Life's Treasures

This has to be one of my favorite conversations ever:

Me: "Did you decide what you are going to get Ryleigh for her birthday?"
Brent: "The Barbie Video Doll", (with a little chuckle): "Bubba, that cost $50 dollars", "It does? Oh SHEESH", "That's really sweet of you though to have listened to her and want to get that" "I'm still gonna get it for her", "Are you sure? That's a lot of money", "Yeah, of course! Anything for my little sister"

I'm not sure if this pulled at my heart strings because I am lucky enough to have the most amazing bond with my brother or just because these are my babies. Either way, doesn't matter, it still made for a perfect moment.

I still can't quite believe that I am in this place. It is so happy and perfect and where my heart has felt it was all along, it just took my body and mind a little longer to catch up ;-). When I started boxing this past May, I never thought that I would lose 30 lbs. in 4 months, continue to lose more inches in the 8 weeks of "no weight loss" that followed (which included Thanksgiving!) and then lose 2 more pounds during the month of December, even though I only made it to the gym a handful of times! I truly thought it would take me much longer to get to my goal and never did I think I would surpass it. To start this new year WITHOUT a weight loss resolution is still beyond the grasp of my mind. It was the best birthday present I could have ever dreamed for myself. Before I arrived to this place, I envied the people that could eat through the holidays, or any day for that matter, and not worry about it. They could live life without it being run by the number on the scale. So much of what I enjoy revolves around food or grabbing a drink with a friend and now I can do that without having to "eat good" for 3 weeks beforehand. Being here is so different than I could have ever imagined, I'm not transformed just on the outside..so much more has changed on the inside. There is something in me that just KNOWS that I will never struggle with my weight again and that knowledge alone brings me such inner peace. I love finally being able to shop for all of the clothes that I have said, "If I were skinny, I would SO wear that!" I know it will continue to take some time to adjust to people telling me that I'm skinny or referring to me as skinny because I still see me without my clothes on and for so long skinny was someone else, not me. By no means am I a size 0, but I am in a single digit jean and that alone, for me, is something I thought I would never see again. Those days were a memory related to high school and prior to having kids and I couldn't fathom that what I had allowed myself to become could ever be the same size. I have said over the years that I would feel skinny when I could take a picture and like the way I looked and guess what? I'm actually there! There are still some areas to tone up and of course, I will continue to box but NOT because I am overweight. Something in me always thought I would love boxing and I should have listened a long time ago. I fell in love with it the first week and have never felt like I had to go “workout” since. I look forward to going to the gym and am actually going to admit that I’m quite proud of what I can do there. There is something about the sound of my gloves on the bags and getting into that ring that gets my adrenaline pumping and puts a smile on my face. If I were 10 years younger, who knows, I could have been a middle-weight champ ;-). I vow this year to learn to say "Thank You" when people pay me a compliment instead of shooing their comment away and self-deprecating myself. I've worked REALLY hard for this and I want to teach myself that it's ok to be proud. We strive to instill so much confidence into our children, spouses, family & friends but yet we never would imagine mentioning our accomplishments. Where along the way do we lose that? Didn't our Moms teach it to us? When do we decide that we are no longer important and that it's selfish to do anything for ourselves? The guilt of not being enough for everyone will be something I constantly battle with but I'm trying. Not just for me, but for my daughter and for her daughter and her daughter's daughter. I don't want them growing up slaves to an idea that they should be at the bottom of their list. If we are truly supposed to lead by example, then this is me, taking the first step.


(The first pic was a couple of weeks after I started and then now)