Aiyoz.. I feel so bad. Wake up late morning I receive 2 sms telling me they cant make it for the outing.. Then now Mr Chin cancel the whole thing. Wahlan I feel so bad lor.. haiz.. dunno what to think also. So fucked up. Nvm we girls will organise nx thing yahz.. So paisehz.. Anyway.. my heart pain pain is over le.. Wahz I like very fast get over my regret. It is a 2 and half yr regret.. But maybe a good night's rest stops me from feeling so sad.. hee.. Life still moves on. Doesn't mean when I am sad the world stops changing because of me. This is what I call.. the only thing in this world that doesn't change is change.. hee it is true hor this saying.. ah well i going to eat my brunch and watch vcds till 2pm.. then got to zao for meeting.. And maybe beneath those clouds I will not find red skies.. sighz..

Manz.. in bad mood.. can't see my blog to the end. It stopped halfway.. so sian.. i think this is what minmin said the other time.. can't see the end of the blog. Now I cant even see my tagboard. sian.. On minmin's blog she talked abt regrets.. Haiz.. I agree with her totally. Our life is full of regrets lor.. right now having one major one... sian.. noe why last nite heart pain pain le... tt premonition thing sucks.. cannot turn back time.. so do i have to live with regrets? sian..................

Hmmz.. feeling sad? Those sudden mood swings that one gets. Haiz.. nothing to trigger that feeling lehx.. weird.. anyway bot my adidas Grand Prix.. at queensway.. went alot of places lehz.. tired.. bt going jogging at 7am tom.. can't slack..

The.passing.of.winter....The.sighting.of.the.pale.horse

Well I am kind of writing about death. The above heading are literary metaphors to describe death. Was jogging with Preeti yesterday evening. We jogged the big canal path down to Potong Pasir, past the Potong Pasir MRT station, cross the road and right into Bidadari Cemetery. Yes! You read it right. We were jogging inside the cemetery. I was more overwhelmed than afraid. Couldn't resist the urge to stop and peer at the names of the tombstones and the year of their birth and departure. I thought to myself that each picture told a story. Each body buried beneath my feet used to be a breathing lifeform. They had memories, they had friends, they had a wealth of life stories to share. But the passing of half a century have left these graves neglected, unwanted and partially covered. I stood in reverence at the awe of the thousands of graves I can see, thinking the kind of lives they led 50 years ago. Many tombstones have been damaged or cast down on the grass as the undertakers have taken on the grim task of exhuming the graves for the families of the departed. The serene yet gaunt cemetery is going to make way for, of all things a housing estate. I guess it is going to end up like the Bishan estate. I felt a sense of pity and unsurpressed loss as this was indeed a good place to jog, stay at peace with oneself and to learn a little about the history behind these graves, so that maybe they wouldn't be so neglected after all. Every tombstone marked the link that these ppl had been someone's spouse, someone's parent, someone's crush, someone's friend. And I wonder when I pass on, what kind of legacy would I leave behind. What kind of example am I living by each day?

The.coming.of.Spring....The.Star.of.David

On a much lighter note, I feel the urge to give a contrast in my blog today. The above metaphors are used to describe a birth, a new life. After SAT, I went with my bro and sis to shop for my niece's clothes. Learnt a lot of stuff regarding caring for babies or things to do with babies in general. Just a crash course for those ignorant folks ya..

*A boo-tee is the cute cute "socks" that babies wear.(I thought it sounded kinda offensive if a male salesperson addressed the cute footwear to an ignorant pregnant woman. Well it sounds like booty or someone's ass for those who don't get what I mean)
*Steriliser- Used to heat up breast milk so that it is safe for the baby to drink
*Clothes for babies come in the size 0-3 mths, 3-6 mths etc ( 3 mth difference)
*Do not go to Guardian to buy nappy cream with a pregnant woman as all salespersonal there thinks that all pregnant women are damn freaking rich. (My sis in law got harassed by a bui-zhi-tong woman to purchase a nappy cream which cost like $42? Diaoz)

Ah well, today was good apart from the fact I couldn't manage to buy my adidas shoes so going down Queensway with Korkor on wed.. Ha! IKEA here I come. Currently eyeing Adidas-Somoa in golden streaks... or the other one but don't know the name. The streaks are two toned blue and the soles are made of transparent rubber with horizontal grip for added friction (erm we are suppose to have friction to prevent falling rite? I think lahz.. hehe)

Ah well, tom is the start of a brand new day... Sighz

Hahaz.. nearly fainted! I suddenly forgot my blog's password. Coz normally I just click my username and the password accompanies it. Hmmz.. dunch really know what to say. Oh yahz.. 2/1 y2k peepz.. Ms Tay left for USA liaoz. She will back in 2005. Miss her manz. Quite lethargic and tired today. No idea why. Today I went down to the Nokia Care Centre. I didn't know that under my guarantee card hor I can exchange for a new ear piece. Coz my this ear piece caused me trouble on one side. My previous 6510 the ear piece after 5 months also spoil lehz. Me thinking that it is about time I start revising through my work? But then again.. I have no motivation. Sadly.. Going on a shopping trip to JB next wk. Going to SaMMi's house to cook and watch tebee and just chill out with my babes. Going to buy my new adidas shoes.. Ha! saw the pair I so want to buy yesterday. These days I have also lost the enthusiasm to jog... I wonder why.. This whole week I feel that it is just so wasted.. going to n fro to SAT course.. so sickening. Yesterday went holland V with my friends. The place gives me a very bohemian feeling though.. Bored no mood to write.. think I should save some energy and write my friends testimonials in friendster instead.. I abit mei liang xin.. hehez

I'm aching, I'm tired. I went to Cheryl's condo for bowling, swimming, jacuzzi n gym. And now I am very tired. Tomorrow I have SAT again. Don't feel like going. This is so boring. The course sucks big time anyway. Wanna dye my hair again. Well, it is fat hope for me. Must wait one yr. Then all hell breaks loose. Woo hoo...Don't wanna blog liaoz. Anyway. that chou nan ren got promoted. He tricked me again. Will kick his ass some day.

Heyz.. had the volunteer meeting which lasted quite long. Despite promising dudie i will write in proper english i am alittle tired today. Spare me dude... Well had sushi for dinner.. its been ages since.. Am not excited abt SAT tom.. bt in any case am going to my church best friend.. Cheryl's house to bowl, swim n use the gym.. then going home to cook.. then got meeting again tom at the hdb hub.. i am very busy haiz.. need tt break alot..

Manz.. I'm like so tired rite now.. im supposed to go for a volunteers meeting rite now.. Well this is called being intentionally late I suppose.. Just finished SAT course and publications meeting. Shitload of teachers with bad attitude trying to use sarcasm to cure an even more rebellion bunch of students. Hehe... No lunchbreak... yup the misery 15 min spent trying to queue and then getting blasted by Fatty Tan for queuing up is just so shitty. Ah well, I am beginning to regret going for the $100 course. Kz.. I am very hungry rite now. I am going to binge..

Haiz... I'm very sad.. ta.bu.neng.qu.JC2 haiz...................

I wrote an ultra long blog just now and was in perfect english. But I clicked the wrong button and its gone. Haiz.. will blog when I feel in a better mood.

I am like so going out in a little while.. hehe.. happy i cooked spaghetti again todae for lunch.. blended green apples n tomato as juice for breakfast.. n went jogging from toa payoh to potong pasir early this morning.. saw this beautiful white crane.. so cute.. hehe
Me going to National Library rite now.. as in the real library near city hall.. then shopping time peepz.. dun try n stop me.. hehe.. lalalalaz.. bee.... U.... T...fooL

yeahz i like this pic... where i look at least half decent in my spects.. n not some kuku-fied person..

these daes... there is no one to tok to online..
#teenzeal is near empty... my dear ian is not around...
bao bei lun.. is not online these daes...
my fav mr chin dun come online as often..
sammi babe doesnt use her comp every nite..
dudie is having exams..
bianty bian haven found a suitable connection for his comp..

haiz.. cant crap as much as i wan to.. thus my angst at verbal constipation...

I have a feeling it is gonna be a long blog today hehez.. Ah well...

In.the.past...

Yesterday we had caregrp at Christline's house.. Well we ended up eating LJS n shopping ard at Yishun 10 afterwards. Slacked at Starbucks and crapped our way through 3 hrs hehez.. The world is so small tt friends n the friends of friends are neverending.. (those who have friendster know what i mean) hehez..

At.present...

Today was good.. As usual had the meeting at HDB hub.. cant wait for Camp Imagine to begin.. really can't wait hehez.. Church service was good too.. stuff that spoke to my heart.. the song performed by Ronnie n Ah Tan was awesome manz.. Hmmz.. lemme think.. oh yah bought my yellow adidas water bottle le.. Happy! hehe.. coz i long time nv buy water bottles.. plan to throw away the disaposable type read the newspapers.. supposedly it causes health problems..

I have been a very good girl today.. I grocery shopped at NTUC today.. All by myself.. sometimes it is good to spend time alone. hehe.. Spending quality time... all by oneself. Bought lots of stuff.. plan to cook the entire wk.. my breakfast, lunch n dinner n of coz cook for mummy too... It's been a long time since I had home cooked food. Since mama is on the road to recovery.. I shall not disturb her. I cooked spaghetti today.. hehe.. Ingredients: Spaghetti, mushrooms, parmesan cheese, spring onions, oysters, minced meat chicken, tomato+onion+garlic spaghetti sauce.. Yummie.. nothing beats what you cook yourself. (Grace thinking of the cookies tt Ian baked oh so long time ago) My menu for this wk would be macoroni soup n spaghetti on alternate days... Bread with assorted ham n tomato n mayo for breakfast. Sighx.. (note; this is a sigh of contentment)

Right now.. thinking of what I might want to cook nx wk.. Right now my eating motto is "healthy lifestyle" Yeah! hehe.. Learning a Peranakan veggie dish n soup dish from mama nx wk. I'm happy...

Looking.into.the.future

Well..holidays are in full swing.. BUT... tom I have PW presentation.. it is the final hurdle in my entire JC1 race.. been clearing hurdle after hurdle. Tomorrow means alot to me. PEACE....

Before the hols officially begins.. my days are packed.. I realised my friends all have the same destinations in mind.. oh tell me why.. hehe...

Places.my.frenz.wan.to.go

*Sentosa
*Gym
*Swimming Pool
*Shopping

Places.I.plan.to.go

*Holland Village
*The Zoo
*Night Bazaars
*Swimming Pool
*Jogging Track
*Gym
*Badminton Court
*Sentosa

Places.I.will.go

*Trengganu
*East Coast
*School
*Tirene's house
*Ikea then Queensway Shopping Centre

Things.I.plan.to.do

*Learn guitar
*Learn to cycle
*Learn to blade/ice skate
*Learn to cook peranakan food
*Pack my room
*Buy wallpaper to paste postcards
*Hunt for new adidas shoes
*Study (esp the lit txt bks)

Praise God.. I'm too busy to think too much.. hehez..

the debate! do i have eyebags? hahaz.. pissed manz.. when i smile.. i haf bags ard my eyes.. when i dun smile.. theres nothing.. shoots.. when i smile.. my face becomes super round.. when i dun smile.. it looks normal.. hw great can tt be... darn.. im crapping at 2am in the morning..

I'm worried... not for my A lvl chinese paper tom.. rather for my Xiao Bianty.. haiz.. nv seen a pri 5 girl more stressed than her.. Dunch noe wat to do.. now Da Bianty sumore not ard when she needs him.. Manz.. ppl dun try to understand what i saying.. its complicated.. hehez.. hope to see Xiao Bianty soon.. i sure miss her.. sighz..

On a lighter note.. best wishes to those taking their mother tongue paper tom..*smilez*

Feeling weird.. its raining outside.. n as usual im suppose to take a cool afternoon nap.. BUT! hahaz.. think so much cant slp liaoz.. just watched Pleasantville.. manz had the VCD yet din noe it was such a nice movie.. hehe.. unique.. aniwaez.. skool hols start le.. not b4 fri's cheena paper though.. todae's Commendation Day was lame.. the guest speaker talked too much thrash. Was thinking of the prayer group earlier on.. hahaz.. manz i din realise tt there were such radical christians in SRJC. Din regret coming to the prayer meeting just now. Felt good.. will be going again.. thinking tt religion does bond ppl of different walks together.. =) hehez.. yeahz.. tts abt what i really wanna sae..

todae equals mix of emotions.. i'm glad, i'm sad, i'm depressed, i'm relieved.

Glad...

Passed my promos n am eligible to be promoted no matter hw marginal my pass was.. past weeks of agony n worry is over. Happy tt im not gonna haf to waste my parents money... glad tt reney babe made it.. Why did i haf the tendency to wan to hug her todae? hahaz.. Believing is seeing...

Sad...

Kakak Suri din make it.. my other loved babe sammi oso din. I'm sad.. really am. My Kakak studied so hard with Preeti and me... cld see the determination.. but.. she's being dealt a cruel fate. Shit manz.. gonna miss her like dunno what. When I heard parquack i tink.. sae tt when Aisha saw tt Suri din make it out of the rm.. she broke down. Coz onli retainees had to remain in the classrm. The moment I heard this.. it felt as if we were fighting a war, and the victims were left behind while the rest barely made it with wounds that onli time n self determination can heal. Haiz...

SaMMi... what can I say?? I feel like fiak now. I'm leaving a very important part of me behind in JC 1 nx yr.. This babe means alot to me... Though I alwaes dun seem to tell her how I feel or show that shes one impt babe in my life... I agree with parquack tt we may not be as close le.. but tt doesnt mean she walks rite out of my heart.. Reney and SaMMi alwaes gonna be tt impt pillars in my life.. I'll miss SaMMi's presence which just lightens up the whole grp. Why does it feel like I'm writing an orbituary? hahaz...
Babe.. I love yaz.. *big fat tight hugz*

Depressed...

Manz.. had the principal talk today.. When the facts are presented to u.. one just has to face reality. I'm left with less than a yr to catch up with my work... n meet the demanding expectations. In addition I need to relearn my work.. haiz.. Stressed? Undeniably yes? Being bored down by it? No.. Leave it to God manz.. Pull up my socks is a definite yes..

Relieved...

The whole shit ordeal is over. And maybe I will just drop AO maths.. hehez.. after cheena exams n PW presentation.. oh man my *Life.Is.Beautiful* hahaz

tom is the dae..
where is the assurance i need?
it's been 10mths..
it's been one year..
it's still there.

I'm feeling funny. Yes the word is funny hehez.. it's like sudden realisation just hits you n you have to face reality. The wonderful world I built around me is actually nothing more than death and evil. It's only by faith that I can live each day knowing that no evil shall befall me.

Talked to my PW group members today abt the number of accidents on roads overseas and in Singapore. Young lives taken away. Rarely do u see old ah ma n ah gong being killed in road accidents. So tell me how fragile life can be? haiz.. I learnt to treasure alot of stuff now. My wilful secondary school years brought heartbreak in friendships and relationships. The word is "treasure", life is truely short. Read Gary's blog on life and death.. how true manz.. his sentiments I share exactly.

Ah well.. was on the bus this afternoon thinking.. then I realised that humans are easily influenced creatures. I thought abt personal emotions and realised how easily it is for us to hate a person just coz our peers do so. But no one bothers to tink "why"??? No reasons, no explanations. I thought about language. I remember primary school years when my peers started scolding those obscene hokkien language and boy did everyone thought it was cool. I was a victim of my time.. hehez.. yes I was a rather vulgar person in primary school easily influenced by my "society"= primary schoolmates.

Even now, I think about my peers in my class in SRJC.. manz.. boy are we similar in language. Examples....

Banana aka X.J:
-"Not even!"
-"Ha, ha, ha, ha" (each ha is lower than the first)
-"So you think you beri smart(word can be changed) lahz.."
-"Mmmm" (the very bimbo sounding disapproval)

Parquack aka Shuyun
-"So you think you are very chio(word can be changed) lahz"
- Tamil, Japanese and China slang to perfection hehez..

TurtleZ aka SaMMi
-"I reject!"
-"I insist!"
-"Wrong number!" (phrase use to symbolise things or actions that are seriously quite pea brain)

HaMMie aka Reney
-"BuRRRRRp!" 10.5 on the rector scale hehez
-"Har, really?"
-"Ehhhh, nice!" (bimbo smile) hehe

Mu Niu aka Gracie
-"Riteeee!"
-"Alright!" (with that sickening slang of mine)
-"Seriously cannot make it lohz!" (which means this person or thing is not up to standard)
-"Yes, dearie."
-"Tong zhi"
-"Shi Bei" (Shi Ma which means oh really?)
--> Adopted last two chinese words using china slang to perfection hehez..

Wahahaz.. we 5 gers learn from each other manz our mannerisms. Its seriously difficult to unlearn the language liaoz.. So you see humans are actually not veri original.

Humans....

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