I'm going to (again) be updating the blog with some of my random facebook posts & photos from the past year so that I can make my blurb book out of the blog.  A few weeks ago I came across a company that *finally* caught on, and created a program to make a book out of your facebook feed!  Finally!!!  But I already have this one going, and I have been really thinking about what I post on facebook and my reasons for posting, or the implications of it at least.  So it hasn't been incredibly active lately.  I have phases of more posting, but I have been in quiet a long phase of resistance lately.  Resisting it feels right, actually.  But it's a great record of funny things the kids have said, photos, milestones, etc-- so this is my little record-keeping "scrapbooking" project.  Transferring snippets back here again. 

Life-changing!  My new chiropractor has set me on a path that has absolutely changed my life!  I have been sugar-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, and caffeine-free for 21 days.  (As well as free from other random culprits, like vinegar, soy, alcohol, eggs, processed meat, etc).  I haven't felt this good in probably 7 years or more!  (Maybe never!)  He also has come up with a supplement cocktail specific for my own body's needs, so it could be that as well.  It was like a 21-day "cleanse" ... much like the Candida diet. 

But today is day 22~!  I am seriously nervous to revert back to my old ways!  How do I come to know moderation?  I never want to feel the way I felt again!  (So sluggish, drained, irritable, unhappy).  These past 21 days, I have had more energy and happiness and resilience (physical, mental & emotional) than I have had in ages!  My entire family has noticed a difference, and it has rubbed off on them!  My home is much happier!  It's amazing how much power the woman of the house has. 

AND!  My *skin* is so much more healthy, it's like night & day!  I actually cancelled my dermatologist referral because my problems have cleared up-- I had a feeling that it was diet-related!  No cream or medication could fix that! 

SOOOO... right now I am sipping an (AMAZING!) sugar bomb!  (AKA: Decaf Salted Caramel Mocha).  Oh heaven!  I will probably have something very illegal for lunch, like a bloody mary and clam chowder in a bread bowl or something.  And maybe some homemade spaghetti with bolognese sauce for dinner, and a large glass of wine!  And (pray!) tomorrow I can go back on it.  Not as a diet, but as a lifestyle.  Maybe I can splurge once per week.  I feel like I'm shaking out of my skin.  (Is it the sugar, or the nerves?  I'm so nervous!)  LOL 

Four things I know:

1.  Wheat and my body do NOT agree.  It makes me sick, literally.  But I love it.  BUT, I can make almost any dish without it and still enjoy it. 
2.  Dairy and my body do NOT agree.  I've known for 7 years that milk and cream makes me physically sick, but I still eat it if it's something I LOVE (fancy coffee drinks, fettuccini alfredo, etc) and suffer the consequences (knowingly).  I've always done fine with cheese & yogurt.
3.  I never want to go back to Caffeine!!!  I kicked it, I have overcome!!!  :)   I battled gnarly headaches for 6 days.  And many mornings of coffee cravings (out of habit, coping mechanism, or sleepiness).  I am so happy to say that I'm finally doing GREAT without it!  YAY!  There will never be a reason for me to drink caffeinated coffee again.  (Again, praying I don't fall back into this habit!)
4.  Sugar is evil, and absolutely enticing, and incredibly satisfying, and evil!!!  Not much can satisfy the need when it overtakes me!!!  (I just realized that the sugar is more emotionally satisfying than anything.  Wow.  I really need to think about that.)  My best attempts to stave off my sweet tooth during this cleanse were:  Spoonfuls of almond butter!  Apples with almond butter.  Plain unsweetened Goat Yogurt with nuts & berries & vanilla.  It helps, but it doesn't satisfy the "addiction"!  The next few weeks, I will find out if I am strong enough to allow sugar back into my diet in "moderation".  I need to figure out how much to allow.  Once per week?  Twice per week?  I am actually terrified.  But the {brand new} realization that there is an incredibly strong emotional connection with sugar is one that I think will help me if I can explore it.  Wow.  I am shocked.  And feeling slightly empowered by this new thought.   

(P.S.  I've heard about those people-- sugar addicts, emotional eaters, whatever-- not me!  right?  But then why do I want sugar to relax or treat myself or make myself feel good?  Why do I feel like I deserve it or earned it?  How can I be completely physically satisfied from delicious healthy food, and still have an unquenchable desire for sugar?  Nothing I eat will make it go away.  And the sugar satisfies something else.  It's like a deep breath, a relaxing sigh.  My brain relaxes when I eat sugar (or drink it!).  I feel like I'm giving myself a gift!  Some delicious food gives me the same satisfaction, like a delicious plate of spaghetti or shrimp scampi-- but it's not the same.  There are no needs or unquenchable desires associated with that-- I can eat other things and feel satisfied & enjoy it.  I do enjoy my food to the fullest.  The sugar is different.  This is Crazy and dumb!  I'm very annoyed with this.  I just wish we could live in the country and grow our own food and not be surrounded by processed food & GMO foods & sugar laden items. 

I told Kevin that I've been feeling drawn to the country lately.  I'm so tired of seeing the kids being inundated with technology & consumerism.  I know I can control what happens in my own home, and it is time to tighten the reins.  But the OC is truly a bubble.  I want to grow up some old-fashioned hard-working God-loving boys who enjoy the earth & the people on it.

Blah blah blah!  I've just been feeling the need to ramble in a little "diary" lately.  It's hard to find time to sit and write.  But it's nice to take a moment to myself.  To purge my thoughts, for absolutely no other reason except 'just because.'  It's therapeutic.  Susan Tedeschi is playing- and there is NOBODY who needs me right now!!!!  F*@% the house cleaning!  This moment is too good!   :)

(Did I really just say that?!?  I'm sure we all think it sometimes.)

Okay- time to get ready for another chiropractor visit.  I can't wait to tell him thank you for helping me change my life!  :) 

Juggling coffee, keys & sword during today's drop-off   :)

  >And then as she posts this, she gets mushy; because that's what she does.<

(I will miss this so much... I love having kid stuff around.  I used to love finding pacifiers & toy cars in my bag at work, the same way that it still makes me happy every time I find kids scribble drawings in my planner or Legos in my purse.  Being a Mommy is the best.  May I remember this next time I am about to freak out on them for being crazy!)

P.S.  I read this today and it made me excited to pick them up from school today just to listen to their little voices calling me mommy.

Ha!!  {{of course, those first three words are spoken with utmost sarcasm!  the same tone in which my husband says, "That's weird!" every time I tell him I lost my phone.  again.}}

Last night I decided that I have something new to add to my bucket list, but then I realized that I don't have one...    And then I remembered that one time I entered a giveaway by posting a {spur of the moment} bucket-list on my {latent} blog. 

So I came here to add  #16.  See the Northern Lights~*
{{yes!!!!  I must see them!!!}}

There, added.

But then, I moseyed on over to some of my old favorite blogs... Wasted some time while sipping coffee (divine), read some sweet stories & thought-provoking posts, felt distances shorten briefly as I enjoyed photos of friends' memory-making... and then there was the heart-tugging and the longing to pause time as I scrolled over the pictures of all of our children growing too fast.  It reminded me of why I love this little space so much! 

I've always been a memory-capturer, journaler, scrapbooker-- in fact, I was just recently reminiscing about my first scrapbook.  My favorite page is the one with a little hair carefully encapsulated between plastic and labeled with an arrow & 8-year-old script: "bobcat hair". 

I specifically remember walking up to the front of the amphitheater at the Wild Animal Park after the Wild Cat show, and I remember the thrill when I found the long, wiry 'bobcat hair' stuck to the log that the feline perched on just moments earlier.  I protected that specimen for the rest of our entire excursion, and was so excited to put it in my scrapbook! 

((The runner-up is few pages later, where there is a bird seed with a few dried sprouts bursting from it.  Again, carefully labeled: "this was growing in the bird dish".))   I laugh out loud every time I happen to pull out that old album during family visits.

But I don't do much memory capturing, journaling or scrapbooking anymore, even though it's part of what makes me me.  I've always needed to create.  My other titles have kept me busy: full-time Momma to 3 active boys, part-time RN, full-time homemaker, and everything that goes along with that (owie-kisser, tantrum-calmer, but also tantrum-thrower sometimes (ha!), family taxi, tutor, cook, and a million others) ... I just don't journal or scrapbook anymore.  ever.  (And, honestly, I don't even charge my cameras anymore since we have phones with camera/video... I have really missed those crisp images, the zoom, and full-length videos!)

SO...  There is a chance that I will stop letting facebook fulfill my journaling tendencies, and I will reach for my 'real' camera more often than my phone to capture some of these moments.  I'm ready to indulge in some memory-capturing & creating!  There you go, #17 on my bucket list!  Maybe it will be through the blog, or actual scrapbooking, or Shutterfly.  Maybe (hopefully) I will dance again or pick up some yarn & try my hand at that again...  I'm ready to bring that little part of me back to life again!

ETA (edited to add):  I realized that, for me, facebook has been a more accurate "journal" of our last few years... but it can't be made into a book the way a blog can be converted into a hardbound book ("Blurb Book").   ... And that has been a goal of mine for a while now...  So because of all of the *huge* blog-gaps & un-scrapbooked time, I decided to sprinkle the blog with some of my old facebook updates & photos throughout the years.  It may be confusing to read, since all my blog posts seem to be about how I never write on the blog (!) and now it will be full of posts!  But at least I can have (with some regularity) little snapshots of the past few years in my book.  (They are dated & filed chronologically, so the label will be the give-away.  Any of the posts labeled "Facebook Post" is something that actually was copy/pasted.)

Maybe I'm too strict… my 4-year old just asked me, in all seriousness, if he has to be 61 or 92 (yrs old) to play Ghost Squad. So funny! Since I have no idea what it is, I thought 10 was a good compromise.

We can never get this day back~* yesterday as I carved pumpkins with the boys I called Kevin outside to join us, because it hit me that we only have a small handful of Halloween pumpkin carving sessions before they are grown and I didn't want him (or myself!) to blink & miss it... Each holiday they are a bit older... Savoring this! Parenting is the most challenging and blessed honor on earth.