Breeder Beware

Somehow. Last night my left leg was so swollen. Yow. Then I was up at 5 30 this morning with a headache till I don't know 7? I wanted to call my ob, but didn't want to be "that patient". But then, a stroke did not sound appealing either.

I had just about calmed down and was on the phone with AYM when I looked at the laundry hamper and it was blurry. Just the laundry hamper. It was weird.

So I called the doctor and they said come in. I called poor Mister at work and he came to get me. My blood pressure was higher, but not terrible. Umm 134/80-something. Sea Monkey sounded fine so they told me to go home and stay off my feet and come back Tuesday.

I spent the day watching more Harry Potter movies and having Mister wait on me.

I really, REALLY want to be done with being pregnant. Not so much because I am uncomfortable( although I am) but because I am so close. He is baked. Let's stop fooling around. I am pretty freaked out that something will go wrong that could have been avoided if we just got him out now.

The good thing about today was that we realized there were some crucial things missing from our hospital bag. Like... the pediatrician's phone number, and the charger for Mister's Nintendo whatever thing. Not that I think I will be in active labor and Mister will be playing video games but I know we are looking at a lot of potential wait time. He might as well have something to do.

I had fine company all day, what with the almost constant headache. Sitting up, laying down- no difference. It's finally gone.

Tomorrow we are ( well Mister is) going to finish up odds and ends. Like MORE LAUNDRY. And picking up the changing pad and some sheets. We decided to wait on buying more diapers and stuff since it's not like we are on an island or something and I have no idea how fast Sea Monkey will grow.

I was thinking that since Sea Monkey is not supposed to have a bottle for a month, that we would wait till we actually needed it to rent the breast pump. Since it's like 80 dollars a month.

They took a peek and my cervix is still on lockdown. No nothing.

Someone asked my favorite authors. My all time favorite is Rex Stout. Absolutely re-readable. I have been reading him for over twenty years. Make sure you only read the Nero Wolfe mysteries, the others are not as good. I also like Steven Brust- I have been reading him over twenty years as well. He is the only sci fi author I like. I also really like Jan Karon, Charlaine Harris ( please don't judge her books by that wretched soft core HBO series), Rick Riordan, Brandon Mull, Jennifer Allison, Louisa May Alcott, and Betty MacDonald. Those are the authors I read again and again. Do I need to say I love JK Rowling? Who doesn't? I really like Kim Harrison too, it's very hard to find good horror. There is so much shitty horror out there. Or porny horror. Ick.

I read a lot of different things, after being in a bookstore for so long. I like Stanley Bing's management books, and Jeffrey Steingarten, Ruth Reichl, and James Beard for cooking. I read a lot of biographies and I also like economy books. Asking a bookseller their favorite book is a little like asking an artist their favorite color. It depends. Depends on my mood, the season, the weather, and who I'm talking to. For example, I LOVED Jenna Jameson's book How To Make Love Like A Porn Star- but people are pretty closed minded about porn so I don't get to suggest that one too much. It's a great book, I am very impressed by her.

I have a huge pile of one-offs I loved. Like... The Prizewinner of Defiance Ohio, or In The Land Of Invisible Women, or Cycler. Cycler is an AWESOME book about a girl who turns into a boy once a month.

I also have a HUGE list of hates. I HATE every book Oprah has ever suggested. I can say with complete confidence that I will ALWAYS hate every book she likes. Bleak, depressing, psycho-babble. If you DO like Oprah's books- don't tell me. Remember my blood pressure.

I have to go back to laying on my fat ass.

I really am surprised. I was so sure I would be going into the hospital today that I actually brought the bag with me.

Anyhow, I gained THREE POUNDS in the last six days and I have a little protein in my urine. My blood pressure is not terrible though, it is hanging out around 130/80. Still safe. They took more urine so they could test it further. Sea Monkey did fab on his non-stress test. I should have the pee test results by next week. We go back on Tuesday.

My cervix is still closed, so no amniotic leak. Happy to say, I'm just peeing my panties. NICE.

I will get a nursery picture posted soon. http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=309775&cmSource=Search That link should take you to the crib tent. They have one for the pack n play too. I think we will order that as well. They have a nifty one you can use outside also.

Soooo I am feeling somewhat mixed. I am glad my cervix is on lockdown and I don't have to worry about going into labor tomorrow during THE THIRD FREAKIN SNOWSTORM THIS DAMN MONTH. Because I was worried about that. But I am not thrilled about the protein and the three pounds.

I am going to go lay my fat ass down and not get up.

Really? I mean, REALLY ? We still have snow from the last one. Anyhow, I rescheduled my ob appointment for tomorrow morning. My sister is taking me. Argh. Is it bad that I am almost hoping I will be dilated tomorrow so that I can just get checked into the hospital and be done with it? As opposed to looking at the snow mound up and hoping nothing happens?

*Note to self, the next time I conquer years of infertility I will arrange to be due in May or June. Certainly NOT late February or early March.*

I think I had one or two false contractions yesterday.

You can see where our office ceiling is starting to bow from the leak. I hope to God they can get started soon.

Mister almost popped a vein setting up the crib tent yesterday. It was not easy. It looks easy, and may in fact BE easy if your crib is the same on all four sides. Ours however, is higher in the back. However, the cats can't get in and that was the goal. We tested it out and put them right on top. No problems.

Argh. They said we might lose power with this storm, since it will be so heavy. They are saying like a hurricane but with snow. Fun.

My blood pressure is trending a little higher now. But not in the danger zone. Just higher than I'd like. I suppose we'll see what they say tomorrow.

I may have to do this in parts, because my carpel tunnel is awful today.

We were both up early yesterday, I started in the normal way, cleaning cat puke. Thanks guys.

We were on the road by 10 and there a little after 11. My Dad did a wonderful job pretending he did not want to kill my Mom and of course Mom is oblivious to people wanting to kill her. The house was very cute, with balloons and signs and my stepmom KILLED herself making a ton of food that looked delicious. The first round of the shower was very nice and I got so much stuff. Holy Cats. I was so, so happy to get the Peter Rabbit quilt and crib sheet and valance from Children's Pottery Barn. It did not come off Wishpot but my Aunt bought them. And we are so happy because it is out of stock now. We got diapers and wipes and a mattress , and a boppy and a highchair,and a bouncer and clothes and toys and books. Umm, we got TWO copies of Good Night Moon. I hate that book. Not as much as I hate/am freaked out by Love You Forever, but I am thinking I might donate the Good Night Moons, because I am NOT taking the chance that I might get stuck reading that book over and over. I hate the word "mush". I can't return them because I don't have the receipts. I might TRY and return/exchange them at Borders. Because I really want the Rainbow Fish book.

It was very nice to see everyone and of course to see The Cutest Baby Ever, AYM's. Truly, the cutest. So precious.

My arm is NUMB from the elbow down. Sonofabitch.

Anyhow, we are so lucky to have gotten so many lovely things. I really can't believe how much we were given. And it's a godsend because of the roof, and we are still getting hospital bills from New Year's Eve. We got one on Friday for $250. Insurance covered over 3,000 so 250 is not a big deal, but it is still money we were hoping to spend on Sea Monkey.

AYM and my cousin win for funniest gifts, with the Snot Sucker and the rectal thermometer. Hahahahahahaha

Soooooo I almost cried twice at the morning shower because my Great Aunt told me she was praying for us, and truly I am thankful. I just won't feel safe till Sea Monkey is out of my damn treacherous body.

Daddy and my Stepmom are coming down this evening because we got too much to fit in one car trip. Holy Cats. We are going to pick her up some flowers. And chocolates. Mister said in the car that he was so thankful to my sister and dad and stepmom because they have helped us so much. It would have been so much harder without them. He said( and he is 100% right) that my stepmom filled in the role of Mom for me at the shower. Cooking and cleaning and bustling while my own Mom was her well... herself.

So we are going to get her a big bunch of flowers today and hunt down some luscious chocolates. I am thinking either See's or Sucre. There is another dude who is supposed to be topnotch but his name escapes me.

And I had cake. And it was freakin DELICIOUS. One small piece in the afternoon and one at night. YUM.

I only got mad, umm three times. Once when Mom was doing that ineffectual fussing thing she does, and once when my Mother in Law was saying " And THAT is what the baby is wearing home from the hospital". Umm, I have chosen WHAT the baby is wearing home and it is from Auntie Camo and is cute as can be. But thanks for playing.

The other time I got mad was when she kept insisting I would be afraid to put the baby down and that I could not do everything and etc along the lines that I won't know what to do.

Now listen dammit. I am afraid of labor. I am afraid of the baby dying in the next few weeks. I am afraid of pooping in front of my own, personal, husband.

But I am NOT afraid of taking care of my baby. I have taken care of PLENTY of babies. I can care for three at one time. I worked in daycare for seven years. I have seen it ALL. I wouldn't back down and told her I was not worried at all about taking care of Sea Monkey. And that I had taken care of plenty of babies. Mister told me in the car that I was very calm about the whole thing.

In a Circle of Life moment, we came home to.... CAT PUKE. Maybe their digestive tracts are upset. We are gonna pick up some plain yogurt today and give them some.

I will try and post a nursery picture sometime this week.

Doctor Tiny was so pleased with how I am managing my blood sugar that he said I don't have to come back! Sea Monkey is head down and facing my spine, so gearing up to exit. The sad thing was that we did not get a u/s picture, because he is insisting on staring at my back. But I don't care, I am so happy he is in a good position for labor. Stay PUT!

He is measuring a just fine 5 pounds 12 oz, so I may get my wish for a 7 pound baby. I have lost a pound, but no one minds because Sea Monkey is growing. He is average. YAY! No baby linebackers coming out of my vagina!

My ob says it also makes sense that I am feeling less kicks now because he is kicking into me and not out.

She also said that my cervix is long and closed so no baby action for a while. She definitely thinks I will make it to my due date and maybe past it. She also said the baby sounds calm.

My blood pressure is up and down some, but nothing too scary.

We picked up the birthing ball while we were out today. And some very low carb chocolate protein powder. I just have to blend it with ice and can get a nice, high protein shake.

We also picked up two outfits, that Mister picked out. A baseball one and a motorcycle one. Aside from construction materials, this is the first thing we have bought for Sea Monkey.

We are headed out in a moment to see if we can find a dresser. Since I am all checked out and have my gold star.

Mister's party went well, very nice. We have a ton of soda and chips and beer leftover. And dip. Mister got mostly beer, which is good because he loves beer.

We got a present in the mail today from Auntie Camo. SO ADORABLE, and the cats are delighted because they are playing merrily in the box it came in.


I also have permission to have CAKE at the baby shower! CAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!

The insurance adjuster was out this morning and figures just the room will be 3200. No knowing what the roof will be til the ice melts. I really liked the contractor that came today. If his references check out we are using him. But bye bye 1500 deductible.

Dear tax return,

Please be sexy.

love,

really wanted new carpet

Ugh. The nursery was so cute. Except now it is full of stuff from Mister's office. On the plus side, the contractor said the roof would not take more than a day and the room would only take two. So that is good. I was thinking it would be weeks of banging and pounding.

Tomorrow is Mister's 30th birthday. We are having 12 people over. I am secretly( ok OPENLY) hoping his parents can't make it. It is the first party I have had in my adult life where I did not pull out all the stops and clean and clean and clean and cook and cook and cook.

I would have LIKED to make ribs and cornbread and pulled pork and brownies. But there is no way I could be on my feet that long, not to mention the clean up. And Mister can't do it because he has work.

So we are having pizza and chips and dip and nuts and pigs in a blanket. Mister is picking up beer tonight and we got an ice cream cake. I have cleaned a little. The cats are conspiring against me by throwing up as much as possible.

DEAR CATS,

BE TEAM PLAYERS AND QUIT THROWING UP FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS, MMMKAY? I KNOW YOU LOVE TO PUKE IN A NICE, CLEAN HOUSE BUT GIVE MOMMY A BREAK. Also, very funny how you are puking BOTH upstairs AND down so that I have to lug the Little Green Clean Machine all over.

love,
Mommy the puke cleaner

So anyhow, that's Wednesday. Thursday I have three different doctors appointments. One with Dr. Tiny( the man is five feet 2 inches.) the high risk doctor. Then I have to see a dermatologist, because for fuck's sake I have some kind of wart on my nose. On the tip. WTF? I kept thinking it was some diehard pimple and that it would go away and no. So hopefully they can do something about it.

Then... we have our ob appointment. Then I suppose we are going to come home and throw ourselves on the couch. I am a little concerned, since my blood pressure has been higher but hopefully all will be well. Because my sister will KEEL me if I miss the shower.

The shower is Saturday troops. I just need to keep Sea Monkey in there till after the shower.

DEAR CATS,

HA FREAKIN HA. I SUPPOSE THROWING UP ON THE COUCH IS NOT TECHNICALLY THE SAME AS THROWING UP ON THE CARPET. HOWEVER, IT AMOUNTS TO THE SAME IN THAT MOMMY MUST CLEAN PUKE. Please, for the love of God, please stop throwing up until Thursday. We even bought new food just in case something was wrong with the food we had. SIGH.

That is the sound of the leak that is still LEAKING. Because there is still so much ice that the roofer can't get on the roof. And we are still waiting on the insurance adjuster to come out. And did I mention there is STILL WATER COMING INTO OUR HOME?

So I checked out the roofer and he has an A rating from the BBB. Which is good. I am now looking for a contractor. We have an almost 70 year old house. The walls are plaster. I love plaster walls. I really want the walls fixed to be how they were. Mister wants drywall. We'll see.

Anyhow, I can't stand that the house is topsy turvy. We are so behind now. The nursery is filled with stuff from the office so that WHENEVER someone can come the area is accessible. My blood pressure was really high this morning and Mister told me all I am allowed to do is lay down. Five minutes up and 45 minutes down.

And he has a ton to do tonight. We spent the weekend at my sisters. He spackled, he grouted, he painted, he sanded, he painted. It took two days. There is love and there is spending your whole weekend working on your sister in laws bathroom. But we lost all our errand time. So tonight he has to cook dinner, go to the grocery store, liquor store, and Wal Mart.

I am trying not to stress about the whole roof/ceiling/wall thing. Which also means repainting, and God Forbid- doing something to the floors. But it is not working too well.

As anyone within whining distance of me knows, I have gestational diabetes. I am also a former pastry chef. I am also on bed rest. So with nothing but time ( and more time and then some more time) on my hands I have been a little... food focused. I have read though all the cookbooks in my house, planned the menu for our Welcome Baby party, watched 100's of hours of The Travel Channel and the Food Network, and umm ok fine QVC. Because they have goodies on there too.

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about what I will eat when I can finally eat what I want. Because it has been over five weeks since I have had chocolate. Or ice cream, or many of the things that I LOVE. The sad but true fact that is that I am pretty likely to get regular diabetes at some point in the future if I don't keep a tight hold of my diet. I hate that. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I recycle, I bring my own bags to the grocery store. WTF Universe? Let me have some damn candy. So I decided I would have to discriminate and only have one treat a day. Which is not how I roll people. It is not unheard of for me to have chocolate before breakfast. Or in fact, for breakfast.

Anyhow, I began to scour the internets searching for a high quality diabetic friendly candy. Umm, not easy. So then I was fooling around looking at Juniors Cheesecake, Cinderella Cheesecake( this cheesecake is local and used for fund raising and is delicious), looking at Marks and Spencer and all manner of different online stores featuring my forbidden passion, Taylor Lautner. Kidding( kind of).

But I found a blog. The best blog in the world. A blog by someone more obsessed with sweets than I am. Although I believe I would say my feelings toward ice cream are comparable to hers about candy. A blog with beautiful pictures and well thought out descriptions.

I love her blog. I love that she tries high end, low end and everything in between. I love how she analyzes everything including the packaging. I added it to my blogroll, you should go over there and check it out.

I read the entire thing, all the way back to April 2005.

Daddy told me yesterday that one of my emails was really funny and asked my permission to forward it to some of his friends. I said ok as long as they SWORE never to bring it up to Mister. It was the email I sent off when the nursery had a big ass crack in the wall from Mister installing the chair rail.

Then he told me I should start a blog. I didn't say anything because I like my blog private. I am pretty sure my Daddy does NOT want to read about how infertility wrecked my sex life. Or in fact, how pregnancy has wrecked my sex life. Or in fact that when all is said and done, what with the placenta previa I had in the first few months, and the constipation I have had since July, and then the bed rest- well he surely would not want to know that it is likely Mister and I will only have had sex maybe 10 times in a year, since we are not supposed to do it once Sea Monkey gets here. So marital relations will probably not resume till I suppose some time in May?

I do RECALL having a healthy interest in sex, but I recall it the way you recall an old telephone number. It's been so long since I was even interested, I can't even remember. I remember the last time we tried. And gave up. I know some people can do it, but I feel like the baby is I don't know watching or something.

Anyhow this is exactly the kind of thing I could not talk about if my family knew about this blog. Because Mister is really private and WOULD DIE AND THEN KILL ME. OR KILL ME AND THEN DIE FROM MORTIFICATION. One of those.

The only other things going on today is that we have a gabillion inches of snow, and our roof is leaking. And we have plaster walls. Have you ever seen a plaster wall that has been leaked on for hours? It's not pretty. So Mister called our home warranty company and they don't have any roofers around here, so we have to find one. We called one, but he was not in his office. Duh. Cause it is a damn blizzard. And we are only covered for 500 dollars in roof repair. Mister does not think it will cost us too much since our roof is small. We live in a row home, and the leak is only in one spot. Thank goodness our emergency fund is nice and full. I am not sure if our homeowners insurance will cover any of it. We have to see. What a mess.

Relating to keeping this blog private, do you think it would be super paranoid of me to pull the pictures of our cats down? Anyone who knows us knows our cats.

For cripes sake. We are supposed to get 16 inches. And the roads are still clogged from the snow we got over the weekend.

Dear Sea Monkey,

Don't you DARE do anything crazy till the roads are clear. Or I will be A VERY MAD MOMMY.

love,

Mommy

My TMJ is getting better, in that I don't want to cry all the time. But my jaw still feels weird. My Dad and Stepmom just left a few minutes ago. They came down to visit me and bring Meals On Wheels. Because of the TMJ they brought asparagus soup, french onion soup, chili, and pulled pork. Have I said how lucky we are to have them?

I did too much this morning and my back hurts. Mister has just been so busy, and even though the house was pretty clean, it wasn't clean enough. So I cleaned. Too much. I was lucky and my blood pressure didn't get any higher than 133/86 but I know I should not have done so much. I just had to. At least it is nice and clean for the snowstorm.

Mister thinks I am crazy but whenever there is a possibility we could lose power I have to clean the house. I suppose because sitting in a dirty house with no way to clean it would make me nuts. I used to live in a condo that lost power on an almost monthly basis. It was near a bad intersection, and if a car hit the pole we all lost power. It got so I hardly ever bought frozen food and kept a huge supply of candles.

I gained another pound or two, so I have gained I think 16 pounds so far. Which is not terrible.

I had this totally horrible thought yesterday. If the TMJ is acting up during labor I don't know what I'll do. It already makes me want to cry, I can't imagine labor improving it. Seriously, I have had some painful things, bad cuts, really bad burns, bad falls, and bursitis. TMJ is worse.

Today is a magical day for me. Today is the Superbowl! Do you know what that means??!! This is my time of the year! NO BASEBALL OR FOOTBALL AFTER TODAY!!!! For months. Shut up about stupid spring training. Hooray! There is no way for me to possibly express how thrilled I am that this boring crap is over for another year. Granted, baseball is MUCH MORE BORING than football, but now both are over. YAY!

When I met Mister he did not care for sports. Now he LOVES sports. Bait and switch dammit. I still hate them. I always will hate them. I will never understand them. And I don't care. To me, caring if some team makes a point or a goal makes about as much sense as caring if the local plumbers union installed five more bathrooms than they did last year. Or if some random companies sales are 3% higher than last year. My dream every year is another baseball strike. ( Sorry AYM, I love you but that is my own personal fantasy) Not to mention baseball players are repulsive with the spitting and chewing and crotch scratching. Hopefully Sea Monkey will embrace the tennis lessons we decided to give him. I don't care for tennis either, but at least it isn't baseball or football and I have never heard of anyone dying during tennis practice.

So hooray for today!

Mister worked like a dog yesterday, hanging things and moving things and rearranging rooms. Our living room is totally switched around now, so that there is room for Sea Monkey's pack n play and toys and I don't know- baby debris. My beloved chair is out of the nursery, and hidden in Mom's room. He pushed the crib against the back wall, laid down the rug, and moved in the book case. We are looking at a storkcraft glider that should have a much smaller footprint than my ginormous chair. Plus it is on sale for a hundred dollars off.

We are juggling furniture like mad. We moved one of our display units into the dining room, and I think to make it work, we will have to move the bookcase into the kitchen.

My stupid TMJ pain is back. And Sea Monkey does this slick move where I get a really sharp pain in the vicinity of my cervix? Bladder? I can hardly stand up when he does it. I can't be too specific about where the pain is, I have had a hard time telling. Sometimes it feels like he is smashing my cervix and my bladder at the same time. He is also jamming some body part under my hip bone. A fist maybe?

I have no kind of idea how either of us could get any bigger. But I am thrilled to be able to see and feel him FINALLY AND UNMISTAKEABLY so that I am not constantly wondering if he is dead.

We chose the 20th as the new shower date. I am a little leery of making it that far, but my sister has to get a root canal this week so that lets out the 13th. What do you think my chances are of keeping Sea Monkey on lockdown till after the 20th? And keeping my blood pressure down? We have our next doctors appointments on the 18th. So 11 days from now and two days before the shower.

I also went through our registry and added up the stuff that hasn't gotten picked. I think we might be spending about five hundred. Maybe 900. It depends on how much we spend on a dresser. Also, my sister is pretty sure people used the registry as a reference and got us similar stuff. Either way, we have gotten so much lovely stuff so far( our favorite thing is a hedgehog outfit from Auntie Andrea. IT IS PRECIOUS.) that we would not dream of asking for more.

Not that snow has an eye, but still. My shower is/was scheduled for this Saturday. Unfortunately, 12 inches of snow is ALSO scheduled for Friday into Saturday, spanning the entire area the guests are coming from. Snow for South Jersey, Pennsylvania, Central Jersey, and Long Island. 40 guests in two shifts, months of my sister's planning, multiple headaches, a ton of money, and 12 inches of snow.

On the ( small) positive side, my sister will be able to cancel the food and cakes she ordered. All the decorations and gift bags will keep. But, I am almost 35 weeks pregnant. I have high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. Both of which can lead to early delivery. I was thrilled to make it this far. I have no idea if I can keep Sea Monkey inside to make it to a postponed shower. I am afraid of any date more than two weeks from Saturday.

I don't feel bad for me, but I do feel bad for my sister and everyone that was/is invited. My sister has turned her house upside down and she and my step mom have been planning and cooking and cleaning. My sister even hired a maid and someone to come in and clean her carpets.

Stupid winter. Stupid snow. My sister in what I can only call temporary insanity asked " what if we made it for Sunday?"
I said " Superbowl Sunday? Are you nuts? Either no one will come, or everyone will be watching football."

My ob was very happy with my blood sugar and blood pressure yesterday. I bring her in my tracking sheets each visit. She told me in two weeks they are going to take a look at my cervix( there will probably be spiderwebs down there)and test me for that thing. What do you call it? Whatever that bacteria thing is they check you for. And then I will be going every week till D- Day.

Mister finished painting the nursery yesterday. It looks lovely, very tranquil. He put up some pictures. He put together our crib. Ummm. The crib. Umm. IT IS HUGE. By huge, I mean, dwarfs our petite nursery. Makes us doubt we can fit in a dresser. Means we will have to take out my huge, comfy, squishy, much loved chair that I had anticipated nursing in.

I love that chair, and believe me a 70 year old house DOES NOT easily accommodate over stuffed furniture. We could barely fit it in the door. We could barely fit it up the stairs. SOMEONE ( ahem, Mister) wanted me to throw it away instead of figuring out how to get it in the house. Just to get it in the room we had to shove, push, take off the legs, wiggle and plead it through the doorway. Prompting Mister to say" This chair is NEVER leaving this room". Except now it is.

I looked at Ikea to see if I could find a chair with a small profile that I could put in there. Ugh. We will probably wait and see after everything else is in there. I suppose it is not the end of the world if I have to get in bed or go downstairs everytime I want to feed Sea Monkey. But I was really looking forward to cuddling in my snuggly chair in the tranquil nursery.

Anyhow, in happier news Sea Monkey is very wiggley today and I can watch him squirm under my shirt. Very alien-esque.

We had our breathing and relaxation class last night. What EXACTLY about Enya is supposed to be relaxing anyway? Enya, ick. We were snickering and trying not to. It reminded me of when we first listened to relaxation music and Mister was narrating it. " Snakes...... mating. Lizards.....mating" Because it sounded exactly like the background music they would play on a nature special.

The class was relaxing, and we are glad we went. Just like in the breastfeeding class, even though the class was full I was one of only TWO women that wanted natural childbirth.

Anyhow, we did deep relaxing breathing, learned about contractions, tried out a birthing ball, pretended to be in labor( umm, no respect for my personal sense of dignity- I was not a fan) And I did NOT like making the hee hee hoo sound. Mister told me to get over it.

Mister did a great job, and was very reassuring and rubbed my back like a champ.

The highlight of the evening( for me) was that rolling around on the birthing ball moved things along and glory be, I went poo last night.

Soo we are going to practice breathing every night before bed( hopefully we will also be practicing lots of back rubs for ME every night) and Mister is bringing my yoga ball out of retirement.

My darling husband is just being very wonderful, cooking and cleaning and erranding and petting me.

We are getting closer. It really came home to me yesterday when Mister and I were talking. We were going to buy my sister a big present to thank her for
A. keeping Mom so we could get pregnant.
B. keeping Mom for the whole pregnancy except two weeks so I could rest and not be nagged to death.
C.planning the shower.
D.keeping Mom for the first three months after he gets here so I am not dealing with TWO needy babies.


Anyhow, it turns out she was going to hire someone to scrape and paint and re-caulk her bathroom. Which Mister knows how to do from... scraping and painting and re-caulking OUR bathroom. So I asked her if she preferred that to something else and she said yes.

However, Mister would be going up in two weeks and he pointed out that no way is he leaving me alone overnight at 36 weeks. I never thought of that. Sooo, we are going to have to juggle and find someone to babysit me.

Anyway, that really brought it home that THE BABY IS COMING SOON. Yikes! Am I not still too irresponsible to be a parent? I persist in thinking that Doritos and cheese make a fine dinner. And I do think Christmas candy is an acceptable breakfast. I am also a tiny bit afraid of our basement. Surely a Mother is not afraid of their own basement.

Our basement is really more of a...cellar? Dark, creepy, spidery, with a big hulking furnace.

The other thing I am afraid of is that Sea Monkey will get strangled on his cord. We are so close, but I know this can happen and I can't stop worrying about it. I think if my stupid placenta was not in the way and I could feel him move more I would not be so obsessed. He has to be in exactly the right spot for me to feel something, or he has to really whack me.

I told my ob it was just pointless for me to do kick counts.

The last thing I am afraid of is no big shock. Labor. My brain has actually shut down and refused to think of it. I can tiptoe up to it but I can't think about it actually happening. Even when I dream about having the baby- I never dream about labor. My brain just skips that part. We have our breathing and relaxation class tonight. Maybe that will help.