Look at my smile; isn’t it great?
Wouldn’t you think that I’d have a date?
Lookin’ at me, yeah, you’d think,
“She’s got everything.”

Look at my clothes; look at my face,
Just once I’d like to go to a nice place.
Fast-food and dollar matinees- They’re not everything.

I’ve got hairspray and makeup aplenty;
I’ve used toothpaste and mouthwash galore.
Wanna go Dutch? I’ve got a twenty.
But who cares? No big deal; I want more.

I wanna be where the elders are.
I want one for my eternal companion- One who’s not afraid of…
What’s the word again? Oh…commitment.

In institute class you don’t get too far;
Dates are required for real romancin’.
Hopin’ for an engagement…
What’s the word again? Ring!

A guy who is fun, a guy who is cute,
A guy who would look real good in a suit.
I’m really great; why don’t I date?

What would I give if I could live in Salt Lake City?
What would I pay to spend a day on temple grounds?
Betcha they’d call if they weren’t all just so intimidated.
Sweet young maiden-sick of waitin’-
Ready for more!

And ready to know what the couples know.
Ask’em my questions and get some answers.
What is a gentleman and why is he…
What’s the word? Extinct!?

Why can’t they think and see me now?
I am a woman worth more than eight cows!!
I’m really great; why don’t I date?
I NEED A MAN!!

Ok, I'm not being that random posting this song, I promise. I mean, well, kinda. See, a few years ago, at a ward talent night, my friend Kyra and I sang that song. It was a hit. Anyway, today my friend Chrissy sent me the song for a laugh and it brought back some fun memories. Ahh, good times. :D

So yeah, Happy New Years. I'll write my "New Years Resolution" post tomorrow...when the new year has begun. :D

Six days and I will be free. Phew.

So, I had to work for a few hours today and .. it was mildly busy. I did a few thousand in sales and it's times like these where I'd really like to be on commission. Oh well, I'll get my shot eventually.

I can't wait to leave this store, but I'll admit that there will be one guy in particular that I'll miss seeing every day. I never gave him a shot (and yes, it was because of his non-member status and no, I'm neither afraid nor ashamed to admit it) but part of me wishes I did. I mean, he would been a nice guy to go out with, but we'd have so many differences I doubt it would have panned out. And who else could I throw staples at and have him neither get mad or duck. If we'd dated I'm sure something bad would have happened and my life would have been seriously difficult. Yes, I know there is the whole "date him and give him a chance so he can learn of the gospel" thing, but ... no. I'm not strong enough to deal with that. I wish I was.

I got the Cyndi Lauper pictures from Joelle the other day, they are super awesome. We really were THAT close. Amazing. If anyone wants to see them, let me know and I'll post them - after I tag them so that no one steals them. Picture thieves are the devil - I had them. Boo!

Gilmore Girls. I'd say I'm sufficiently obsessed to admit to taping it every week and replaying it, usually on Saturday afternoons, to be super excited about meeting Ed Hermann (Richard Gilmore) last Sunday. That was cool. He's very ... tall in person. I'd forgotten - it'd been a year since I'd met him last year.

Oooh, so one of the girls that I work with wants me to close on Christmas Eve for her, instead of working 8-4 like I was scheduled. Ihh. I don't want to! I'm so sick of being nice to everyone and have no one be nice to me in return. But...I can't do that. My Christmas party starts at 6:00 and that's when I get out. If I am a half hour late, it isn't like it's a huge deal. It's not like my family is really talking to me anyway. But part of me, for the principle of it, just wants to tell her NO. I don't want to take her hours be late to my party so that she can be on time for hers. I just can't do it. My conscience says, "Hey loser. Just do something nice for someone else and get over it" but my head says, "Has she ever done anything nice for you?" Meh! I guess I'll just switch hours and have that be her Christmas present for the year. Because I am a pushover. With a conscience.

Guess what? I watched a Full House episode this afternoon that I hadn't seen before! Oh my gosh, that's AMAZING!! Really, I thought I'd seen them all. Guess not. I really want Full House seasons 1&2 on DVD. Really bad. Like, super-de-duper bad!

Oh, guess what? I'm addicted to caffeine-free diet coke. Weird, huh, since it's caffeine-free. But, I admit that I do like the taste of caffeine-free stuff better than the leaded stuff. Sweeter, maybe? I don't know. I just know that I like it. Yummy. And it has no sugar in it. Because sugar is the DEVIL! (And yes, Kathy, I soooo owe you lunch. I had fudge, and a cookie, and chocolate milk, and a reese's peanut butter cup today - all before 6. Oops! ;)

So, I've been focusing on my procrastination lately - trying to eliminate it, really, and you know...it's really hard. Part of me wants to just put it off tomorrow and fix everything, but then I say, "Dude, you are procrastinating eliminating you procrastination and that's not helping anyone" and I give up because I feel like a huge failure.

And I've been having some really weird dreams lately - like the one about TB and TO that, thankfully, was resolved once I admitted it on BB. But, they've gotten weirder and about different people (most of them I actually know in real life, so they aren't as freaky!). I've decided to just ignore them unless they reappear. (Ok, so I just totally forgot the word reappear. Weird!!)

I had a few deja vu experiences today. I wonder if deja vu really exists. I'll have to look it up sometime.

Tomorrow? ;)

So, today was my last day at my family ward.

HUZZAH! HIP HIP HOORAY! WHOOPEE!

And I did it without shedding a tear!

Well, I will miss the kids I taught! They were so cute today. After the most UNSPIRITUAL sacrament meeting EVER* I went to my classroom and met the kids. I told them that it was my last class with them and they were sad. (Aww) After I had an opening prayer, I gave them their Christmas presents (cute stockings filled with all kinds of fun stuff), we did the lesson, and then we did our Christmas pageant and exchanged our information (I gave them my address and phone number and stuff. They promised to write. :D) then we went to sharing time. I told our Primary Chorister that it was my last day in Primary and she asked me what my favorite song was and then they sang the most PERFECT version of "A Child's Prayer" and then we went out like normal and I left the building for the second to last time.

*The most unspiritual sacrament meeting ever is NOT the fault of any members of the bishopric, or the missionaries that spoke, or the other adult members of the ward. No, it was the fault of two little girls who were loud, inappropriate, and fresh. Their mother was busy nursing their brand-new baby brother and she left the kids (who are only like 10 and 3) alone in the chapel. Now, for most kids this wouldn't be a problem but her kids are the most unruly children, ever, that can't behave for a second. So guess who got the challenge of being insta babysitter and annoying child wrangler? ME! Oy. The thing is, I love kids. I like playing with them, sitting with them, listening to their problems, etc. I have learned to discipline them, can teach some of them, love a whole lot of them...but these two? Finally, after missing 2 talks, I sent them to be with their mother who should have been with them the ENTIRE time. Rahrr.

So guess what I did yesterday?

I bought my plane ticket to Utah!! YAY!! I'm super excited that it was $40 less that the delta.com website and I fly in at 12:15 pm, instead of 10:00 pm. The downside? My flight leaves CT at 6:00 am. EEP! That's sooo early! But, I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about my plane ticket anymore. The only thing that I have left to do is pack. Woohoo!

Hi. So, yeah, 23 days and I am out of here. YAY. I almost find the fact that my dad is offering me money and tuition assistance to live at home amusing except that, oh...It's not. I'm sure that in his own way he thinks he's doing the right thing, but really it's just making the whole moving thing easier.

So, I went to church today after not going for a few weeks (Florida trip, snow storm last week) and I was told by my Primary President that I'm getting released next week so that I can finish out the year with my kids. Do you know how happy that made me? Well, not the getting released part, but the part where she understands that I need to finish this year out with them. In fact, here's a story...

*fuzzy story graphics begin*

In November of last year, I was called to primary and I was terrified. I knew absolutely nothing about children and the thought of teaching a bunch of sniffling children freaked me out! Well, thankfully, I was given the valiant girls and they were older and pretty well behaved. Anyway, I taught their class until the end of the year and then when January started they split the class up by age group and I was given the MOST AWESOME class of kids in the history of the world. We bonded right away and life went well. One Sunday, however, the kids were talking about their primary teachers and Brianna said that she wishes they could keep a teacher for a whole year because they had 5 teachers in one year. Well, I thought about it pretty hard and I made them a promise: I would stay and complete the year with them. As the year continued and got pretty nasty at some times in my life, I would pray about whether or not I should leave and the answer that I got was "keep your promise" and I held off. When the thought of going on a mission came up, I told my kids of my plans and one of the girls (Jenny) got sad. She said that she would miss me because I promised her that I would stay. Well, again I reassured her that I was staying the whole year because I'd promised.

Next week is the last primary lesson of the year and although I'll be released I'll get to finish the year with them because my Primary President understands my promise. I'm so glad. I'm going to terribly miss those kids though. I'm worried about one of them, excited to see one of them grow up, can't wait for one to get his mission call in 8 years, and so proud of how another one has grown and developed into a beautiful, confident young woman (almost).

I'm sure that as I finally bare my testimony the last time with them all in the room that I'll cry as I express my love for my Savior for the last time, but really I'll cry because I've fallen madly in love with five kids and the thought of handing them off to some other teacher scares me. I do love them so!

So, today I told my father that I am moving out and he had a fit. Yelling, screaming, a ton of crying on my part. Dinner was ruined. Financially, I'm cut off from him. I don't think I'll be welcomed back here anytime soon. And, now an hour later, he still isn't speaking to me.

The usual.

With all of this hullabaloo, I've finally realized something.

I've always been the kind of person that avoids a subject because it'll offend those around me. I'll do things for others if I know it'll make them happy, without regard to how it makes me feel to do it. I'll keep information from someone if I know they won't like it just because I want to keep everything civilized and peaceful.

But not anymore.

Sure, I'll still help out when someone needs it, but I'm not going to go out of my way to please others. If you don't like the way I made my bed this morning, too bad. I'm not fixing it. You don't approve of my choice to move across the country to be happy, too bad. I'm doing it anyway. Oh, you think I should rearrange my schedule so that we can walk to class together? Nope. I like it the way it is. All I ask for is the OK that I'm doing good in the world and that I'm an OK person. (Good, as in good deeds, etc. I am, actually, being grammatically correct on this one. I think?)

I mean, really, is it too hard to ask for some support from those around me? Sure, I'm going out on my own to make it in this world and it's a VERY scary thing, but what I need more than the money that you aren't offering is support. A big "Good Luck" after I tell you my plans. A hug after you've made me cry.

I guess my point is that for the first time in my life, I get it. I will stick up for myself. My happiness is important. If you can't understand that, too bad.

Maybe I really am switching to orange...

Ups:

1. 33 days and I'm out of here.
2. New laptop coming.
3. New apartment to decorate - or atleast put my little touches here and there (a picture here, a flower there; nothing over dramatic).
4. I definitely have a job waiting for me in Provo. Thanks Mark and Randy.
5. I'll get to see my friends again! 1/3/06 WILL be a happy day!
6. Tuesdays at 7. We'll just leave it at that.
7. I'm getting a new wardrobe, a laptop, and an iPod for Christmas.
   

Downs:

1. I feel murky inside. Something is wrong. A cold? No... Something else.
2. 33 days and I am NOWHERE near ready!
   

Well, the good news is that the ups DEFINITELY out weigh the downs. Awesome. I'm going to take a nap.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Guess what my family got me for Christmas?

This.

It'll arrive around December 15th.

*big sigh*

Thank You to the person that offered it to me and wouldn't let me decline the offer. :D

Coming next: an entry of things that I'm grateful for. When I'm not so tired, that is... Flying to Florida sure is tiring. ;)

Holy Cow! In 42 days I'm moving to Utah.

I just signed my housing contract for the semester (thanks Tib!), will be buying my plane ticket this week, and starting to pack in a few days.

EEP.

Time flies.

A random trail in the woods.
More of that random trail.
My backyard.
My backyard. Again.

The end. Kinda boring, but still pretty. I love this place during the fall. I may even miss it next year.

Without trying to sound too desperately needy, I must say this. I'm not this bad in real life, I promise. It just ends up that my blog gets most of the emotions that I don't let real people see.

Sorry everyone.

Do you know what I need right now?

A big, gigantic, hug that says, "Hey there, Jen. You aren't a loser. I like being your friend. And even though you are really upset and feeling completely alone, you aren't. Because I like you. I want to be your friend. And if it were me, I would have fixed the problem. Because we are friends. And that's what friends do."

I'm hurt. Very hurt.

And there's no one around to give me a hug.

And what's really pathetic is that I haven't stopped crying in the last twelve hours. I mean, sure, I'll take a break to like, sleep, but otherwise the tears come pretty easily. This sucks.

I need a therapist.

Updates:

Looks like I won't be homeless next semester! Woohoo! That's one major stress that I don't have to worry about now. :D

So, I don't remember if I've mentioned it at all, but guess who learned how to knit? Oh yeah, that's me. Meghan taught me on our 'mini vacation' last week. It's very therapeutic (despite the swearing and yelling that goes on when I hit a snag) and I love the thrill of a finished product. Any requests? My current specialties are bookmarks and scarves. Pick your color...I'll make it.

So, guess who has comes to terms with being poor? Me. I'm going to be broke every month that I'm in Provo with all the rent/food/social life/saving for a mission thing. Am I terribly worried? Nah. I may end up getting a job with Jenie at the credit union...that would be nice...considering it's more money than the other place would offer me and I can count...that's a bonus for working at a credit union.

My dad still doesn't know about the move. I promise I'll tell him, but it'll be hard. He doesn't want me to leave, but there's nothing really here for me (other than my family) so why stay? It's not like I have false hopes for Utah nor real friends to play with while I'm there. Sure, it'll be difficult, but I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable. You know? Right...

After talking to Jon today, I am craving a lobstah dinner. Too bad the good stuff is 4.5 hours away in Maine. Blast.

Nerd Plug:

Anderson Cooper is on weeknights from 10-12 pm and I highly recommend that you watch him. He makes CNN quite enjoyable.

Pretty Backgrounds:

Like my new background? It seems very ... horizontal ... to me. I guess that, in a way, it should. I love change... as evidenced by my cross-country move in 7 weeks and my love for dying my hair (which is finally a 'natural' brown).

Overall Joy:

Meh, I'm just in a good mood. Jessie made a list of her crushes (topped with Colin, of course), but it's a pretty great list. And her screenname is emmetotter. That's pretty happy in itself. Also, while writing this blog, I talked to Jon for the first time. Coolness. Such a nice boy, trying to help me find a place. He gets a cookie when I see him. Remind me.

The end.

(Stolen from Caroline ... again.)

1. When the girls all show up for Achievement Days.
2. When all of my kids show up for Primary.
3. Making plans with Jenie and Mark about my move to Provo.
4. Temple Square.
5. The thought of seeing my old bishop again.
6. My friends.
7. Anderson Cooper. *swoon*
8. Knitting.
9. Feta cheese.
10. Llamas.
11. My family. When they all behave themselves.
12. Lemonade.
13. Helping a nice customer at work.
14. Compliments from others that are sincere.
15. When someone actually listens to me.
16. Hearing from the missionaries that taught me the gospel.
17. Waking up from a good nights rest and feeling snuggly and warm.
18. Sunday afternoon naps.
19. Big bear hugs.
20. Talking to Anavon.
21. Reading the Book of Mormon and learning something new.
22. Hearing everyone's mission stories - especially if it's somewhere I've been.
23. Going to new places.
24. Reading a good book.
25. A good laugh.

That's enough for now, right? More later... :)

Oh, and um... if anyone knows of an apartment for rent in Provo from January 3rd - April 30th PLEASE let me know. :)

1. My name is Jennifer.
2. I prefer to be called Jennifer, but everyone calls me either Jenney or Jen.
3. I was born on April 8, 1980.
4. I am an only child.
5. My favorite colors are pink, yellow, and green.
6. My dream car is a 2006 Mini Cooper.
7. I family has lived in the same house since I was 4.
8. I lived in Provo, Utah for 2 years.
9. I’m LDS.
10. I’m an Aries.
11. My favorite Muppet® is Kermit.
12. I teach 11 year olds every Sunday.
13. My favorite animals are: llamas, my pets, and fuzzy donkeys.
14. I can’t see out of my left eye.
15. I was 17 when I received my first kiss.
16. I hate hiking.
17. Yet, I love camping.
18. I know CPR.
19. My favorite movie is Annie.
20. My hair changes colors all the time.
21. I have a cat, a dog, and a fish.
22. I love pets and plan to have many when I have my own family.
23. I have 3 online journals. (Nope, not telling you where they are…)
24. My favorite website is addictinggames.com.
25. I'm from CT.
26. I'm an only child.
27. I have one Keeshond, named Keesha.
28. I love learning new things about my dog.
29. That's why I joined Keestalk. (A forum for Keeshound owners.)
30. I have a cat, Bizzy. She’s 4.
31. I have web pages on both catster and dogster.com.
32. I don't drink.
33. """ smoke.
34. I hope to be a corporate travel agent when I "grow up"
35. I love going on Caribbean cruises with my crazy family.
36. My favorite place on the planet is a little river by my friend Krista’s house in Massachusetts that is great to just sit and think about the world.
37. I’m very social and I have a lot of friends.
38. I don’t have my driver’s license yet.
39. I love to read.
40. I can’t wait to get married and start a family.
41. I just need to meet the right guy, first. ;)
42. My best guy friend (not a romantic interest) just started grad school in CA and I miss him dearly.
43. I love shoes.
44. I tend to keep my opinions to myself, unless I’m provoked otherwise.
45. I love going on summer road trips.
46. Fall is my favorite season.
47. I love snow, though.
48. My favorite TV show is the Gilmore Girls.
49. I started going online in 1995 – that means I’ve spent almost half of my life online.
50. Caroline, Meghan, and Kreeesta were my partners in crime at St. Joe’s. Hahaha…good times there.

What do I want in a guy? I know, I know, you've been dying to hear this, right? Hehe... Ok, here goes:

I want a guy who...

1. ...realizes that I have problems and is ok with that. He knows I'm not perfect, but it doesn't really matter to him and is willing to deal with me as I deal with them.
2. ...realizes that he has problems, too, and isn't in some form of freakish denial and is willing to work through them.
3. ...doesn't let me be the listener all the time. I love listening to my friends whenever they have something going on in their lives! Seriously, I love just listening to my friends go and vent or cry or whatever they need...but the perfect guy? He'll get me to open up to him in ways that I never have before.
4. ...is ok with my whacked out family. They aren't your typical perfect LDS family and he's ok with that. In fact, he's up to the challenge.
5. ...will cuddle. A lot.
6. ...likes to explore new places with me. I hate staying in the same place too long - I'd rather explore all the little towns that I've never been to. Surely, every place has a something worthwhile in it.
7. ...understands that PDA freaks me out, but will still "go for it" occasionally.
8. ...spell checks. (Sometimes.)
9. ...scrapbooks.
10. ...honors and respects his responsibilities.
11. ...goes to the Priesthood session of General Conference.
12. ...makes me laugh. If a guy can make me laugh, ... mmm. Sign me up.
13. ...is ok with just dating. I'm really not up for getting married yet. Eep, that's actually pretty scary.

Oh yeah, there's more and until I'm married, I'm sure there always will be. This is seriously nitpicky and some of them can be negated for other qualities (like breathing and hair), but most really isn't. These are all the qualities that I've desired in people that I've dated, but haven't quite met.

Yeah, I'll find him. Eventually.

Today ... has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. (And my name isn't even Alexander!)

Let's see here...things that have gone wrong today:

1. I barely slept last night. And when I did finally fall asleep, the VT supervisor called me at 7:45 am and ask about my visiting teaching - when I don't even have an assignment.
2. My primary kids were all wound up and wouldn't pay attention to me, no matter what I did to get them to calm down.
3. I told my mom my true feelings about her "adopted daughter" (that I can't stand) and offended her. She's not really talking to me right now. In fact, I told her that I wanted to tell said "daughter" to "go away and leave my mom alone". Apparently, that's not really a nice thing to say. Whatever, she pressed me as to what was bothering me.
4. The missionaries (who are super!) stopped by to say hello, but in doing so caused a conflict between my parents and I. Apparently, they were none too pleased to see them there and blamed me for it. I didn't invite them over, they just showed up! Get over it! Rahrr!
5. My father, in a different fit of rage, blamed me for his slow computer. Ok, seriously? I haven't done anything to it. I check my email, go to a few websites and have some pictures on here... not a big deal. Whatever.

Things that have gone right:

1. I woke up before my alarm clock went off so I was ready for church earlier than usual. (Direct result of #1.)
2. When I finally got the primary kids to calm down, we had a very good discussion on the power of authority.
3. My mom now understands why I'm incredibly jealous of this person and will, when she starts to talk to me again, take that into consideration when she plans "activities" for her "daughter's'".
4. The missionaries stopped over! Do you know how long I've felt unimportant and neglected in this ward? How long I've wanted a home teacher? Well, the elders are going to call him and see if he can visit me and we can get things rolling. I needed that.
5. I will be able to help my dad work on fixing the computer and learn a bit more about the computer (and him!) in the process.

The end. It's been a long day, I'm going to bed.

65 days until I'm back in Provo. I cannot wait!

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." ~Unknown.

I think I did just figure out a big part of my problem out here: I don't think that I can actually talk to anyone. I mean, honestly no one will just listen to me without offering copious amounts of advice that isn't appropriate and/or just plain wrong. I don't really give a crap why you think that half of the people in the stake hate me. Don't give me a list of ways to change who I am. Just listen to me for a change and then you'll understand that maybe I just need to get feelings out, just like everyone else. I'm always such a good listener for everyone else. I sit there, keep my opinions to myself (well, with everyone except Jen Allen), and listen while you go on and on about your issues. Fine! I'm ok with that, but every once in awhile, I'd like to get my point out across, too. Rahrr!

See? That felt good...

I had a most excellent weekend! Why? Well, it's stake conference weekend, that's why! Yay! I love seeing favorite missionaries, old friends that I haven't seen in months (years, even!), my level girls (and jc's) from girls camp, the stake presidency, and ... lots of other people!

Our stake presidency was released today. He'd been SP for 9 years and been in the presidency for 6 years before that! Wow! We ended up getting awesome seats and I feel madly in love (platonicly) with Elder Tingey of the Presidency of the Seventy. He talked about exactly what I needed to hear and that was awesome.

Did you know that Wilford Woodruff is from CT? Oh yes, born in Farmington (20 minutes up the road) so that would put him from our stake (well, if it existed when he was alive) so his family donated a buuuuunch (like thousands) of pictures of him to everyone in the stake so that would have Woodruff pride or something. I, um, didn't take one but I know plenty of people that did. They were huuuge though. I don't think I could have gotten it home without crushing it and that would have been a big shame on me! (Hmm...I'm not being as sarcastic as you think I am, really!)

Not Stake Conference related:

Caroline and I are going to convince her dad to buy his own baseball team. We will call them the Blue Sox, so that once the White Sox win the series (go sox!), they can play and be awesome and then win too. Then, the Red, White, and Blue Sox will have won the series.

Yes, we know that we are nerds. We own up to that fact.

Also, in non-conference news: in 72 days I'm moving back to Provo. :-D I'm so stoked. I'm kind of worried about my computer situation, but I'm sure someone out there in Provoland will let me use theirs until I can scrounge up my own (read: convince my dad to buy me one).

Not related to anything else in this post: So, Beth and I really like the muppets. In fact, we have muppets CD's and DVD's. We ... are muppet heads! (GO JIM HENSEN!) Anyway, so on Thursday I skipped out on Institute (I 'didn't feel good') and went to Walmart instead and there I found the greatest gift for Beth: A New Kermit DVD and I bought it, thinking that I am the greatest friend, EVER (I so am, by the way!). Well, she picked me up last night to go play and stuff and hands me a bag with ... you guessed it: The Kermit DVD. I about died laughing! So funny! So, I handed her the thing that was in my purse: Yup, the DVD. We giggled. She found the same DVD on Friday and bought it for me. So, turns out we think alike. (Also shows that I'm a great friend that buys presents for people for no reason, but shh, I didn't say that. ;)

Oh, and I'm currently obsessed with Making Fiends. I'm going to be Charlotte for Halloween. :-D I need a blue dress...

Ok, that's enough mindless babble for now. Bye!

It all started on Thursday night. I went to Institute with Beth. In Beth's car. Such a nice car, Beth's car is. (Being that it works and all.) Anyway, we drove to Cumbies to get slurpees, Manchester to pick up Brady, and then eventually to Bloomfield to actually go to Institute. We were late (as always) and I decided to go to Brother Stone's church history class (greatest class ever. I heart the way Brother Stone teaches.) Afterwards, I mingled with the other YSAs, played soccer because ScottfromNewHaven was there (see previous post for details on that disaster) and then we got back into Beth's car.

I'm just a socially awkward nerd that likes talking about the books she is reading. Is that really such a problem?

Yeah, I didn't think so either. And then I tried to play soccer. Baaad idea. I did actually kick the ball (in the right direction, too!) but man, I almost killed myself a few time. I learned that it's reallllllllllly bad to be playing soccer and see the kid you like and while he's running towards you with the ball, stop. Dead. And then say, "eep". Apparently, that's bad soccer form.

It's also bad to catch the ball with your hands. Funny, I never would have guessed.

So, yeah, I had fun at Institute. Soccer would have been better if I actually had a clue what I was doing. But I did try to play. Next time, I'm asking for basic rules before I jump in. I was one of those girls tonight and I wanted to drop kick myself in the face.

But that cute kid from the next stake over was there.

Maybe next time I'll actually speak to him. I've never done that before...

"The frog has come to have his say,
The pig will never get her way,
Bib, napkin, knife, and fork,
Is the only way that I'll touch pork."
~Kermit the Frog

Let that be a lesson to you all.

My plane ticket now costs $177, up from $150. I knew I should have gotten it when I first saw it a few days ago. Drats! Oh well, it's only $17, I'll survive. I'm still super excited to go, though, and the thought of paying an extra $17 doesn't negate that. There are so many things I want to do when I finally arrive at my 'home away from home' that I don't know where to start. And I'll admit, I do plan on stealing one Miss Jenie Allen all day and not letting her leave my side until I'm ready for her to go. We have so much to discuss and it's so difficult to do so online or on the phone. One must use hand gestures, dang it! And hand gestures are useless over the phone! Boo!

I ended up telling, by accident mind you, the kids that I teach in Primary. That was hard. I hadn't planned on doing it until I was a little closer to leaving, but I was talking to the librarian and it just came out. I forgot the little boogers were with me in there. So, I have a very sad Brianna and Lizzy for a few minutes. It's hard to explain to kids exactly what's going on sometimes, but these girls are super smart so I did the best thing: I was honest with them -to a point. They know enough for 11 year olds... I'm leaving, I'll miss them, and I'll write to them on my mission. Good enough, right? They really don't want a new teacher next year, but that was going to happen anyway there's nothing I can do to change it.

I told the Primary president that I'm leaving and she said, "you can't leave! You are one of my dedicated teachers!" Aww. Sorry... Anyway, I explained what was going on (this time with no little boogers around) and she understood. I've always been super close with her anyway ... She's the one that went with me to the temple the first time, I lived with her daughter and son-in-law in Provo for a few years, and her husband is my home teacher. Yeah, I'd say that I love that family. A lot.

Ooooh, we got a new Bishop. Go Bishop Zeiner! Brianna is really proud of her dad for getting called as Bishop. In fact, she was telling a bunch of people before church started. It really didn't even take much coaxing to get it out of her, either. ;-) Not like it takes much coaxing to get any information out of her. Ahh, she's just great. I love her and the rest of the kids in my class!

Well, that's enough for now... have a great day!

I'm so sick of always being the perfect listener.

And stop telling me how I feel about "stuff". You know what happens when you assume, right?

Rahrr.

87 days. :-D

Oy.

So, I just got off the phone talking to my most excellent best friend, Amy, and this was a part of our conversation.

A: So, when are you coming to visit Utah?
J: I'm not. I'm moving back January 3rd.
A: Really?! That's great! Um, I met your future husband.
J: Oh crap. And?
A: His name is Ryan and he's 26 and (blah blah blah)... you are PERFECT for each other.
J: Oh crap. Really?
A: Oh yes! I know it's meant to be. I'm giving him your email address and he's going to email you!
J: Ok.
A: Is that ok with you? Do you mind?
J: No, not at all... it'll be great to meet someone new.

We'll see how it goes...

At least this one, supposedly, is over 5'2. That's a bonus...

January 3rd.

Who wants to pick me up from the airport? Nevermind, Jenie has my back.

Also, found a place to live with some friends. That's pretty happy!

Now, I just need a job... Nevermind, Dougie Doug has my back.

I'm all set to go!!! :-D

We aren't going to Chicago. I just can't afford it.

Oh well. Here's to New Hamsphire instead.

In no particular order:

1. Learn how to play checkers.
2. Learn how to dive.
3. Finish The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.
4. Call the girls in Provo.
5. Go to Chicago.

Wish me luck.

I'm not smart enough.

Here are some:

1. WHEN am I moving back to Provo? A date would be very helpful!
2. Should I take that apartment? I guess to do so, I would need to know when I'm moving back.
3. Where in the heck am I going to work?
4. I'm not going to be a student for the time that I'm there. Does that complicate matters?
5. When should I have my back-to-Provo party? As soon as I get there or wait a few weeks?
6. How do you tell a group of 11 year olds (that you love dearly) that you are leaving them permanently?
7. I need to get a new laptop. What kind? I can only spend like... $800. Yeah, I know it'll be crappy. Shh.

There are plenty more where those came from, but alas, I am tired.

Have a great Conference weekend!

I've made my decision and I am NOT looking back. Now, I just need to make sure I have a full-time job waiting for me when I leave.

Why is it that everytime I think I have my mind made up and know which path I need to take, something happens and I'm confused all over again?

Apparently, I can have the whole thing paid for, if I want to go. Apparently, if I don't go I could be withholding blessings from my family. Apparently, if I don't go I won't be following council that's been given to me. And, apparently, if I don't go I'll be letting down a whole lot of people.

But there's still that little part of me that says, "Hey you moron! You've wanted to do this your whole life, why not just do it and do good for once?"

And the other part says, "Well, if you were going to do it, wouldn't you have done it already?"

Thus, I'm so lost right now that I just need a hug and a blessing. Yeah, that'll help.

Well, with the obligatory apology out of the way I can continue on with the actual 'blogging'. Nice.

You know what I hate? (Great way to start, loser!) When people cut off the 'g' on words ending in '-ing'. Runnin'. Jumpin'. Laughin'. I don't care so much when people actually say it that way, but when you write it... it just looks bad. Please, just don't.

Next on the list: The grandfather visit. Well, huh, that wasn't too bad. We actually had some fun, even though he's got some terrible eyesight and we had to read his menus to him. He really is 74. I've learned a lot about forgiveness during his visit, too. Nothing that I had to work on, but seeing how my mom handled the situation after many years of heartbreak taught me a lot. I'm glad.

Chicago: Ugh. This whole thing really needs to get rolling. Seriously!

Kind words: Before church today, I was standing in the library getting some pictures that I needed for Sharing Time when the EQP came up to me and gave me an absolutely sincere compliment that I really needed to hear. Seriously, saying a few kind words out of the blue can really mean a lot to someone. Give it a shot.

Sharing Time: Ok, I haaate when my class is assigned Sharing Time. Seriously! Funny story (and by funny I mean 'I can't wait to complain to the Primary President'): The kids in the 9/10 class are troublemakers. Anyway, I'm up there, teaching the whole group and I look around and I'm the only adult in the class. Everyone walked out the second I started to teach and you know what, that was horribly rude. How dare you expect me to govern the entire senior primary all by myself?! Eventually, the Pianist (greatest lady in the world) came in and sat with the group and I am very grateful for that. She gets a gold star in my book. Cuteness: Anita, one of the girls in the infamous 9/10 class came up to me to tell me that she loved my lesson. Aww! Thanks!

Institute: You know, I'd like it a hell of a lot more if I actually liked the people in the Stake. Well, it's not so much that I don't like them, but that in the year that I've been home I'm no closer to ANYONE in the YSA program here. Ugh. And people wonder why I want to leave...

Sunday happiness: I took a much-needed Sunday afternoon nap. Oh, those things are happy. Guess how long I slept for? Yeah, crazy. FOUR hours. Wow, that's almost as long as I worked last week.

Speaking of work, guess who stuck up for herself at her lovely place of employment? ME!!! Yeah, that's right I did. My manager (sweet lady, by the way) kept giving me more and more stuff to do and I was getting really mad. She kept making comments about how "I can do so much and she's so grateful that I do everything that I'm asked." Finally, I couldn't take it anymore I looked at her, stood up and said, "Well, then I suggest that you give me more than FOUR HOURS A WEEK" and walked away. She came back and offered me an entire day shift for the next day. I can't believe I actually said something like that to her! I never speak up for myself, like... ever. Oh well, I guess if you get me mad enough I blow my top. This time it actually worked out for my benefit. Yay for that.

Well, that's enough for now. Have an excellent week!

UVSC has my major. (Well, enough to get me into the program and a degree that will help me get my masters, but ... that's good enough.) We'll see what happens with calls I make tomorrow.

Who knows, a move back to Provo might just happen.

This is good news...

Ok, so I was ready to dropkick a few people in the face today.

Why?

Because I am scheduled for FOUR freaking hours next week. F-O-U-R! That's in-freakin-SANE. How the helck am I supposed to live off of FOUR hours of work?! What in the HOOVER am I supposed to all week?!

UGH! So, yeah, serious job searching is in order. Mark is supposed to let me know if there is anything available at Sears in Provo, even though I'd really just like to bag the entire company. The thought of moving back to Utah always makes me feel better, though, until I realize that I can't AFFORD a move back to Utah, plus school in the fall, plus ... LIFE in general.

Ugh. I can't wait to become independantly wealthy.

So, like I said, I'm full of angst. I've already said a few reasons: 9/11, Grandpa, etc...

But there's something new.

Angst: I, *gasp*, like a boy! And he's not gay OR in Utah. Woah.

He's super adorable, blonde, goes to Yale. Friends with Misaneroth. Problem? He's not in my stake. In fact, the only time I see him is every few weeks when he comes up to my Institute to play games and stuff with a girl from that stake.

Here's another problem: I've never actually spoken to him.

Yes, I know I'm a freak. Yes, this is a "hmm, he has the right look" kind of crush going on. No, I am not ashamed. But what the heck, it's not every day that *I* actually find a guy worth liking. I'll keep you posted on the 'goings on' of this new boy. (Advice on how to actually go about talking to him is appreciated, too.)

More angst: School. So since I finally decided what I want to do with my life, and since BYU doesn't have the program, I am forced to look into other colleges. Do you have any idea how creepy that is?! Oy. Seriously, there are only a handfull of places that actually have the "travel and tourism" major, and finding a school that isn't just "travel agent 101" is mighty difficult. So far, my choices are Bowling Green State University in good ole' Bowling Green, Ohio, the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, Central Connecticut State University in New Britain, or the University of New Hampshire in Durham. Right now, BGSU is the front runner of my choices.

Why can't BYU just make a special program just for me that has everything I need for travel and tourism? Recreation Studies (or whatever it is) is kind of close to what I want, but not exactly. When I am finally get back to school, I'd like it to run as smooth as possible, please.

That's enough angst for now. I'll leave you with a happy scripture of the day: Doctrine and Covenants 123:17

"Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

I am fairly angst ridden.

More later...

In the history of my life today, September 11th, has always been the worst day of life. It's like Luke Dane's 'black day'. In fact, that was my problem yesterday. Anticipation for a horrible day today made yesterday really awful. Full of anger and resentment.

But today, today is different.

It's been 12 years since my nonnie died and instead of feeling sorrow for not being with her, I feel joy because I know I will see her again.

It's been 4 years since the attack on the twin towers and NYC is rebuilding itself looking ahead to a bigger, brighter future.

And, really, nothing can cheer me up like a good Sunday morning in autumn with a chill in the air and the birds singing, and a beautiful cloud-free sky above. Yes, today will be a good day. I won't let it be anything else.

I've been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for four years.

Wow. Time flies...

So yeah, this is the part of my blog where I discuss...stuff.

So my grandfather in Arizona is coming out here to visit my family for two weeks, out of the blue. He called my mom the other night and asked her if she had a couch to spare while he was here. That couch is, naturally, my room. That's ok, I don't mind sleeping in the living room for two weeks if it's for a good cause.

But here's my worry: He's really sick. His kidneys barely function, he's losing his eyesight. (Is that 2 words?) He sleeps a lot. My biggest fear is that he's coming out here for 'one last visit' before ... well, before the end. He's not that old, only 74, so I really hope that this nasty gut feeling of mine is wrong.

Oh, and then there's the fun fact that he thinks I'm going to hell because I'm Mormon. Well, actually, I think that's just his wife, but we'll see. Yeah, they are born-again Christians...which is great. Except they (she - my grandma) condemns me everytime they (she) sees me. I'm interested to see what will happen without her, reguarding my relationship with my grandfather.

And then there's my friend that is dating a 17 year old. Well, they aren't techically dating they've just gone out on a few dates. He'll be 18 in November, so they're both holding out for that event. Then, there's the friend whose brother stole money from his grandparents and dvd's from him for drug money. That was a fun converstation. I've been trying, hopefully not in vain, to cheer him up for that past few days on xanga...

BB: I'm slowly chugging along to 300 posts. I really want to get there soon. 300...not really a big number for 8 months of usage. I wish I could be secure enough in myself to post pictures of me as an avatar, but ... I'm not even close to that. My self-esteem has been significantly compromised due to recent situations, none which have been good and none which I wish to divulge.

Provo is May, this time for sure. Leila is getting married and I get to be there so that's happy.

The end, more later. :)

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in New England.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in New England.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in New England.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in New England.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in New England.

And you know you are a New Englander when:

"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.
You carry jumpers in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

Ugh, this cold I have won't die. Rahrr. Actual content coming later...

The Scripture of the Day:

Doctrine and Covenants 121:1-9

So, today is the one year marker since I've been home. Thus far, I've accomplished:

Nothing.

No, wait. Let's think about this some more...

*thinking*

Nope, I've really not accomplished a thing. I think a move back to Provo is in order.

Soon.

"Fantastical Rock Formations". Ok, not really.
The incomparable Rein's Deli. Oh so good!
Beth eating a Rein's Deli pickle. May I also suggest the Black Cherry soda?
A Jesus Fish. Because they are funny.
That pickle Beth was eating, before she devoured it.

The woods around UConn. I love that there is a random car door and hood in the middle of a dirt road in Tolland, CT. Nice.

So, Mango wants to know when I'm going to be in Utah?

Well, first up is the Chicago trip with Meghan to visit Caroline (because we haven't seen her in 5 freakin' YEARS!) and, hopefully, VenerableRyo. Then in January while the rest of my family is on a cruise to Mexico, I hope to fly to Utah to hang out with my friends for a week in the cold Utah snow. Yeah, Mexico does sound better, but hey, my invitation to join the family was recinded because I "won't enjoy the cruise as much as the rest of my family". (Pssh. Whatever.) Then, I'll DEFINITELY be back in May because one of my best friends, Leila, is getting married on May 16th and I get to go to the wedding and reception and such in SLC.

So yes. The answer is: maybe in January and definitely in May. Rock on. :)

Oh, I've meaning to post this: if anyone is on LDSlinkup, I'm skybluepink. Find me. Email me. Add me. ;)

1. I woke up early today and was able to have a leisurely Sunday morning with my family before being rushed off to church.
2. I taught Primary today.
3. There is a new girl, Abby, in my class. She is super sweet.
4. My friend Leila called. She is getting married on May 16th.
5. I was invited to the ceremony so guess who'll be in Utah around then? Me!
6. Meghan. Me. Caroline. Chicago. Train. $185. Nice.
7. I made some seriously yummy garlic bread for dinner.
8. I get to go to bed early tonight and catch up on the sleep I didn't get last week.
9. I didn't have to go to work today.
10. It was Brianna's birthday on Friday, so I got to sing Happy Birthday to her in Primary.
Oh yes. Life is good.
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." - Bible: Ecclesiastes
Oh, and Jenie gets my prize for best comment. Her actual prize? To be determined. A phone call perhaps?

Hmm... So, yeah I'm back.

Girls Camp was amazing! I love being able to live in a place that has the Spirit so strong. I've really missed that lately. The girls I was a leader for are AMAZING. I've learned so much from them and I hope they learned a lot from me, too.

Oh my gosh, greatest story ever: So, there was a girl that was there in my level (Actress Girl) and she's a mighty quiet girl. I've never heard her bare her testimony to anyone, like, ever. She's shy and cute and wonderful. Anyway, we had some drama with the non-member girl that came with her (also, a complete sweetheart that was a tad bit homesick), and we were worried about the both of them going home early. Anyway, Thursday night was testimony night and as I sat there, Actress Girl got up in front of the ENTIRE camp and all of the visitors to bare her testimony. It was so strong! I cried. She talked about what a great time she was having and how she could feel the Spirit so strong, how she didn't regret coming to camp and how it changed her life. I cried the entire time! After her, a few more first levels came up and they all brought me to tears. They actually got it! They understood why they were there and what they needed to learn. They even promised to come back next year!

That's just one of the amazing stories that happened. More will follow. I miss camp.

Also, Monday night I had a prompting to call a certain friend in Utah and bare him my testimony and reassure him that everything would be OK. Reading his Xanga today, I really wish I did. Rahrr to me for not listening to that. I'm fired.

Girls Camp Song of the Day:

Walk Tall You’re A Daughter of God
Composer: Jamie Glenn Lyricist: Jamie Glenn

1. Right now I have a prayer deep within my heart.
A prayer for each of you there is a special part.
That you remember who you are and He who lives alone.
Please seek for Him and live His way; you’ll feel His love.

Chorus:

Walk tall you’re a daughter; a child of God.
Be strong – please remember who you are.
Try to understand, you’re apart of His great plan.
He’s closer than you know – reach up, He’ll take your hand.

2. Long before the time you can remember
Our Father held you in His arms so tender.
Those loving arms released you as He sent you down to earth.
He said, “My child, I love you. Don’t forget your great worth.”

Chorus

3. This life on earth we knew would not be easy.
At time we lose our way – His path we may not see.
But please remember always, please, that you are not alone.
He’ll take your hand. He loves you. He will guide you home.

Chorus

Off to Girls Camp on Monday. I'm one of the Level One Leaders and I'll be back sometime Friday. Now, while I'm gone, everyone be sure to leave lots and lots of comments for me to enjoy when I come back.

Any topic (so long as it is appropriate). Discuss.

Best comment gets a present. :-D

"Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man." ~Thomas Wolfe

Something ... exciting and happy needs to happen soon. Please?

So, you would think that working in a hardware store I would not have to deal with back to school shoppers. No, little grasshoppers, that is not the case. In fact, I've had more annoying back to school moms at the hardware store than I did at the mall store. And back to school moms at a hardware store are SO MUCH WORSE than back to school moms at a mall store in Utah. Really. This may sound super bad, but ... there is nothing worse than a person that comes into a hardware store and argues with their cashier about the ratcheting wrenches that are 'on sale', when in actuality it's the open faced wrenches that are 15% off, but werf doesn't know the difference between the two and cops an argument to look good in front of all the people at the register to save face.

It's about that time that I take a 15 and go cool off in the break room.

So, I'm sick. :-(

Take this and make me feel better. :)

Some SJC quotes that I can remember:

"Poop." ~Everyone said that like...59908234 times a day at one point. I wish I remembered why...

"That turkey is so cute! I just want to punch it and make it cry!" ~Meghan.

"Damn goat and his f'ing fleece!" Caroline and I. 1290348 times a day.

"PG RATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ~Krista (while standing on her bed)

"So, do you like stuff?" ~Chris Ham

"They are special people."

"Baaaaah."

Some random SJC inside jokes:

BSB/NSync war

The Howie (Day) Fund (I don't think you were in that, though. I'm pretty sure that was the year after Caroline left...)

That crazy English professor (can't remember her name, though. Caroline knows who I mean) and her scarfs that hated men and gave me an A on that one paper because I 'tore men apart' in the essay. (I really didn't.)

Elizabeth's bout with mono. (Aww, sad. I miss her.)

Visiting Caroline in Newport with the first snow of the season.

Oh yeah, there are plenty more I'm sure...I just can't remember them. Anymore to add, Caroline? ;)

Wow, funny things were actually said yesterday:

1. My boss: "Hi, I'm here to see if you have a funny looking hoe available in your store."

2. Mark: "Let's all turn to page 27 and sing, "praise to the meat".

3. Sam as he ran out of Institute: "YAY! The make-out van!"

Oh the hilarity!

What are some funny quotes you've heard lately?

Okay, so here's something I got from Berkeley Georgia (http://perhapsdramatic.blogspot.com/). She asked me these 5 questions, which I'll answer below. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." You must leave your blog address so I can think of good questions for you! I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. You can only eat one food for the rest of your life, but you get to choose it. What food would it be?
   
   If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, it would have to be macaroni and cheese. Not the crappy stuff in a box, but the good stuff that my great-grandma taught my mother how to make. The stuff is great and I have, actually eaten it for days at a time.
   
   
2. What is the one piece of advice your parent(s) have given you that you've found to be most accurate?
   
   My parents have always taught me that if I want to be happy in life that I need to find something that I can be passionate about. They are right, in those times in my life when I’ve been meandering through life with nothing to cling to and care about I’ve been the unhappiest. Once I’ve found something that was worth my passion, it keeps me going and in it I have found true joy.
   
   
3. Which character from Harry Potter would you be if you had to be one, and why?
   
   I’d probably be Hermione because 1) she is absolutely brilliant, 2) isn’t afraid of a challenge, and 3) stands up for herself rather well. Those are three qualities that I wish I had…
   
   
4. If you could go back to one moment-in-time of your entire life, where would you go and why?
   
   The day my Nonie passed away. I was 14 and it has been so long that I’ve forgotten what she said to me. I know it was important, but it’s been so long that it’s been erased from my memory. I remember everything else about that night, except for what she said to me.
   
   
5. There's a natural disaster. You have the ability to save only one person of the following: your best friend, your one true love, or an old lady. Who do you choose to save?
   
   I’m selfish. I wouldn’t want to die lonely and loveless so I pick my one true love.

Funny story:

I went to work with the intention of quitting.

I left work with a twenty-seven cent raise and the promise for another raise in thirty days.

Apparently, they really like me there.

Nice.

I was quite a flibbertigibbet today when I was making my breakfast. Oy, I'm so embarrased!

Ok, so I was standing there at the stove, waiting for my eggs to cook, but for some reason nothing was happening to them. I stirred some more, I added more milk, I even walked away for a few seconds (it does seem that nothing happens when you wait patiently for water to boil, so I thought that walking away might help my eggs to cook). However, when I walked back into the kitchen, I realized something:I hadn't turned on the stove yet.

I can be such a scatterbrain sometimes!

You know what I need right now? A nice hug.

Yup, that's right a hug.

I want to have someone come up to me, ask how I'm doing, and then give me a super gigantic bear hug and hold on tight for a decent amount of time. No wimpy 'oh, let's pretend to be happy to see you' type of thing ... a genuine HUG.

There's just something about someone being happy to see me, wondering how I am, and then just ... giving me a hug out of the blue that can really cheer me up.

Mmm, that'd be nice.

PLEASE:

1. When you get to the counter, please turn off your cell phones. I don't care about what Great-Aunt-Gertie had for dinner last night. Really. And don't get mad at me when I ignore you and help the customer behind you because you weren't paying attention to me when I said hello and started to ring up your merchandise, but you didn't acknowledge my existance and I got frustrated and moved on to the nice guy behind you.
2. Yup, I'm going to ask you to open a credit card. Every. Single. Time. Don't yell at me, please. It's required by law, honest.
3. Keep your receipts, people. We give them to you for a reason.
4. To answer your questions:
   a.I like my job (sometimes).
   b.Yup, I'm working hard.
   c.Yeah, this job is to get me through school/on a mission/and for vacation. Whatever YOU want it to be, sir. Really.
5. If you want to know the price, go over to that handy little display that says "PRICE CHECK" (or something like that) on it, scan the merchandise and then the magic little fairy inside will show the price to you.
6. If all of the tool experts are busy helping other customers, please stand patiently at the counter until one arrives. Don't roll your eyes at me, don't yell at me, don't start pacing around by the tool chests muttering something snide under your breath. Either stand there nicely or feel free to walk around the surrounding area. Please, do NOT go over to lawn and garden or vacuums until he or she comes to help you. They will come. And when they do, I guarantee they will be nicer to you if you've been nicer to me.

That is all for now. Feel free to contribute to this list.

*I had one person violate each of these 'rules' today. Not good...

Me, Joey (he's married. freak), Brenda, and Matt
Me, Liz, Janelle, and Stacie.
Lenoir, Kylin, Me, Carrie, Jenie, and Kim.

See these people? I miss them all.

Doctrine and Covenants Section 4:

"NOW behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen."

So, guess what I did this morning that I haven't done in a long time? (Duh, look at the picture!) Yeah, you guessed it - I painted my toes red.

When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to paint my nails red because my parents thought that only floozies painted their nails red. Riiight. My dad never cared when I went through my grunge phase in '96 and painted my nails black, didn't care when I went through my mindless pop phase and painted them glittery hot pink... but red? That just gets his goat. (haha. Caroline, if only my dad DID 'get' the goat when we wanted! Sorry, inside joke...)

But I did it anyway. Ha! Take that conservatives! :-P

This post is me getting everything that I'm feeling out of my system. It may be harsh, so ... I'm warning you. It's not anything against you, my friends, per se. I just need to get it out for my own personal therapy. I'm sick of holding it in.

So, I've decided that I have a serious problem:

I can't tell people how I feel about things going on in my life. I can listen to other peoples problems but then when it gets to be my turn, I can't let out any problems because I don't want to bog people down with anything that may be unpleasant. I'm great at putting on a smiley face when I'd rather cry on the inside.

The real problem is that I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about me. I'm great with listening to other peoples problems, but I can't open up to them. Even with my parents or my best friends, I just can't do it.

Random stuff that needs to be said (not to anyone in particular - 'you' means human beings on a whole):

1. When I actually let it out that I'm in a bad mood, try cheering me up and seeing if there is anything you can do to make me feel better. Telling me to get over it is completely rude.
2. When I do come to you with something bad that's happened, don't just give me mindless advice. Actually listen to what I'm saying and then think about what you are going to say to me.
3. DON'T trivialize my problems. Just because you don't understand what I'm going through, it doesn't mean that my problem is trivial or unimportant.
4. Treat me with the same respect I give you. You know, that hug you give to others could really do me some good on bad days, too.
5. I know this may be a novel concept, but sometimes I do know more about whatever you are talking about. When I give my opinion on it, take it as that and do NOT discount it.
6. You know what? I've grown up a lot in the last few years, but I'm not perfect. I may still make mistakes, I may put higher importance on different things than you, but it doesn't mean that I am a completely different person than I was a few years ago. People do change, but I'm still the same me... just more polished.
7. The line "no good deed goes unpunished" is more true than you think.
8. If you wonder why I don't open up to you, maybe it's because I don't feel like you'd want to hear it.
9. I really do need respect. If I don't get it, eventually I don't give it.

*sigh* I can't let myself feel guilty about posting this. Yet I know that in like 2 days, I'll delete it for being mean. If only blogger had a 'private' setting like Xanga...

Does anyone want to runaway with me? It'll be fun...

The Statue of Liberty.

Mark, Jen and Kim at the show. Right after I took that picture, one of the ushers yelled at me to put away my camera. Ooops, sorry. ;)

The atrium at the Marriot. Apparently, it's the largest atrium of any hotel in the US. Wow.

Ellis Island. Well, not the part that people used to enter anyway. Apparently, this is just the 'hospital' wing. Ok...

Spencer and Natalie. Spencer is my new friend from Provo. Too bad I'll never see him again. Sad.

The view from the ferry over to the Statue of Liberty. I love that city.

I love this picture for a few reasons: 1) it shows how stupid pidgeons are (those are pidgeons right?), 2) it shows how beautiful the water looks when in reality it is pretty disgusting right around there and 3) I really like how that plaque is sticking out of the water.

Mark. He is the reason we even took this trip. He, the big jerk, is moving back to Utah today and wanted one last hurrah before leaving the east coast. He'll be at BYU getting his MBA. I'll miss him. He's a sweetheart.

Everyone thought this statue was creepy. What do you think?

I'm off again. This time to see Wicked in NYC. I'm stoked. I'll be back sometime Friday.

Sweet!

It's a quick story, really. On Saturday I woke up late and decided to shower late ... and did everything late, so while I was in the bathroom my friends all decided to go to Canada without me. (It's ok. I went to Canada without them the night before...) Anyway, after I got back to my tent I found the Harry Potter that I'd purchased the night before and began to read it. Then I got bored. Then I went to the picnic table after most people had left and waited for Melissa to say that she wanted to go into Palmyra to visit the historic sites that were there (I live for that stuff). Well, I read. And waited. And read while I waited. It was serene, but I was getting bored. Then, all of a sudden ...

...a nice girl that I'd never met asked me if I wanted to go with them. YAY. I jumped at the chance to go and rode with them.

While in the car, I found out that I'd met the kid next to me (Scott) before in Provo but neither of us knew it. Aww. We bonded right then. Awesome. I made him give me his sisters phone number so that I could call her and bug her and say hi. So he did and it was good...

Anyway, we did the whole site-seeing thing, I had the most horrible pizza EVER and then we went to explore the other sites in the area. The temple, the Joseph Smith house, the Sacred Grove, etc. Finally, it was time to go to the visitors center and check out that tour. We stayed there for a LONG time and refreshed ourselves. I washed my feet because the Sacred Grove is really dusty and my feet turned a nasty shade of brown. It clashed with my shirt....

Anyway, after I cleaned up we all went outside to decide what to do next. The rest of the people I was with wanted to go back to town and eat something, but I knew that I had to meet my friend Mark at 5:00 somewhere ... in the area, so I volunteered to watch the row to ensure that we'd have our seats. Aww, how nice of me. (I'm so sweet.)

So, the group leaves and I was stuck there, so I called my pal Mark and we decided to meet up and go tour the place and give him his birthday present. So we did. So, after about an hour or so Mark had to go to dinner (he was starving and realllllllllly wanted pizza), so I sat there bored to tears (I should have brought HP with me. Dangit.) and talked to some of the people around me. And got 2 drinks. (I was thirsty.) After about an hour of doing nothing, Mark comes back to check on me and see how I'm doing. It starts to drizzle and he gives me a poncho so that I wouldn't be completely soaked. (Aww. Again.) Finally, it begins to downpour. A lot. It's only like 6:00 at this time, I still have 3 hours to waiting to do. Blech.

So, I wait. I watch the row behind me so that their seats don't get taken. I get bored. Blah blah blah. Then, the kid from New Haven that's in charge (who ever he is. I hung out with him all day and I can't remember his name? I suck.) comes over to see how I'm doing, make sure that everyone is finding their seats ok, etc. No one had met me yet. How could they, though? Only 3 people from New Haven knew who I was. Anyway, he found a few people and they started to join me. Yay. Company. Too bad I'm soaked to the bone, deliriously tired, kind of irritable, and famished...

Anyway, finally we got most of New Haven there and we sat and talked. Mark came back, I met Soren (I even picked out who he was. Gabi just confirmed it. Gotta love her.) , the performance was EXCELLENT, and ... we went home.

The end. Maybe...

So, I went to a Harry Potter party at Borders in Somerandomtownnearbuffal0, NY on Friday night and while we were waiting the two hours for our lottery numbers to be called, there was a fake tattoo booth. Melissa and I, being the silly and overly tired girls that we were (2 hours of sleep the night before and a 4 hour drive for me...) went over there to see what we could dig up. I found a funny tattoo with a lightning bolt/scar on it and she found something much more tame. So, after she gets her tattoo put on her hand, I give the tattoo to the guy and put out my hand. He looks at me and puts it on my forehead. (See below picture.) Well, luckily for me it didn't work and he'd have to redo it. So, I give him my hand again and he again puts in on my head. I wasn't happy, but I was SO TIRED that I just let him do it a second time. If I weren't so drop-dead tired, I would have protested more, but ... I didn't. So, anyway, we were still at the place when our lottery numbers were called and we could finally get in line. I was standing there in a daze, ready to pass out from over-exhaustion (2 HOURS OF SLEEP!) and this guy came over to me and starts up a conversation. Here, from the best of my memory, is what happened:

Random Line Guy: Woah. What's up with the gatorade on your head?
ME: I didn't put it there.
RLG: It's kind of strange.
ME: So?
RLG: (... blah blah blah, I don't remember...something patronizing...)
ME: UGH. I DIDN'T DO IT. I GAVE THE GUY MY HAND AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE PUT IN ON MY FOREHEAD. I DIDN'T ASK HIM TO, SO BACK OFF! (and other things)
RLG: Sorry...
ME: (It's FINE. I'm just over-tired...2 hours of sleep...blah blah blah...)

Luckily for that guy, and me, it was my turn to get the book and go home to sleep.

So, the next morning I woke up (only got to sleep for 3 hours that night, too...) and I forgot that the tattoo was still on my head. There was some kid from Springfield who asked me what was up with my head? I laughed and nicely explained the story to him. Melissa then reminded me of the incident with Random Line Guy and I felt bad, for about an instant...

Moral of the Story: Sleep is important. If one doesn't get enough sleep in one night, one may bite off the head of some Random Line Guy and almost feel bad about it...

Next Story: The 5 hour wait in the rain so we could have good seats for Pageant and how it wasn't for anyone that I knew...

I just got back from Palmyra, New York today. Woah, what a trip. Pictures and more stuff is coming after I take a nap and shower and do my laundry.

I met Misaneroth on the trip...and ya know, I don't think he figured out who I was. Or he did and thinks I'm a freak. I'm ok with whichever one it is...

Right, more later...I promise.


For now, though, is one of my favorite pictures from the Sacred Grove. Enjoy. :-D

Oh right, the rules.

Post a list of the first 20 people that you think of and then answer the questions based on their number. It's great fun... ;)

1. Liz
2. Jeff
3. Amy
4. Matt
5. Taylor
6. Brenda
7. Charlotte
8. Tyson
9. Tiffani
10. Lidea
11. Teri
12. Scott
13. Mark
14. Charles
15. Janelle
16. Stacie
17. Shelly
18. Beth
19. Tim
20. Meghan
Who is #8 going out with?: no one that I know of
Is #9 a boy or a girl?: girl
Would #11 and #2 make a good couple? Probably not. She'd be too much drama for him.
How about #18 and #4?: Absolutely not. They'd hate each other.
What grade is #17 in?: Graduated
When was the last time you talked to #12?: last summer :-(
What is #6's favorite band?: anything country
Does #1 have any siblings?: yes
Would you ever date #3?: no
Would you ever date #5?: HECK YES
Is #16 single?: no
What's #15's last name?: Carlson
What's #10's fantasy?: to get married, have kids, be a great lawyer
Would #14 and #19 make a good couple?: haha… no. but they are best friends.
What school does #20 go to?: SJC
And #1: UVSC
Tell me a random fact about #11: I learned about compassion because of her
And #3: she has been my friend for over 4 years…

I think my title says it all.

I'm going on another cruise in January (which is perfect because I plan on putting my mission papers in the day after I come back).

These things are mighty addicting. Here's our 'itinary' for this one:

Saturday, January 7th, fly to Miami and board the boat.
Sunday, January 8th, fun day at sea. (Perfect day for laying out in the sun reading...)
Monday, January 9th, Cozumel, Mexico.
Tuesday, January 10th, fun day at sea.
Wednesday, January 11th, Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands.
Thursday, January 12th, Ocho Rios, Jamaica.
Friday, January 13th, fun day at sea.
Saturday, January 14th, back to Miami then fly home to CT.

Nevermind, I guess I'm not going. Fine. :-(

Quote of the day...

Dib: Ms. Bitters? I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?

Ms. Bitters: how far in your brain?

Dib: .......pretty far.

Thanks for the compliments about the background, I appreciate them since I made it myself. I looooove green and pink plaid, it just causes me joy. I was thinking just doing a pink/white plaid (a la that Brooks Brothers shirt I wanted, Caroline!), but the green/pink won out.

If anyone would like me to make them a background for their site, let me know and I'll do it for you. Just tell me what you want, which colors, and ... whatever... and it's totally yours. :-D

A- Age you got your first kiss: 17
B - Band listening to right now: Kermit the Frog - Rainbow Connection
C - Crush: Who cares; he has a girlfriend, now. :-(
D- Dad's name: Doug
E - Easiest person [people] to talk to: Beth/Amy
F - Favorite band at the moment: Howie Day
G-gummy worms: Mmmm. Great for trips on the train to NYC.
H - Hometown: Smalltown, CT
I - Instruments: I can play "There is a Green Hill Far Away" on the piano. That's it.
J- Juice: Apple.
K - Kids: Eventually. I really like the name Owen lately. Why?
L - Longest car ride ever: From Provo, Utah to Nauvoo, IL and back.
M - Mom's name: Lynn
N - Nicknames: JenneyPenney, Mac, SkyBluePink
O - One wish: To be happy. Meet someone worth marrying. Be someone worth marrying.
P - Phobia[s]: Thunder/Lightning
Q - Quote: "You aren't a $100 bill, not everyone will like you." ~Marieliz's grandmother.
R - Reason to smile: Llamas. The gospel. Friends. Family.
S - Song you sang last: "I Believe in Christ" last night at Institute.
T - Time you woke up [today]: 10:30 am.
U - Unknown fact about me: I am an only child.
V - Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
W - Worst habit(s): Not paying attention when I talk to someone on the phone.
X - X-rays you've had: my head, my feet, my ankle
Y - Yummy food: Mac 'n Cheese, Corned Beef and Cabbage, pizza.
Z - Zodiac sign: Aries. But I'm not red enough to be a 'true' Aries. I'd make a better Pisces. I imagine Pisces are more green.

So guess where I spent 4 hours tonight?

In the emergency room. Because my heart was racing and my chest, neck, and cheeks were numb.

During my stay I learned the following about myself:

1. I can not under ANY circumstances drink caffeine. At all. It turns out that it, combined with a few other factors (that I'll talk about below), are very bad for my poor heart.

2. I'm very pleasant when I don't feel good. I walked into the ER with my mom and I asked nicely what to do because I felt like my heart would pop out of my chest at any second. The nurses liked me.

3. I forget to say stuff to the doctor when he asks what is wrong with me. Example: He said, "Does your heart race often?" and I said, "No". My mom chimed in, "Actually, it's happened a few times this week and a few more times before that."

Doctor: Did you have surgery recently?
Me: No.
My Mom: Well, actually...

4. It turns out that one of the leading causes of my "palpatations" as the doctors called them is stress. Do I know stress? OH HECK YES. See my previous post if you don't believe me. So he told me that I need to lay low for a few days, take some Ativan if the palpatations come back and NEVER drink caffeine again.

Ok.

5. The EKG that I had (twice!) showed that my heart is in a weird position. It's turned ... or something. Whatever.


Funny story... he asked if I drink, ever. I said no. He asked if I smoke, I said no. He asked if I do any type of drugs and, again, I said no. I don't think he believed me because he said, "Wow, that's a pretty healthy lifestyle you have." I wanted to say, "Oh, I don't drink or smoke or do cocaine because I know better. I'm Mormon."

But I'm not that pretentious.

Or am I?

If your job causes your heart to race, and you have a heart murmur, should you quit your job?

If your job is what causes your anxiety, should you quit?

If your job makes your cry every night, should you quit?

I need to figure out what to do...

I am in an insanely bad mood right now. Why, you ask? Because she woke me up from my WONDERFUL nap with a text message that was old news.

I'm peeved. If there is any thing in the world that ticks me off, it's being woken up from a quality nap! Ugh. One of the reasons my old roommate and I didn't get along was because she found it joyful to wake me up whenever I fell asleep on the couch and would make me move before she went to bed. I'd tell her, repeatedly, that if she expected to live to see her 20th birthday, she'd quit doing that. She never did...and I've never forgiven her. (Shut up, yes I have. I'm just in a horrid mood.)

And for a text message that I already knew about? Ugh! Pointless. So I'm awake now. And it's 1 in the morning.

I better fall asleep soon or I'm sending her a text at 3 a.m. (her time) when I have to wake up for work...

...or not.