Mom was sad not to be able to come to Florida for Joslyn's birth but Val and I were excited that she could come and be in the delivery room. The night before Valerie's flight, May 18th, weakened by cancer and chemo, Dad fell. Mom could not lift him and he was in severe pain, Val and Cameron rushed over to help him to his chair. Later that evening, Dad was taken in an ambulance to Banner Desert where they discovered that his back was broken in 2 places. When Val and Cameron got there in the morning, she said, "Daddy what can I do for you, I'll do anything." He said he wanted her to get on the plane and be with me. I'm grateful for his selflessness and for hers. I talked with him once on the phone that week and told him how proud I was and that I loved him. He was too weak to talk.
Here's what Val says the day after Joslyn's birth:
In the last 24-48 hrs I feel like I have felt every emotion there is. As many of you know my dad has been fighting cancer. He has had some complications with the chemo he has been on and we were just getting ready to try a new one. Right before this he had a bad fall Saturday night and ended up fracturing his back in two spots. We are lucky he is not paralyzed. We were unsure if he would have the strength to endure the surgery or even recovery. This would be his 2nd back surgery this year in addition to being diagnosed with cancer. All the Dr.'s encouraged us to go forward with surgery so he could have a fighting chance to get threw chemo. In the meantime I was able to go to Florida to help my sister who was getting ready to go into labor. As my dad was getting ready to go into surgery, this was the one request he asked of me was to go and be with my sister. Within a few hours apart from each other we received the news that dad had survived the surgery and I was so blessed to be apart of my beautiful niece who had entered into this world. God was watching over our family, even miles apart. As dad continues to recover we pray that he and my mom can get threw yet another challenge and have peace in there hearts. Thanks to everyone for all your love, help and support especially to my parents and my family while I am away. And thank you to my sweet husband for holding down the fort with 6 kids and being there for mom and dad. I love you!
We were so grateful that Dad survived the surgery but it proved to be too challenging for his body to resume normal activity. The doctors tried over and over to extubate and get him breathing on his own but were not successful. Meanwhile, here in Florida, we were trying to process the news that brain activity had ceased and that Mom and all the family in Arizona made the difficult decision that they needed to remove life support - Dad had been very clear that he did not wish to be kept alive artificially. We agonized about whether I should fly back with Valerie and Joslyn to be with him for his final moments. Every time I talked about leaving without my family, I felt a sick pit in my stomach. I wanted to be there for Mom and my siblings, but I needed to be home with my husband and children. My decision was confirmed when I spoke with Mom and she said that she was having the same feelings of unease about me leaving without my family.
I wanted to be skyped into the hospital room so that we could have a small part of his passing in our hearts. And maybe some tiny part of me hoped that he would have a lucid moment with us before he left. After we put our children in bed, we watched on the computer as my Mom, Billy, Rebecca, Jarron, Jon and Valerie sat with him and held his hands as his heart gradually slowed and his unsupported breathing came to an end. Brian and I cried the most bitter and unbridled tears that have ever been shed. I felt so grateful that we could have that time together to experience the depth of our grief and prepare to talk with our children when they woke. We all cried together again that morning and we could share our testimonies of the plan of salvation and they felt comfortable sharing their true thoughts and feelings with us. Here are Val's words of her experience:
At 2:40am this morning my sweet daddy left this world surrounded by his family with grace and dignity. I was able to make it back in town just in time to say good-bye. I went straight from the airport and to his bedside and I am so grateful I was able to say my good-byes. I would like to believe that he was holding on for me. My heart hurts for the loss of him and for my mom. I know that he will not have to suffer anymore. He is such a good man who touched so many lives. Anyone who really knows me knows what a great and amazing man he is. I am sure there are many of you that can think of a time when he influenced your life. I want this to get to anyone who knows him or parents or family and friends, so they can have they opportunity to attend his funeral. Please share with anyone you may think would like to know. Thank you for all the love and support. I know I will see him again and I am so grateful for his example and that I have had him in my life. He is a big part of who I am.
Tom Pew
January 2, 1948--May 24, 2014
Viewing--Thursday May 29th 6-8pm (Meldrum's) 52 N Macdonald Funeral--Friday May 30th 10:00am
LDS Church 933 E. Brown Rd.(Mesa)
Family and friends helped us make arrangement to fly home and we began talking about plans for the services. Be the end of the day, Mom had asked me to be a speaker and a few close friends had taken me to dinner. At first I tried to decline, not feeling up to it, but everyone insisted and I eventually agreed. My 30th birthday was the next day, a Sunday, and Brian would be working. A friend (Rokers) took my older children to church - as I was still recovering from Joslyn's delivery - and even kept them for a few hours afterwards. Bishop Smith and his family came and brought gifts along with our home teacher, Todd Miller, who brought brownies, my favorite.
That week we focused our energy on preparing a viewing and funeral that Dad would be pleased with. Our family was grateful and uplifted by the prayers and support of others as the services proceeded. Afterwards, we took the opportunity to spend a couple days together as a family before everyone had to return to their lives. The kids and I stayed with mom for about 6 weeks as it was nearly summer break and I knew that mom and I would need each other during that very difficult time.
