Our Busy and Chaotic Life

I can't be the parent that posts special things for one child and totally neglects the other. So in all fairness to Garrison I wanted to post about his baptism in the hopes that I one day publish this into a book.

Garrison was baptized on Saturday November 17th! Just one day after his 8th birthday!!!! He was so excited to be baptized and worked so hard to prepare himself for that special day!!!


Garrison was most excited about finally getting a suit to wear to church! He hates not being dressed to the "nines" with a pressed white shirt, tie, suit jacket, black pants and black boots. He also has to have his hair combed "the handsome way" every week!!!!


                                Lots of people LOVE Garrison and came to support him on his special day!!!
He didn't want a dinner after his baptism. Just Costco chocolate cake and an ice cream sundae bar!
                                                  This kid LOVES his ice cream!!!!!!!!!!









Garrison was confirmed a Member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on Sunday November 18th. I am thankful that Garrison is someone that has never followed the normal way of doing things. He isn't afraid to think outside the box. He wanted his Grandpa Clifford to confirm him. At the time Grandpa was battling leukemia and having complications and was in the IMC hospital.  He didn't have the strength to travel to the baptism but that didn't discourage Garrison. He planned to go to Grandpa to be confirmed. So with special permission we traveled the next morning to the hospital for Garrison to be confirmed. It was a small gathering with our little family, Grandpa and Grandma Staples, Brother Kelly Kim from Grandpa's Ward bishopric and of course Grandma and Grandpa Clifford. It was a major struggle for Grandpa to sit on the edge of his hospital bed to confirm Garrison. He was so worried about saying something wrong and not getting the ordinance right, however with a tender mercy from the Lord, Grandpa used all his strength to bless and confirm his Grandson a member of the church. It was a simple yet powerful testimony building confirmation, one that I hope Garrison will cherish for the rest of his life for this was the last Priesthood ordinance Grandpa would preform on this earth. It really lifted Grandpa's spirit to have Garrison give him that opportunity!!!  Somehow this is the only picture I got of that day (If anyone has more please make me a copy.) Grandma and Grandpa gave Garrison this hat for his birthday! He looks so sharp in this picture. There is a reason we call Garrison Grandpa Clifford's mini me! Not only does he like a lot of the same things as Grandpa but he looks A LOT like him!!!!

Garrison, I hope that your testimony continues to grow leaps and bounds. I pray that you will stay close to the Lord and the gospel. I can't imagine our family without you! You bring so much spunk and humor to everyday life, yet you are tender and loving all at the same time. My hope for you is that you will continue to grow and learn as much as you can. That you will live a long and happy life and accomplish all that you desire to do! We love you Buddy!!!!

Why is it just when you think life is going great that something comes along and drags you back to reality. I have always wanted a large family. I LOVE kids and having them around seems to brighten my days. I hate sitting here at home during the day without the sound of little feet running around. For the past year, we have been strongly impressed that we needed to try for another baby. Not an easy thing for me to take given my history, but we were obedient just the same. As time went on I was so strongly impressed that there was one more child for our family. I still feel this way; just not sure how the Lord wants that child to come. Here's the thing, after 2 miscarriages, and not being able to get pregnant on our own Brady and I decided to seek help from the Dr. and began the LONG process of starting fertility treatments. Temperature charting, cycle watching, counting days, watching moods, Pills, tests, more PILLS, and more TESTS, STRESSING OUT! And finally imagine our excitement when we find out it paid off and we were pregnant. GREAT!!! WRONG......after more testing we found out that my hormone levels were not high enough and after trying more pills,having more tests and ultrasounds here I sit having another miscarriage, my third. I am numb. Of course I have asked the question why me? Why us? I cry just thinking about how much I know it hurts the boys knowing yet another little baby sibling won't be coming to our home. I sob as Garrison prays nightly for his baby brother or sister to come back alive and live with him. I worry about Ethan who won't open up but chooses to grieve on his own at night in his bed, yet prays for me to have strength and not be sad so I can be a normal Mom again. How grown up is that.I hate causing them pain. I feel terrible for Brady who feels like he has to be the rock of the family. He really has been amazing from going to work all day, taking vacation to get me back and forth from the hospital, Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry and holding me when I fall apart. I worry for his health cause he can't keep up this schedule. I feel like he hasn't had the chance to grieve. And here I sit helpless, numb, angry, sad, depressed and confused as the world outside spins around me. I search, I read, I pray, I ponder and I do know that this will come to an end. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I know it is there. I hate the pain. Not just the physical but the emotional. I need answers, I need relief, I need/want a baby. I have faith that it will happen. When I am not sure. So for now if I don't answer the phone or the door; don't take it personal. Brady and I have decisions to make. Things to talk about. We need to have time to grieve. I also need personal time to take this trial in life and get through it. Nobody can do it for me. (I really wish someone could! But lets face it I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.)

We had so much fun taking pictures this year. I think we had more silly than serious but that ok. Garrison could have had a photo shoot all by himself with all the poses he had in his mind. Ethan took some GREAT pictures. I can't wait to edit them and hang them on the wall. Until then enjoy these few unedited versions.

Those are the four words I often used whenever I REALLY want something from my Dad and I learned pretty quick the power of those words. I won't say I have my Dad wrapped around my little finger but I would say he holds them pretty tight! I have used it for money, late nights out, a picture I wanted, BIG GULPS, just about everything. Last night I used those words to get something I REALLY NEEDED. My Dad has been in the hospital for the last 5 days fighting liver failer and cancer that has spread rapidly from his stomach to his liver and has made him really sick.
Thursday was an emotional day. My Mom called saying that Dad wasn't doing good and that he would be admitted to the hospital for IV fluids. I didn't worry too much until that night as the test came back telling us the scary news of how agressive the cancer we had found out about, just a week earlier, was making him so sick; and not having answers as to how the outcome will be. I cried so hard that night struggling with the thought of losing my Daddy. Plans were quickly made to go up to see him and so many friends and neighbors offered support to make it possible for me to go. Sharmon and I headed up Saturday afternoon and went straight to the hospital. I don't like hospital to begin with but I really hate them when someone I love is there and really sick. It was good to see him and I was reassured that he was being taken care of.
On Sunday night I was able to have some time alone with my parents. Oh how I needed it. I needed to hear from my Dad how proud he was of me for the life I had chosen, how he was so thankful to have me for a Daughter and how thankful he was to raise me. He told me how proud of me and Brady he was in the way we are raising our two boys; and how much they mean to him. I was able to thank him for all he taught me and for being there whenever I needed him. We laughed about funny stories, cried about the unknown, and made plans for the future.

Then I was able to use those powerful words I learned from a very young age: "Daddy I loooooove you!" and I was able to ask for something that only my Daddy can give me; one of his fathers blessings. I have had many blessings from him and each one comforts me like nothing else can. I am thankful that he honors his priesthood and has never denied me a blessing when asked. This blessing was like all the others in the fact that it was just the comfort I was seeking. It was the warmth from his hands as he placed them on my head, the words spoken, guided by my Heavenly Father, through my Dads choked up voice. It was even more special with the guidance given, and the comfort and peace felt. I want to hold on to that moment and remember the words spoken and the calming influence he has.

Now I know that while we go through this trial in life, I can make it through it. And when the time comes (hopefully YEARS from now) that my Daddy is called home; I will have the strength to make it through and will remember the things my Dad taught me and how much he loves me. I will be reassured that he knows how much I love him!
Here's to being able to say "DADDY, I LOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!" even more.

Now My Mom can get off my back. We had our first EVER family pictures! Here is just a sample of the over 100 shots we took!