Yes a massacre! A couple of weeks ago Brandon informs me that he thinks Bruiser, my sweet, clumsy, BIG dog, might have gotten to the chickens. We go outside and yes Bruiser had gotten out of his fence and killed all four chickens. I was devastated! Bruiser is the kind of dog that just plays too rough. More than likely, he was playing with them and next thing he knows they aren't playing back anymore.

Mary and the Girls with their yogurt and oats.



My Mary.

 So, off to the farm he went. Not literally, just figuratively. Bruiser is now living at Brandon's parents house. I know it seems a little harsh but we are in the process of preping our house to sell and Bruiser LOVES to dig holes in the yard so this will help keep our yard free from holes to twist an ankle in!

Where are we now?

Like I said we are in the process of getting the house ready to sell. We are purchasing 6 acres about 10 miles from where we live now. Our plan is to get the house on the market as soon as possible. We will then move in with mom and start the building process of our "homestead". I have dreamed of having a little place to call our own and to raise animals and grow fresh produce and it just so happens that my darling dear has the same dreams!

We took the kids to the fair and we have all decided that we want a couple of dairy goats, chickens, bees and a dog that won't kill the chickens! I have stalked several blogs over the past year to start preparing myself for this so we shall see how it goes. It will be a small and slow venture but hopefully we will become closer to living a more self-suffiecient life.

Get ready folks... it's gonna be interesting!

Has it really been that long? So the last post was in February and it is now December... a lot has changed. That statement would be the understatement of the year. I'll just get right down to it.

We are a family of four!

Can you believe it? I still can't. So after Brother was placed with us in January we began persuing adoption of Brother and his older sister. After several months of court hearings TPR was established and the adoption process was in full swing. In June, Sister was placed permenantly in our house. We had a six month waiting period before the adoption was final. So on November 28th Sister and Brother became ours!

Foster care has been and incredible journey of loss and heartache but more importantly it has taught us how to love without fear of the unknown and to trust in a mighty God. He has given us strength that can only come from Him. We have been showered with grace and I can fully say that it is all because of Jesus!

I promise to keep the blog updated a little bettter.... hopefully. Here's a brief introduction of our two crazy kids and our family picture!

Sister is three. She is a child full of joy! She has an amazing spirit of love and happiness that just melts me. Sister loves her brother more than anything. She is his biggest supporter! This girl LOVES to eat! She loves to dance and play and sing. We have so many fun times just listening to her sing!

Brother is two. He is loving. When I say he loves his nana (my mom), I am not joking. He thinks my mom hung the moon. He is small but strong. He plays rough and will for sure be my fighter. Oh how he loves to cuddle. He loves to be carried around like a baby. He has just started singing and it's so funny. He's my OCD child and if Sister doesn't sing it right he lets her know!

These two have brought such joy and chaos into our lives. We love every moment of it. There are times when I am worn out and sick of laundry and then they both start fighting over "their mommy" and it all comes back into perspective!

Thank you all so much for your prayers. Get ready for the ride because it's a CRAZY one!

About a month ago Brandon came home from the gym and said that one of the instructors wanted us to watch her foster son (just shy of 2) for an evening I said sure and so we finalized plans for us to keep little T on the 22^nd of January. We kept T that night and took him to church with us the next day. Talk about a cutie pie! We didn't want to take him home. We kept him with us until 6:30 Sunday night. He was the sweetest thing. He called us mom and dad, which isn't uncommon in the foster care world, and took to us so easily. When we took him back to Tonya that night she told us about their (did I forget to mention he has a 3 year old sister K) situation and about the upcoming hearing at the end of February. She then asked us if we'd be willing to take T as a temporary placement because she was overwhelmed with some of his sister's upcoming medical procedures and couldn't do her three children along with two others right now. We talked it over and said yes. Tuesday evening I picked T up from daycare and he has been with us ever since. He turned 2 on the 29^th.

After talking with his caseworker we learned that all parties involved are asking for rights to be terminated at the end of the month. The kids suffered severe neglect and abuse, both have chronic medical conditions from the abuse and K has a genetic issue and had never received medical care for it. It really is a sad situation but you couldn't tell from the way these two kids behave. The caseworker informed us that the two would be adopted together and that if we were interested in them they would allow us to take placement of both T and K after the hearing on the 28^th. We decided to try out a weekend with both of the kids. We had a blast. They play so well together and it was a great weekend.

We had a staffing this last week and the lawyer for the parents asked them to think about relinquishing rights to the kids because she thinks it would be easier on the parents than to have the judge do it. Neither are mentally capable due to years of drug use to raise the kids. It really is a sad situation. I could see that the father loves the kids but he isn't able to take care of them. It breaks my heart to see all of this take place.
We took T on Tuesday to an asthma specialist and are hoping to get a lot of his breathing problems under control soon. K had tubes put in, tonsils and adenoids removed, and several other procedures done on Wednesday. She has some heart abnormalities that can be corrected and they did scans on Wednesday as well to see what the next step is.

Please pray with us on this situation. We have not officially said yes to adopting them. We are a little timid in making that decision again because of the situation with baby B. I know that God has all of this under control and that He has guided us so far and will continue to do so. We would love to be parents to these two precious babies. They are so so sweet.

Love you!

Only speak words that make souls stronger. Only speak words that make souls stronger. Only speak words that make souls stronger. Only speak words that make souls stronger. I have major issues in this area. I mean MAJOR. Praise the Lord I married a man that is slow to anger (however, once he’s there watch out now) because I am not and the two just wouldn’t mix. I can remember as a kid saying things to my parents that I know should have been met with a bar of soap. It is a something that I cannot stand in myself. I used to brag on being able to speak my mind, thinking I was a great person because of it. Oh how much I have learned over the years.


My new year’s resolution is this only speak words that make souls stronger, to my husband, to my friends and family, to my enemies and to myself. I want to lift another up instead of purposely deflating them to make me feel better. I admit it. This is what I do. I looked up scripture as part of my resolution help. I’m pretty sure all signs point to watch your mouth.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

This is what I want. I want to only speak words that make souls stronger. Join me!

Merry Christmas! This Christmas is going to be so incredibly different for us. I have a chalkboard sign on my wall in my office and each week I change it out with either a verse or quote that I want to focus on for the week. My quote for the entire month of December is "choose JOY". My desktop on my computer says "God has given us these times of joy."


I am having to make a choice this December. It is not easy. I don't enjoy it all of the time but I will CHOOSE JOY! Not because I want to but because I serve a God that is greater and higher than all of me. He knows and understands this pain. He watched his son die on the cross for my sins. MY SINS. I think about the things I've gone through in my life and I still haven't had to endure something so horrible. How can I not choose joy? I have been redeemed because my God chose to send his son for me!

This Christmas will be incredibly different and not just because of B. This Christmas instead of all of the craziness of finding the "right" present, spending hours decorating my house and fighting Brandon over getting the tree out of the attic, spending hours cooking goodies for family and friends we have choosen joy, simple joy. There are decorations in our house thanks to my precious friend April. There are presents too and I will cook some goodies but this year is a simple Christmas. This Christmas we will spend more time with those we love. We will do less while giving more. Giving our time, money, energy and love to those that need it.

We have been blessed by the King of Kings and we will rejoice for He makes all things new. He has given us a hope that I can't explain. I know that in the midst of all of this He knows what my future is. Jeremiah 29:11 has been such a strong verse for us. I have it plastered everywhere I can put it. He is going to give us a hope and a future. Something more than what I deserve!

Emotionally we are doing good. The nights aren't as bad as they once were. I think about B daily. In the little things, he is everywhere. I had a dream last night that he had come back home. That they were letting us have him for good. I had to force myself to wake up because I knew it wasn't real. It was the first dream I've had of him.

I asked a friend yesterday if I acted sad or depressed or whatever and she said, no and asked me why I said that. I told her that at random moments friends will ask me how I'm doing and I told her that I wasn't sure why they were asking. She told me that it's hard to not ask because they are concerned. She said, the closest thing she could think of was losing her own son and she wasn't sure how I was making it through this. I forget that after the initial parts of grief when my outside emotions are through that even though I'm still dealing with it on my own others are still grieving with me. Mom told me today that she has to stop thinking about the what ifs and start remembering the good times because it causes her so much sadness.

I went through his winter clothes from last year and gave his clothes to my baby nephew Will and to my sweet baby Brock. It was good. Memories, good ones. The brown vest from his fall trip to the pumpkin patch. The red sweater from his pictures with Santa. I will enjoy seeing those on my sweet boys.
On Thanksgiving, they sent us a picture of him. He's getting so big. We are sending presents to him for Christmas. The sing-n-say I bought has a rooster that crows just like he used to. We have not been to see him. He is not ready and we aren't either. We haven't opened our home yet. I know that God will tell us when it's time.

I'm sorry this was such a long post. Thank you for reading with me and continuing to pray for us. We love you all!

I sent this email to a friend today. It best describes my feelings right now. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

I’ve been writing this post since Friday. Couldn’t quite find the words. Here they are scary, raw and completely honest.

We are doing pretty good. There are moments still but I think that is normal. I sat in the floor of his room yesterday and cried. I cry because each day I forget a little more what he sounds like. I forget the way he says Momma. I look at his pictures and I see the past and know that I will never get to see his future. Brandon's mom wanted to go up there this past weekend to visit her sister and she asked me if i wanted to go and I told her I wasn't ready. I haven't texted or called them. I don't want to hear her say "oh he's doing great, he's getting so big, he is talking so much" that is what I'M supposed to be telling people. I just can't hear them say that about my baby. I don't want to sit at Brandon's aunts house knowing little B is only 10 minutes away. I can't handle it. I don't want to drive by and see him playing outside, because I want to be playing with him. The wound is still very present.

It's been a month. I was hoping there would be more healing but I’ve learned recently that I’m trying to force the happy smile and the quaint phrases in hopes that the pain will move faster. I realized that it won’t, that it doesn’t happen that easily or quickly. PJ gave me a very good statement to ponder and it’s one that God has been teaching me over the last several years and one that I will forever be learning. What is God trying to teach me through this? It doesn’t matter what I have or how many amazing friends and family members I have or that I even have a child of my own; they will NEVER make me happy. Yes, they will bring joy to my life but not the joy that Christ can bring. CS Lewis has an amazing quote, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I am far too easily pleased. I think this is a life-long lesson for me. A daily struggle. I pray I begin to grasp the meat of it soon. I would hate to miss out on a moment in life because I settled for the mudpie.

To answer the question of questions, yes, we are still doing foster care. We haven’t opened our home yet. We aren’t ready. I would love to say we are. I would love to say that Christmas will be happy and fun like last year but I would be putting my joy back on a child to make me whole instead of my God. I will have to learn to CHOOSE joy!

We are still moving along with the adoption stuff. It’s a waiting game, as you know, you never know until they call. Adoption is about sacrifice and not just about time and money, it’s about letting go of all of your insecurities and knowing that God has something greater for you, something that requires absolute faith in His perfect will. The hardest part is knowing that your child God has planned for you is waiting somewhere or will be waiting.

As a mother, waiting is hard, it means wondering if your child is okay, if your child is being fed, or clothed, or is warm. The basic needs, the needs we take for granted. I know my God is watching my sweet little B today. I know that His hand is on him. I know that He is protecting him. The reality though is that something has to happen in order for my child to come to me. Something that will change the course of their life forever.

We will choose JOY. It is not an easy choice but we will choose it. We will choose to praise our Father knowing that His ways are higher. We will give Him all of the glory because I'm not sure how we are still alive. Still hanging on, but He does. It is only because of Him!

Oh to camp with a 13 month old! We went to Arlie Moore with 5 of our closest families from church and had a BLAST! We stayed in our popup with air conditioning of course. The weather was perfect. It had rained the morning of our trip which cooled things off dramatically. The guys fished all weekend and B had his first swim. He loved the water even though it was so cold his feet were blue!  Our only issue was when B decided to wake up at 3:15am. We had Mary Ann and Taylor Doggett and Lindsay Carlyle in our camper so him waking up at 3:15am was not cool. I tried getting him to go back to sleep but he wouldn't so I got up with him, put him in the truck and we drove around the area for an hour. Mary Ann and Lindsay's husbands were in the tent and heard me get in the truck. They thought someone was stealing it. After he fell asleep I tried laying him back down in his pack n play but it was a no go. He woke up again. So we tossed and turned in the camper for another 30 minutes. It's now 5:00am. I woke up Brandon and he drove him around for an hour and then brought him back at 6:00am so he could go fishing. I FINALLY got him to fall asleep when Tripp and Ben walk up outside the camper in their loudest quiet voices and start talking outside our window! Up comes B and the rest is history! It was a LONG night!