Riverbend - Soundtrack from Pocahontas
What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend
I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Where the gulls fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send
Just around the riverbend
For me
Coming for me
I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming?
Just around the riverbend
Just around the riverbend
I look once more
Just around the riverbend
Beyond the shore
Somewhere past the sea
Don't know what for ...
Why do all my dreams extend
Just around the riverbend?
Just around the riverbend ...
Should I choose the smoothest course
Steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, Dream Giver
Just around the riverbend?
Thank You
Thank you for loving and caring so much about me. Thank you for your sacrifices and efforts to get me to grow spiritually. Most of all, thank you for setting me free.
In doing so, you are allowing me to cherish the wonderful memories we had instead of making me focus on all the unhappiness and frustration.
I will always remember how welcome I felt with your family and among your friends. The unconditional love that I have been showered with will remain etched in my memories for years to come. Thank you guys for teaching me how to love. I am still learning.
I don't know if I will ever find another person who will love me as much but I do know that I need to be single at this point in my life.
Will I regret when I am older? Perhaps. But I will blame no one. It is my decision. I will rather do this, than jump into something I am not sure about and risk a lifetime of misery.
Sometimes when I think about the good times we had, I am overwhelmed with sadness. Thoughts of what might have been? Wasted. Dreams that will never be realized? Wasted. In all honesty, you have been the best travel and eating companion.
But I believe I made the right decision because I am definitely not ready. I need a heart of flesh before I am ready to love again. I recognize that now and I do not wish to end up hurting anyone else. Sorry for all the grieve I have caused and sorry for wasting your time.
Maybe my heart died or hardened long ago without me realizing it. Maybe I had already given up on relationships. Is that why I am able to go about life as if nothing will ever get me down? Is that why I am so passive?
Or maybe I just need to find someone/something I am truly passionate about. I have no answers.
There are too many things I want to do right now and I can only do them if I'm on my own. One can hardly take off at a moments notice if one is attached. I need to be focused if I am to achieve my dreams.
Selfish thoughts perhaps, but that's just me.
I just do not want to wake up one day to a mediocre life only to realize I have spent half my life procrastinating.
You and I, we have different dreams and neither of us should have to compromise what we love doing and what we want to achieve in life.
Maybe I am passing up a good opportunity.
Maybe I will have to remain single all my life as a forfeit. Who knows?
But I do wish the best for you and I believe that if you stay close to the Lord and keep your heart open, you will surely meet someone more suitable.
Someone spiritually strong. Someone who is able to love you wholeheartedly. Someone who will be a great help in your ministry and in your personal struggles.
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Wouldn't it be nice if we could instantly be friends like we used to? Hopefully that will eventually happen but I guess it will take time...
DOT
Do not be mistaken. I do not hate Singapore. In fact I quite like it and I think it is the safest place in the world to live in. It is also one of the cleanest and most efficient country in the world. I love the shopping here, the food, the transport system, and the convenience of everything. I can't say I like the weather though...
Singapore is just a DOT on the map.
It's not so much that I dislike where I am that pushes me to leave but the pull of all the places I have yet seen. Call me an adventurer. I think if I lived my entire life in Singapore, I would live a life of regret. I would regret never experiencing more of the world and witnessing the wonderful places God created and man developed.
My dream is to travel the world. To find work in countries that I want to explore and live a couple of years in each place before moving on to conquer another kingdom.
Free Again
I don't want to have kids period. And I want to keep travelling and doing different things. I guess that makes me an unlikely marriage partner but it's okay. Who says you have to be married to be happy?
I've been asking myself lately - How badly do I want a job overseas? If I want it enough, I will make it happen. Eventually. But I can't give up. I have to stay focused and keep trying. I shouldn't plant my hopes on someone else hoping to just tag along and wait for them to fulfill it for me. This is a race I must run myself and I've already wasted 5 years procrastinating.
