"True friends are those who care without hesitation, remember without limitation, forgive without any explanation and love with even little communication."

I'm not going to lie. This week has been awful. I hate this week. But as I was mulling it over I noticed this shiny bright spot. I have the absolute most wonderful friends anyone could ever ask for. Not only are they all beautiful, smart, and funny. They are all sweet, thoughtful, and genuinely caring. Every time I turned the corner I had a friend there to remind me that I wasn't alone. I'm incredibly grateful to my new friends for the love, support, ice cream, brownies, lunches, dinners, and therapy sessions. But I have to throw this out there- I am so grateful for the friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin, hell and high water, drama and depression- since middle school. You would think you'd be sick of me by now. But somehow you manage to still be here, still care, and STILL listen to my drama. Even when we haven't talked in months! I love you girls so much. Tonight at dinner I was talking about family and it reminded me of when Colee told me that I have a lot of family that isn't related to me. So, that's what this post is about- to thank you girls for being my family for the past decade plus. I don't know what I'd do without you but I'm sure glad you aren't asking me to find out!

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."- Chuck Palahniuk

adjective 1.conforming or adhering to accepted standards, as of conduct or taste: conventional behavior.

I'm a very conventional person. This probably stems from the fact that my grandmother was Emily Post herself (not really, but she would give Miss Manners a run for her money). I like convention. I like having rules that govern what is right and what is wrong in polite society. I grew up in a small town where tradition rules that day. And let me tell you, it was an amazing place to grow up. So excuse me if I'm a little old fashioned. But I just can't shake some of the more deeply ingrained expectations I have. For example, one that seems to keep getting challenged is who makes the first move. People keep telling me that it is okay for the girl to make the first move. I disagree. Let me tell you what I believe. I agree to push a baby the size of a bowling ball out of my body- is it so much to expect that a man do the heavy lifting at the beginning of a relationship? Is it so much to ask that a man take some initiative and pursue a girl rather than sit at home and wait for the ladies to flock to him? That's the problem with society. Girls are so anxious for love and attention that they'll do anything to get it and so men have gotten lazy. I don't know what's to be done about it, but I do know this- I'm not about to start chasing men down. I'm the catch. :)

So, Halloween used to be my FAVORITE holiday. But a few years ago Halloween and I had a falling out. I would like to repair my relationship with Halloween. I plan on doing this by ignoring the scary parts and focusing on the not scary parts like pumpkins...
See, the only thing scary here is the spelling/ grammar... and maybe that kid's ears.

I'm really missing someone who used to be a really good friend of mine so I thought getting some of these thoughts out in the ether might help... We shall see.

"I miss my friend, the one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with, the one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again, and let the light back in..."

"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep, and I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe, and I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are, I hope it's nice where you are, I hope the sun rises and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed."

"Well this is not your fault, But if I'm without you, Then I will feel so small, And if you have to go
well, Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does."

In case anyone needs something to read this summer I have a couple of suggestions...

1) Sharon Shinn's Twelve Houses series- magic, hot soldiers, spying, and some love connections. Gotta love it.
2) Georgette Heyer- she's an author who writes witty romances set the the 1800's in England. Totally clean and good for quite a few laughs. A few of my favorites are - Devil's Cub, Cotillion, Friday's Child, Regency Buck, and The Nonesuch.

That's pretty much all I've read this summer.

Happy reading!!!

Okay, so it's been a long time since I blogged... a LONG time. But I just have to have a tangent right now. We all know that I'm pretty old fashioned. Last night at a get together at a friends house I was reminiscing about growing up on The Andy Griffiths Show and Bonanza (I still have a huge crush on Adam). I loved those shows, I loved the values intrinsic in even episode. It was all about doing what was right no matter what. That's how I was raised. I was also raised outside. We played outside all day, regardless of the weather, until it got dark or until our mom's whistled us home. These days I don't see kids playing outside ever. They are all inside tethered to a computer or the tv. I read books. I grew up in a small town so you get pretty creative about how to entertain yourself. I miss that. Here in the big city I find all the guys really boring- you know why? Because they never had to be crazy and adventurous or creative, they had all their fun built in at mini golf and Peter Piper Pizza. I miss doing ridiculous and stupid things just because there wasn't anything else to do. Anyone up for a game of get lost in Paragonah? Or perhaps lay in the middle of the road until a car comes? Maybe we could break into the church just for kicks and giggles? I feel like my life is so boring. I do the same things every week. Go to the same classes and learn the same things, hang out with the same people and have the same conversations, and go to the same movie and watch the same tv shows over and over again. Nothing is novel, nothing is exciting, it's all just blah. And I've been realizing that growing up in my small hometown gave me two illusions that have proven false in the world outside of home: 1) that people are generally nice and friendly, 2) that I am free. I have been realizing lately that so many of the people around me are just looking out for themselves. No one cares about anyone else, no one has your back. If you know me you know that I never have my own back and that means I feel like the quarterback who just keeps getting sacked over and over again. Growing up, I kind of just did whatever I wanted. If I wanted to drive to this place, I did. If I wanted to sleep outside, I did. I didn't worry about my safety in doing it, I never even thought about it. Here, I feel so constricted, like there's this huge list of things I'm not allowed to do. Don't go here, don't do this, I feel like it would be shorter to make a list of things I can do. And all for what? So I can associate with people I'm not interested in, live in a place that makes me feel like I can't breathe, and spend thousands and thousands of dollars to get trained to help people who don't want my help. And then people wonder why I like Bonanza and Jane Austen books and miss Mayberry. I like knowing who the good guys are, who the bad guys are, and that the good will come to good ends, the bad will come to bad ends, and that every girl gets exactly what she deserves. So yes, I miss my small hometown, my loyal friends, and my idealistic views of the world.