Breeder Beware

98 people came to my blog this week from some kind of poll search.  Hello?  Who are you people?   Don't be such chickens.


I made Peter frozen banana yogurt today.  It is setting up in the freezer.  I really REALLY want to give him some after his nap but I have mental pictures of him throwing handfulls of fro-yo around with shrieking abandon.  Scary.  I might just wait till Mr. gets home from work so I have help.

It went ok, though I had a brain fart and thought my appointment was at 9 30 a.m. and it was actually at 11 30 a.m.  SMRT! They were nice about it and sneaked me in early.  I have officially lost two pounds.  My ob told me I need to get a mammogram because my family is chock full o'cancer.  I instantly pictured them squishing my boob and then some poor tech getting a breast milk money shot.

Peter had his usual fine time visiting with every one and dropping shoes everywhere.  Then he fell asleep in the car on the way home which screwed up his nap.  So I might try and put him down around three. 


Our prescription company changed to Medco, and it is a pain in the butt.  Anything you take longer than 14 days has to come by mail.  Which is fine once everything is set up but the setting up is damn tedious. 

Peter Pants had his first dental check up.  The dentist said we got off lucky because sometimes a baby with acid reflux has their teeth ruined.  She told me she had to put caps on an 8 month old with bad acid reflux.  She also told me Peter has to go on a fluoride supplement since our town does not put fluoride in the water.  I thought everyone did.  I am really glad I took him to the dentist, because his permanent teeth would have been formed by three and been really fragile with no fluoride.

I have an assload of stuff to do, but here I sit while Peter watches Signing Time.  I have to roast a chicken and some beets and make meatballs.  This week we are having roasted chicken with beets and string beans, wagon wheel pasta with zucchini, and meatballs in mushroom gravy over egg noodles.  Hopefully it goes ok, we are officially DONE with babyfood, basically because Peter refuses to eat anything he can't feed himself.  And he HATES anything sticky or slimy.  He won't eat any fruit, maple syrup, gravy or overly sauced food.  I am going to try him on eggs again tomorrow morning, but usually he refuses them.  Probably because they are slippery. 

I feel like I won the PCOS lottery, cause I found EWCM in abundance!  Yum YUM YUM!  I'd say sorry for the overshare, but after the Great Anal Fissure of 2010- what's the point? Anyhow I can't stop myself from being super excited.   I know, I KNOW ALRIGHT?  Breastfeeding, PCOS, crappy sperm yadda yadda.  I am dying to tell Mr. but whenever I tell him that stuff he gets creeped out and no baby makin gets made.  In the gloom and doom filled words of my O.B. "it's almost impossible" well dammit I don't give a shit.  I'm gonna lure my husband upstairs in half an hour and go for it. 

What a week.  We went on vacation.  My experience was much like Katery's.  A vacation with a one year old is NOT a vacation.  He was up every two hours in the hotel.  The day after we took him to the indoor pool and he loved it and ate a ton and then slept.  If I had known we would have skipped the fancy restaurant( where he took a huge poop) and gotten room service after taking him to burn off some of his Peterness.  Other than that, it was fabulous and massages and spa treatments abounded.  Complete with cheesecake in bed.  Sadly for us, however much we may have been inclined to other bedroom indulgences- between the adjoining room with my sister and Peter's sleeping problems- that cheesecake was the only craving satisfied. 

We got new dining room and living room furniture.  Very exciting as we have been too poor/cheap/afraid to buy new anything for years. It is beautiful and very comfortable.  The dining room table has a bench and we look forward to cramming it with Peter's cousins and stuffing them with pancakes.

After we got back from the spa we threw ourselves into his party preparation.  Holy God people.  You know I am busy when I don't have time to blog.  My feet are as swollen as they were during pregnancy because I was doing 18-20 hour days to get ready.  It is actually a little after 4 a.m. as I type this because I woke up hungry.  I did end up making a crafty thing for the party.  I'll post some pictures once we clean up.  It was pretty neat though i really wanted to do that clothespin thing Amanda did with Michael's outfits. 

We served pulled pork, crudites, Swedish meatballs, four kinds of quiche, broccoli salad, cole slaw, black beans, carrot cake and a vanilla dinosaur cake( and one pbnjj-:) we love you Auntie Andrea).  Everything was home made.  My stepmom made some and we made the rest.  Umm, some of the quiche filling spilled on the oven floor and smoked up the house.  yay!  Peter slept terribly( shocking) the night before the party and then had no nap and was getting two more molars so he was THRILLED.  Usually he loves parties. Well, every party needs a pooper.

There were 32 people at the party.  Thank GOD everyone we invited did not come our tiny house was exploding.  It was a little like an Irish wake.  hee hee.  My husband said WHY DID YOU INVITE SO MANY PEOPLE??  I told him that next time I would marry an orphaned single child but till then his family was huge so obviously a family party is always going to be a circus.

When we sang Happy Birthday it was so wonderful. AND loud.  I was so thankful that Peter has so many people that love him.  And the table full of children in party hats was adorable.


I am pretty sure I am going to look like a hot mess in the pictures since I never had time to dress up and barely had time to comb my hair.  But this once I don't care.  We gave Peter a lovely party and I do not regret a minute of it( except for the burning oven). 

We had in-law shenanigans that I'll get into later. 

My Dad just called and his best friend's wife just had a stroke.  You know, growing up my family was... somewhat dysfunctional.  That family was amazing to see.  So close and so loving, always enjoying life ALWAYS kind to each other.  And she is one of us.  She had secondary infertility and they eventually adopted an older child.   I am so sorry for them.  You could not meet a nicer woman. And she takes wonderful care of herself.  Diet, exercise, everything.  She met her husband in college and they have been happily married for over forty years. 

We are so excited!  We are only staying over night, but to quote another song, Oh What A Night!  YAY!  Monday morning I get a personal prescription facial and Tuesday morning I get a pedicure.  Mr gets a deep tissue massage on Monday and Tuesday a professional shave.  We are going to have a great time and play in the pool and cavort and run around and eat cheesecake and have a keen time! 

We got a beautiful new sofa and love seat. So amazing, and a new dining room set.  It looks awesome!  Well, it looks awesome underneath the sheet I draped over the couches till the cats get used to them.   And we got these nifty bins with rollers on them for Peter's toys.  I really need to go clean but I am so comfy on the couch. 

We went to Ikea( not for the sofas) and Peter tried frozen yogurt for the first time.  He was a big fan but was furious with me for not letting him hold the cone.  Righttttt.  I'm not giving him an ice cream cone unless he is standing on a tarp while I hold a hose and one of those riot shields the po po use. 

Death farts. whoa.  That's all.  I just had to tell someone, cause you know I am melting my own face off.  On the other hand, I have lost three pounds. Probably water weight from AF. Either way, at least I can wear my pants again.

That's what we had today.  We all had breakfast together- I tried something new for Peter and made him crushed blueberries and marscapone which he enjoyed very much.   Peter and I cuddled and wrestled and laughed and played and read stories and then he took a nap with no fighting.  Then we went to the library and the drugstore and then had lunch and watched a Signing Time dvd.  Then he took ANOTHER nap- with no fighting.  Then we went for a walk and played and read and watched Signing Time( they are a half hour each) and had dinner. Then stories and milk and bed.  No fussing. 

Granted, Peter did escape really hurting himself by some miracle because he knocked over the floor lamp and it fell with him in this crazy slo-mo dealie but he was fine and did not even cry.  But I am trying to let Peter find things like that out on his own.  Like... if I think he might fall but not really get hurt I let him, cause I don't want to smother him or keep him from learning. it's a little nerve racking but I love that he is excited and interested in everything and I want to encourage that.  So I save the NO's and swooping in for other things that might seriously hurt him. 

All in all a very lovely day and a wonderful beginning to his last week as an 11 month old.  I feel like I am saying goodbye to my baby all the time now.  He is so filled with joy and laughter and shrieks with glee when he plays with the cats.  I am trying extra hard to remember and enjoy him, because he is just growing and changing so quickly. 

How can my darling baby be almost one?  Where did our year go? 

Peter is on the go go go.  We went to Grandma's yesterday and his cousins today.  I am having a harder and harder time getting Peter interested in nursing.  Argh, tonight after everything just before I put him in his crib he threw up everywhere.  He was freaked out, bad times all around.  Then it took an hour to get him calmed down, cleaned up and back to sleep.


Tomorrow he is getting his one year pictures taken.  Hope we'll be ready, since it's at ten a.m.  Naps are continuing to be what could kindly be described as problematic but more accurately described as a huge fucking pain for all concerned. 


Because he would not nap Peter would consistently get cranky and clumsy at the end of the night and fall and cry, so now at 5 30 I put in a video and let him just sit since it is too early for bed and too late for a nap.  I am not a fan of the teevee, but it seems like a lesser evil.  I have a ton of laundry and deep cleaning hanging over my head because since you know who does not nap, all I get done during the day is dinner and cleaning the kitchen, but the bathrooms.... it's ugly.  I am so beat by the end of the night that I usually fall asleep sometime between 9 and 10. 

After 65 days I am back in the game, yo.  I'm pretty sure I can attribute it's return to met.  We have abundant family crap going on. The inlaws are dripping with crazy.  You know they have not seen Peter since he was 3 months old?  And they live an hour away.  I can't go back into all the details because I am sick of it, but pretty soon I am going to have to put a boot up their asses.  

I'm getting there.  Compromising on things I would have driven myself and my family nuts over in the past.  Peter's party is just over two weeks away. My stepmom is making the cake.  It is a pink and green dinosaur cake.  My sister is decorating.  With Wi.n.nie the Poo.h.  Fine.  I'm sure it will be fine.  Staying up till 2 a.m. and getting up at 6 a.m. every night for the next two weeks so I can be ready on time has lost it's appeal.


The only thing consistent about Peter's napping is it's inconsistency.  I can't be sure to get everything done myself, and I want to have a nice time too and not be exhausted and cranky.

Would I have made a pink and blue dinosaur cake?  No.  I would not feed Peter food dye. I would make a vanilla scented buttercream.   Will it kill him to eat it once?  No.  Would I choose Wi.nn.ie the Po.oh?  No. I would choose something less I don't know- something plainer?  I was really wanting something Martha Stewarty but could not find anything.   Is it going to be fine anyway?  Yes.   We are lucky to have so many people to help and I am choosing to look at it as charmingly haphazard and not hopelessly mismatched. 

Peter is a happy, wonderful and very smart person.  With a WILL AS STRONG AS AN OX.  An ox spliced with a bull mated to a sumo wrestler and then trained by Omarosa.  The dude is not gonna do something if he doesn't already think it is a fine idea.   So after much hopeful planning I decided I would be lucky to get the house clean in time and farmed out some of the stuff that was too important to screw up. 

Did I always want to make my baby's first birthday cake? yes.  Have I screwed up more cakes than I can count since he was born because he was crying or I was tired?  YES.  Did I want to find the Most Perfect Decorations Ever ?  yes. Have I even had time to figure that out?  No.  It took two weeks just to get the invitations done.  Soooo, Control Freak stepping down.  I can always go back to my controlling, Type A, do it myself so it is done the way I want it once he is in school.