Xiang Jing in the committee to support me..

Haha.. must be a bit bimbo abit.. I really don't like my size.. compared to sec 2 I've really beefed up quite alot.. I'm kindda hoping that once in Nov... I'm really gonna train.. I really want to... feel like I'm not really healthy. Come Jan.. just you peeps wait.. gonna really trim off those unsightly baggage.. n I cant fit into so many of those clothes at the back of my wardrobe... And yesh.. if you guys are getting sick of my blogskin.. I'm gonna change the design real soon.. Once I have the time and I know how to... must really go and learn.. cannot always be so computer illterate.. Oh yeah.. after keeping my verbal constipation inside.. I'm finally feeling so relieved.. gonna chiong.. wish me the best...!

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
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I am sad n tired.. haiz.. had such horrible cramps skipped 1st period of school today. And the best thing of all is that my mum was in the operating theatre but I didn't know or to say it horribly I FORGOT! I'm such a fantastic daughter.. And here I was in school studying and never once thinking of what my mum is going thru. Shld have called the hospital and talked to her awhile.. She needs me too.. haiz.. I'm so angry with myself. I wonder if I ever made my mum happy? Always remember angering her.. nv wanting to give way. I'm been rebellious not understanding... I don't want to lose her. She means too much to me. When she comes back home.. I'm gonna be the best daughter I can be.. Life is too short to spend time making her sad. When I can.. I must treasure her.

I'm angry at blogger! Coz no matter how much I delete and edit my blog my tagboard is still rite at the bottom.. so sad.. ppl if wanna tag me pls kindly scroll all the way down.. till I fix this crap thing.. Anyway realise that not having a boyfriend is a good thing too.. Normally last time when I depressed will look to my bf.. nw I'm independent and have better control of my emotions. I no longer rely on ppl to pick me up from where I fall.. Yeah.. so I can be tt pillar of support and not the other way round. Hehe that is after all a gd thing.. K I wanna study I hope..

I pray for strength each day to keep me going strong.....

I'm feeling a little drained right now. Oh why oh why... do I have to be a woman? Hehehe.. ok rite.. today is juz like any other normal tiring school day. I dunch noe what to blog nowadaes.. oh I must say something.. I made changes to my blog but it can't be seen leh.. Maybe it takes a day lahz.. Well these days.. dreaming more about cats hehe.. getting drunk in their cuteness.. dunno hw to say lahz.. Well.. I think its time I really took on some exercising like lifting weights... Still can't fathom why I bot the dumb-bells but never use it.. hehe.. Oh have I told you about the new adidas drumbag I saw.. oooohz... nice.. tempted.. but will feel guilty because I also need money for more impt stuff like my basic necessities.... internal and external clothes.. so must scrimp and save this month.. or not I will just pray that someone bless me with the money to do so.. Ooohz.. missing my mummy.. shes in the hospital now.. gonna be for 3 wks.. An operation lahz.. learnt to be independent in so many ways this year.. Never knew how fortunate I was to have my mum who really loves me so much. Only when a child starts doing the housework does she understand a mother's pain. When I grow up, I want to be a wonderful mum to my babies.. just like what my mum is to me. 3 wks is a long time.. when I heard the news all so many mths back.. I wanted to break down, I wanted to cry.. but tears never fell.. not even now.. I just learnt to treasure what I have and I know that tomorrow doesn't come for everybody so while I can I must learn to appreciate these ppl. I always thought I am a mature person able to handle what life has to give.. but only now do I realise how much I've grown and how much my mentality has changed. Sometimes it takes a spark and a significant event in your life.. to change your perspective of things. I've learnt.. Sometimes I feel pain and dejection and sometimes my friends can't fathom me out.. but some things are hard to say out. How much of my pain can I ever share with them? I can only smile and seize the day with as much joy I can muster and make sure that I spread this joy into the lives of those around me..

The rain is falling heavily outside and here I am sheltered, cosy and thinking of love.. hahaz.. nice atmosphere to have a beloved around you.. I should just snap out of it.. hahaz.. Finally have time to blog. I went to Hillsongs concert at Indoor Stadium today. Woo hoo.. I luuurrrrve it.. but no energy to jump so much today. I'm so glad New Creation organised this. I just know I'm so blessed. Hehehe... Had my history common test.. not so bad.. anticipated the qns but had no time to finish the last part of the 2nd qn.. time management.. anyway... I'm beginning to wish for the holidays to arrive.. Its august another 2 mths more.. yipee.. JC 1 life is over... muz strive le... I must reinforce one thing... I love cats.. n I think I abit despo want to own one.. Today Catherine told me her friend owns two cats one of them Persian... Oh man.. all fluffy and soft... so cute...! Just like me =p oooopz... hehez.. okie i abit lazy to type... going to bed soon I guess...

Feeling the heat... I'm having my history common test tom.. And boi can't I wait for it to be over. I really dun like lohz.. Studying like I don't know what.. But I wan to slp le.. haiz.. nvm pia a little while more then i go sleep. Must concentrate! Yeah and I know I will do well... woo hoo hehe.. kk will update tom... I love kinder bueno!

Got up pretty late today. Gonna pia my chinese right after this. Oh man.. feeling the stress okie.. hehe that is because history is this sat, and I can't find the time to really study for it. Haiz. Well, life's been pretty normal lately and my consumption food rate is decreasing which is good man. Nowadaes have trouble eating too much. Heehee. Anyway after this saturday, I'm like thinking of finally setting up my photo archive okiez.. I mean.. fotos r nt tt hard to put in, its just whether I know how to do it anot and I guess not. Haha.. will figure it out myself on saturday. Long live mango pudding! hehe had some with Sammi yest after CIP at Gracehaven. Woohoo the food was good.. at serangoon gardens.. and I carried this stray cat to take a foto. I'm like thinking.. oh shoootssss cats are dirty okie.. in the drain.. but nvm I like cats. Hope I get one for my birthday somehow so I can keep it and hug it to sleep. So furry.. hehez.. but atlas not possible lahz.. who in the right mind would buy a cat as a birthday present.. hehe I won't.. Okiez seriously no mood to blog I really have to study for Chinese now! Blog again soon...

Boy... am i angry! Spent 3 hrs fixing my computer because it got infected with a virus. Now trying so hard to finish my homework tts because all my homework is online work... And to add on.. yesterday while I was trying to do my homework.. my swivel chair fell off.. Oh manz.. and these two days I really have the craving to study... Hmmz must be the devil at work. Humpf.. wait till I succeed.. Okie.. too pissed to talk gonna go back and study. Continue some other time..

I'm finally feeling the heat..woo hoo pressure of school which is gd because now I'm really motivated to study hehe.. okiez.. desperately trying to finish up 3 homework now but realised I am tired.. hmmz.. well life's pretty normal.. love to study but hate the system.. in a place I don't belong.. same thinking as Tirene..I don't seem to have an identity in SRJC.. don't feel attached to it.. I love AMKSS hehe.. where I found such wonderful threshold of memories.. ooooohhhhz.. hehez.. okie becoming lame.. gonna chiong.. praying for a better day each day....

life's pretty normal today.. met Cheryl (church best friend) not seen her for some time.. really miss her alot okie.. These days ppl tt I seem to have lost touch with have been calling me up which is a really good thing because only when I talk to them, do I really know how much I miss them and miss those precious times.. My buddy in sec 4 (PCJ) who used to sit beside me called last nite too. And Cheryl called on thurs I think. Somehow when they are no longer beside me, and I can't see them everyday I begin to miss them so much because I can't rewind, stop and playback those times.. Oh why.. thought I treasured everything that I used to have.. now I wonder.. even now I wonder if there are stuff in jc worth treasuring... Oh well.. just now was watching television when I was suddenly gripped by fear. Fear of not faring well for my studies and fear that I have to retain.. Never had such a fear before.. Well now feel alot better.. praying for peace in my heart... anyway cheerios for a new day tomorrow *winkz*

And.the.hands.of.time.never.ceases....

Something's gotten into me.. I have been sleeping the whole day.. I didn't turn up for any of those outings organised by so many people because I thought I was gonna spend the day studying. Guess what? I ended up reading one history essay and sleeping the afternoon away. Haha.. fantastic man. Feel kindda strange today.. today's national day parade and the songs never cease to remind me of yesteryears innocence.. esp my primary school days okie.. Man.. was I patriotic to Singapore.. earnestly singing those songs and pledging my loyalty.. remembered when I was in pri 5 and was able to go to the national day preview.. sweet memories.. My life has really been interesting.. I wonder if everyone of us has a video edged in our bodies to tape down every single miracle and part of our lives..looking at these clips again would sure bring a torrent of emotions to our hearts.. But a human's brain is such.. we remember so little and wonderful moments pass us by only to be washed away by the hands of time.. I wonder if my life has made a difference in anyone and I wonder if I've ever been impacted by the stories of others? Hehe but atlas I can't remember.. how ironic.. As I watch the sun set on me.. I wonder how deep an imprint I left in your heart.. =)

Just got home. Had my class BBQ which I felt was a complete disaster in so many ways.. Hehe. Well.. first time doing hands on in BBQing anyway.. Was a great experience and I really enjoyed the sea breeze which brings me back to so many fond memories of sec school. Which brings to mind memories will always be memories, I will never be able to turn back those precious hands of time. Sitting by the sand and watching those loving couples, I really wonder why I never bothered to bring my beloved to the beach and just spend time alone.. watching movies is so typical.. like two ppl looking at the screen.. there is no communication except maybe for the offering of popcorn.. haiz.. Talked to SaMMi and we agreed that 14 is the age we sort of like turn bad and when we reach 17 we begin to realise alot of stuff and see where our path is headed.. oh manz.. Long time since I had like a really heart to heart talk with a really close friend.. used to have Bian but nw is different. Sometimes wish I don't have to be the brave one in front of my friends but don't want to be weak too.. Somehow I just can't do it... Ya know.. talking to a matured guy about problems and life is really different from talking to girls.. because guys tend to have a different perspective and you tend to value their comments more.. haha.. being crappy now.. k lahz shall go to bed soon.. miss talking to my dudie.. =(

Thank.You.God.For.Everything.That.I.Have

Eulogy of Thanks

Thank you for breathing life into me.. for allowing me to experience what life has to give.. for giving me time to spend..for a past, present and future, for granting me knowledge so tt I can learn the beautiful things in life u have in store for me.

Thank you for the friends that I have, for letting them me the light tt never seems to fade away.. for giving them comfy shoulders that I can cry on.. for granting them patience in listening to my troubles.. for letting them cheer me up through those dark and cloudy nights.. for putting them where they are for me to find and treasure.. for simply just creating them.

Thank you for the chances I have in life.. to learn what it means to love and lose.. to know what it means to treasure what I have.. to understand pain through my life's lessons.. to be thankful for what I have.. to learn to be truthful and not disappoint ppl.. to be someone honest in my beliefs.. for leading me in the straight path and not astray.

And I thank you God for your creations on this beautiful world that no matter how long I live on this earth.. I will learn to appreciate what you have done for me and to be happy always.. Amen!

It was a sickening day today not being able to get up and about for school. Didn't really want to miss school, then now I hear that my AO maths teacher is pissed with me for not going to school. Oh pls.. give me a break.. humans are entitled to being sick too.. If she doesn't mind me coughing and sneezing in front of her face then I will go to school.. hehe.. kinda sick of teachers who don't seem to understand students. Why is it we students always have to understand that teachers are the ones tt mark like 100 scripts everyday and we are the ones that do only one piece of assignment each? Oh pls.. each assignment takes up time and committment too.. And teachers can take their own sweet time to give us back our homework but we have to hand up on time? What logic is tt? Argggh.. not fair.. why is the world not fair? Ok great I'm bitching a whole lot. Don't stop me.. hahaz.. Today I did nothing but sleep, all thanks to my medicine.. well everyday can't be a perfect day but while I'm still on this earth.. I wish for peace and love to always stay in our hearts.. =)

You.leave.me.standing.in.the.rain.waiting.a.lifetime.for.you. . .

My.Day

Wanna faint le.. sick today so I left school early. Slept for like 4 hrs in the afternoon. Doctor say I have very bad influenza. I'm thinking of not going school tomorrow but I don't have MC for tomorrow.. hehe... I saw "him" today. It's like 5 times today.. funny feeling because I don't even know him.. just the super fast beating of my heart against my blank frame and gasping breath. Haha... Bleahz.. I'm starting to love school but loathe the workload.. I wanna be hardworking but sometimes wonder if I have the energy to pull through.. I need God! Ooohx reminds me of Friday when I visited the Japanese cemetery with Tirene.. Oh man.. the feeling was super eerie.. Thank goodness I know I have my guardian angel somewhere around so wasn't scared.

My.Thoughts

If God created Man.. why doesn't He give us a chance to turn back time and amend our mistakes..? Y do we live in regret and ponder each day with a "What if" and a "Maybe"? Haiz.. depressing. Seemingly endless regrets I feel each day. I wake up each day to them and am reminded of past ignorance. I'm glad God created me a human, able to express my thoughts and be an individual in a not so diverse world where everybody is rushing and few take time to stop and appreciate what God has created for them. Clouds to brighten an otherwise dull blue sky.. air to breathe.. friends to lean on.. Y oh y... God am I made to pass each day looking back at past actions and knowing I could have been a better person to them..? Haiz..

Longing for...
*a new hairstyle*to find the time to train at the gym*grow one cm taller*be happy*a new cd walkman*the new samsung phone in red*a new wardrobe*some more time to pack my two rooms and find forgotten gems*long-lost friends... and my list goes on

woohoo.. hehe sot le.. Anyway got reminded by dudie to download Jay Chou's new album Ye Hui Mei. Wahz not easy to find the songs wor. So far only like the song Qing Tian. Kindda slow moving. Hmmz maybe after I manage to get more songs from his album then I will find the song I really like. Liked An Hao from his previous album. Hehe.. no mood to really type today. Gonna study.. chiongchiongchiong!

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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oohz.. n i thought Dory was Xiang Jing.. the always a bit blur and rushed person.. hehe.. anyway binged alot today must go and exercise man. Or not fat liao. Bleahz...

I'm a tigeress.. hear me ROOOOARRRR! Hehehez

I am finally free to blog... it's been a long time since i last blogged ok.. hahaz.. because I normally blog everyday. In any case, today during History lecture, don't know why... I suddenly found the motivation to study and has been like that till 6+ today. Ooohz I seriously hope this feeling stays, really want to find back that enthusiasm for studying. Been pretty busy these 3 days. Last 3 days, my PW group has finally showed some improvement in collaboration and have finally settled down to do proper work. I'm glad. Sammi cooked pasta for Tirene and me today. Oooohz delicious... absolutely love you for it babe! Oh I must complain! Don't know why my schoolmates keep putting me with my "Da ge" together... wahz please loh I have a xiao da sao. I've so much to say but my brain and fingers won't let me do the talking. Heez.. ok when I'm in a more sober mood I shall continue...

To those I call my true friends.. "i.value.the.stars.in.the.sky.for.guiding.me.thru.my.darkest.nitez". Thank you my starry friends. I appreciate you!

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