Dear diary,
I am beginning to wonder if happiness is inborn. Is there a gene for happiness? Aer some people simply born to have a higher tendency for happiness than others?
If you were me, and had everything I have, would you be happy? Or would the mundanity of it all dampen your spirits? Would you still have the energy to smile at the one who frustrates you... or would you swallow your misery and have it churn within you, escalating from a dull ache to a constant throbbing like a bad tummy cramp?
If I were you, would I be happy? Or would I struggle and drown in my tears because the world is not as beautiful as I believe it should be? Would the silver lining in the dark clouds glint at me as they do now... or would the downpour leave me cold and shivering, feeling betrayed and hurt that the sun shines not for me?
If I share with you my reality, my perspectives, my world, would it make you happier?
I don't know. There hasn't been anyone else I know that is like me enough for me to judge. No one at all.
Could it not be possible to be yourself.. and still feel that warm glow of contentment and gratefulness within you, intricately woven into your very being?
Could it, could it, could it...
Is moving... she thinks. Or at any rate, moving when she really gets her butt down to designing a new blog page and everything.
Not that it is easy to write anymore--and it's not because a civil servant cannot blog, but more like there is nothing exciting to blog about. So maybe I won't move after all. Why waste a perfectly good site right?
To summarise the past twenty months or so that you have missed me (or not): I wake up, I wash up, I work, I return home, I watch tv, I surf the web, I sleep.
There you have it. You haven't missed too much :)
Am on ABBA-high! There's an Abba disc at home and another in my dad's car so I get to hear them every day =D They're so full of happy fuzz, it's irresistable :D
Here's one of their slower pieces that I'm quite fond of-- in an attempt to localise this for my mum my dad calls it "jit eh guitar" ("one guitar" in Hokkien -_-)
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and
the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
I miss Lit because it forces me to feel. Yah and that includes sobbing like a nut over an essay because I'm stuck at 500 words at 3am and have 1,500 more words to go.
*shudder* The thought still creeps me out but I kept doing that to myself somehow. Year 4 Sem 1 was a nightmare, yet year 4 sem 2 pretty much redeemed it all--I hadn't expected to find a new group of friends in lit-- but there they were, right at the end of my 4 academic years in NUS. And I'm very glad for them.
Okay that was really quite a belated thought. But since I've never really mentioned that before I thought I should :)
- - - - - - -
And you know. Strangely enough I feel like HR suits me more than writing and research ever will. From the point of view of the Lit Student it's very tragic in some ways, but I could not have written myself a living, nor live and die by my art... frankly because I do not feel enough for anything at all to be able to produce deserving works.
It's getting harder to write-- I don't know who I'm writing for, and I daren't know more.
because I like nostalgic stuff packed with warm fuzzy feeling...
My top three to-buy shows for the next few months:
- The Gay Divorcee (1934), or any other Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers musicals
- Ninotchka (1939), by Ernst Lubitsch, staring Greta Garbo
- To Be or Not To Be (1942), by Ernst Lubitsch, staring Carole Lombard
I can't find them anywhere =( I've got a bad feeling only NUS library has them, and alas, I am no longer a student =( WHY don't they sell black-and-white classics with brilliant banter in stores at all? Roar.
I think I might also like the BBC TV series of Pride and Prejudice, and the later version with Keira Knightly, too. It's easier to locate them, but I'm still pining for my top three buys. I don't even know if they come in DVDs. Maybe they sell them in LDs or tapes or something =(
Would also like to own Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card, and Diana Wynne Jones's Archer's Goon. And Dan Simmons's Olympus. My top three book treats should I ever locate them in stores :D And thereafter The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman to complete my His Dark Materials collection.
On my list of further readings:
- Foe by J.M. Coetzee, or any other book by the same author besides Age of Iron, which I already own
- Any Margaret Atwood book excluding The Handmaid's Tale
- Playful Phoenix: Women Write for the Singapore Stage (1996)
- Lit-crit texts on Diana Wynne Jones :D
Looks like a decent list for now :D I'm really quite starving for my lit and film texts. I've got a ridiculous urge to take a day off to shop in the old textbooks section of the NUS Co-op :P Or smuggle myself into the library and flout DVD copyright rules. *eyes gleam* Ahahaha.
Okay I better shut up before I get myself arrested for announcing my probably unfulfillable intentions.
If I was not explicit enough,
WAH LAO enough is enough, please get this over and done with. We've all said our piece, now can we please make up and move on together, for the greater good of all?
I don't want to lose anyone because of this. And you don't know--all of you-- what you are close to losing... or may have lost already.
And no more comments people. I have no wish to hear from you, and if anyone wants to 打架 I will personally slap them myself.
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