Lesson Plans to Baby Carriages

Yes, I said it.

Folks will make excuses, say it is Thyroid, Genetic Metabolism defects, YADA, YADA, YADA. Me, heck no.....MY FAULT, eating too DAMN much. Mucho has happen in the days I have been missing but I have had a breakthrough of sorts in my absence.

I can't speak for others about weight and how they handle it, I can only speak for myself. I am a type A personality, Over achieving, social butterfly, crazy-type personality that always tries to one up themselves in everything they do. CRAZY, yes, but people like myself we are hardwired like this & have no idea how to change. I think back to my College years, I was always an Honors Student, Double Major, Student Government President, Community Volunteer, Debate Champion that hardly stopped. NOW, I don't even exercise. WHAT happened to ME and what happened to the pride I took in my body? I used to monitor my portions and work out daily? What happened to my Flat tummy and a dress size I could be comfy with? NOW, I have excess JUNK in the TRUNK and oh, dare I mention the dress size. Hey, it IS all about attitude BUT I want to make a change and I want to LOSE some of me.

That being said....I have been eating like CRAZY with Friends and Family this Holiday LONG weekends which started for me on Thursday. Starting Monday I am back on the WAGON. I will post how I am faring. I am joining a weight loss challenge at work to make it more plausible that I will stick with it....maybe. We PUBLICLY weigh in together on Monday. I won't HIDE my truth...I am 5'3 and I just weighed in at 195. YES, that is my weight. At my height, I look like I weigh even more.....shorties like myself look even heavier...no where for it to go.

Wish me LUCK everyone!

Now, on to my NEXT happening.....I am actively dating again. I have been doing ALOT of thinking and I want to Date and have some fun again for a bit. I have in the last 2 years turned down dates and I don't know why. Because I can't take a chance of finding love again & that fact confusing my sperm donor plans? What the hell? If I find love WHY would I need a sperm donor anyway, IF my partners sperm count is normal. I counsel others about getting past THEIR Fears and here I am harbouring my own. Well, I am taking some time to NOT think about TTC or Donor sperm and I am focusing on me (rare) and increasing my social network again. The great news is that DONORS will always be here for me if I need them. Right now, I want to get healthier physically and have a little fun. Who knows what may happen next.....

YES, I will still post, YES, I still want a baby(more than ANYTHING) but I know NOTHING will happen that is not in GOD's Plan for me. No matter what I want, God's plan is the only truth that will happen. I could do 10 IVF cycles and if I am not meant to have a viable biological pregnancy it will NOT happen, no matter how I sacrifice, skip on bills, take relationships for granted, etc. Knowing that in my heart makes it easier for me to take a short break. I know I am not leaving the path BUT maybe getting me on another one that will still yield the desired results.

YES, I will still post on my buddies Blogs and cheerlead with ALL my might.

Thanks for hanging in there and reading this long, crazy post! I will keep you posted and maybe I will start a Sunday night weigh-in update.:)