Lesson Plans to Baby Carriages

Today it officially hit me.....I am ready to go forward again. Depending on bills, life situations, etc...I am planning to get back on the TTC with Donor Sperm in July. I am so happy I didn't rush myself, panic or loss patience. I have always been a super patient person & I never appreciated it more then right now. I really needed to sort out some emotions & shift around some funds and life issues. Now, I feel energized and back on a level playing fields.
I need to share some recent happenings around here lately. As most of you know by now I am a Teacher and also a licensed Counselor. (I know strange combo - AMEN to that statement..LOL!) Well, usually when I meet new people I will tell them the Teacher part but NEVER usually the Counselor part..for oh, so many reasons. Anyhoo, I was talking to a co-worker last week who made me feel so sad & so thankful at the same time. This lady we will call her Ella. Ella is 34, a fellow Teacher and is working towards SMBC (Single Motherhood By Choice). Ella is the exact Example of what I don't want to be in regards to SMBC. Ella is 100% Lonely...over time this baby was her answer to "fill this void" in her life. My heart goes out to her...sincerely. However, I have had some long talks with her....NO person at my job knows my SMBC plans. Ella has no confidence, has self esteem issues..specially regarding her weight, hungers deeply for a significant other, is easily influenced and lacks a backbone to stand up for herself. For so long I have simply been a good "ear" to Ella and wanted to be a friendly shoulder to lean on. Last week, however she came to me and told me about her sudden 1 night stand and/or donor sperm SMBC plans........she ASKED me what I thought.....I said I wished her the best. Her response...."I will finally have someone to love me." I couldn't walk away from that...I just couldn't..I care about her to much.(well, to be honest, I care about anyone that much..it is the counselor in me) I needed to vent a little here about situations like this. I call this situation and EMOTIONAL CHECK. Where someone, this poor baby, will come into the world with EMOTIONAL DEBT owed to Mommy. No one deserves this, certainly NOT your baby. Ella is a WONDERFUL person and will make someone out there a wonderful Wife &/or Mother someday. Either One or Both. How I wish all the "Ella's" in the world could realize what wonderful gifts THEY have to give the world. The truth is NO ONE can ever "fix" what ails you......Only you can tap this Emotional battlefield. No child can ever truly fill this imbalance......and it is not their Job to try. I know Ella very well and I wish her the best, I just hope she REALLY searches inside herself for some answers to some TOUGH questions. I WILL NOT counsel or give advice(professionally) in my Teaching Job but as I friend I mentioned how much thought may need to go into the Choice & I wished her all the best.
I was out to dinner that night with a friend & I kept thinking about the situation. I am such an over-thinker..it is how I am wired. I am TRULY a nerd....I can't imagine making a decision like this on such a whim, I have seen the end results after people do & I can't handle that.
I am sure this post will scare off the readers I have left....but come on ladies stick with me....I just had to ramble here tonight..I needed it.

OK..I am done rambling..put a Fork in Me...cause I am DONE! Now, moving forward....On Sunday I am going to fix-up the Blog..put up new Tickers etc. I will be back to regular posts..as much as possible.

HEY.......SEX & THE CITY FANS......DID YA HEAR OUR "GIRLS" ARE MAKING A MOVIE????? Hell Yea.....this SATC Fan will be there with bells on....can they Make the Movie already!
Goodnight Peeps!