R(etired)N

Having Grandparents that would often fall into word interpretation problems that became a little embarrassing, I just thought that this was quite cute over at another web blog (I edited it to make it less offensive- the slang used in the original isn't acceptable) a pregnant girl trying to 'encourage' her own labor to start, getting advice from the ancient matriarch in her family:

" egyplish confusion

egyptian lady: what else could you do to help the baby come?

me: well everyone keeps telling me that semen has something in it that naturally helps to thin the cervix.

egyptian lady: ahhh... ok. i have some in my kitchen.

me: you what?

egyptian lady: we use it in tea. maybe you should drink some.

me: you crazy?

egyptian lady: (puzzled look). why?

me: do you even know what im talking about?

egyptian lady: yah, semen. 

me: yeah... (puzzled look). you drink semen?

egyptian lady: yes! its nice! you can use it in cakes too...

me: huh?! what do you think im talking about?

egyptian lady: semen... the thing like a herb...

Note to others: please use the above as a little lesson:

semen.

cinnamon.

not the same thing.

just saying.                                        "

Yup. I do Have a Facebook account.  Every one of these people are my "Friends".  
I would think - YOUR friends too! 

It was good for a Saturday morning laugh.

Our health system in British Columbia covers any resident in B.C. (BCMSP)  The catch is, you have to be enrolled.    Yet, believe it or not, some people don't bother do it. 

It seems that BCMSP isn't too sticky about when you pay because my work *forgot* to pay my premiums for three months - and everything was still covered, retroactively.   As long as you are a resident, you will be covered.  They seem to be quite nice on the phone and willing to work with a person to get any errors straightened out.

If  you make less than $22K per year, you do not pay anything for your Medical coverage. There is 100% premium assistance.  The more you make, the more you pay (see chart mid-page).  The working poor can afford monthly payments.

The maximum you would ever pay as a single would be $60.50 per month, a family of two would pay $109.00 per month and a family of three or more  would pay $121.00 per month. No co-pays (a Canadian doesn't know what co-pay means) and it doesn't matter what pre-existing illness you have.

When I lived in the USA, I knew all kinds of people who would love the benefits of our plans above.  When my husband  quit his job in Washington State to move up here, he was offered COBRA coverage at $600 per month plus a high co-pay.  His co-pays were fairly substantial ($5K deductible per year for single, $10K per year for a couple ) when he did have his insurance. 

You would never hear a Canadian pay *that* without complaining. Canadians complain when they have to pay an extra $8 if they happen to go to a certain drugstore that charges an extra dispensing fee (there are some that would include it with the medication - for those that get their medications covered by the government )

I mention all this because my American-born husband just came back from the MD (Dr Johnny Depp) and asked me why they didn't want to see his extended medical card - only his BCMSP card?  I had to explain to him that there were no such thing as co-pays and that BCMSP covered the entire visit - that our other cards from our employer (paid for entirely by the employer at no cost to us)  coveres our Dental, medication, Travel Medical and excess medical plus ambulance, chiropractor, naturopath, massage therapy, physiotherapy, private room, eyeglasses etc.  Our employers also pay our BCMSP premiums for us.

My husband is still trying to acclimatize himself to the system here.

So I went to see the doc that will be my new MD yesterday.

I knew when I went to my appointment,  he was going to be young.   He has been an MD for 5 years. Got his education at McGill University. ( alumni include 9 Nobel Laureates, 161 Rhodes scholars, 3 astronauts, 2 Canadian Prime Ministers, 4 Justices of the Supreme Court, 3 foreign leaders,9 Academy Award winners, 3 Pulitzer Prize winners, and 28 Olympic medalists...and ya, I realize there are people who graduate at the bottom of their classes - but allow me to be optimistic here....)

He hails from Saskatchewan - just like my father.  Good stuff.

What does he look like?

No lie.

The spitting image.  (without the moustache and beard-thing)

Very disconcerting.
 
Especially since he is one of the only "stars" I enjoy seeing in a movie. ( ....so much for my future pap tests)

We had a discussion about his rating on rating MDs dot com.  We both laughed when I told him what I thought of the opinions published on the website (2 thumbs down).  Apparently he thinks the same thing. 

He stated that his partner in the office (who has only been practicing for only one year) made the big mistake of looking at his own ratings on the website and he was devastated by the critiques expressed on there about himself.

 I had looked in advance at both docs on that website, so was quite aware of the published opinions.

"What???" I exclaimed in disbelief.  "How can he be upset with the critiques about him on that site ? He has all smiley-faces and only *one* report that was mediocre and even then was mostly positive."

"Ya, I know.....he was pretty upset - almost immobilized by the report"

Which goes to show, MDs are people too, are sensitive and are subject to the same feelings we are.

More to come.

I have an older sister.  Three years older.

When we were little, as many kids do, we used to play together - a little more on the rough side on the part of my older sibling. 

This is a photo of my sister trying to hold me up to the camera and make me smile:

The photo above looked suspiciously like this cartoon I found on the internet:




Uncanny, huh?????

My first year of University found me living with a room mate diagnosed with TB part way through our second semester.

Luckily, I didn't get TB - but I was diagnosed with pleurisy and ended up having to take antibiotics....but since then, I have experienced restriction in my lungs.   When I sneeze or breathe really deep, the chest pain is excruciating.  When I get an URI - it seems to be worse than your average joe experiences.  I have puffers that I use, just so I can get air.

When I was an LPN just starting out - it was routine to have X-Rays done yearly because they did not do the standard yearly Mantoux testing.   Without fail, the hospital's health nurse  would always call me over to her office for post X-Ray counselling.....

"They found extensive scarring on your lungs on your last CXRay....did you know....?"

And I would always reply, "Yes,  I had pleurisy when I was 18 and my lungs always show the scarring"

A few years ago, an Xray for my MVA injury showed up incidental "nodules" on my lungs.  Subsequently, I had to have a follow-up CT scan.   The "nodules" were benign, so they said. 

My last trip to the walk in clinic - the MD said to me - "Your asthma seems to be in fairly good control".

I had to tell him that I don't have asthma. 

I don't know what gave him that idea unless the fact that I had had an inhaler prescribed for me for a reactive lung problem a while ago might have made him think that.

I was working L&D in a busy unit and the spray cleaner that was used on a nearby stretcher caused my respiratory system to spasm so badly - I couldn't breathe.  Talk about scarey.  An anesthetist coming down the hallway towards me asked if I was ok. If it wasn't for one of the OB's standing nearby loaning me his salbutamol inhaler, I would have ended up in ER.  Or dropped to the floor.  It was good to know help was so close, just in case.

It reminded me of the pregnant RN I worked with in L&D in California - dx with a placenta previa but still working.... even after she was ordered on bedrest.  She also figured it was safest to be at work. Help would be always close by.

I went to see the Occupation RN for the hospital.  Her take? I would require allergy testing to see if I was "actually" allergic to the cleaning solution (I had reacted the same way with every other hospital using the same cleaning agent - all whom switched to squeeze bottles rather than aerosol - or switched cleaning solutions entirely) but "even then" she stated, "if you test positive for an allergy to that agent, the hospital would change nothing"

I was fortunate that the cleaning staff were very particular and considerate of my plight and would always check ahead of time to see if I was on shift and make sure I was nowhere around when they used their cleaners.

I'ts been two weeks since I have been sick and I am still coughing up "gunk".   It always feels like mucus hangs out on top of my palate in that space.  When I cough there is that harsh spasmy sound.

At least I am breathing and feel like I am getting enough oxygen.  I don't have a fever, either.

The good news?

I found an ad in the local newspaper for an MD within 2 blocks that is now taking patients so I won't have to drive 100kms to see my MD.  I looked him up under Rate MDs dot com  and found out that people are making the exact same complaints of this doc as my former doc (esp complaints such as #2,#6 and #8 - oh and complaints about the laptop use and the decor is "too casual"). 

That shows me he must be pretty good.

Stay tuned.

You fought the good fight and now you are at peace.  
Your story will live on.
Thank-you for telling it.... an inspiration for so many.

For those who haven't read her story, click the link to their site on the left column of this blog. Order the book.  You won't be disappointed.

There is one new bright star in the night sky tonight
- shining for those who love her.

credit

I can remember 30 plus years ago,  flying into the Palm Springs airport.....to meet with the rest of our family for Christmas. Mom and Dad had rented out several condos - one each for themselves and the two of us that were now couples -plus their children -  and one more for the "singles".

 It would be a nice respite between writing my Diploma Nursing exams and our CNATS (Canadian NCLEX equivalent).

My older sister and husband were flying in from Indiana with their new baby that we had yet to meet***


We were all excited to get together and spend the whole week at the resort - and were at the Palm Springs Airport to pick up the last of our family - our big sis.

My youngest sister spots my oldest sister and family.  She started jumping up and down, screaming and waving excitedly in her direction - all crazy like - along with the rest of us.

Wouldn't you know it - but guess who else was coming through the door - just in front of my oldest sister?

Bob Hope.

He waved at our group, and smiled -   thinking the commotion was about him.

Was he ever surprised when the whole works of us ran past him without a glance and crowded around my sister and her new baby........

I didn't even notice him, and was unaware of the incident until later on when my brother mentioned it.

I was just reminded of this while watching the Bob Hope Classic.

Ya - Golf.  My husband is a fanatic.

"If you watch a game, it's fun.
 If you play it, it's recreation.
 If you work at it, it's GOLF"
..........Bob Hope



*** the "baby" is now a professor at a prominent Eastern University - finishing off her PhD...! That's how long ago it was!!!

Grandma next to their horses in Alberta

There were four of us preschool age. Then my little sis came along....

Interestingly enough, people do seek care for children (or selves!) swallowing insects by error or whatever.   I always wonder about these concerns and why they think that eating a bug might be harmful.  I know when I was a kid, I ate a multitude of bugs and never got sick. Not once.

Well, here is proof positive that you can eat an assortment of insects and you will actually BENEFIT from it.  Apparently, there is more protein in an insect (90%) as opposed to beef (40-70%). 

Due to the ever-decreasing world food supply, it is suggested that perhaps we might switch over to insects as an alternate food source.

Children don't have problems eating insects - but adults do.  It's mainly a psychological thing, really, they say.  Apparently it is suggested that if we at least try insects in our diet and get used to the taste and the texture - we will then be able to overcome our acquired distaste for anything crawly.

Curiously, someone is certainly buying up all the stocks of meal worms at $10 per thousand - and there is now a national shortage of them.

Personally, I would go vegetarian before eating insects.  I know I have tried snails and thought they were OK, and occasionally have eaten the occasional accidental fly, ant or salad worm.....but I am not sure I can overcome the brain-block in order to enjoy such indulgences.

It's no secret that I have a fascination for nurses of the alternate gender.  When I was in nurses' training, we only had ONE in our class, and he didn't finish (this was a loooooooong time ago). 

When I went to work at my first job at a medium size hospital (approx 260 beds) - we did not have even ONE nurse of the alternate gender apart from psychiatry.   Psych had 3 total - one in the position of "head nurse" and 2 on the floor.  Loved the two that I worked with on the floor.  Wasn't sure about the manager - he always seemed a little odd to me.

Then I started working in L&D.....and there were even less of the alternate gender within the ranks of the Nurses.

 I did work with ONE in Canada....and I thought he was very good - he was actually a midwife trained in another country - but was working in the capacity of RN. 

I enjoyed working with him and the moms had no issues with him, as they shouldn't,  since no one ever had any problems with the fact that Male OB's cared for the patients.  There shouldn't be any difference. 

Unfortunately, however,  he left fairly soon after starting because he felt that he was being discriminated against - not by the patients - but the other RNs.  I couldn't understand that, since his practice was without fault.

I worked with another very special and wonderful RN in a smaller facility.  He was a Jack-of-all-trades - mostly worked ICU/ER but would float anywhere - even worked L&D.  He was an excellent L&D RN.  His patients loved him.  His co-workers loved him.

 He got along with everyone. He drew raves from all patients.

On nights, on our breaks we would visit - and some of the stories he told were nothing short of amazing. He told me about the time an ambulance meandered in sans lights and sirens with an MVA who the paramedics deemed to be "dead".  They had extracted the patient from a horrific crash.

 This RN climbed into the back to check it out.....and found.....a pulse! They quickly hauled that patient out of there and subsequently saved her life.  It took months - but she recovered fully without deficit,  and later came in to thank him for saving her life.

He would occasionally go on travel nurse stints to the USA - for several months - then return.  About the time I was ready to leave, he tried to sell his laptop to me, which I found a little curious because he used it extensively to connect with his family while away.

He had  a wonderful family - three teenage girls - and a wife.  It seemed that they had a good life.  I never heard of any sort of problems or concerns.  He was always a happy person - smiling all the time.  He was a thoughtful, kind person - always helpful.  He was a loving father - this is a letter he wrote to his daughter on her graduation from high school.  He certainly was a very proud father.

He and his wife volunteered with Gideons.   He asked me if I received a Gideon's Bible when I graduated from Nursing, and when I responded in the negative - he gave me one.  

It is a little white New Testament with "Nurse" printed under their lamp on the bottom Right hand corner. Inside is a Canadian flag and the Florence Nightingale Pledge.


Shortly after I moved away, something shocking happened.

 No one knows "why" - but this RN, after having an argument with his wife, left the house and wandered away - never to be seen again.

He didn't ever seem depressed, never mind suicidal. 

Pleas from his daughters "Daddy, come home, we don't care about anything else, just please come home - we love you"  in the newspapers and online were left unanswered.

Some people thought that perhaps he went back to the USA to start a new life, but his American License didn't show any activity. Nothing was found.  He left all ID and his wallet behind. 

It is now coming on Nine Years, and not one trace of him has been found - not even a body.

You can read some of the heart wrenching posts by his daughters, sister, wife and friends here on Facebook.
One of his daughters posted a letter he had written to her upon her high school graduation.

So far, he has missed the death of his father,  weddings of all three daughters and the birth of his first grandchild.

If anyone has seen him, please contact the police.  His family misses him.

I like what this guy has to say: Stephen Fry.

If it's a little too long for you and you can't listen to the entire 35 minutes, just listen to the first 10.

Some gems from this video:

" You can't have an idiot look into a mirror and expect an apostle to be looking out"

" The worst thing you can do for yourself is set goals. Goal orientation is absolutely disastrous." (find out why he says this. Interesting)

"Work is more fun than fun" ( What he is really saying is  - Find what you love doing and you will never work a day in your life. Confucius. )

"There is one common thing that unsuccessful people talk about - themselves"

"I'm sure it's terrible for you dear, but just shut up!" (talking about whiners, complainers and demanding people)

And - from the 29 minute mark to the 30 minute mark:  "The Dark Side to the Internet".....hmm. Talking about those "Obsessed with self - the Kind of people that make {vicious} comments"  - should be required reading. :)

"In the world, what counts more than talent or energy or concentration or commitment is Kindness. Justice {and} truth are dwarfed by the Greatness of Kindness"

I just really liked what he had to say.

I remember once taking care of a patient on a L&D unit who had a mysterious ailment.   One side of her face was drooping and her speech was slurred.  The OBs were fluttering around arranging this test and that test, one consult and another, trying to figure out what was going on. 

Turns out, she had Bell's Palsy.  She was eventually discharged, but it initially created quite the flurry on the Labor Delivery Unit.

Undergrad RN has posted the most interesting diagram of the cranial nerves - just so you can pinpoint the ones involved in this ailment. (thank you so much!)

Now, for those who knew of our former Prime Minister Jean Cretien - he is one who suffered from this condition and has for many years lived with the residual effects.   Some other notable cases are Katie Holmes, Pierce Brosnan,  George Clooney, Gordon Lightfoot and  Ralph Nader.

I have been reading a blog of a Canadian Family Practice Resident in Victoria- Dr. Ottematic .....but hadn't been to her blog in a while.    This am when I went over for a visit and a read,  I discovered that she also had joined the ranks with those with Bell's Palsy.

What is interesting, is that she has found it valuable to document her symptoms, treatment and progress in her blog....in which she goes into great detail about cranial nerves and function and even does a video diary.  You really need to go over there and take a read - from MD to Patient - it's a fascinating diary.

Religion is man-made. Faith is personal. 

I would say I am spiritual.  Faith is a private thing and I am comfortable with what I have,  unencumbered by the rituals and restrictions of the four walls of a building.

I think a lot on what goes on in this world of ours,  the people that perished in the 2004 Tsunami, and then again with the Earthquake last year shortly after New years.  I think of my friend that was killed when his plane went down......and another friend who died years before him in the same way. 

I just couldn't understand the why of it all. 

It was explained to me that Life is like a Giant Tapestry hovering above the Earth.  All we see from our point of view is the underside.....the loose ends, the mish-mash of colors - and no matter how much we try to decipher it - there is no pattern whatsoever.  From where we are, we can't see any design or meaning in the work at all.  In fact, you could almost say - it's ugly.

On the other hand, The Master Planner is sitting above it....looking down on a beautifully woven picture that is complete and makes sense.  All the colors come together to form something that is breathtakingly wonderful and flawless and beautiful. 

I suppose one day, like Danny, we will get to see the whole picture and finally understand.

Meanwhile, born yesterday, there is a beautiful little baby girl- Danny's great-niece and his namesake,  arriving 16 years to the very day Danny made his trip to heaven....a gorgeous, beautiful little bit of  perfection,  Heaven-sent as a reminder that there is some Good on this Earth after all.

I still remember Danny as a cute little guy at at age 5 - looking up at me with that freckled face - smiling that wide toothy grin.....holding up a paper with a picture he drew for me....a plane floating in the sky.

Oh, my! Danny...that is gorgeous! Is it for me?? I took the picture and inspected it carefully.

Sparkle in his eye - "yup" he said in his shy little way, pleased that his artwork made a hit.

"Thank you soooooooo much.  I am going to keep it forever."  I gave him a big hug. "One day....I am going to marry you....you are so cute!!  I'll wait for you!! Okay??"

At age 13, you can promise anything.

My dad had been best man at his dad's wedding.  His oldest sister was my best friend.    Every summer they would stay at our Resort and when work was done, us girls would sit on the steps in that warm summer dusk and chatter on about everything from boys to ....well, whatever was important to 13 year olds.

Danny had always been special.  The apple of his daddy's eye.  His mother had prayed for another little boy after they lost one years earlier.  His sisters doted on him.   As much attention as he got - he never acted "spoiled".

Years passed and I would meet with Danny on occasion - when I was in Vancouver visiting his sister  - we would go out for dinner.  By that time, he had a failed marriage and he was well on his way to fulfilling his dream of becoming a pilot.  He now liked to be called Dan, but I still called him "Danny".  I kidded him about my promise years ago.  He would laugh, and we would talk about what we both wanted in life.

I moved to California and Danny would call on occasion and see if I could meet him for lunch or dinner. By this time he was flying Lear jets for customers all over North America.  When his plane was scheduled for the Bay Area,  usually he would call if he had a stopover.  He was still single and so was I. We would still laugh about "our getting married" and chat about how life wasn't quite what we expected it to be.

When I moved back to Canada, he would still come and visit when he flew into town.  In the fall of 1994 - I had him over for lunch at my new condo and we talked about old times.....he told me how he would fly medevacs all over B.C. - emergency transports - some out of my hometown, and from our unit.

 I told him how I was afraid to fly in small planes, and that he couldn't get me in one of those for anything.  He laughed at me when I told him how relieved I had been, after a patient I had accompanied to the airport to be transferred out by Medevac hadn't needed me after all -  because of the receiving crew of flight paramedics.   He thought it funny - because flying was his life. 

He had just been upgraded to Captain at the company he worked for, after flying Learjet for 5 years. He was described as a quiet, compassionate, meticulous individual,  and regarded as a conscientious pilot, well respected by his peers and supervisors in the company he worked for.

January 11, 1995 - I was working a night shift on our Labor Delivery unit when one of the other nurses came up to me at approximately 3 am.

"Have you heard???" she whispered.

"Heard what?"

" A medevac Lear jet just went down north of Massett.  They were heading there to pick up a woman in labor.....and they disappeared off radar. There was a doctor and two paramedics on board. They think that it crashed into the ocean."

My heart sank and I felt nauseated.  I don't know how I knew.......but I just knew. 

It was Danny.

Investigation reports by Transport Canada later cited possible cause was the possible incorrect setting of the altimeter causing a CFIT.  The details were never confirmed.

Massett airport lighting was only low intensity portable battery lighting that could not be seen at 800 feet therefore there would have been no warning that they were at too low of elevation.  There was no GPWS on the Learjet to automatically warn danger of the aircraft too close to the earth's surface.  There had been a  GPWS on this particular Learjet - but was never replaced after a previous accident with the landing gear years before - because this type of plane was not required to be equipped with it.

Danny's body was the only one of two that they found.

All I can say is that every January 11th, I think back and remember that little boy I once knew, his smiling boyish face looking up at me with drawing in hand outstretched......and a few involuntary tears fall - still - 16 years later -  as I listen to this song:

Something on the news reminded me of that Biblical story: The walls of Jericho.  It's difficult to believe that people can march around the walls of a city (they numbered 603,550 per Biblical reference) and actually make the structure fall......

HOWEVER:

This is proof positive that it can happen.

It was found that the "12th Man" (only 60K strong) created a 20 second seismic reading......just as Marshawn Lynch ran his amazing 67 yards down the field.  An old monitoring system near where the old Kingdome used to stand picked it up.

(Image courtesy: Pacific Northwest Seismic Network)

By the way, Seattle was the only place the "earthquake" was recorded.

The Fans in Seattle are now believers - that miracles can happen......

Too busy watching Seattle WIN!!!!!!! (yay Lynch!!! - 67 yard run breaking through 6 failed tackles!) and now the Colts (trying to find my nephew in the crowd) to bother with a blog today...........

Now.....gotta grab the cough syrup and the lozenges and I am good to go...........!

Even I don't mind watching football on a 10 foot screen..... :)















[Hey honey! Can you make me some popcorn!!!??]

Just got back from the Walk in clinic 2 hours ago.* 

Benylin for congestion, Dayquil, Airborne, assorted Buckley's, Cotridin, Mersyndol Cough lozenges, puffer and lots of water.......

I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection since mid December - got it from another nurse at work.  The first week I was miserable with breathing problems,sore throat, draining sinuses and congestion.  Slight cough. I used my puffers, a decongestant and Airborne.

The week after Christmas I lost my voice and started coughing.   And coughing.  AND coughing.

I was pretty sure I hacked up a lung.  I resorted to Buckley's Mixture and also threw in a couple Mersyndol (antihistamine with codeine and tylenol) and continued to use my puffers and when I wasn't sucking back the Buckley's....I was sucking on Halls lozenges.  My dear husband went out and got all our supplies, plus juice, plus a vaporizer.

Finally, I decided -  since I couldn't sleep more than 1/2 hour without having my cough wake me up....I thought I would visit the local WIC for an RX for Codeine cough syrup. It had been 4 days since I got more than 2 hours sleep.

I was desperate. And near delirious.

There was no one else in the waiting room.  It made me anxious - did everyone else know something I didn't?  After the preliminary bookkeeping, I was escorted to an examining room.

Doc enters:

Doc: "Hey there, how are you?"  He looks like he could be Bill Murray's brother.

Me: "Well, I have been better but I need help with my cough. Lungs are clear ( ya, I used my own stethoscope)  and I don't have a fever.  Don't want or need antibiotics - this is probably a virus - I've coughed up all the phlegm I can and now I just need something to cut the cough long enough so I can get some sleep.  I am taking guaifenesin Buckley's during the day...."

Doc: " How about some Cotridin (higher octane cough medicine than what one can get OTC)syrup?"  as he listens to my lungs.  "All clear" he proclaims. Yup I knew that.

Me: "Sounds good. Thanks! Oh, and by the way, I need one more Hep A immunization if you don't mind.....if you could add it to the RX???? Thanks!"

And I was out the door.  I felt like I had just had a "Groundhog Day" experience.

Picked up my cough syrup, more Buckley's and cream for my coffee.......and wandered on home.

Fastest I have ever seen a MD and got my RX filled - ONE hour total - from home, to WIC to drugstore and home!

Must be some kind of record.  My husband was disappointed that I didn't bring him home a pizza.

I am sitting here awake.....waiting for the codeine to kick in.

Still coughing.

Get me the Buckley's. Taste's bad.  But - at least it works.

Taste Tests done for Buckley's, FYI:










Now you know why my blog postings have been few and far between as of late.




* I had just finished work (no patient contact, isolated in my office) and my own MD was 1 1/2 hr drive away....thus the late WIC visit.

True story.

I took care of thousands of new moms in L&D while in California.

It wasn't often that you would recognize a patient out in public just because of the sheer numbers of deliveries, nor would you even run into one due to the immense but scattered population in the Bay Area, but this one time I did.....

I went out dancing with my roommate and a couple other friends in a rural bedroom community outside the area where I lived and  worked. 

Next thing I know, a young gal is waving at me at the next table over.....beckoning me to come over to visit. I smile and wave - friendly person that I am -  and go over to see how I know them.

She gushed - " You were my nurse in L&D - thank you so much!! You were terrific!"

We carried on a little innocuous conversation - very superficial - the usual that you would upon running into a former patient, such as "how's the baby?" and "how are you doing?" or "are you enjoying your new little one?"

Her husband participates sporadically in the conversation and after a couple minutes the new mom leans into me and asks "Would you like to dance with my husband?"

"Uhh...no thanks..."I reply, backing off slightly from the table - glancing over at her husband.

 My motto was always - "Married men are Ugly" - I just don't feel attracted to married men for any reason, much less when the mother of his new baby is sitting right there.

He then goes onto the dance floor with someone else from the table.

Her hand covered mine.  "Well..." she goes on to confide, "we were wondering if you were interested in doing a threesome....with me and my husband?"

"No offense - but really - I'm just not into that.....but thanks...."

 I retreated to my table.

I just wasn't prepared for that kind of pickup line..............at all.

True story.

I had already been nursing for 15 years, living in California when I met a CRNA at the hospital I found employment with.   He was a successful CRNA, owned a gorgeous house in Orinda that he was remodeling and another few rental properties scattered about Contra Costa County.

He lived in a large townhouse in Walnut Creek.  He seemed nice enough, showed interest in me, but I really didn't ever have any interest apart from a friendship and made that quite clear to him from the start. I was going through my own relationship struggles when we met, and he seemed to be someone I could relate to, platonically speaking.

At first.

I was to soon find out that he was more preoccupied with his own problems than empathizing with anyone else's. Over time he divulged the complexities that comprised his life.

His problems were  - legion.

The one time I visited him in his home, he had papers piled in hundreds of stacks all over the floor, the hallways, kitchen counter,  the table.....there was barely a pathway to the kitchen from the front door due to his convoluted filing system, each pile representing a court case or legal concern or action.  I couldn't believe the clutter. 

That was about the time I realized there were more problems than most people could manage in this guy's life.

Well- several months into our friendship, he disclosed that his problems had started when he had a "misunderstanding" with an old girlfriend the previous year and felt he was  "unjustly accused" by her -  and the police.   He told me that he was charged with a "misdemeanor" -  and on the advice of his lawyer he plead no contest "to get rid of the problem".

Turns out he gained access to her apartment by posing as a parcel delivery person and ended up "confining her for 30 to 40 minutes" per the quote from the court documents that I recently discovered online.  Of course, his story at the time did not align with these facts as I just found out. 

Back then it was a challenge to dig out the truth,  and it was even more difficult to equate the accusations with the person I knew at work and socially.

Seems that the court case with the girlfriend issue plus community service caused some disruption with keeping on top of his rentals, which then caused fines which he didn't feel he had to pay, then delays in taxes, tax preparation, then payments not made and so on and so forth and his life became a tangle of loose ends - with him blaming his accountant, his lawyers, the courts, the old girlfriend - everyone but himself for the mess his life had become.

I can honestly say that never saw him as an angry person and I know I pushed his buttons at times.  I challenged him on a few things he said to the point that he should have been angry with me - but wasn't.    Perhaps he learned to hide his darkest ruminations.  But, still, even though I couldn't see the expression of bitterness - it was getting to the point where I could feel a dark oppressive cloud hanging over him and I began to avoid him at work.

Because of court appearances and  community service performed - he missed work - and missed even more payments.  He couldn't concentrate on his renovations to the house.  Contractors put liens on his properties. He couldn't move forward.  He was consumed with all the court filings, notices, delays etc - and that was all he could talk about after a while.

As a CRNA - he could place epidurals like no one else could - and he was very compassionate and patient with the moms no matter how much they would be writhing around in pain. He would be soft-spoken and gentle - always.   He was also polite and gracious with his co-workers. Thoughtful, even.

Because of the incident with his former girlfriend,  his manager had notified the Government Nursing registering body re: the court case - and he was beginning to realize that there was a real possibility that he might even lose his license to practice - and his lively hood -  now that he had a "record". 

I suppose I was a little naive at this point, and because the time I had spent time with this nurse as a friend - with not once seeing any show of hostility on his part - not even one word - I consented - at his request -  to write a letter on his behalf, describing him as I saw and knew him - a good RN, conscientious CRNA and no problems that I had encountered in the one and half years since our acquaintance. 

Quite a few of the other RNs I worked with were of the same opinion and also signed the letter.  I don't believe he ever did anything with it though,  because I see that there was no evidence presented at the hearing that showed support or if he had made an effort to "rehabilitate" himself.

In the last few months I spent in California before moving back to B.C. - I lost track of him, which was just as well.  I had tried to be a friend and his refusal to just let go of the crap had worn me out. Instead of trying to get his life in order, he was making things more complicated.  He mentioned that an accountant was refusing to give him back his paperwork that he needed for his taxes - even after he paid him for work done. 

The last time I saw him he came knocking on my door, asking for the painting he had bought in Hawaii by some famous Disney artist that he had asked me to keep for him.  I asked him how he was doing which led to a 45 minute diatribe on my doorstep that I just didn't want to listen to.  I wasn't willing at that point to do anything more for him.  He could suck the life out of anything living with his negativity.

It was my impression that all he wanted to do was drown in his own ruminations rather than help himself out of his miserable life.

I remember that last chat on my doorstep -  pleading to him - "You have enough money.  You have your pension built up - stashed away (at that point I believe he told me he had almost $100K in his 401K which was a lot back then- especially when you consider that he had another 25 years until retirement) - you could sell all your properties and live debt-free in some little obscure town in a northern state and do well.

Get away from all this drama here. Why go through all this crap - just cut your losses and leave - start fresh where no one knows you.  You don't need this. You aren't going to win.  Just. walk. away. while you can...."

For some reason he couldn't leave it alone.  He wouldn't listen.   He felt "the system" had failed him. He couldn't just walk away.

It would prove to be his undoing.

Apparently, from newspaper accounts my cousin would forward to me in Canada, he got upset with his accountant and broke into his office to "take back his paperwork" being "held hostage".  When he couldn't find his paperwork -  he took the accountant's typewriter. 

He was formally charged with breaking and entering and theft under $500.  In the Court records there are listed no less than 1000 court entries between a dozen or so different parties in those few years in 4 different courts.

This is where it gets really crazy if you don't already think it is....

Days before he was to appear in court, he set fire to the court house to delay his trial.  The trial was moved to another city in Contra Costa County.  To delay another court appearance, he apparently set another fire at the second court house.

Four courthouses were set on fire between  August 28  and September 15th, 1995 causing $14 million in damage.

Someone ID'd a truck fitting the description of that of the CRNA leaving the last fire.  By this time he had been stripped of his license by the California Board of Nursing and his source of income had been stripped from him.  In the articles I read on line, his occupation was listed as a "gardener" and not "RN".

He was questioned and eventually arrested and taken to trial. 

He got the maximum sentence possible -  16 years in the federal corrections system. If my calculations are correct, 2012 is the year he is to be released.......

*******************************

I believe it was  several years after everything had died down that my girlfriend phoned me up to inform me of a letter the gals at the post office in my old home town had put in her box.   It was simply addressed:  "RETIRED,  Small Town, BC, Canada" - and it got to me. 

I hadn't lived in that town for at least 20 years at that point.

My girlfriend over the phone: "Uh, Retired....u have a letter here with a return address from a prison in California". 

Me: "What? Who would I know in prison???" I was busy with my own life and had long forgotten the troubled CRNA I once worked with.

That CRNA had somehow remembered that I had once lived in that town....and addressed it, taking a chance that I would get it.  Because I grew up in that small town, and the same people worked in the local post office and knew I was still close friends with my girlfriend who still had a post box in town.....the letter was deposited in my girlfriend's mailbox.

I asked her to open it and read it to me over the phone.

It was a plea from him for my friendship - he now realized that he had no one.  I guess everyone he knew had abandoned him. He was estranged from his own family.   He had no one and he was reaching out to me....the only person that he felt ever listened to him, I guess.

Sadly, I had nothing to give him.

I often wondered if I could have helped him in any way at all.  Maybe there was something I could have done, or said.....  But I felt I had done all I could a long time ago. If he would have just listened to me then.  If I couldn't convince him back then, how could I ever help him now?

 His decisions put him where he was.  He could have chose to have a pretty nice life somewhere in rural USA, and had himself a peaceful retirement - but he chose instead the situation and the cell he was now in.  There are programs offered in prison and I felt that it was up to him to use those services offered and make the best of it.  I had no room in my life for more problems.

Still, one part of me wondered if one more try could have changed things for him?  Was he really beyond redemption?

I will never know, since I didn't reply to his letter. 

I told my girlfriend to "just throw it away".