Breeder Beware

James is teething and miserable.  He cries in his sleep, so piteously that it makes me cry sometimes.  I can't decide if it is worse that Peter's teething or if I was just used to Peter being a crier to begin with.
James is definitely reaping the rewards of all the things we did to try and help Peter.   He is still co-sleeping at 8.5 months( dear crazy co-sleepers YOU ARE CRAZY and I cannot wait to be done) but he is not ready to be in his crib yet.  On the whole, he is remarkably happy albeit frustrated since he wants to do everything Peter does.  Play with everything Peter plays with, GO everywhere Peter goes.  Peter's little shadow.  He is covered in bruises because he is trying to A. walk and B. play with Peter's toys.  He has zero interest in age appropriate toys.  I talked to the ped. about it and he said it was ok and that Jamie could handle all the falls and that second children get a lot more minor injuries. 

James adores his brother and soaks in his attention.  Peter is beginning to bond with James, which is nice but has it's own hazards.  Hugs and squeezes that are too squeezy, if James is crying Peter tries to rock him.  But you know, in a two year old can snap your neck way.  

So I find myself with even less time and no privacy.  I am so happy to see them starting to play together, even if it is in a JAMIE NOOO HE IS TOUCHING MY TRAINS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way. 

We are both looking forward to the adorableness of Christmas and dreading it, even with a gate around the tree last year, Peter was RELENTLESS and now I will have two going at it.  It's a good problem to have. 

I had to take a break on potty training, it was just too difficult while nursing. Jamie was always nursing when Peter would need to pee.   Hopefully it will be easier in a month or two when James is nursing less. 

It is full on crazy here, with Mr and his work and school.  I can't wait for his freaking school to be over. omg.  so hard.  He is gone from 8 15 a.m. till around 6 30 p..m and then he needs to spend anywhere from two to four hours a night on home work.  I almost never get to talk to him and we have not been out alone in a year.  I am lucky to have time to get one thing done during the day, most days I can't even unload the dishwasher.  If it was not for my awesome, awesome neighbor I would be so effed.  She is off on Mondays so frequently she comes over and I can do stuff like cook or flip the laundry.  When you can't leave your children, ok I could but then James would wail and wail because I would have to put him in his crib.  I suppose either you are the kind of mother who can hack that, or you are not.  I fall into the "not" catagory.  I don't mind Peter crying because of a tantrum , but sad crying is not something I can tolerate well. 


Finances are tight.  ohhhh yeah.  T.I.G.H.T.  We are counting down the weeks til Mr. gets his bonus and we can reboot our checking and savings accounts.  Hopefully this was the worst of it, Mr. should get another raise this year, we are putting money in a FSA- Kate finally convinced me it is the right thing I feel so dumb for not doing it last year, and hopefully we will not have any major surgeries or broken bones this year, not to mention the eight weeks Mr. took off after Jamie was born.  We got paid for some of it, but it was still a really big hit.  We are doing better than a lot of people though, when your idea of hardship is buying unorganic bread flour, that is not too bad. 

We are hosting Thanksgiving this year.  There will be a new face around our table and that is so wonderful.  Jamie is a lovely baby, so happy it is sometimes exhausting.  There will be eight of us on Thanksgiving and I am making pumpkin custard, mince pie( eww Mom wants it), stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes, home made cranberry orange jelly, deviled eggs, roasted brussel sprouts with bacon and balsamic, and home made green bean casserole.  Possibly apple sauce.  I really want to get an organic turkey but I don't know if we can afford it.  We are going to go price them today.  My neighbor is bringing a cherry pie and ice cream and my sister is bringing a cheese plate. 


I went to a food swap last week.  It was not the success I hoped, but I think that is because this swap is new and also the hurricane put a crimp in some peoples plans.  There is not one planned for December, but there is for January.  I think I might bring home made goat cheese to the next swap. 


I miss blogging.  I desperately need some time to myself so I can recharge.  Once Jamie is in his crib it should be better.  I hate co-sleeping, but Jamie is a co-sleep or no sleep baby.  When we first tried training him, it was a fiasco because he woke Peter and then even after we got Peter to bed I was a mess the next day.  Having a toddler and a baby is no freaking joke. 

We are going to visit the school we chose for Peter today.  He does not start there for another three years, but they expect a high level of parental involvement and since this is the school we want for him, and since we need them to give him a scholarship we are going to do whatever they want.

Welll I guess that is it for now.  Assuming like goes like it normally goes I will be MIA til after Christmas so I just want to say that I am thankful.  So thankful for my overfull and messy and crazy and loud plate. 

Well, we are all still here.  I am so thankful, nothing really terrible happened to any of us.  Though almost our whole family lives in either Long Island or Atlantic County, only one home was really flooded and they have flood insurance.  They will be living with other family for a few months.  Even Mr's cousins with a home in Brigantine somehow escaped damage.

We lost power at 4 30 p.m. on Sunday and got it back around 7 p.m. Wednesday.  Changing diapers and breastfeeding in the dark by flashlight is pretty bad.  It was just over 60 degrees in the house so I put the children in double pajamas.

Peter was amazing, very good.  The first day he was a bit crazy because he was not getting enough attention since Mr. and I were very busy getting everything done.  I am very glad Peter watches only limited tv, his day really did not change except for the fact that we stayed inside for four days and that he played trucks by flashlight for an hour before bed.  Jamie was and is teething.  Poor baby.

We were very well prepared, we got all the laundry done( though our asshole cat peed on the last load because he was mad he could not lay on it THANKS), Mr. boarded up the basement door and covered it with a tarp and moved all the yard toys into the basement stairwell and tidied up in the basement to make sure nothing was on the floor.

I bought two cases of shelf stable milk, made brownies, three loaves of bread, hot dog rolls, apple crisp, apple sauce, granola, packets of chicken and vegetables pre-cooked for the grill, got beef jerky, chips, cheese sticks, celery and bananas and pears and grapes and made a big jug of iced tea and a big batch of cold brew coffee, along with a cinnamon vanilla syrup, and coffee ice cubes. That was delicious, it was the best idea ever.  I also got a case of water and filled some bottles up with tap water.  I also got pop tarts and breakfast bars.  And I made a pot of bleachy water to sanitize things.   We also cleaned the house and brushed the cats. I made sandwiches and put them in the freezer, we got bags of ice.

I over prepared because I knew one of my friends would not.  She is an awesome person but not a planner.  So I planned her into our plans. lol.  They ate at our house, she got popcorn and water like it was just going to be a movie night.  I love her so much, she makes my life so much easier- I was so happy to be able to help her.

I planned to be out of power for at least three but more like five days.  We did very well.  The only thing I would changed is that I would buy more ice, and we are going to get a battery powered lantern. Having a new small toy every day for Peter was very helpful in keeping him happy and busy since we could not go out. 


I am editing this to add that we are donating money to Community Foodbank, they are a good charity if you are looking for one.  If you are not, please consider donating blood.  Mr. is donating blood this week. 

We are right smack in the way of Hurricane Sandy.  We are still trying to decide if we should go to my darling AYM's house.  Isn't she fantastic to offer to take us in?  YOU ARE TOTALLY FANTASTIC AND I LOOOOOOVE YOOOOU.   On the positive side, huge house with lots of room to play and obviously HOORAY to getting spend a lot of time with AYM and her awesome family.  Plus woohoo to less horrible weather that will still suck balls but not as much.  It is supposed to be somewhat less terrible there.  But we would have to leave the cats, plus if something simple went wrong with the house we would not be here to handle it and would just come home to who knows what.  We are still deciding.  The last weather report was slightly less menacing. 

I almost packed up the kids and took them to North Carolina since my parents are in the mountains and are going to be mostly unaffected by this mess. 

I'm pretty freaked out about the storm and everything that might go wrong. 

I did the shopping and we have water and food and diapers and wipes and  wine and chocolate and coal for the grill for when we lose power. We got cash and candles and paper plates.


I wish I had a crystal ball. 

  Tomorrow I turn 38.  What a big and grown up and middle aged sounding number.  I don't feel 38     ( mentally) but I guess there is no getting around it.  Hopefully I will not change seven poopie diapers tomorrow like I did last year on my birthday.  Seven?  YES.  Who could forget that?  I am feeling pretty relaxed about my birthday this year.  Mr. is going to work like normal and we are going to have leftover black bean burgers for dinner.  Friday is Peter's dentist appointment( hooray! NOT REALLY) and Saturday we are going to the Sugarloaf Craft Festival to buy some kickass maple syrup.  I ran out of my preferred brand and have been slumming it with Trader Joes.  I am hoping to get two gallons this year.  That should get me through the year til next October. 

  We will be seeing my Mom and sister on Saturday as well and Sunday will be a normal day of errands and stuff.  It'll be a fairly lame and quiet occasion and that is just fine.  I am very happy about looking forward to this year.  To Halloween with Peter who will be a bat and Jamie who will be a pumpkin. Who can resist the charm of dressing your baby as a pumpkin?  Not me.  LOVE IT.  Ohh holiday season, to think I have been looking forward to the holidays for months.  MONTHS.  My sister and I were so excited that we had Christmas in July this year. 

All those years when time marched on without me, and now time flies by while I hold tightly to it's tail, watching my children grow and change at what seems like light speed. 

Happy Birthday to me.  I am thrilled with my present. 

  This morning my husband kissed us all goodbye, and remarked on how nice it was to have three people to kiss goodbye.  I dressed Peter, and since it was early and I was still full of hope- I put underwear on him.  Because potty training him is basically like everything else we have ever done with Peter.  A battle of the wills.  Except he is armed with fecal matter and my armor is merely some paper towels and Nature's Miracle.  NOT EVEN FOOTING.

  Annnyhow, Jamie is teething and miserable.  Or miserable and teething.  Last night I did not even try to put him in his crib.  He has been sleeping with us for seven months.  AWESOME. not really that awesome. Soooo I gave Jamie breakfast and a teething tablet and nursed him.  He slowly shut his baby eyes.  Slowly, slowly, HOOOORK.  Indiana projectile vomited on the carpet and floor AND SHOES.  In two spots.  I thought "well, maybe I can let it sit for a few minutes til Jamie is asleep since Peter is playing nicely in the "Heeeeeereee cooooomes the TRRRRRRAAAAAINNNN"'Wheels churning madly, Peter races with his riding train straight for the barf.  I jump up to stop him "nnoooo Peter nnoooo" I put Jamie in the pack n play and divert Peter, James goes from puzzled and sleepy to FURIOUS and SHOUTING AND CRYING.   "Mommmmmmy why don't you love me?"
 "Jamie, I do love you.
"PROVE IT AND PICK MEEEEEEE UUUUUUUPPPP" 
Wiping up the barf while Jamie screams I hear the timer "beep beep".  it's the Tinkle Timer I set so I know when to have Peter use the potty.  Umm.

"Piiiickkkk meee UUUUUUUUPPPPPP WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

I quickly wash my hands and pick up James, Peter should be ok for a minute, right?
NO.
He walks in, dark blue pants...darker and bluer.

mmmhhhmm
I put down Jamie."WWAAHHHHHHH, YOU DON'T LOOOOOOVEEE MEEEEEEE"
I strip Peter and explain that while everyone has accidents-"Even Darth Vader? "
"Yes."
"Even Darth MAUL??'
"Yes."
"Even Daddy?"
"Sure." Not really.  Sorry honey, I threw you under the bus.
I pull off his diaper.  NOOOOOO A poop of doom rolls onto the carpet.
"WAAHHHH PICK MEEEE UPPPPP I AM  SAAAAAADDDDD. YOOOOOU DON"T LOOOOVE MEEEEE"

I gently ease down Peter's pants and find a nice number two in his underwear in addition to the lost soldier on the carpet.  HURRAH!
I wipe, and wipe.  And wipe.  He clamps his butt like he is in prison and it is group shower time.
"WWAAAHHHH NOBODY LOOOOVESSS MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"
I go upstairs past the sobbing Jamie. "Wwwwwaaaahhhh Mommy , WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN MEEEEEEEE?"

I re-dress Peter.  I pick up the sobbing Jamie  and and hear "beep beep".  It is only 11 a.m. 

It's twenty to seven.  I have laundry, to do, the dishwasher to unload and I need to make peach jam and banana bread.  I miss blogging so much.  Rarely do I have two hands free to type.  I can one handed type a short email or text but blogging requires two hands and my full attention. 

We are having an awesome time.  Also a crazy time.  Peter is amazing, so creative and hilarious.  He is now into costumes and has been wearing capes.  He puts the cape around his head and pretends to be the emperor from Star Wars.  Jamie is trying very hard to crawl, heaven help me. 

Jamie is extremely motivated to play with Peter, he sometimes will be satisfied with nothing less than being held up standing so he can see the train table while Peter plays.  I think he must have a much more exciting life than Peter did at his age.

We are about two weeks out from sleep training Jamie, so at that point I will hopefully have some time to call my own.  We are still co-sleeping, right now James is in bed with Daddy and I came down to bake bread.  Co-sleeping.  It's the best choice for us but not my first choice.  I will be delighted when the baby is in his crib.  My body is completely jacked up from sleeping on my side for almost six months.  ALMOST SIX MONTHS, incredible how the time is flying.

We have chosen a school for Peter.  He won't start til he is six but I am relieved to have finally decided.  We chose a Waldorf school.  After much research and discussion Mr. and I have decided that public school is not for us.  I do not believe that the computer is the be all and end all, and the Waldorf schools are the only schools I have found that seem to offer to teach our children to think as opposed to teaching them to watch.  The public school in our town is substandard and the housing market is still crappy around here.  We will not be able to move for a while.  But even if we could move to a better district, I think I would be devastated if Peter and James could not have that educational opportunity. 

We are debating if we want to try for a third baby.  it is a very difficult decision, even assuming the fates aligned magically and we were able to conceive on our own again.  I will be 38 in October and will nurse Jamie till March or April.  I am really REALLY not interested in being pregnant at 40.  We are concerned about being able to afford it.  We would need a bigger car, and realistically we would need a bigger house.  We are already stuffed in this one.  Even if we stayed in this house, paying to educate three children would climb from scarydoable to outrageous.  Would it be better to keep our resources for James and Peter or better to reach for the joy of a third child?  What if our next child is handicapped?  What if I went on bedrest with TWO CHILDREN AT HOME.  Etc etc etc.  For now, Mr. has said NO to another child and I find it to be freeing.  I am free to focus my mind exclusively on snuggling and enjoying Peter and James.  And I do.  I suppose i have been a bad blogger but a good mom.

Sheesh.

First off, let me explain why I "hid" the blog.  I realized if you google my name that it is easy to find my blog.  There is one person from my past that would annoy me if they read my blog and one person from my present that would creep me right the fuck out  if I found out they read my blog.  Soooo I could not think what else to do, and hid it unless you already have a blog.  I had planned on Mr. moving this whole shebang to Wordpress where I believe you can password protect certain posts.  But yeah, we are way busy and Andrea you were right Mr. hates being my blog bitch.   Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could change things?

God Almighty, we have been fucking BUSY.  But ahaah not the other way round, if ya get my drift. 

Mr. is slowly( really slowly) healing.  I have not had much time to call my own.  But thank goodness he can drive himself now.  Try and imagine( or not, because frankly it sucked) the AWESOMENESS of getting up all night with an infant, then getting up at 5 or 6 and doing all the regular morning bs, and then herding your two year old, your infant, and your husband into the car by 8 10 to get to work by ten of nine to get home by 9 30( unless there was traffic) to have your toddler repeating 'wanna get out wanna get OUT wanna get ooooouuuuuutttt" for 20 minutes at a clip, while your baby cries because he is hungry/pooped.  Then go home and pick up the pieces, get every one happy, try and do some chores, get everyone into the car at 5 10 and get home by 6 40 to DINNER which was either made the night before or was something that took ten minutes or less and then put your toddler to bed while your baby cries to nurse and then nurse your baby and THEN clean up dinner and do laundry and cook the next nights dinner and clean the litter boxes and take out the trash and take a shower and TA DA time to nurse again and then get in bed and hope for some sleep in between night time wakings.  REPEAT FOR SEVEN WEEKS.   My days would start at 5 or 6 and run till 11 or 1 depending on how many chores I had. 

I feel like I missed out on an entire month of Jamie's life because I just had so much to do.  Spending 2 and a half hours in the car every day was the worst part.  Or maybe the house work was the worst, since I was already in the hole from my c-section recovery.  Or maybe the fact that Peter will. not. nap. yet is totally exhausted and so is a complete brat mess two year old from 4 p.m. til whenever he is wrestled into bed.  It's like I gave birth to William Wallace and he fights the Sleep Battle each day. I love him, but he is seriously awful when he is over tired.

My eyes are shutting on their own, but I think we have turned the corner and I can post more regularly now.

Holy Shit.  Whomever threw THAT vow in there clearly never took care of a sick man.  I could cheerfully shake that man.  Or kick him.  Or slap him.  I'm not, but I SURE COULD. 

They cut me open and TOOK OUT A WHOLE PERSON and I did not carry on like this.  At the risk of the people I know in real life coming here and also kicking my husband, here is how he has been acting.

Me'" After I put Peter to bed I have to clean the kitchen, do the cat litter, and take a shower. "
Him "Oh. Well I guess I won't get to do my homework for an hour and a half then,"
You'll have to imagine his put upon tone. 
So from 8 30 till 9 45, I :
put our son to bed
got some stuff for the basement for Mr. to use
cleaned up the kitchen and prepped Mr's lunch for tomorrow
went to the basement and put in a load of wash, cleaned the cat litter, the litter boxes, and shop vacced the spilled litter
took out the garbage. 
at this point Jamie was wailing, but I needed a shower because I was not gonna nurse him after cleaning the litter.  EW.
Soo, the fastest shower ever.
Then I came down stairs to our wailing child and my little bitch unhappy husband. 
Who stomped over to the other couch because I did not know he wanted to put his foot up on the big couch.  Then he made a remark about how I left our child that needed me so I could take a shower.  Then was mad because he did not have enough time to do schoolwork. And "nothing he has to do is important."
I swallowed  down some choice words and said that I was not the person to complain to about not having enough time.  Much like I am NOT THE RIGHT ONE TO COMPLAIN TO about not getting enough rest.  And then I told him that I was not going to feed our  child when I was filthy from cleaning the litter boxes.  He went on and on and I told him that I understood that he was in pain and blah blah blah.

You know, I know he does not mean to be a douche.  He told me I was being very short tempered with him.  Which I am.  Because I am tired, and busy and like I told him; I am giving everything I have to our children and he is an adult so he will have to deal. I don't have time to sugarcoat things for him.  Not when my day starts at five and ends close to midnight and even then, I am up with Jamie in the night.

I don't have the time or emotional energy to deal with his bullshit right now. 
I told him that is sucks for EVERYONE right now.  It sucks for Peter because he is not getting any time outside since we had planned family walks for when Mr. got home from work.  It sucks for Jamie because he can't have me as often as he needs me.  Jamie likes to have his bedtime feeding at Peter's bedtime.  I have tried putting him in the Moby and keeping him with me but it is too distracting for Peter.  It is hard for Mr. It is.  I know it is.  I know his foot hurts from being broken and his arms and shoulders and chest hurt from using crutches and he is sick of sleeping on the couch and feels guilty about not being able to put Peter to bed and feels bad that I am doing so much and I GET THAT. 
And it sucks for me.  I am beat from the endless round of chores. I am never done.  I don't get a break.  My day goes like this
Get up at five( sometimes I stay in bed and nurse jamie it depends what he wants)
HAVE COFFEE
Run around getting breakfast ready, and getting Peter up and dressed and loading the car and nursing Jamie. I fill Peter's sippy cups and pack a cooler bag for the drive.
8 leave to drive Mr. to work, that takes about 40 minutes to an hour each way depending on traffic.  It takes Mr. a half hour, but I am a slower and more conservative driver.
On Monday I took the kids to WalMart for cat litter and stuff. Yesterday was rainy so I took them to BnN so Peter could play with the train table. 
Come home, Peter plays and we do normal home stuff.
1 p.m naptime.  Peter goes to his room for an hour, where he may or may not nap. I try and use this time to play with James as well as eat lunch, and tidy the kitchen.
5 p.m. leave to get Mr.
6 20/30 or later- yesterday we got home at 7 because we made a stop since Peter was napping in the car.
7 30 ish DINNER
8 bedtime for Peter
Second Shift
Clean up dinner, tidy, laundry, dishes, whatever did not get done like change the sheets, every other day I do the cat litter, I take a shower, put out the garbage. I get dinner ready for the next day. 
 Some time between 10 30 and midnight I go upstairs and nurse James, or bathe him, or fold laundry.  I fall asleep in bed, and usually get up twice with the baby.
Five a.m. BACK ON THE HORSE.

So to be honest, I don't want to hear that Mr. is tired.  And I am sick of reminding myself to be patient with him because I am just about tapped out of patience.  And I am sure he is sick of this too.  

This is a pretty negative blog post.  But this is what is going on right now.  I told Mr. that we'll get through it as a family. And we will.  And honey, I know you read my blog sometimes so if you read this one and got this far, I'm sorry I called you a little bitch but you are kind of being one.

When last we met everything was rosy.  Peter was adjusting as well as being awesome, I was feeling good, things were setting down.  Jamie was extremely obliging about sleeping and being cute and cutely sleeping as well as sleeping cutely.  I went to my six week checkup and was cleared, given a birth control prescription          ( hilar) and told that I would be seen in a year. 

Off we went, for one glorious week of family fun, AND I even started to clean this filthy house.  AND I had a plan formulated for when Mr. went back to work on April 30th.  It was a great week. Busy, but also great. 

And then. 

Monday afternoon it all. went. to. shit. We were having a nice day, company was coming, dinner was already cooking on the stove and I was cleaning up.  I could tell Jamie wanted to nurse but I was trying to hurry and finish the kitchen before he got too pissed.  Peter was napping. And then Mr. tripped and fell on our basement stairs. 

We had to go to the ER, thankfully my neighbor pulled in at the last second before we left and stayed with Peter so I was not dragging both kids along with us.  We got there and I dropped off Mr while I parked the car. WAY FREAKING FAR and then walked back.  We did all the Er junk. 

In the back Jamie wanted to nurse so we did. While I kept Mr company and also was on the phone with the insurance company.  Multitasking Mommy rides again.  I had enough going on so I did not bother to cover up Jamie.  I mean, we were in a hospital, right? We had the "screen of semi-privacy" and all.

Mr. had a sprain and a snapped tendon and a bone chip.  Some woman came over to put a temporary cast on him and said "oh you are breastfeeding." I said I didn't mind and she said she did because she was modest. AND then She HID behind a curtain saying she was all sweaty and THEN this other woman came and threw a sheet over me.  Like it was shameful or indecent or something.  I was so shocked that I just laughed.  Because how inappropriate is that? 


Soooo I took off the sheet and finished up, I changed Jamie and we left. But I was not happy with them.  The next morning I called and they said it sounded like a personal preference of the employee. So I said that of the hundreds of 7 dollar an hour employees I had trained every single one of them had been told that breastfeeding is a protected right and that her employees should be at LEAST as well trained as a retail employee and that surely in an ER where there are people with gunshots wounds etc that me breastfeeding would be you know NOT HORRIFIC.  Then I said I have nursed at the zoo, car dealerships, and bookstores and if a car dealership could handle it, a hospital could.  If breastfeeding is considered  a national health priority, then I would hope a hospital would be supportive of it, ESPECIALLY if you are getting government grants.


They said they would investigate and call me back.  I have not heard from them.  Nor do I expect to.  Dumbasses.  Come on now.  If you are wondering which hospital it was( I would wonder) it was Lower Bucks Hospital.  

We normally would not go there, our preferred hospital is in New Jersey, but this one is right around the corner from us and Mr. was in too much pain to make it to New Jersey.   


Soooo, our positions are reversed now.  Mr. can't climb any stairs so he is sleeping on the couch. I am in charge of all naps, baths, cleaning, cooking, errands, and about 80% of the childcare. It is INSANE.  Mainly because we are starting in a hole since the house has not been deep cleaned in seven weeks.  I have done about 15 loads of wash over the last three days.  I am almost caught up.  And I am sloooooowly getting the house cleaner.  Like..the monster pile of clothes that were leftover from winter since March can be cold that have to get put away in the basement.  That's taken care of.  And we had a disaster in the nursery.  One of our cats got shut in there and you can guess what happened.  So that's fixed, but I had to rewash a ton of laundry and blankets and just ick.  My poor cat, apparently she has decided she likes to sleep UNDER the crib and with Peter running around and Jamie crying and all we could not hear her.  So she was in there ALL DAY.  Poor baby.  


It is very, VERY hard trying to keep the house safe for Mr. since about 2/3 of Peter's toys have WHEELS.  Toys with wheels + crutches = bad times. If the bone in Mr's foot shifts he will have to get an operation.  Mr. starts back at work on Monday and I will be loading the boys into the car for  an hour ( minimum) round trip twice a day, for weeks. WEEKS.  I am guessing my blogging will be sporadic at best for a while.  I had better try and sleep.  I am all keyed up.  Peter has been having a repeat of all the problems we had when I first came home from the hospital, since Mr. cannot go upstairs to tuck him in and read him stories and cuddle.  Peter has been getting up in the night and crying for Daddy.  It's so sad.  Hopefully he will get used to it, since Mr. is going to be off bedtime duty for at least three weeks, and probably way more.  And yes, if you are wondering that does mean that I get Jamie all night, every night and most of the day with no break.  He had a bad night last night, but normally he is a pretty good sleeper thank GOD. 

That's what it is.  I have time to read online, but rarely do I have both hands free to type.

Jamie was six weeks old yesterday. Peter was two years and one month.  It's been wonderful.  What keeps running through my head( when I am not groggy) is the line from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie where Gene Wilder/Willy Wonka says "Did you ever hear about the boy who got everything he ever wanted?"
"No."
"He lived happily ever after."
That's how I feel.  Completed.  Happy.  Content.  Jamie is such a pleasant and easy baby.  And having Jamie makes me appreciate Peter even more.  Now instead of sighing internally when he picks the looooooongest and most saccharine book he owns( Jan Brett's The Easter Egg) I am thrilled to read it to him.  Because I don't have the luxury of wasting time with Peter right now. Not like I used to.  Where we could spend 20 minutes sitting in the closet just because you know, when you are two it is cool to sit in the closet.  Now when Jamie is happy and not nursing and I have both hands free for Peter I am so excited that I would read him THE PHONEBOOK. 

I put a picture of Jamie up on the right of my blog.  It's not the best picture but Mr is really busy.  Too busy to be my blog bitch right now.

We are having a lovely time.  We are busy.  Whoooooeeee are we busy.  Jamie turned three weeks old yesterday, Peter turned two on the 16th.  Peter is handling it pretty well.  Not perfectly, obviously because he is two and it is only natural for him to be all 'WTF?? " But, Jamie is so happy, so pleasant, so easy.  And we are thankful.  So thankful.  At this precise moment he is asleep in the swing, the cat is drooling on my lap, Mr. is shredding paperwork in the office, and Peter is racing his toy train around in a circle. 

Our day goes like this: 5 am feed Jamie, lay him either in the bassinet or hold him.  One of us sometimes takes a shower and sometimes we just lay there and snuggle and doze.  Sometimes we go downstairs and put on coffee or tea.  Then at 8 Peter is up ( for some reason he sleeps later now that Mr. is home, maybe the house is quieter?) and he comes into our room.  We broke down and bought a tv for our bedroom because I remembered how when I would read and nurse Peter I would get so sleepy I would drop my book on his head.  Soooo, there is a tv in there now.  We all snuggle and watch Mister Rodgers for a half hour while changing diapers and drinking coffee or tea, Jamie is up to nurse at that point, then usually Peter has his first tantrum of the day because I am not allowed to carry him downstairs for three more weeks. 

Then we have breakfast.  Peter's eating has improved.  We think ( after taking him in to the pediatrician) that he was stressed about the new baby coming and now he eats much better.  Mmmhmm, my temporary quiet is gone, and Jamie is up. 

Then Peter plays and we just hang around. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we don't.  The house is an EPIC DISASTER OF MESS AND TOYS AND LAUNDRY FOR REAL. I do not anticipate it getting clean any time soon.  Anyhow, at 7 we have dinner and then Peter goes to bed.  I get in bed with Jamie and we do skin to skin nursing, and then we get in our jammies.  Jamie usually sleeps at least one good four hour chunk at night.  MIRACULOUS.

We are having a great time.  It's awesome, but I have very little time for myself.  Actually, I am feeling guilty because I am blogging instead of playing trains with Peter right now. 

I have lots of other news and thoughts and stuff, but I am gonna stop here.

our baby is one week old!  Trite as it is, we can't believe how fast this week went by. My goodness.

We took Peter and my sister to Friendly's for dinner last Sunday night.  I was so huge I could not sit behind the bench and had to sit at an angle.  I was waddling around hoping against hope for my water to break and cleaning and bustling all over.  I gave up around ten and went to bed.  Peter woke up and was calling for me, and I was so happy to have a last chance to pick him up and cuddle him and kiss him and tell him he was my sweet, sweet baby. 

We got up at freaking 4 45 a.m. and showered and headed off to the hospital.  I was super proud that I did not cry about my c-section.  It went well, except they had a hard time doing the spinal and hit a nerve.  I could feel it all the way down my leg.  Jesus.  Mr.  could hear me in the hallway because I could not move and it hurt A LOT.  Also, someone's name tag caught my iv as the nurse was putting it in and it ripped out.  So all in all, a good experience. 

My ob told me my uterus is really thin and if we have another she will not let me go past 38 weeks.  Jamie inhaled some amniotic fluid on the way out and had some problems breathing but it resolved and he did not have to go to the nicu.  We were able to be together after only 20 minutes ( they were putting me back together) and that was so much better than last time.  The new hospital was beautiful, like a hotel, everyone has a private room.  It was so much better than last time.  SO MUCH BETTER. It was less painful, and I feel better faster than I did before too.  I have much more mobility.

My milk came in after three days instead of the five it took with Peter.  I encouraged Jamie to nurse as much as possible, and got two awesome blood blisters, but I consider it well worth it since I shaved off 48 hours of Crying Hungry Baby.  

I was MISERABLY itchy the entire first day and night.  Even with the drugs. All I wanted was a piece of sandpaper on a stick.

My MIL was super creepy and picked up the blanket I was using as a nursing cover to kiss the baby.  That's creepy, right???

I had a much easier time in the hospital, and could put on my own underwear the next day and was able to shave my legs after two days.  I pushed myself a bit, because I knew gentle walking would help me.  I chose to go home a day early because I missed Peter terribly and wanted to get home to get him back to as normal a schedule as possible.  My sister did an awesome job with him, and I felt really good about his care.

Mr. slept over the last night, I was alone the first two nights, because we agreed it was more important for him to be home in case Peter woke in the night, and also to let Peter have a similar schedule.  So he was home by seven each night and made dinner and put Peter to bed.

I will put a picture soon, and finish the post as soon as I can.  Jamie is such a happy and easy baby so far.  We are so thankful.

I'll update soon. It's awesome. He's here and healthy and SUPER CUDDLY AND HAPPY.  James Edward.  Eight pounds ten ounces, 20 inches long.  We came home on Thursday.  I'll have some more time this weekend, or at least will make time this weekend.

A whole lot of nothing going on.  I had my appointment at 8 30 a.m. so we were out of the house super early. No change.  ZIP.  The baby had a great non-stress test and is just happy as can be.  Soooo I don't have to go back to the doctors office till two weeks after my  c-section.  I got permission to have 50 mg of benedryl the night before the surgery. They said that if somehow I am dialated to at least a four, they will cancel the surgery and break my water to get things going.  I don't see it happening.  I would LOVE to be wrong.

I was pretty hysterical on Sunday morning and looked awful because I cried for an hour just thinking of the recovery I'll be looking at.  I was kind of hoping that Mr. would tell me I was overreacting and not remembering it correctly.  No.  he just pet me and told me he would be there too and it would be easier this time because I would not have to labor.  Just thinking about doing it again  makes me start to cry sometimes.  But I did not cry at the drs office so at least I still have my pride.  Can you still have pride when everyone has seen your cha cha but you have not seen theirs??

We went yesterday to BRU for some last minute stuff like a new changing pad and a super cute diaper organizer we can keep downstairs.  We went to Trader Joes and bought a bunch of frozen food for quick dinners, and a bunch of cookies. Ok, and peanut butter filled chocolate pretzels.  We have coffee and tea in the house for visitors. 

I am VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.   The baby always wakes up and kicks me while I put Peter down for a nap. It was cute until he got so big that in between the baby kicking and Peter slapping and pinching it was more like being in a mosh pit.  We are eating red meat almost every night this week so I can get in some last minute iron. 

Last night we tried again, mmm  7 for difficulty.  Then I still could not sleep because of my cold( nothing says do me like a hugely pregnant wife with a running, red, and chapped nose.  After that I went online and looked at the pregnancy salad thing.  It seems like I have seen reference to oregano, basil, and balsamic working.  Now, I think it is more likely that all these women ate a ton of salad, pooped their brains out, and THEN had their babies, but what the hell.  Clearly I am in the try anything phase.  So, last night we had pizza, then today for lunch I am having a huge salad with a liberal amount of balsamic.  Like...my tongue is numb.  And for dinner I am having pesto.  I also drank a bottle of fresh pineapple juice between last night and today.  And I'll be having more salad. Why not?  It's good for me and God knows I have been eating enough crap. 

This morning was the hardest morning I have had since I got pregnant.  I was just exhausted.  Peter has been really, REALLY good considering how out of it I have been.  And he has been getting a lot of presents from his extremely thankful Mama. 

This weekend we are going to try more s.ex, and more Italian food( chicken parm?) and walking and acuppresure and cleaning.  I told Mr. that I want to try and get any last minute crap taken care of( he is AWFUL at that and gives last minute a whole new meaning)in case the stress of thinking about the car seat needing to get installed and the shower not being clean are maybe giving me a mental block.

Our last ob appointment( Holy Crap) is Monday morning.  Unless there is a weekend miracle.  I don't know if they will want to see me after that or if I just go to the hospital for my c-section or what.  While I am there I am going to ask if I can have a sleeping pill for next Sunday night so that I am not up all night long from excitement/fear/adrenaline.  If it is my last chance for sleep for 13 months then I WANT IT.  I am also going to ask if they will try stripping my membranes.  Anyhow, I am pretty damn antsy.  Hopefully I will have some good news on Monday. 

If you are still battling infertility, this is not the right post for you today.  If you know me in real life, you might want to skip this one too, since it is a bit heavy on the TMI.

I went to my husband last night and told him ( after tossing and turning in our bed for two hours) that I could not stand being pregnant for one more minute.  Yesterday, Peter and I took a walk, I cleaned, I drank my tea, I was on the yoga ball, I took my evening primrose oil, we did the acupressure points, I imagined my cervix opening, and I ate this  ice cream Mr. brought home as a surprise for me because my friend AYM swears it works.  But all it did was get me too hyper to sleep. 

I am on Day 3 of a cold.  I have not taken anything, and am just using a humidifier and drinking a lot of fluids.  I think the cold pushed me over the edge to Crazytown.  Because even when exhausted it is very difficult for me to get comfortable enough to sleep.  Peter took a long nap yesterday and I tried to rest but all I did was snuffle.  So I took a hot shower, which worked for a while but also made me more sleepy. 



Annnnnyhow, I was so miserable that at midnight I went downstairs to Mr. and asked him to please have s.e.x.  with me, even though I felt really ugly and my nose was runny and I really did not want to.  I said"let's go upstairs and have some awkward s.e.x in a weird position, PLEASE."  I found mention of something I had not tried on the blog Pregnant Chicken  in the comment section.  You take the evening primrose oil and rub it on your husband and THEN you do it.  Well, as soon as I read that I was like GENIUS!  Soooo we tried, but nope.  And I might add, that doing something like that and then trying to go to sleep except you are too keyed up waiting for SOMETHING to happen...is probably not the best idea ever.  I think I slept three hours total last night.  If I was gonna rate it, I would give it an 8 for difficulty and a 2 for enjoyment- since I was laughing about how silly it was.  Mr. said it was pretty good considering.  Which is important, cause we are gonna try AGAIN on Friday and Sunday. 


Anyhow, I am big and cranky, and I feel so guilty not being patient though Mr. has told me I am doing fine.  I think most of it is that I feel guilty that I can't chase Peter or play hide and seek like we used to. We color and paint and read and do stickers and play doh, but getting on the floor to play trucks is really hard.  Not to mention getting OFF the floor.  He got away from me on our walk and was laughing and running and I had to chase him and it was not a good time.  He is sleeping in a bit today, thank goodness because I am freaking baked and it is not even 8 a.m. 

Oh Darling Baby,

Please, please, PLEASE come out today. Please.

love,

mama

The baby is awesome.  So says my ob.  My IRON CURTAIN is still closed, and she said she does not even agree with what her partner saying last week that I am 50% effaced.  I know your cervix can close again, can you go backwards with effacement too?  I did not gain any weight this week.  THANK GOD.  I am the fattest I have ever been, and mind you I am a former pastry chef with PCOS.  So that is saying something.  She agreed that I could up the evening primrose oil to three pills a day but said she does not think it will help. 

I mentioned to my husband that i was trying to decide if I should take all three at night or one during the day and he said it probably did not matter and then I cried a little. Because I just have to feel like I am at least trying SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  I do not want a c-section.  I understand that it is not the end of the world if I have one.  I GET THAT.  I DO GET THAT.  However, I don't want one.  A LOT.  A WHOLE LOT.  My neighbor is a massage therapist and is coming over tonight to do acupressure on my feet.  She has done it for her sister and cousin and while it did not start their labor, it did make them contract and and contractions can help with dilation.  So she is going to show Mr. how to do it and then he will do it every night.  I will keep drinking my tea and taking the evening primrose oil and bouncing on the yoga ball and doing my lame ass mental what do you call it where I imagine my cervix is opening.  And then, if nothing has changed by next Monday, we ( fine, ME) are throwing in the towel and prepping the house for a c-section. 

Mr. reminded me that if I go to 40 weeks, it gives the baby that much more time to get ready, and us that much more time, and plus my sister put in for a week of vacay so she can stay with Peter.  If I go early we don't get any of that.  I am still feeling pretty discouraged. 

We had a big party for Mr. yesterday for his 32 birthday.  It went fine but I am freaking tired.  I think the weekend is catching up with me.

I am large and in charge.  I am also up at 3 a.m.  because of an urgent quest for cereal.  So since I am awake(ish) ...my appointment went great today!  My ob said you could not ask for a better non-stress test and that the baby was super active.  Since I am frequently pri.s.on r.a.p.ed by the baby from the inside, I agree.  I have no idea what all the baby does that allows him to put pressure on my butt-hole, but lol Lemm.y.winks.  NICE.

And the baby is much farther down AND I am 50% effaced!  BOO-YA!  I have never actually used that word before, chalk it up to my extreme elation at my Iron Curtain showing some signs of parting.

I came home and took Peter out for a walk since my ob said to just keep doing what I am doing.  I crapped out at around 8 and was in bed before nine.  And obviously now AWAKE.  I am tempted to clean the kitchen since it is a mess but I think I am just going to eat something else while I think happy dilation thoughts.  No dilation yet, but I am really looking forward to next weeks appointment( if I make it???) and some positive news.

We are not telling anyone in the family about the effacement.  Since that could go on for weeks and mean nothing.  Or change tomorrow and TA DA!  But regardless our family will nag us, so they are living in happy ignorance.  Or perhaps just ignorance that we are happy about.  Since I do not believe in magikal thinking but can't keep from hoping..if I was filling out an order I would hope for early next week.  Mainly because I have a salon appointment this weekend and Peter is getting a desperately needed haircut.  Mr. is hoping for nine more days so he can finish class.  Or course we might as well hope that fifty dollar bills and bacon rain from the sky for all the control we have over what happens. 

I have been drinking 2 cups of raspberry leaf tea a day, and taking two evening primrose oil pills.  One orally, and one stuffed as far as I can up the tunnel of loooooooove.  Which is not that far considering how hard it is to reach around myself.  And I go on the yoga ball every night to encourage the baby to get and stay in the right position.  My little stinker Peter bounced back OUT from position.  How does that even work?  It thought they got wedged in? Annnnyhow, that is what is going on.  I also do visualization.  Everything I read said imagine your cervix is a flower...opening.  Probably while listening to Yanni and drinking hemp tea under the moon.  I can't do that.  Every time I picture it, all I can think of is that big circle thing that Kirk Russel jumps through in Stargate.  Soooo my cervix is a portal to another universe.  FANCY!

The nursery is thisclose to done.  We are just waiting on the mattress to come, and we have to wash the baby clothes.  But we have diapers and wipes and the pictures are up and we got  and gauze and put the crib tent up.  Our room just needs to be dusted and the bassinet has to come up.  But aside from the constant mess that comes from having a toddler and being too huge and exhausted to clean and Mr. having too much homework to clean( cough REALLY???) whatever.  We are mostly ready.  We should be fine if the baby stays in till next Monday.  Or even not, if he comes sooner. 

Except of course SOMEONE has yet to pick a name because they are being IMPOSSIBLE. 

Here I am trying to enjoy pregnancy.  Trying to enjoy these last weeks alone with Peter.
Also trying:
to keep the house from being condemned
to eat healthy
to get enough rest
to make sure Peter has fun
to get everything ready for the baby

Right.  It's a disaster.

Keeping the house from being condemned.  Well, Mr. has been doing projects. POINTLESS projects. ( Dear husband- I know you sometimes read my blog- sorry.  Perhaps skip this paragraph)My sister came down to watch Peter so we could get stuff done.   Did he chose to drag all the baby clothes out from the inner reaches of the basement so I could wash them?  Did he chose to organize our bedroom since that is where the baby is going to sleep?  Deep clean the house?  Buy baby stuff?  Freezer cook?  Install the car seats?  No.  My husband spent the better part of two weekends working on a wiring project in the nursery that had been sitting there SINCE PETER WAS a MONTH OLD. That was what he deemed the best use of his time.  If he so much as touches any wires this weekend I am going to pull off his balls and make a mobile out of them.   This weekend we are using MY LIST.  We are finishing the nursery and finishing our bedroom and washing the 15 loads of laundry that have piled up AND cleaning.  Mr. means it when he says he wants me to rest.  But does not follow up by wiping down the bathroom, vacuuming WITHOUT prompting, laundry WITHOUT prompting etc etc etc.  I do not like to nag.  My Mom nags.  It is my goal in life not to become my Mother.  But if that man does not finish something this weekend I am going to freak out.

To eat healthy  um.  Yeah.  No.  I take my vitamin.  I limit my caffeine.  But pretty much I have been eating whatever.  Partially because eating a salad takes FOREVER but mostly because eating a salad takes FOREVER.

To get enough rest umm?  I get up at least six times in the night, every night.  Either to pee or because just like with Peter( but much worse) I have been having pregnancy nightmares that make me dread going to sleep even as I am desperate to get in bed.  I sit on the couch a lot during the day, since Peter is in the living room most of the time.  But then if I sit all day the house looks like a hot mess by the end.  A HOT AND NASTY MESS.  Toys and cat hair and books and dishes and crumbs.

To make sure Peter has fun, please cue the massive Mommy guilt I have about being pregnant while caring for Peter.  I am short on everything, patience, energy, and stamina.  Things that were no big deal before are a big deal now.  Changing Peter's diaper, going for a walk, going up and down the stairs all these things are hard now.  Coloring is fun until Peter throws all his crayons, the same for play-doh.  Painting....he loves to paint.  I love him to paint.  I HATE FOR HIM TO RUN AWAY WHILE PAINTING AT HIS EASEL.  Hide and seek.  Mommy can't run.  UGH.  Going to the library.  I can't even contemplate it.


To get everything ready for the baby yeah.  No.  Just over three weeks to go and we are not ready.  Not really.  Kind of?  We have almost everything, but the crib is not built, the dresser is not mounted, the laundry is not done.  The bassinet needs to come up and get cleaned and so does the bouncy chair and the swing. Our bedroom is half finished.  I bought the stuff for my hospital bag.  That's it.  If I go into labor tonight, we are effed.

Trying to enjoy this pregnancy.  My magical, miracle pregnancy.  Almost no symptoms at all.  I am fine.  I have been fine.  I mean, braxton hicks since 14 weeks, and now I am giant.  Like, the baby is so low I can't even wear underpants because I feel like I am strangling him.  But seriously, nothing to complain about.  Nothing.  It's awesome.  It's amazing.  It's UNBELIEVABLE.   It might be the last time I am ever pregnant. It is probably the last time I will ever be pregnant. And yet, I find myself just wanting to be DONE.  Just DONE.  Done so at least Mr. will be home for 8 weeks and I can get some damn help around here. 


Trying to enjoy these last weeks with Peter.  Sometimes when people say that I feel like they are imagining us having some kind of Mommy and Me Montage where we play blocks and cuddle and read and snuggle.  And we do.  But our day is now from 7 15 a.m.( Mr. goes into work an hour earlier now so he can do homework he has 40 hours of work and 30 hours of homework so it is me and Peter a LOT) till 6 30 p.m.  Idyllic play with Mommy and Peter takes up part of our day and the rest is your average, normal toddler bullshit except I am a MOOSE on top of it.  Soooo that when we take a walk
( like we did today) it starts out fine and then Peter has a tantrum because he wants to run and I can't let him and then he throws a fit but picking him up is torture because I am almost 37 weeks pregnant and hello, HE KICKS.  Have you ever been kicked from the inside and the outside AT THE SAME TIME??   Or diapering.  I diaper Peter on the floor now, so I don't have to lift him.  But then he is in prime position to kick me.  Bathing.  Sometimes fun, sometimes NOT FUN.  A crapshoot. 
 And yet, he is still adorable.  I love him so much.  He is fun and smart and sweet.  And darling.  And precious.  But he is a nonstop climbing, death defying, whirlwind.

But that's where we are.  I am sooooo hoping I will have some kind of cervix news on Monday. I started taking evening primrose oil last night.  I'm taking one pill orally and stuffing one up mah hooha each night, plus two cups of red raspberry leaf tea a day.  PLEASE WORK.  My little man is up.  So off we go again.

I can't decide if this sounds negative.  I don't feel negative.  Overwhelmed and tired and like a wishbone being pulled in two directions but not negative. 

I asked my ob today about evening primrose oil.  She said ok.  So I'll be taking that.  Fort Knox is still on EXTREME LOCKDOWN.  I am thankful I do not have an incompetent cervix, but having an overachieving cervix is no party either.  The baby is so low that I can feel the hiccups vibrating in my va.g.ina.  Which is really weird.  Peter's hiccups were super adorable and we would just watch my stomach jump.  However, this is not adorable. It is very disconcerting. 

I had a couple really strong contractions, and those along with Mr. Down Low and just general pains made me hope that I would have some kind of change.  But no.  My ob said I don't even have to call them unless I have contractions three minutes apart.  Even though we are nearly an hour away.  That is how buff my cervix is.  I love my ob because when I said fuck after she said there was no change, she did not even blink.  Because seriously, FUCK.  I see the writing on the wall people.  And it says MARCH 5th,  8 30 a.m .

My blood pressure is good, and the baby is happy.  But he is so low.  I had to take off my pants and underwear yesterday to pick up the living room so that I could bend down.  I had to wear pajama bottoms to my appointment today because I only have one pair of pants that fits now.   It is going to be a long LONG four weeks.

WOW!  And also, um?  But mostly WHOA.  I am a day late on this one because I was too tired to do anything last night that involved thinking hard.  I am leaking some colostrum now.  The baby is more squirmy than kicky.  My ob said that is normal. 

Mr. was all CODE RED this weekend.  He is a bit nervous about me going into labor.  LIKE THAT WILL HAPPEN.  I hope it does, but I would be very surprised.  Annnnyhow, I had some spotting and some mucus-y discahrge and a lot of false labor.  I kept telling him that real labor does not stop and false labor does and that it was FINE.  He wanted me to call my ob and I told him I was not calling them on their day off to ask about spotting and intermittent cramping that had NO pattern and was clearly not for real. 

However  yesterday I had to go in because I was seeing a lot of stars and they wanted to check my blood pressure.  I was really hoping that Mr. would be able to take me to my appointments these next four weeks, in case SHIT GOES DOWN, but his job won't let him unless it is declared medically necessary. Which is understandable but still sucks.  He only gets two personal days a year and using them up to take me to an appointment seems like a waste when we might need them for something else.  Anyway, the point is that he can't go unless I need him for REAL for REAL.  It is harder to drive now but I can still manage.  I would prefer for him to be able to take me.  My neighbor will watch Peter this coming Monday and I think my sister is coming the two Mondays after.  She won't commit which is annoying.  I need someone to keep Peter for these last four appointments because since I am over 35 I have to get the non-stress test and that can take a while.  It is always a bit of a circus bringing Peter to the ob.  He had to go yesterday and was crying when they took my blood pressure.

Annnnyway, they could not find anything wrong with me.  Which is good, but does not really explain why that happens.  Dr. Google said that sometimes it just does. 

It is harder to get off the couch or where ever. Changing Peter's diaper is getting really uncomfortable.  Especially since he fights me .Every. Single. Time.   I don't  want to risk getting kicked in a meltdown so it can take a long time to change him.  Yesterday it took an hour.  UGH.  We put his changing pad on the floor so I don't have to lift him as much.  But then I have to A. Get on the floor.  and B.  Get UP from the floor.  Do not even ask what it is like to get up from a chair while holding him.  If you really wanna know, go sit in a squishy arm chair and hold a thirty pound( baby is five pounds, Peter is 25) bag on your chest.  Now stand up only using your leg muscles. But it's the only way to get him to nap and I am not fucking with what works.  HELL NO. 

My cervix is still on lock down with no change at all.  I bought a pineapple this week since I read that might help.  And Mr. brought up the yoga ball.  I read Ina May Gaskin's book which was nice though if I don't go into labor I don't know that it will have helped.  But at least I read it.  I am drinking my red raspberry leaf tea.  I have ZERO clue how we are gonna be able to do it.  ZERO.  We tried again Saturday morning and yeah.  Draw your own mental picture( or not) about how well that worked. 

I am freaking TIRED y'all.

Today has been pretty nice, but yesterday and Tuesday were so bad that I called my sister and begged her to skip out of work so I could take a nap,  Maybe the baby was having a growth spurt?  Yesterday I called Mr. at work and told him I had no idea how I was gonna cope or how I was going to make it another six weeks.  FIVE AND A HALF.   I am exhausted.  Once I can get comfortable I have crazy dreams and am up up up in the night to pee pee pee.  Insert obligatory infertile guilt that I am not floating on a cloud while humming uplifting songs. 

Dudes.  FOR REAL.  While I am super thankful for this baby and am continually amazed at how much easier it is than before( HELLLOOOO I CAN POOP WITHOUT BLOOD HELLLOOOO I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT AND WALK AND CHEW AND TYPE) I am still enormous and tired and chasing my tornado, Peter.  Mr. told me not to think about the next five and a half weeks and just to think about today.  Well, today is not bad.  Peter is napping.  Dinner is cooking.  Laundry is going.  The house is vacuumed.  All these things are good. 

I started drinking red raspberry leaf tea today.  Next week we start pineapple and the birthing ball.  Theoretically we are going to start having sex in two weeks.  UMMM.  I don't know how that is gonna happen.  Seriously.  A. Yuck. B.  HOW?  C.  NO. 

The baby is head down.  Fort Knox( aka my cervix) is still on lock down.  I have had quite a bit of pressure on my cervix but it has not changed anything.  My blood pressure is good and the baby seems happy.  My next appointment is in two weeks and then after that is every week. 

Peter's big boy room is almost finished, his drapes are up, and the new rug and new bed and dresser.  Some of the pictures are changed out.  It's nice.  He likes it very much.  The nursery is so not done.  The curtains are up, but Mr. did not have time yesterday to put the crib together.  Not like it matters, since the baby won't be ready for the crib for a while.  HOW ABOUT ME ACTUALLY TALKING LIKE THE BABY WILL GET HERE NO PROBLEM?? I don't know.  It's not like I have no fears of this all going away, but this pregnancy is so different.  Peter's was so bad and crap was always going wrong.  This is so easy and awesome. 

I am more tired now, and my body craps out after a while.  And I am enormous.  We tried to have sex yesterday morning but it felt like trying to shove that one last thing in your suitcase.  NO ROOM.  FOR REAL. 

We are having success with Peter's napping, though it is quite difficult for me to rock him and get up from the chair while holding him and then put him down.  Oh yeah.  Not cool.  I have more stuff but I just want to go lay down.

Sweet Christ Above.  Seven weeks left?  We have WAY more than seven weeks of stuff to do.  Last weekend was a bust because the bed and dresser we ordered had not yet come. This weekend has been a complete cock up shit fest disaster waste because Mr. had MAN FLU.  Yes.  He went to bed at 8 30 Thursday and by Friday morning was a mess.  Then he rallied long enough to insist I call my ob.  Why?

Because I could not tell if I was peeing my pants or had an amniotic fluid leak.  I did not want to call because A. OBVIOUSLY I WAS PEEING MY PANTS SINCE MY CERVIX OPENS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  B. It would eff up our whole day because they would send me for monitoring and give me that "You know you are just peeing your pants look". C.  Helloooooo, New Year, New Deductible. 

He won, because if I was right and was peeing my pants all I would be was that lame chick that goes to the hospital for no good reason but if I was wrong then that was bad news. And SRSLY, who can tell the difference?  Not me.  If I sni.ff.ed my pa.nt.ies one more time I was going to scream.  How do I know what amniotic fluid smells like anyhow?  I couldn't tell.  So off we went and I was fine and so was the baby.  They said my cervix looked irritated but that it was from the lame third trimester whale sex hott and naaazty time ( five min?) Mr and I had the other day.  The midwife at the hospital that checked me out agreed that sex was one of the only ways to kickstart labor and she agreed we should do it as much as possible at the end. Considering I am now the FATTEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE, I have no idea how much that will be. 

Anyway, I am making Mr stay home tomorrow and rest one more day.  I did so much laundry and it does not even matter because he generated so much laundry with all the sweating.  I am secretly hoping he will feel well enough at some point tomorrow to clean the house with me.  At least to scoop the cat litter.  I can't and so made the best of it by buying new boxes and filling them with clean litter, but the other boxes need some MAJOR attention. 

Magically, somehow I was able to rock my darling boy to sleep.  It has been a very hectic time with the go go go from before 7 a.m till 8 p.m. at night.  Some days are easier and some are NOT.  I am trying to enjoy this last bit of alone time with Peter.  He is growing so quickly that it seems as though each day brings something new.  He has a TON of imagination and holds his toys facing each other while they "talk" which is a mix of gibberish and real words.  It is hilarious.

His baby boy doll came yesterday along with the two bottles.  He was very excited to see it and fed it and burped it.  I figure we will role play with it every day. 

Right now I just have my feet up and am drinking some water.  There is a ton of stuff to do but a moment in the day to call my own is so rare.  It's funny because I have a lot of couch time during the day since Peter will play independently for quite a while now.  But since he ALSO does stuff like climb on tables and chairs and pitch headfirst into his bigass dump truck, it is not like I can take off for the kitchen while he plays.  He still needs constant supervision.  He got two big bruises this week.  One when I was stretching and he either fell ONTO his big metal dump truck or it flipped up and hit him in the face.  He got a Harry Potter-esque bruise frIom that.  Then yesterday I was trying to get him to rest( because he NAPPED on Tuesday and I was like MAYBE IT'S A WHOLE NEEEEEEW WORLD AND HE WILL NAP AGAIN) and he either hit his face on his toddler bed rail or smacked into his dresser or possibly ran into the door?  I don't know.  I heard a big bang and he started to cry.  So now he has this big somewhat triangle shaped bruise on his face.  NICE.

 I don't want to stop writing, because if I do then that means I really should do a chore. ANY CHORE. 

agility points for doing it at 32 weeks and 3 days.  Dear children who might read that in the future.  Sorry about that.  SHEEEEWHOOOOO I feel like a weeble.   A great, big, ROUND weeble.  I have no idea how we are gonna do it in a few weeks.

Wow.  I guess I say that all the time, but WOW.  This is going so quickly, I wish I had more time to just enjoy it.  This pregnancy is so, so, so very much easier than Peter's.  I realize there is still time for shit to hit the fan( and have resolutely refused to think dead baby thoughts) but it had already hit the fan with Peter by now.  At the very least, I am thankful for making it this far with only minor problems.  I mean, minor.  Like, something will go wrong and then it will go away.  I am even on top of my constipation this time and while it is there it is still manageable. 

My weight is the only thing that is out of control.  I don't care.  Something had to give, and it was the scale.  I mean, part of me was eating whatever I wanted because I was SO CERTAIN GD was coming for me and that I would have to follow a strict diet for the last three months.  Except it didn't.  And thank goodness because I am telling you I would have been the shittiest patient ever.  I eat all the time, and I eat EVERYTHING.  I eat because I am tired, hungry, stressed, annoyed, or yeah TIRED.  With no option for rest and no more than my so sad cup and a splash of coffee a day  I am using sugar as a crutch to keep going.  Because you know, fuck it something has to keep me going.  I am way fat, people.  Not, oh you are so cute and pregnant, more like WHOA NELLY fat.  But I have decided that I have to do what I have to do to keep functioning and I will pick up the pieces ( or to be more accurate the ROLLS) later.  I have a 13 hour day with Peter every day, and then I get up at least four times a night to pee. 

Annnyhow, Peter's big boy room is well underway and adorable.  SO ADORABLE.  Trucks o'plenty and he loves it. His NEW, new bed and dresser are coming this weekend so the nursery will be finished by January.  And that should leave us February to cook and clean.  We ordered Peter's doll and so hopefully he will like it and we can practice with it. 

I am kind of in a holding pattern since the big "push" to get my labor started is on hold till week 36.  So four weeks.  I have a lot of braxton hicks, and my ankles are swollen a lot.  We are going to bring up the yoga ball soon and see if I can get the baby to head down to Vagina Land. Baby started having hiccups yesterday morning which is very cute. 

Peter has slept ONCE in his toddler bed since December 5th.  If one more person acts like I am
A. Not trying.
B. Spoiling him.
C. A shitty parent.
D. All of the above.
I am gonna bust some skulls.  He has been in his room( and I know he is exhausted because he had a huge tantrum, two poops, and was yawning like crazy) for 45 minutes now, racketing around and banging things and knocking on his door. 

In related news DO NOT TELL ME CAFFEINE is bad for the baby. Unless you, yourself, PERSONALLY are coming over to watch my toddler( use your mad parenting skilz to get him to nap while you are here) then shut your hole. 

Oh man.  But we are all still here, and have clean clothes( usually) and dinner and Peter still has a fun and play-doh filled day.  We do not even watch a movie every day.  Maybe half the time he will see one. 

In not really related but kind of news, I am SERIOUSLY starting to hate my neighbor Mary Sunshine.  Her  24 month old listens, sleeps in, is toilet trained, is well behaved, does not have tantrums, has a huge vocabulary and Mary Sunshine gets pedicures and does yoga in a clean house then has Romantic Evenings with her True Love and Best Friend and Man of the House(yes she calls him that).   I know this, because

A. She lives across the street from me.
B. I get FREQUENT updates from FB.

She isn't awful so I can't legitimately hate her, but OH MY GOD I seriously am praying that they have another baby who never sleeps, never listens, and wears a diaper till he is five. 

In baby news, I have been having a lot more braxton hicks and some weird pains that feel like the baby is standing on my cervix.  If I move around I get fake contractions.  I am waiting for hiccups to start, since they were so cute with Peter.  I have my next appointment on Monday. 

In Peter news, he is counting to 12, knows his shapes, 20 letters of the alphabet, and likes to sing.  WE ALREADY DISCUSSED HIS NAPPING HABITS.  I just feel like he is one of those people that does not like to sleep. His el crapo sleeping habits have been there since birth.