Blogging With Beth

Christmas is SO close! Three days. It's amazing that time can hurry itself up so incredibly fast. Every day I wake up and think of someone else I have to get a present for, or something I forgot to do. I realize that this is NOT the way I should be spending my Christmas season, you know??? My New Year's Resolution is to be more prepared for next year's Christmas. By, say, July.

Today I spoke with my Mom. She said she was having the worst day of her life. But you know, I went over to visit with her tonight but she refused to talk about it. Something to do with work, I guess, but she won't mention it. We got her flowers, but my goodness, what does that solve? The only thing keeping her going is that she gets three days off in a row. She is supposed to have Monday but there's too much work NOT to go in. I said I'd help her. It's difficult when someone you love so much is entirely frustrated and yet you can't really help fix the problem.

On the upside, I went to my sister's nursing home today to listen to the North Muskegon High School choir perform. They did a nice job and the residents loved seeing Helena. I asked Andrea how she could stand seeing these people whose bodies and minds are just wasting and they're so far gone. She said, "Well, I know I love them, and that's all that matters." It didn't strike me at the time how profound that is. Here's the thing: She really does love them. Sometimes they smell a little bit, and they don't talk, and there's no outward beauty. It doesn't make a difference to Andrea...she loves them all.

"Dear Baby Jesus, how tiny Thou art...I'll make a place for Thee in my heart."

I was really impressed with my Activity Day girls today. They are always SO thoughtful! They love to do service, so tonight, in honor of Christmas, the girls made no-sew fleece blankets. And not from a kit, either - they actually cut and tied the fabric themselves. Then they wrote letters to military servicemen and signed cards to accompany the blankets (they'll be donated to hospitals). They are such wonderful young ladies. And I'm blessed to work with them.

I also have to share a couple of experiences where something - some may call it Serendipity, I call it Providence - stepped in and made itself known to me. The first is from today. I'd been gone all morning as I had a commitment, and had lessons in the afternoon as well. I'd also committed to bring some things for our ward Christmas baskets and had to make a trip to the store and bake 3 dozen cookies! On top of my already full day, Helena was absolutely crazy - cranky, unwilling to sleep, crying, getting into everything (including things I forgot we had) - you moms know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I actually started to cry, I was so upset - Helena wouldn't go down for her nap and I had students coming in, like, 20 minutes, and I knew lessons were going to be SO HARD, plus she hadn't napped all day. My frustration level was at the MAX. Then my sister Andrea called. I pulled it together to answer the phone, but as soon as she said hello the tears started busting out all over the place. It turns out that her schedule today at work was very flexible, and she offered to come over and watch Helena during my lessons. Thank goodness! Helena loved seeing her and they had great fun...what a relief. My second worry of the day was that these kids were coming for their last lesson ever (I'm giving it up) and I didn't have their Christmas gift - a bag of cookies - ready. They were expecting it, but I hadn't had time to bake anything. So, out of the clear blue sky, my sister Caity showed up at the back door! She said she was making cookies anyway, so she'd bring a dozen over and I could divide them up for my students. Amazing. Heavenly Father knows my needs and he fills them through the service of my sisters.

Here's the other experience, from our trip to Florida this September. We drove down, and the first night we stopped at a hotel to spend the night. When we got there, and we were signing in, we discovered that we were given a discount of nearly $20 less than what we expected to spend! We were happy, but tired, so didn't think too much about it. The next day, we were in Georgia somewhere when we saw a man pulled off on the side of the exit ramp we were on. I said "Dan, pull over" (I have a soft spot for troubled motorists, as I so often am one) and we did. He was driving a dilapidated car and didn't look too healthy. Turns out he'd used up all his gas money on a car repair, but was trying to get home (I've forgotten where home was, I think Louisville?) and had no more gas in the car. Dan went over with him, checked out his story (there really wasn't any gas) and offered to go to a gas station and get him some gas. We left him with the car, bought a gas can and filled it, then gave him a $10 bill we had in cash and went on our way. That night we arrived in Florida at our hotel. While we were signing in, the man said "Sign here if the price and everything is okay." Dan, being more bold than I, said, "Well, can the price be any lower?" The concierge said "Let me check" and knocked the price down by another $25. As we were talking later that night, Dan and I concluded that we saved almost twice the amount on hotels that we gave that man on the exit ramp. Who knows if they were related at all, but you know, I think that the Lord wants to bless us for our good acts. I'm not bragging - we only helped that guy because we'd hope someone would help us if we needed it - and we saved some money in the process.

My point in writing this extraordinarily long email is twofold: One, so I can remember the spiritual experiences I have, and two, so that other people can see that the Lord blesses us in so many ways - but we have to be ready to see them for what they are. It's not just a coincidence that Andrea called when she did, or that Caity stopped by to borrow something when she did, or that we pulled off the road when we did. The Lord could do everything he wanted to by himself but he chooses to give us the opportunity to serve. I hope I can be better about looking for, then taking those opportunities.

I have this really great aunt that I haven't known very well for most of my life, but since I've been assigned to be her visiting teacher I've gotten to know her so much better. Her name is Lita (short for Manuelita), and she's my maternal grandfather's sister. She's in a nursing home now, and her memory goes in and out, but she has a fantastic sense of humor. Tonight I went (with my other aunt, Christina, who's only 16 years older than me) and we were asking Lita what she wants for Christmas. She said it doesn't matter what we get her - no matter what it is, she'll have to say she likes it. We all just burst out laughing. You know, I'm glad that even at this late date I've had the opportunity to get to know Lita. She doesn't have any kids or siblings still living or other family, and if it weren't for VT I would never have known her at all. She's so easy to please - bring some pictures and magazines and she's satisfied. And she manages to have a great attitude despite the fact that she's going to be living at this home forever (although it's the nicest one I've ever been in - more of an assisted living deal). I'm grateful for my family.

This is the title of a song by Jon Schmidt that I really like; it's also a pithy description of the walk that Caity and I took with the girls today. We were absolutely nuts. Just b/c the sun is out does NOT mean that it is warm, or that the winds are calm. We were freezing...let this be a lesson to us.

Dan was home today because tomorrow is our 6th anniversary. It seems like 6 years is very long...wait until 60, knock on wood! He had a job interview today at Double JJ Ranch in Rothbury. They have a graphic designer position open and, since Dan's sort of unsatisfied with his current employment, he thought he'd check it out. Can't hurt to try. I have no idea what they would pay him or what the benefits would be (although discounts on dining and hotel sound pretty good), but if he had more autonomy and less managerial pressure (a la Office Space) I think he'd be happier. Plus, the whole "back to nature" thing appeals to him. He's still gone, so I can't report how the interview went.

I'm so excited for my sisters, Andrea and Caity, who are both pregnant and expecting boys this April. It's unbelieveable, really, that they COULD have their babies so close together that I could visit them both at the same hospital. I remember when I was pregnant with Helena that I worried if there would be any kids for her to play with. Now there are so many...it gives me faith in the whole "multiply and replenish the earth" commandment. It really is the thing that brings more joy than any other - forever families.

For the past few days, for no reason in particular, I haven't been listening to much Christmas music, and it's really affected my holiday spirit. I seem to be so much more excited whilst singing "Silver Bells" and waltzing around the kitchen. Please, don't torture yourselves with a mental image of this. My new commitment is to GORGE on the wonderful music that I can only, with propriety, listen to once annually.

One last bit of bragging about Helena - she's recently learned how to do different animal noises, and she can imitate elephants, snakes, tigers, cats, owls...it's hilarious! We get the biggest kick out of it. The funny thing is, she only says a handful of words. I'm wondering if, by speaking animal first, she's just preparing for the language explosion that is to come. Seriously, can any child of mine NOT be wonderfully verbal?

"Long years ago, on a deep winter night...high in the heavens a star shone bright..."

This is one of my favorite movies - that is, "White Christmas." Sure, it's predictable in plot and characters but it has zip and charm that a lot of films don't have anymore. And of course, it's inextricably linked with Christmas in my mind, so I love it for tradition too. And you can't beat the music. I am an unabashed Irving Berlin fan.

Yesterday I was down in the dumps, but after a little Helena break (to do Christmas shopping this morning) I'm feeling back to my old self. I think that we homemakers just get a little lonely and are too prone to introspection because we aren't dealing with other adults so much. My cures for depression are work/action and good music...

Dan and I took Helena with us on a date today (no baby-sitters available!) and had a fantastic time. Our date included dinner at Chili's, sort of a splurge for us, and then (is this lame?) a visit to Valueland (a local thrift store.) While there we ran into our friend Pete from high school. We've all changed a lot but it was great to see him and catch up with him and his wife.

Tomorrow is a busy Sunday (they all are now) including the usual spate of callings and two choir rehearsals, then the Christmas broadcast from Salt Lake. Next weekend will be fun - it's our 6th anniversary - as Dan is taking off Friday and Monday. We haven't made any firm plans about what to do, but I'm excited just to have some time with Dan as this week has been busy.

I'm grateful for a wonderful best friend who always knows what to say to cheer me up. Like Moses and Aaron, kind of.

"If you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep." - Irving Berlin

I wonder if all parents have days like today or if I just need some Zoloft, but there it is. Helena's been on a weird schedule all day, and in a bad mood for most of it. And lately she's started to be a little aggressive with Emma and Bennie (our cat). All very disturbing. Finally, because I felt like I was losing it and I have lessons this afternoon, I have turned on the Baby Einstein (that's right, TV as babysitter for 10 minutes!) and I actually gave Helena a peanut butter cookie. She's not really old enough for sweets, but considering the fact that her grandma gives her Squirt from the can (just a few sips - still!), I don't feel too bad. Caity assured me that she sometimes has days like this, when Emma drives her nuts despite her love for her child. One thing I've learned about low-grade, yucky-day depression is that it helps to get moving. The more you DO the better you FEEL. How many psychologists give that advice before they write out the prescription, I wonder? So, maybe once I start lessons and get going that way I'll feel a little more initiative. (By the way, just the idea of quitting lessons is making life easier - knowing there's an end to all of this!)

The other thing lurking about in the back of my mind is CHRISTMAS! Thanksgiving will be pretty low-key, but it seems like there is always so much to do at the last minute during Christmastime that we don't appreciate the season like we should. Hard to focus on the Savior when we're frantically shopping, baking, decorating, whatever. I have some decorations out already and have at least addressed some of my cards but...

I have no profound thoughts to share today.

Cheers!

I've decided that the reason that Will Ferrell is so totally funny is because he has NO inhibition at ALL. I'm laughing so hard I'm about to run to the bathroom. Honestly. And he can keep a straight face.

So, yesterday Helena burned her sweet little paw at my mom's house. She was sitting on the counter (I know, I've told Mom a million times not to put her up there!) and reached up and touched a halogen light under the cupboard. I never would have thought THAT would happen...I was concerned that she was going to fall off, not burn her hand. Anyway, at her well-baby checkup today the Dr. had to treat the burn. Now her hand is wrapped in gauze and she has to wear a mitten so she doesn't pull the gauze off. It's kind of cute - she wants me to kiss it anytime someone mentions it. I have magical healing powers. It's terrible to say this, but she has an enormous blister - I can't believe how big it is! - and yet, she doesn't seem affected by it almost at all. The good news is that she's in the 75 percentile and healthier than most horses, except possibly thoroughbreds that cost a million bucks. Maybe. Even so, she had to suffer through two shots. Poor girl.

I'm off to bed. Early tomorrow (8:20am!) we'll be at the JCPenney Portrait Studio getting Christmas photos, then off to the Dr. to have the blister lanced. Great, huh? And Dan has the day off! Yippee!

By the way, we have three inches of snow on the ground. Shhhh - I hear Bing Crosby! "I'm dreaming..."

Helena has really gotten into putting things on her head. For example, right now she has a big plastic mixing bowl on her head. This makes me think of the movie "Parenthood," one of our favorites around here. She's also becoming a real whiz at her colors and shapes. We've been using different colored plastic utensils to learn colors - she divides them up into red, blue, etc. and puts them in different baskets. She's got the shape-sorter mastered. BUT, Helena doesn't talk much. Just a few words - "Duck" and "Emma" being two of them. Yesterday, though, Helena started using "Dada" in a meaningful way (it was the only way to get her dad's attention, as he was helping Joel with a shower installation at the time.) It was precious.

The other news here is that winter is definitely coming. Last night we had a High Wind Advisory, and they weren't kidding...and there's snow predicted for today. Already we're halfway through November and I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping/preparation. I'd like to be done, say, in August.

One last (big) thing - I've decided to stop giving music lessons, except for family or church friends. Just having made the decision was a big deal, but of course now I have to tell everybody, which is difficult. What it finally came down to was not being able to give sufficient attention to Helena and whatever student I had at the time. And yes, I could have hired a babysitter or took up every afternoon of Caity's week, but that means I would have been basically teaching for charitable purposes. And anyway, Caity's going to have her hands full(er) pretty soon, too. It's a good thing.

"It's that time of year when the world falls in love!"

This has to be short because it's already 10:15pm and I'm coming down with a wicked case of the Bird flu. Well, maybe it's just regular flu. Whatever kind it is, I don't appreciate it stopping by and reproducing in my body. Tonight we went to Caity and Joel's house for Emma's first birthday party. It was wonderful - tasty cake and ice cream, games, presents, and lots of baby-watching. Emma and Helena are so much fun to watch together! They give each other kisses and play peek-a-boo and stuff like that. It's neat. Joel also gave a really excellent talk today about perseverance. If I remember to I'll give more details about it tomorrow. It was a very busy Sunday but good. (Except the bird flu thing.)

I also got an email from one of my cousins I haven't talked to in a couple of years, I guess, and it was great! Family is truly the most important thing in our lives, and I should take it more seriously, particularly the extended family part.

We've had a horrifying windstorm going on since last night. I was absolutely convinced within myself that the dead oak tree limbs above our house were going to crash into our house and kill us in our beds, but, happily, we all survived with no incident.

We're really getting into the whole Christmas thing around here - all the radio stations are already playing Christmas music and I think that, health willing, I will get out some of the decorations tomorrow...not the tree, naturally...

Here's a thought spurred by another talk (not Joel's) in church today:

It's not what we DO, nor is it what we want to BE that will determine our eternal progression or our temporal/eternal happiness...it's who we ARE.

How do we change/improve who we are? Through building our testimonies of the Savior - then the actions will follow (Elder Glenn L. Pace).

Cheers!

I apologize for my tendency towards pontification in this blog. To balance the overwhelming amount of my own sometimes scattered thoughts, I'd like to share a story from our Stake Conference this morning and thus make this worth reading.

Today Elder Glenn L. Pace spoke at our Stake Conference (kind of a big deal here in Michigan). He was relaying an experience he had with President Hinckley. They were alone in a room together on assignment, and Pres. Hinckley asked Elder Pace how his son's mission was. Now, Elder Pace didn't even realize that Pres. Hinckley knew about his son, or that he'd recently returned from his mission. Elder Pace shared a lot of information about the social and political climate in Russia, where his son had served. Pres. Hinckley said, "I know all of that. How was his mission, really?" Elder Pace thought about it, then said this: "We took our son to a celebratory dinner at Sizzler (a buffet restaurant). My wife and I filled our plates and went to sit down, but realized that our son was just standing, plate in hand, in front of the salad bar. We walked towards him and realized as we got closer that there were tears in his eyes. I said, 'Son, are you okay?' He replied, 'Dad, I can't eat.' I said, 'Are you feeling sick? What do you mean you can't eat?' He looked at me and said, 'For our last farewell dinner in Russia, we had a meal with one of our favorite convert families. Dinner was a bowl of soup, and two apples cut in half. I just can't eat.'" At this point, Elder Pace noticed that Pres. Hinckley was weeping - that's the word he used, weeping - and Pres. Hinckley said, "He had a good mission."

Naturally, I cried too. I was in public, so I couldn't weep. But I have, after big disasters like the tsunami and Hurricane Katrina, and at the terrible (and largely needless) death of impoverished people all over the world. We all try to help. But Elder Pace exhorted us today to do a little bit more. Be a little better, serve a little better, have a little bit brighter attitude, etc. Since we're the only creatures capable of self-reflection maybe now is a good time for me to think over my blessings and look for ways to share them.

And I have to add this - on the other side of the coin, I saw a yellow Porsche Roadster in the parking lot at church after conference with the license plate "SUCSES1." And I knew the people getting into it. And after all, if you can afford a Porsche Roadster, perhaps there are other ways to spend that money...but that's just my un-asked-for opinion.

"The key to happiness is service."

This little peninsula has been busy lately! Lots of activity here in North Muskegon...Homecoming, concerts, parades, Halloween, and of course (and this is the biggest of all!) the transformation of the Deephouse into the Soelberg house! We're calling the Joel Soelberg family the "Mills Soelberg" family (after the street name they live on.) It's really amazing how much progress has been made since the closing on Friday, and I have to say that honestly I'm a little jealous...not of the work, but of what the end result will be. It has Dan and I thinking that we might have to put an addition on to our house. We love the neighborhood we live in, and don't want to move too far (especially now that our new neighbors have moved in - it's the most desirable part of Muskegon County!). We've done the math and determined that it's the cheapest way to have a house with twice the space, and big enough to fit a few more kids into. At least, that's what we're hoping. Sometimes change is good. Other times I just appreciate the joy of seeing small changes in my hometown, like the change of the seasons or someone's new garden.

To be truthful, there isn't much other news. But I've been pontificating, so at this point, the blog will change from a news report of my life to a strange (not weird!) journey into my mind...(it's easier to understand than, say, Stephen Hawking's):

My friend and former visiting teacher, Sandy Kempf, gave a wonderful talk a couple of Sundays ago about our responsibility to our fellow brothers and sisters in the church (and by extension, everyone, although we've made covenants to help our church families). It made me think of the history of our local ward and the various ways we've pulled together to help. Joel and Caity's new home teacher is Doug Cengiz. He was also the man in our ward that my dad lived with, right after both of them were divorced, until they could find lodgings on their own (strangely, they both remarried women named Pam.) I remember being somewhere around 9 years old and so homesick...but Doug always made me feel comfortable in their house, despite the fact that I must have been a big annoyance sometimes. I recall that being a deeply lonely time in my life (I had another one when I was 19 at college) and he shined out as a friend. He still is. My worry is that I haven't been enough of a friend to my ward family. I try, but who knows what influence we have? Caity called me the "ward sweetheart" (I think it was a compliment), but is it enough to just be liked by everyone? Yeah, I can make jokes, but what do I really DO for others besides that? I was thinking that one of the happiest people I know is my (now deceased) Grandma Nelson, and her life was a model of service to others, starting with her large family and extending next to her neighbors and ward family. I wish my own weaknesses didn't hamper my good desires.

I will say that having Caity and Joel with us these last few weeks has been extraordinarily good for me. It's helped me to be less selfish, more understanding, more organized (out of necessity) and more willing to extend myself. Truly, I won't look back on this time with any degree of annoyance - just gratitude that we could do anything to help them to move here! And I'll smile at our youthful excitement at new houses, fresh paint, and endless possibility.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was a time of innocence, a time of confidences." That's from a song by Simon and Garfunkel (of course - my goodness, what else would you expect from me?) that I discovered as a young teenager. Even now, a scant 10 years later, I marvel that I've gotten so much older, and gone through so many changes - accepted so much responsibility, gotten married, had a child, and so on. And all of my friends from then have done the same. I saw Dave Nash on Sunday - he was an original member of the MoTab - and his wife is due in 2 months. Kaleb, Megan, Caity - all married, with children. I guess time will just keep rushing by and when I get to the end, like my Grandma, what will I say? "Where did it go?" Or, "I still have so much to do!" Or, "I'm ready to go. I miss my family!" Or maybe I'll be twinkled, if it's time.

I wish I could gather all of my friends around me and relive some of those times again, but this time, we'd be covered in children...

So, it's been over a month - a MONTH - since I've updated this blog, and that is unacceptable to me. I feel a real responsibility to my fan base to keep this going. Besides, there is a lot to share here.

We've had Joel, Caity, and Emma here living with us for about the last 3 weeks. Actually, it's been awesome in a lot of ways. Usually I tell people that and they're like, "That must be really difficult since you have such a small house." I appreciate both the insult to my home's size and the implication that four adults and two babies can't get along for a little while. It is true that we've all had some moments of frustration, whether we've admitted it or not, but I think that if the patience award were to be awarded today, it would go to Caity. She is pregnant, not feeling well at all, and vomiting almost every day. All while living in somebody else's house, and getting sick in somebody else's toilet. You know? Plus, she has to act nice and happy and stuff b/c I'm always around during the day. I remember the first trimester of my pregnancy was spent mostly in my bedroom (although plenty of time at the porcelain god), crying, reading, sleeping, and praying for it to stop. Caity's been so mature compared to that! I'm proud of her. Good news is, they close on their house Friday and with lots of work and the promise of Elders Quorum assistance, they should be able to move in sometime next week. That is, as long as they can get that nasty smell under control! We are going to have so much fun.

This weekend Kaleb, Suz, Roz, and Spencer all came down to visit us from their new home in Suttons Bay (near Traverse City). It was fantastic to talk and relax with them. We all had dinner at G&L (a local hot dog and burger place, famous here in Muskegon) and while we were sitting at the table, I had this vision of all of us as high schoolers...who would have guessed then that we'd all still be friends, shooting the bull over dogs and soda, with 4 kids (and two on the way) all around us? It was so...existential. Wonderful.

I am assimilating the stress of lots of people lately. My slate of church responsibilities is full, I'm preparing for a recital with my students, trying to help increase membership in Music Boosters, planning and executing a Christmas program including two ward choirs and narration, helping Joel and Caity get settled into their new house, planning on how to help my pregnant friends/family in various ways, taking care of my regular schedule of lessons and Helena...then I worry over my mom, who has so much difficulty at work, and Dan, who really doesn't like his job that well. I think I've always done this. I remember times as a teenager when people would confide in me and I'd lose sleep over it.

On the bright side, Dan and I are talking over some plans (future - maybe next year?) to make improvements to our home. We love this house - our "House of Dreams," you Anne Shirley fans - and we love this neighborhood. Instead of having to move and purchase an "in-between" house, we thought we could more than double the square footage on our house right now. It would likely take between $10,000 and $20,000, and we'd like to save as much of that as we can rather than have to take out a loan, but it would still give us a VERY reasonable house payment with more than twice the house.

Also, I'm reading this excellent book (I got the recommendation from Bas Bleu, a booksellers catalog) called "Educating Alice" by Alice Steinbach. It is marvelous, engaging reading. It's the experiences of a woman (I think just pas middle age) who decides to travel to various places in the world to learn very specific skills and become, temporarily, part of the culture. I just finished the first chapter, where she lives in Paris and attends the Ritz cooking school. Maybe someday...

Since this blog is longer than is probably allowed, I guess I'll stop.

How about a quote?

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!" - Truvy, "Steel Magnolias"

It is so incredible that we've seen such a remarkable effort by the American public to help those hurt by Hurricane Katrina. Regardless of what the government does or doesn't do, the PEOPLE want to help and are being generous in doing so. I'm proud of all of us for pulling together...but why does it take a major disaster?

Well gosh, I don't have much to say. Honestly. Tonight Dan went to Scouts and Helena and I gossiped in the alley with Alan, Amy, Emma, and Hutch. The White House (Joel and Caity's future residence) has really galvanized the neighborhood into friendship in a roundabout sort of way. It's so much fun to have friends!

Now, I just have to say this...why is it that practically EVERY PERSON I know (well, the women, anyway) is pregnant? Did I mention this already? Because since I wrote that post, I found out about, like, three more babies getting ready to enter this world. Amazing.

Tomorrow night I have to make 5 pies for an event at church. Pie crusts always get me a little, well, stressed. Wish me luck. When they turn out, they turn out WELL, but if not, it's just a big argument with increasingly tough pastry.

"Remarkable claims require remarkable proof." - Carl Sagan

I'm having hard time absorbing the enormity of the hurricane disaster along the Gulf coast. It is so horrifying, so present, and so CLOSE - the tsunami last year was thousands of miles away...this is only about 20 hours from me. In May of 1998, there was a severe wind storm here in Western Michigan which left huge oak and maple trees strewn across roads, cars, and homes. We were without power for 5 days. It was scary, but it brought out the best in people. I just try to imagine no power for months, possibly, or no access to clean water, no home, no car, no way to leave my top-floor apartment. And New Orleans, a city of so much history and vibrance, is practically totally underwater. I live very close to three bodies of water - Bear Lake, Muskegon Lake, and Lake Michigan. Although I'm on a hill, just imagine...one powerful thing that's come of this whole thing is that I am newly committed to having 72 hour kits available for each of us, as well as a full-stocked and waterproofed food storage.

One other, and less serious (when I put it in perspective) issue that comes from this tragedy is the $1 per gallon increase in gas prices. How obnoxious! If I lived in Chicago or somewhere I'd use public transport, but here we have to drive to go anywhere...it's too spread out. We'll just continue to conserve, and to cut back in other areas.

On the brighter side - the MUCH brighter side! - was our fantastic visit this evening with Kaleb, Suzanne, Rozlyn, and Spencer. What a great family! They're good examples for us. They stopped in to see us on their way to their new home in Northern MI. We had a meal together, the kids played, the adults chatted, and Spencer FINALLY felt good enough about our cat to give him a little pet! Breakthrough! We were really sorry to see them go, but then we know we have an excellent excuse to visit them and enjoy the Traverse City area. If you guys are reading this - we love you!

Good friends and the hope of a better future - that's why this post is about "Good times."
"I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep..."

"Yesterday don't matter if it's gone!"

"We will not heed the voice of the Stranger, for he would lead us down to despair"

Wow! Too much excitement for this Suburban Mom. We had some friends over (I went to school with them) tonight for dinner, and it was wonderful! No awkardness, no feeling like I had to pick up the house, just for them. Easy conversation, plenty of big, hearty belly laughs. I don't have anything in particular to say about it except that I'm grateful for good friends, happy times, laughing and loving and LIVING completely.

And, I'm thankful in a deep way that man has traveled to the moon. I know that I never will...no question there. Too scared, really, after the Challenger and Columbia disasters. But isn't it wonderful, in an existential way, to know that we've achieved it as a race? And with such limited technology and knowledge. We didn't even know what the universe was MADE of, and on faith, with some scientific proofs, away we went. I've been learning about string theory and poverty lately (not in the same book), and they both have so much to do with the gospel. That's what is SO exciting - it's deeper than you think. The truth is, if we continue to allow 1/6 of the world to live in extreme poverty, what other truly important discoveries will we miss? Or wait 100 more years to find? People who are busy looking for their next meal can't look for new universes, or apply string theory to everyday existence, or have anything to give in service to others.

"God of sun and moon, God of ocean tides, You who drive the stars, You of perfect light - Teach me how to sing." - Judy Collins

It's unbelieveable how many changes are happening right now, all around me. Not so much TO me, but around me. To begin with, the leaves on the trees are already changing colors. Is it really fall, so soon? Last night there was a football game at the school - we played Holton, and this is just a guess, but I think we won. School is starting soon, which means my schedule of lessons will pick up, at least to some extent. And there will be that new "feeling" in the air. The construction on the road in front of our house is almost complete, so there will be the usual traffic noise (we've enjoyed quiet for about 2 months now). In three weeks we're off on vacation to Florida - a visit with Dan's mom and a week at Disney World. Friends and family are moving back to "Zion," which we be just wonderful. And, as I said a few posts ago, there will be a marvelous influx of new spirits into the world in 2006. All in all, a busy but happy immediate future ahead.

"Wish I was an English muffin about to make the most out of a toaster...I'd ease myself down, coming up brown..."

I know that this will be corny in the extreme for anyone reading it, I have to put it out there because (as I've explained before) this is more my personal journal than anything else. I have two parents and two stepparents. They all have their positive and negative traits, but from them I've learned a couple of things and made a few decisions so that, hopefully, my parenting will begin an "evolution" for my posterity; that is, that the parenting will improve as the generations pass. Here we go:

I will not be critical. I can give guidance, advice, and plain old commands to my underage children, but after they're adults, the criticism or advice won't be given unless asked for, and then only given in love.

My love for my children will be - and must be - totally unconditional. If I can't do that, how can I be a Christlike parent to my children?

I will parent using love unfeigned, gentleness, and persuasion rather than coercion, guilt, or mental abuse.

Easy, right? Ha ha. The thing is, our own neuroses can come out in our children. Not a problem if, like most of you, you have no neuroses, but for me (I'm loaded with them!) it's more difficult. I am constantly trying to meet my mother's impossibly high standards and you know what? WHO CARES what her standards are, or my students' parents, or my friends or other family members? If I am living the PRINCIPLES of the gospel it really does not matter what the PRACTICES are. That's the beautiful thing about it - we don't have to live the gospel in exactly the same way as long as we are living the gospel.

I hope we've all had enough pontificating.

"Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind. Ain't life unkind?"

Amazing! So many people are pregnant right now! I'm not pregnant at this point, but it's such an interesting time - lots of my friends and family busy replenishing the earth! It brings so much joy. Helena has been bringing me some joy. She likes to give kisses through the screen door in our kitchen! She couldn't get cuter, I'll tell you what. We have a great time together. I'm trying as hard as I can to be the sort of mother that Heavenly Father wants me to be. It takes some time, and effort, to find out what that is, exactly. But it's worth the work and the learning curve.

I really believe that it's through the family that we fulfill the measure of our creation.

"Time goes by, but we'll be together - You and I!"

Today is cloudy and dreary in the extreme! To top it all off, Helena's teething and cranky, and I'm just plain cranky. It seems like the worse my mood is, the worse everything seems to go - as in, everything that can go wrong, will.

On the other hand, we'll finally get some rain to keep things green, and Helena's creating the most lovely modern-style artwork. The two of us are enjoying some great, soothing music, and we're blessed to have a functioning air-conditioning system.

In short, life is good.

"Music is a balm to the soul, a healer to the body, and a revelation to the mind."

Whenever something absolutely horrifying happens in my life, the first question I ask is, "Why?" I'm sure you wonder, too - why does God let awful things happen to genuinely good people? I got some bad news today about a family I'm friends with (one of my students). The thing is, this family is a group of really generous, loving, religious people, and they still had to endure an untimely death in the family. They aren't members of my church, but I know they believe in God and his plan...they are really much better as far as Christian living goes than many people I know from church! So it's clear that God doesn't give us trials to punish us. The reality is, everyone has free will. Heavenly Father, I think, doesn't intervene at every juncture - sometimes he just lets things happen, knowing that they will be tests and trials for us, but that they will make us better people. Still - and this is a big STILL - when our loved ones are taken from us (especially when they are still young, and have young children), the veil remains in place and we don't get to see those people again, at least in this life. It takes a TREMENDOUS amount of faith to move on. And the sorrow is almost overwhelming. This person who died - I don't even know him, but I know and love his family, and I wish there were words I could say, or something I could do, that would help. Instead, all I can do is pray for their comfort. I can't wait until the Millenium, when we'll be "twinkled" instead. All this separation is so difficult.

"What greater gift dost thou bestow...than Christlike friends..."

Don't you sometimes get the urge to travel? Lately I've been on a self-education spin, using tapes and DVD's from the library to help me travel vicariously. Let's face it, any overseas travel would be difficult and/or nearly impossible right now, with money concerns, just two weeks of vacation, and a one-year-old toddler. On the other hand, I have always had this inner urge, and hey, I'll just be that much more ready when circumstances do come together to allow us to go. My greatest hope is that we can serve a mission together when we're oldish. In the meantime we'll learn of and enjoy the U.S.A.

I went to a fantastic fireside tonight. The speaker, who is the grandson of Charles Henry Hackley (he of the Hackley Library, Hackley Hospital, etc. here in Muskegon) is now a member of the church and offered to do a fireside while he was in town. The one thing he said that really struck me is that once you find something you're passionate about get moving on it, the Lord opens doors to make things happen, whether it's finding a long-lost ancestor while doing genealogy or something equally amazing. We just have to do it with enthusiasm. It got me thinking - I don't have a lot of talents, and I might not have much in this department, but MUSIC seems to be the thing I get most excited about. Perhaps we can pull something together that will act as a missionary tool and bring the Spirit to those who listen.

THRILLED about our upcoming trip to Disney World! Additonally excited about our new Michigan Move-Ins. How wonderful! Does it get any better than family and friends?

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!" - Truvy, "Steel Magnolias"

I have this bag of animal crackers in front of me, and darn it if they aren't the most delicious things I've ever eaten! I could finish it off, but I won't - after all, it's a bunch of disgusting, processed, high-fructose-corn-sugarized junk, and I should never have purchased it at all. I really bought it for some easy convenience food for Helena. Generally, I give her much better food that I take for myself - she eats fruit, I make a microwave S'more. I'm getting better. Improving, making better choices. You know.

This world is a small one. I had the opportunity to spend some time with a friend from Sweden. She is a sweet, intelligent, beautiful, fun person, and it was wonderful to see her again. It's amazing how different we all are culturally, but also how alike we are when it comes to the human feelings we all have. Maybe someday, if I'm fortunate, I can travel around the world and explore this feeling a little further.

One random thing - why do we even turn on this television? It completely drains all coherent thought from the mind.

Our sweet Helena gets better all the time - she is beautiful, funny, full of personality and energy. Much more energy than me! Tonight I had a great chat with an old friend and realized that we have to enjoy the lovely and special moments with our kids while we can, because in 20 years we'll have a moment where we realize that it's all a blur.

Aren't you glad that you don't live in New York City? Hope that I don't offend anyone with that. It's more like this - I'M glad I don't live in NYC.

"You pull me like the moon pulls on the tide."

I see that my blog is being read and enjoyed by, well, nobody. But the plus is, this "online" journal is keeping my personal history rocking even if I don't want to take pen to paper. Thanks to Glenn Burek's faithful tutelage, I can type much more quickly than I can write.

Tonight I'm working at the Family History Center. It's a volunteer gig, but I enjoy the time. Frequently no patrons will come in, which leaves me with lots of free time to do homework, email friends, read books...tonight it's blogging, with some organ practice and homework thrown in to help me feel more productive.

Helena and I have been to the beach a couple of times this week. The water finally warmed up enough that we could get in without being rushed to the hospital immediately afterwards for emergency re-warming. There was also a fantastic breeze today that kicked up some waves, thrilling almost everyone except Helena, who was a little freaked out. Didn't help that she was two hours overdue for a nap! I realized again how lucky we are to live in this beautiful little dot on the planet. The Discovery astronauts can probably look down and see Michigan - it's an obvious mitten shape - but they likely have no idea how gorgeous Muskegon is. Lake Michigan, as a body of water and a fun place to play, beats the ocean every time. Sand's better, water's better, and it doesn't smell weird. Unless you surf. I'll cede that point. And it has a wonderful power to refresh your spirit that is understood only by those who've really needed it, and found it, at Lake Michigan. Just think about the times you've had there - Sky, you know what I'm talking about! - when you've had a really spiritual experience that the rhythm of the waves and the peace of the breeze induce. It's lovely.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and SEE!"

There are so many good things about life right now! Joel and Caity are coming to MI, my friend from Sweden (and my daughter's namesake) Helena is here, a good friend of mine just told me she has finally gotten pregnant after a long time of trying, a book I have wanted forever but wasn't willing to pay $25 for finally came up for $2 on ebay...the list goes on. I had a great piano lesson with one of my favorite students today, got a chance to take a really long (and, alas, sweaty) walk, finished up plenty of chores, picked out some music for the ward choir (I'm the director), and had a lovely and friendly picnic with my family and some friends from CA. There are so many things to add, but in short, I have a charmed life right now. I always get just a little nervous when things are good like this - when will the bottom drop out? I realized last night that the bottom just might NOT drop out. Maybe life can be beautiful, despite the sorrows that can come to all of us. As long as they aren't sorrows we put upon ourselves through bad choices, they won't be as painful. Aren't we lucky to live in a world where life can be so rich? Where we no longer have to worry so intensely about the basics of life - food, medicine, shelter?

I end this blah, blah, blah with a quote, as usual:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

I have nothing good to say today. It's been pretty slow here in NM...

I practiced the organ today - I have to play a week from Sunday, and I don't really know what I'm doing. It's amazing how much harder it is to learn to play a new instrument as an adult. Helena was with me, but I don't think she was really willing to be there. She's been out of sorts because of her "monster molars." We also stopped at the library, where I had to make small talk with a former teaching colleague of mine. She's very nice and everything, but there was some "faketitude" there. I have to say, I'm so glad that practically any movie, CD, or book you could ever dream of is available from the interlibrary loan system. And, it's free. Can't beat it!

Dan is working hard right now on the computer, creating a few websites (or at least putting them together.) He is satisfied with his job, but he doesn't love it. I think that he'll probably work for a few more years and then branch off and do something else. For now, the freelance will help us to build up our savings account and begin to save for retirement.

No creative juices flowing here, so rather than bore everyone, I'll "sign off."

"And you read your Emily Dickinson, and I my Robert Frost,
and we note our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost."

Did you ever consider how comparing yourself with others goes along with coveting what others have? Inevitably you think, "Geez, her hair looks so good." Then, before you can stop yourself, it's "I wish that I had hair like that." What's up with that? Can we all just be happy with what we've got? Insecurity is one of the hallmarks of my personality.

After all, life is good! We are all blessed with different gifts and the ability to ask for more if we really think we need them. Instead of worrying so much about the gifts we don't have, let's all use the ones we've got.

Dan and I made up some chocolate milk tonight. We made it this big treat. Sure, you might think that's lame, but honestly, once you hit a certain point in life, it doesn't take a whole lot. We also watched a program about the United States Secret Service, which was intensely interesting. It's unbelievable how much it takes in terms of resources to keep the President mobile and even moderately accessible.

Helena Marie is teething - serious teeth, too, big giant molars and stuff that haven't quite pushed through. She's remarkably good-spirited considering. Her new favorite activity involves pushing her strollers and walkers up and down the alley. BUT she leaves plenty of time to play with her neighbor across the street, Emma, who's 2. Emma helps her learn how to eat corn on the cob, shoot a basket, and climb up the slide the wrong way. Helena's other full-time playmate is our cat, Bennie. He endures much abuse at her hands - headlocks, tail-tugs, "heavy petting" (where she bangs really hard on his back), and the incredibly endearing "head butts and rubs" (they head butt, then she rubs her head against his. Cute.) He takes what he can get, as he used to be the #1 King of the House. He's now somewhere in 9th place behind dishes, diapers, books, etc.

Tomorrow we're off to the library and other various and sundry errands.

"Please don't confront me with my failures - I had not forgotten them."

Many thanks to Caity for cheering me up yesterday.

It's all about attitude, isn't it? Generally, outside of some huge cosmic events, whether or not you have a good day is all about you. I wish that I had better control over mine! Age and experience are helping in that department.

And in that spirit I add this from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Yesterday Helena played hard outside - up and down the alley, all over our yard and the neighbors', basically going crazy. We brought her in for lunch at about 11am, and right in the middle of her cheese course, she fell asleep. Right there in the high chair, one hand still gripping the cheese, the other arm under her head. I didn't know that was possible. She is astonishing! It is so fulfilling to watch her grow and continue to develop her (strong - are you surprised?) personality. She's very good at shaking her head "yes" and "no" - mostly "no" - and she's currently fascinated with stairs. We love her.

It is so stinking hot!

It is beyond incredible that music can speak so much more clearly, more honestly, more specifically than any other communication, but that it can never be described justly. It's just impossible to convey the right feelings outside of actually experiencing it. And the listening experience is different than the creating experience, although sometimes just as powerful (especially if you realize that, hey, you're not that good at, say, the bassoon.)

That was heavy! On a lighter note...

After posting on everybody else's blogs, I dusted off the PC and got busy making my own. (Our Mac has some trouble loading the site. Beyond that I have no idea what's going on.) Let's hope it's worth something. I really do feel the pressure. Hey, if it's a quantity over quality thing, I'm all set!

Tonight Dan and I finally broke out of our protective coating and broke bread with our neighbors. They are great people, young like us with one daughter, and we had an absolute blast. Thanks to Caity and Joel's invisible hand, we're bonding over all the neighborhood issues and all the richer for it. Much as we like the dates we go on once in a while, it was fun to bond with another fam like our own.

If anyone's interested in WHY I was losing it over music earlier in the post...well, you've felt that way too.