Lesson Plans to Baby Carriages

It is official...I am sick. Looks like the verdict is in & in less than a week I am going in for Surgery. I pray that all will be better after my surgery and recovery. Only time will tell. Although that news is hard it is NOTHING compared to losing my Beloved Furbaby. I can't speak for others but when I say I ADORED my Dog I really mean it. I never allowed him to stay in a Kennel or be watched by anyone other than my parents in my home. I took him on ALL vacations, beach resorts, camping, hotels, the works. I spent $1000's on him over the years in extra pet fees etc to be certain he was always with me. He was a therapy dog for Children and worked miracles with my Mom. If I had a choice I would spend up to my last dime just to have him back. To put it bluntly his loss has devastated me. Someone said to me very insensitively lately that they understood my loss completely because they had a dog for two years & had to get rid of it to move into an apartment. WHAT the HELL! That is right, that is how I feel if you EVER can get rid of your ANIMAL that easy you CAN NOT understand my loss. PERIOD. I thank God people can't get rid of kids as easy as their pets or imagine what would happen when things got rough. Or the classic..get another dog comment. To each their own here but my beloved animal loss can not be appeased by getting another dog. I have one beloved pet left and after she passes I think I am done. To so many people pets are just creatures they like but can go through one after the other, to put it simply I am just not built that way. I thank God for every moment I had with him and I will never forget any of the lessons he taught me or so many people around us. Since this is my Blog, I felt like sharing this news. I am praying for peace in my Heart over this loss. I myself am a Teacher and a licensed Counselor but am the worst patient. Losing this pet was like losing my beloved Fiance all over again since we got him together as our first "baby." If anyone has any prayers out there to spare I could really use them to help me heal my grieving heart.

No Amount of Money, No amount of Ivy Legue College Degrees, No fancy Houses, No Luxiourous trips or Loaded Cars can fill the void of the empty arms of a woman that wants a child. Here is some news. I have several masses that will require Surgical removal which is a Priority. NO TTC during that time. After that additional fertility testing...so far my results are depressing and I RARELY cry but I just feel like laying down & crying for a minimum of a week straight. If you knew me in "real world" you would know how OUT of character this is for me. It seems as if every time I try to have a baby curve balls just keep coming. Unfortunatly, these masses are serious and I can't play around. Hopefully within a a month & a half I will have had my Surgery and be on the other side safely and I can move on. I will still be supporting everyone and posting here just giving the details. The good news I can think about is that I glad I am not pregnant because Surgery while pregnant is something I would try to avoid but in this case is not an option.

Period.

I am still here and I am wishing EVERYONE a Blessed Easter. May Peace reign in your heart forever. I will update with a personal note after Easter. For now, just know no matter what is happening in your life, God knows our true sorrows, our joys & our desires. Peace be with you & your families on this Easter.

Well, I wanted to take more time this evening to go a little further into my 10 DPO conclusions explanation. OK, in the past each time I have tried Donor Sperm (2x) I got a BFP both times. Each time I get the cramps, the bloating, Nausea, Tender Tatas, the works. Each time I received the BFP on the HPT. Also, each time I am not able to hold onto the BFP very long and the short term pregnancy ends. This stage is setting up exactly the same but this time it is a little worse because I never even got the BFP yet. The spotting is increasing off & on (w/some clots) which in general IB is not supposed to do. Anything is possible so I still have hope but ladies, it doesn't look that good.
**Now, most importantly I have FINALLY decided to go get checked out 100% from a doctor. Yep, I get Pap Smears each year & that is it in that region of my body. NEVER had a fertility work up or anything. Not the smartest thing I have ever done but hey I figure it is TIME and in the real world with folks and partners they try for a while w/out medical work ups.. If the BFN stays and my period comes as planned. I am scheduling an appointment to get the full battery work up. If something needs to be adjusted I will do that for 2-3 tries and if that doesn't pan out, I am going to go to a RE that I have researched. I figure no matter what else happens, I will at least have a plan. I want a healthy pregnancy in 2011.

Ok, 10 DPO here. Yesterday, BBT dipped very low suddenly & low & behold spotting occured. ***TMI ALERT***** Brownish/Pink but there after every single wipe. To me, this level of spotting is more than should occur when things are normal/healthy. Stopped at bed time. This morning up only slightly. Spotting when wipe. Looks like the witch is officially coming. Terrible cramps are here & I NEVER get cramps. The last time I got these to this level was on the cycle 3+ years ago that I got the the brief BFP and then miscarried. Tested this morning = BFN. I had a ton of symptoms...they are all gone this a.m. I will keep you posted on the official verdict.

Reality check time. I feel this cycle is a BFN. There I said it. At least I don't micro-obsess over symptoms and believe 100% that this is it and then SLAP...B-F-N! I am going with my gut. Did I have symptoms earlier? Yes and they were intense and were real but NOTHING since then and my gut feels like it just didn't work out. I guess now, I will just wait for my period & then re-group. I know it is early but as a woman unless my body is just fooling me, I feel 150% the same now. Seems to me IF I was PG, at least I would feel something different. Oh, well. This won't stop me, but I may get medical help earlier than the previously thought 4 - 6 cycles at home. I will keep everyone posted of the official verdict.

Thanks for all your kind & supportive words on my journey. I appreciate them all! Please have a blessed Palm Sunday if you celebrate. This time of year more than any other time, I am reminded that Miracles DO exist!

Hugs & Love!

Well, this morning puts me on 6 Days Past my last insemination. I have been so very busy on this end that I have been unable to focus on the time moving slowly, etc. (Thank God) I also know that so many people obsess about each & every perceived symptom, month after month after month. And month after month after month, BFN's continue. Our minds are VERY powerful and your body can fool you with so many things. I am not a fan of that type of letdown. When I get a BFP, then I will share any symptoms or different feelings I had within the cycle. For now, I am just just trying to survive the TWW with as little anxiety as possible. Hugs and Baby Dust to all my ladies out there trying to make it to testing time as well as all newly PG ladies.

Two Vials used officially at 6 hours and 28 hours after the first LH Surge. Because I Ovulate closer to my surge then many women I have to adjust when the AI occurs. I also TEMP religiously so after months of data, my ovulation data has a pretty strong basis on fact. Now, I wait. Sounds simple right? Yea, not so much!

Yesterday Afternoon I took 2 OPK tests with this result....

Then in the evening guess who showed up???????



HECK YEAH!!! Anyway, last night I did Insem #1 w/1 vial of ICI specimen. I also relaxed in bed and went to sleep and didn't wake until this morning.

I will update later when ICI vial #2 is used. Thank you Blog buddies for ALL your kind words. I appreciate EACH and EVERY one of you! A, I would Love your Rosary prayers. Thank You for being so sweet. I am praying for you also and a healthy and happy 9 Months.
Hugs and love everyone.

I have been on the bench from TTC for what seems like FOREVER now. One crisis after the other put a hold on my TTC attempts. FINALLY I am back and I am proceeding full steam ahead. My "tank" A.K.A. - Man in the Can arrived yesterday afternoon....Wow. I was busy until late evening and then it hit me....and the tears just arrived. Years ago, I lost the TRUE love and soul mate of my life tragically and to date I haven't been able to find another worthy life partner.(I admit, I am not even trying that hard) My finance & I had life so mapped out but God had other plans and although I will always hurt, I know God's plan is NOT always what we want. However, last night I felt so emotional and my mind went to my lost love even more than usual. I have chosen to TTC w/Hispanic donors in his & my honor and I just pray for a blessed outcome. I have been going to Mass extra and praying for strength on this journey. Even if it is NOT in God's plan to allow me to have a baby from a Pregnancy, I pray God will give me peace to be able to deal with that reality and the ability to search out other paths to Motherhood. I am so excited about this opportunity to TTC again......If you have any spare Baby Dust, I could sure use a sprinkle or a truckload! Hugs & Love to all my buddies out there!

Well, the ball is OFFICIALLY rolling again. What has been accomplished:

1. Hispanic Donor has been chosen - 2 ICI vials purchased. My donor ethnicity choice is Hispanic for MANY reason and I had to search to find my personal best choice at least at this time for me. Unlike so many donors, this donor is not in high demand, so that is great news for me.
2. Insem kits purchased - usually, I get my own. This time I bought a few.
3. Speculum Purchased as well as perfect Mirror and Small flashlight.
4. PreSeed Purchased

I have been on Prenatal Vitamins, Calcium and Vitamin C. I am READY to rumble. My period has started TODAY....so please Lord let this be my LAST period for about....9 - 10 months. Please!

Come on Baby......I have been planning you for sooooooooooooooooooo long.
Hugs and BFP Dust to all my buddies currently in the TWW right now!!!! Come on B-F-P!!!!

Well, I am just getting all geared up for AI. On the surgery side, some strange things have been happening. My recurring Thyroid Cyst ruptured and swelled just a little and has stayed the same size now for almost a month. I cancelled the surgery to see what would happen? I have no signs of cancer or even red flag issues at this point. Just a complete annoyance for certain. Currently the surgery is on hold and I am going forward with AI after my Wisdom teeth plus five others are removed this month.(Tomorrow actually) I will be laid up on my Spring Break just laying around but I have dogged this bullet for WAY to long! April will be my first month back on the horse. Please let 2011 be MY turn for a healthy pregnancy. Hugs and love out in Blog Land!
Things I am doing different this round...using a Speculum & Catheter! The Teacherlady is about business in 2011. If this doesn't work in 3 home tries (April, May, June) I already know the Reproductive Endocrinologist I will be working with. Bottom line, I want a healthy pregnancy in 2011 and Birth in 2012.

Well I did it. I chose my Donor. I feel peace and comfort in my choice. My Thyroid Surgery is on hold as my Mass "suddenly" went away. All my blood tests were perfect and I am just under observation. My oral surgery is this month and next month.....LET THE AI'S BEGIN!!! Excited....CHECK! Nervous....CHECK! Slightly crazy...CHECK CHECK!!
I renewed my Walt Disney World passes so I am super duper excited. I pray for the chance to one day take my son or daughter to Disney with me, so I may build their addiction too! Hugs out in Blog Land!

Well such is MY life. Now, two big things I must have done PRIOR to any TTC Inseminations. ONE, I have to undergo a Partial Thyroidectomy due to multiple, recurring Cysts. and TWO, I need all 4 wisdom teeth and 5 other teeth removed. GEESH, can I catch a break?? Needless to say, Thyroid surgery details are being worked on now and will be scheduled ASAP. Next will be Oral Surgery. Then maybe, just MAYBE I can get about my REAL business of a healthy pregnancy in 2011! These items must come first and if all goes according to plan I may even be able to still begin my Home Insems April/May as previously mentioned. Come on April/May....I want to get back on the TTC bandwagon!

Well, I am happy to be back and I am pretty sure most of my readers are long gone by now. If you feel like sticking around...WELCOME! I will start reading blogs again and I see some of my buddies went private. Please drop me a line if I may still have an invite to your Blogs, I still care and am finally ready to return. During my break I stayed 100% away from any TTC sites or blogs. Just easier for me that way. My heart was with you all and so were my prayers. I am currently getting all my ducks in a row. I have a TON of dental work I need to get finished, which starts on Thursday and should be done by April 1st. This very important because this needs to be finished before a possible pregnancy. I have my GYN annual and my Physical....none of which are fun but very needed. (all bloodwork and hormone levels to be checked) I am taking my Vegetarian Prenatals faithfully again and back walking in the evenings. If all goes according to plan I will do my first Home Insem in May. I have decided instead of jumping to RE assistance. I am trying at home for awhile first. Looking back I ONLY tried 2x & I was ready to give up & go to RE...that is more than SILLY. I plan to do 4 - 6 tries MAX at home & if no luck, I will go right to RE and proceed. As of today that is my plan. Right now I am working on gathering all my plans putting them into action.

Howdy Everyone!
Now, that is IF I have any readers left. I am back and back on task in attempt to achieve a 2011 pregnancy. Many things in my life have changes and it will take a while to get caught up. However, in reality the only REALLY important piece is that I am able to start working towards trying again. That kernel of hope fills me with J-O-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!