I've finally come to the end of June.

I don't know if its the writer's block or the laziness but the novelty for posting photos and blogging has kinda worn off me. Too long a blogger I guess..

Today is my blog's 5th bday. It's come a long way with me. Plenty of treasures, memories and thoughts that even I can't quite remember anymore.

Anyway, the exams have gone by and I'm so damn happy about it. Though it din feel quite so real when it ended. It's like this yoke that I have been carrying around with me has been lifted but I'm still not in realisation yet.

Basically and as expected, apart from today, the rest of the week till this sunday is booked. Whaha.. I'm happy though coz I get to have some time to catch up on sleep, ppl I love and hopefully post up some photos.

Alrite, frankly speaking, visiting FACEBOOK, I'm disgustingly jealous that EVERYONE is going on a holiday. REALLY. Just look at the photos they post up. It's okie, next year when I go to the usa... everyone will be working, studying or cooped up in mundane I mean marvellous Singapore. Woo hoo.. haha..

Anw, I'm planning a short fart getaway to my ancestor's hometown. Melaka. Just with 3 other babes. No MEN or any varying degrees of it. But I'm planning this for the first time without a tour agency. Should go smoothly since I'm planning it. haha..

I'm not for the sights and sounds of the world yet. But I'm all for food, heritage and homeliness. Besides I must be a supersaver if I intend to live and spend lavishly next year.

Since my whole week is packed out, look out for photos and more updates ya. That's if I haven changed my blog add yet. Hehe..

=)

My lack of enthusiasm and MIA status can only be blamed on exam duress. I do very much have a life just not the ideal one I am hoping for now. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally breathed a sigh of great relief as I completed my 36 page PR campaign. Never in my life have I written so much and used so much of my energy to do my work.

I'm really hoping to reap the results when I finally go Oklahoma nx April. Victoria Secret's, Coach, King Size food portions anyone?

Anw, I just need to pen this down to remember in case I forget because I have made a whole load of promises to meet ppl after my exams. The only problem is the end of my exams and the start of my nx module is a mere 10 days. Wahaha.. I wonder how many people I really can meet.

Oh ya totally going on a tangent here, but just wanna say I know my blog is damn hard to upload. I get frustrated when I use Vista to upload as well. So congrats to those who made it to reading this entry. Come July it will be blogspotted no more. =)

Ok so heres my list of people I promised to meet that I can remember wahaha.. the rest ya I'm just ying chou-ing you. Kidding.

- SGP Lepak Gang : Samuel, Alicia
- SGP Exotic Food Gang, DBL O Crew : Sunny, Harith
- SGP Explore Orgasmic Dessert Siblings : Ivan, Krystal
- Church forever Bestie : Cheryl
- Primary School Same height now One head taller than me, One decade later SGP colleague : Bizi haha..

I forgot who else.

Going totally serious here, I'm going to visit my mum's niche this saturday after my exam. None of you readers concern I know, but it means a whole lot to me. And I have like 4 pillars this time around for great support.

Quadruply cherished.

Thank you JARS. John, Anais, Reney, Sammi. Wahahaha

Alritey, till the end of my exams on Saturday.... All the VERY best to MEEEE.

The end of this month would mark my 5 year relationship with blogspot. Let all supposed good things, they must come to an end. Hence I'm gonna divorce blogspot real soon.

May decide not to make it too public this time around. Will see.

=)

Because I gave Sammi a special paragraph in my blog, here's yours as well.

BRANDS ESSENCE + TIRENE = GRACE BELOVED

Thank you dear for your sweet thoughts even as I prepare for my exams. Yay. I think its like the Sammi = Monday Therapy and Tirene = Tuesday Therapy. Very loved. After my exams ya my dear babes.

So now you both have seen me in the same month after my facial and you two still love me. *violin playing at the background.

I dunno what is it with me but today,Im feeling kinda recharged, beloved and renewed. A fresh dose of His precious anointing over my future and my life.

Anw, my favourite book and chapter in the bible and two excerpts I found so apt for this week.

PSALM 23

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup OVERFLOWS.

6 SURELY GOODNESS and LOVE will FOLLOW me
ALL the dayS of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

So yes, I await feasting amidst my trials and blessings overflowing beyond my imagination.

love love. <3 <3

Had a hearty meal with my family yesterday as a belated father's day dinner and caught up with my darling Sammi. I thought it was a deserving break from the exam I studied hard for. Still have one more paper to go and I still haven decided which company to do a PR campaign for. Not too worried nonetheless because I will come up with an ans when I am beginning my project.

I usually begin my entries with sharing my vulnerabilities and honest thoughts. You know how the flesh gets a hold on you at first but I really think that I have a hold on my thoughts and my life and I mustn't let these thoughts take control of me. Anw this has been my train of thought for the past week.

Was alil apprehensive at first. You see, I will be going to the US of A nx April through May. And I haven started saving money yet. It's one mth mind u, so expenses, food, lodging and plane ticket plus my classmates wanna go Vegas and what nots. I don't want to be left having to borrow from the bank coz the interest sometimes is just half mad.

There's also the matter of my leave. I dunno if I can be taking leave for such a long period though I did mention to my company before. Just hoping that when the time comes, everything will be smooth. Just as I was bathing today, I was thinking that majority of my classmates have worked for like 4 years before saving up for this degree. They are still holding full time jobs in govt ministries, atas brand companies or some niche role in a MNC. They all do not have a degree just like me but they are earning like 3 times more than me. Maybe I should have started working 1st, seen the world and save up for a few years just like them. Then it wouldn't be so taxing on me now.

Really can't wait to see God's hand of grace on my life through my studies. Just like He has always carried me through and broke through the last 2 decades plus of my life in every aspect.

I desire greatly to see the world, to experience life, to see more than just outside my window the creations of my Daddy God. And I really don't believe that Singapore is just the way to go for me. I have a thirst for something bigger out there and it's not just a dream I'm beholding but a great big promise in my life from Him that I shall see all my desires come to past.

Half the year has gone by. I really can't believe that I'm halfway over with this year. And I don't believe I quite have my full blown portion of Deutronomy 28 yet. You know, sometimes, I may sound downcast on my blog but to me there is just an inexplicable sense of hope. The buoyancy of life that I really can't sink even when I think I would.

There must be a greater miracle, a beyond imagination plan that my Daddy God has in plan for me. And I still choose to believe.

There is just ONE song I play on replay when I study for my exams. And this is it. I usually use Imeem but my office comp can't quite access it today.

None But Jesus - Hillsongs


In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I am yours and you are mine...

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

The lyrics of this song just speak to my heart EVERYTIME. My song of affirmation and restoration.

Because I'm overwhelmed with emotion how far me and 2 very special ppl have come. . . I will find time to blog. This is for them, for the love, the support, the arms of selflessness shown to me over the past 5 years of my life. You two are a little more than amazing. My loves - Sammi & Reney

G.S.T

The first cooked meal by Sammi... the start of something so precious

I know the below two fotos are ugly babes... but with a past like that just shows us how much change we have undergone in these 5 years. The love, tears, laughter, joy.


December 2007, penang laksa, creme bistro day. . .

And our latest. . . 3 weeks ago.


I renew my pledge of love for u 2 babes today. The poem I wrote 5 years ago.

8/10/03
Us

We met as strangers,
Prejudice filled our minds
Different lives, different likes
It was inconceivable
That a friendship like ours could last!

We met as strangers,
Yet became fast friends.
The date was 25th of May-
A spur of the moment outing
That left us bonded till this day

We met as strangers,
Yet shared laughter over lunch
It was scandalous,
The sights we saw
Yet that bonded us even more!

We met as strangers,
Now we're firm friends
Now even if we have to part
Let distance never act
As a barrier to our hearts.


*Here's to many many more years of loved friendship to come.

This is gonna be one long blog entry because I will be disappearing in the month of June for my exams.

Though I have taken exams so many times before and the next coming sat paper is of no unfamiliarity but this is still a new situation I find myself in. Juggling a perm job, partime job, personal life and this. Also its like 2 weeks after my advertising paper, I have a PR one to go for, together with a PR campaign to prepare. Never have I found myself to be in such a tight schedule.

But I am quite excited about the prospect of finishing my advertising campaign over this weekend and finally starting my revision for my exams though it is later than usual. But I do very much have a confident expectation of good and am truly at peace to see how God works through me during this exam. Like so many exams before, when I was lazy, had no idea how to do my assignments, anyhow whack, crap and bullshit.. somehow God just knew how to turn them all into beautiful and stainless distinctions and credits. God is so class man. hehe..

Today, I am also excited because I am going for my virginal experience in Serangoon Road of eyebrow threading. Heard the horror stories of how painful it can be yadayada.. but its just 5 bucks and I thought I should go for some kind of adventure today with my colleague and thereafter for some orgasmic indian cuisine.

I have a few things to thank God for this week. And one of them is for my bestie (I have many besties as I was telling an sg pools colleague yest, but that's a blog entry for another day) Sammi. For just wanting to come down all the way to my house and chill at some random void deck with me. For cooking thai pineapple fried rice for me which had an extra ingredient of love. Tasted oh so sweet. And of coz the reason for coming down was to find out how I was doing after reading my previous entry. Yes, only one person bothered to call me and insist on meeting me to find out why and how I was coping and I am thankful enough that of all the people you cared. Chilled and talked heart-to-heart till late though both of us had work in the morning. But I still woke up refreshed and energised, thanking God for a great catching up and loved session a few hours before.

As a matter of fact, I created history in my life when I met Sammi a couple of days ago. For the LONGEST time, I NEVER allowed any friends of mine to see me without make-up unless it was dark, at night, in church camp rm-mate buddies. And even then, I will wake up earlier than them to use the bathroom so that by the time they see me, I am made up. Yes, I have been having that insecurity even though my complexion has gotten WAY better from my jc times. I find no need to use my oil blotter (johnson's, gatsby, cheap $1 like tracing paper brand) everyday. I no longer have to touch up many times a day, nor do I need to bring out my blemish stick. I used to finish my cheap compact powder in 1 and 1/2 months and my liquid foundation in one month. Haha. Now, my atas makeup last me 6 months. So yes, I have come a long way facing these insecurities and overcoming them. So even if you are to acquaint yourself with the new me now, and see the remnants and the healing process and some thoughts run through your mind, I am not bothered by them.

Anw, I chose to meet Sammi of all things AFTER my facial, Red, botchy and makeup-LESS. She's the second person after Anais who of coz is my facial buddy. But it's just another stage in my life where I learn to face myself (pun intended) and not deny my exterior nor feel a sense of inferiority for the way ppl would judge me. And how did I feel after I met Sammi looking my real self? I felt damn good inside. I should be living life this way, uninhibited by how my friends would think of me because the real me is not how I am packaged outside but who I really am on the inside.

Speaking of which, if my good memory doesn't fail me, she's the first girlfriend that cooked specially twice for me. And she doesn't have to but she did and that I will treasure the rest of my life.

And just yesterday as I was grimacing at my other partime work place and how the environment is so sucky and all... I got the chance to speak to another Samantha. Haha.. One of my locker buddies. cab buddy and just a lovely person with a pure matured soul. Everything she said about her circumstance mirrored my life and I could so identify with her. It's just comforting to know that God sent people my way to see that there are others like me who are braving the storms and living life to the fullest despite the setbacks. I am also thankful that she chose to be vulnerable to me yesterday and to tell me things in her life that in otherwise normal conversation would not be shared.

I wish for the 28th of June 1pm now, coz thats the ending time of my last paper and I cannot wait to catch up on my da sao's korean/hk dvds, curled up on my sofa with some sweet ice cream in hand.

Fathers' Day is just around the corner and I am really so thankful for the father I have been given. For being both a mother and father to me over the last 3 years and being strong just for me. There is only so many words I can say to thank him for his unconditional love and I know that things in his life will only getter better and better. Of coz as a daughter, I wish I could spend more time bringing him shopping, for movies and just being his eyes to the other beautiful things to be seen. But then again, I have work and school to juggle. I believe that what I cannot give him in quantity that it be restored in our father-daughter relationship in quality.

It is just a great feeling to know that when I return home from a tired day at school, work, long gatherings, studies, shopping whatever, that he is always there. Having my dad around makes my house become a home. We are 4 decades apart and though his jokes may be about that old and his excitability over soccer rival that of teenagers, my respect and love for him runs deep within my soul. That's why work is never a chore and studying is not a bore because I want to give him the best life he can ever have when I finally do graduate.

I don't know when I will be blogging again because thereafter I will be busy with work, project and exams but don't pity me. Because I am living in exciting times and I am in possession of the superabounding grace in my life.

In a few more posts, I am gonna reach my 1000th. Quite slow if your realise I have been blogging for nearly 5 years of my life.

You can read 5 years of my life history on this blog. Unbelievable. I am in a torrent of emotions right now. Firstly this month is not my favourite month. It has a lot of painful memories. This and the next month. And every year when this n nx mth comes along, its just particularly hard for me. This month is not only my mum's name, its also her birthday month. Nx month is her gone-to-eternity anniversery. I am willing myself to concentrate on preparing for exams but it really does not get any easier.

I started off on the wrong foot on my first work day of June today. Ran all the way from the interchange to my office because I waited 45 minutes for my bus. Reached office, had a disgusting customer who maligned me all the way from South Africa. Opened my email, read and sat there tearing after I read an online letter and I was discovered by a shocked colleague.

BUT I reject and I refuse and I am adamant that I will not let this emotions flood my senses and destroy the beautiful days of my life. I will not allow fear to have control and even the darkest hours when I am alone I will not be insecured nor uncertain of my future. I have moments in days when I don't feel as lively and positive as I usually am but that's just a very real side of me. I never find the need to hide away from my emotions and thoughts and through my blog entries you can really tell how transparent I really am.

If you find my entries depressing, please dun comment and tell me. I do not care for your opinions. This is my own little private haven to pen down thoughts of happiness, love, peace, joy, sadness and anguish ironically in front of a damn public audience.

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