Castaline

The title of this harsh entry is Carefully written so that at first glance, hopefully, your delicate ones won't be able to process the subject and meaning there of. There! Did you get rid of them? ;)
(Dear Santa, if you leave a bike under the tree I'll give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. Timmy)

Merry Christmas!!

Yes... well, ever since I have been 25 every year about this time my life goes into crisis. I'll never forget that day....... the day I so much dreaded! I was standing in front of the mirror, just looking at my self with distaste. Just standing there gazing at the very pregnant mother of 2 and 8/9 children now 25 year old me! A quarter of a century!! How much older can you get?!?! Blah! That is when I officially became OLD!!!! I cried. Yes, I cried as I gazed at the reflection, old and decrepit. Desperately trying to grasp each second and not let it slip away to continue me on to OLD AGE! Aww, but it's futile as we all know! I cried for 3 birthdays in a row! 25........26............27!!!! And while I haven't cried for the past 2 years, the crisis still remains the same. I think maybe I've just come to accept my fate.
As a child there were not many things that I paid attention to, especially consequences! I really wasn't one to think ahead, but just live in my blissful lala land. Aging, however, was one of the few things that I did notice. I could see that it was something I never wanted. Even as a child I never wanted to grow up! So as other children sat and wished they were adults so that they could do all the grown up things, I was singing a different Tune! Thus here I am today....... Still just a toys r us kid trapped in an even more adult than I was yesterday mother of 4 body! Well I guess I better go rub my wrinkle cream on and have a nice warm glass of milk before bed. Does any one have recommendations for depends?

Round about September I get this great anticipation! I begin to get that amorous feeling and glee at the thought of the next months to come! The fall, and the Holidays! I love this time of year! I love the cool crisp night air! The smell of fires being burned in fire places, Decorating for Halloween and Christmas! Having Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!! All the fun things that go along with these Holidays! Costumes and parties! LOTS of GREAT food and family and time off from school and work, giving and getting presents! Surprising loved ones with their favorite gifts that they always wanted, but would never suspect that you got for them!!! Always every year I'm filled with the excitement of a child thinking about all the great times we're going to have in the coming months! However! This year has been different! I found the time of anticipation coming and passing me by with only a half hearted attempt to get that feeling of anticipation to make my season, but not really being able to grasp it! I'm so BUSY!!!!! Everything is just flying by!!!! I don't even have time to think about upcoming pleasures! I need to think about upcoming events and deadlines! For the first time in almost 10 years we didn't really decorate our house for Halloween!!!!!! I couldn't get to it! I was doing laundry!!! I really just went through the motions of making/ putting together costumes and going to parties, and trick or treating!! I didn't get to think about how great this costume's going to look when I'm finished! And how cute my lovely child who will wear it will look in it! I was thinking Shoot!!! Hurry Hurry!!!!!! Ok this will have to work! I've gotta get this done in 30 seconds!! Oh man! Come on! Get er done!!!! Yes that's about how my life has been it seems! Hurry!! Hurry! HURRRY!!!!!!! With the hurry pushing out the longing and the rush over taking the joyful thrill! It sounds like the wrong way to be! I think it's time for some evaluation and serious overhaul!! Hmmm........ when can I schedule that in? Maybe after the Holidays. ;)

Hmmmmm........... I think I have a problem. So at night, when everyone goes to bed with out me.......this isn't every night, or even most nights, but when it does happen, I finish what I'm doing and then............ Well..... shouldn't I just go to bed? Shouldn't I be happy to welcome the joy of falling into that wonderfully soft rectangle I sleep on every night with those ever so cozy covers? Isn't that what I've been looking forward to every moment of the day that I find myself falling asleep, reading a story to my son before his nap and even, yes, I have fallen asleep singing him a song, reading my scriptures, etc! .......... SAD!!! So shouldn't this be the answer??? That would be logical I would think. But no! That's not what happens at all! For some bizarre reason, I have yet to figure out, tired Brookey is overwhelmed by this unseen force that keeps her from getting up the stairs to finally go to bed after a long day of kids and house and chauffeur and messes and more! I just can't seem to make it through this invisible force field that keeps me from being sensible but instead helps me to be extremely irresponsible, and robs me of the opportunities of the new day! Tired and lagging the next day.
Yes, here it is 2 in the morning. Everyone asleep, smart sleeping people! Dumb awake person. 9AM church in the morning, 4 kids and self to get ready and fed and out the door before 9AM! You would think there was something wrong with me! just wasting these few precious hours of complete unconcious rest! I DO think there's something wrong with me!!! What's wrong with me?? Why can't I just go to bed? There is nothing of necessity keeping me up! So WEIRD! So here I sit, blogging, even though I'm tired and i wish I could go to bed, but alas, here I stay. Does anyone know of an anti sleepers anonymous? Who Needs Sleep?

The brain is a fantastically complicated thing! So many things that it controls and contains! Things that it even hides from it's own carrier. Dreams are interesting. The impact that they can have on a person. The very things from which we read about prophets having visions. Studies show that dreams can affect your mood for the day. I had a dream recently. I was waiting and while I was waiting I received a phone call in which I was told that one of my children had died (I think it was Brenna) The realization set in and I knew it was true and that it was real, that my child was dead. The pain was excruciating! More than I would have imagined! I became weak and shaky and literally lost physical capacity to stand and fell to my knees. That was the end of the dream short and..... sweet? But the emotions were so vivid! Is that how it would be if it really did happen? Would that be my reaction? Who knows? After that I really hope that I don't find out! My dreams affect me quite a lot. On more than a few occasions I have dreamt of something and have come to find it happening the next day! Weird! I'm sure I'm not the only one.
But there are other dreams that haunt me! Dreams that come just in time to remind me that I was forgetting the last one. A conundrum I've had for YEARS! No really, years! Like maybe 6 or 7! I have been wanting to write, but have been refraining because I'm sure I will sound like a big LOSER!!!!!!!!??? So here goes nothin and a lot of something. And do I give the readers digest version or do I explain so that I don't sound like such a poor sap? ANYWAY! I have to say, that once I have a friend that I have taken into my heart, they are there to stay! I very much love my friends and in different degrees esteem them as well as family! Friends are very dear to my heart! I have..... had? a friend who I was very close with I love....... loved? her very much! As much as my sister, but had a better relationship with her than I had with my sisters, so all the more. For whatever reason (I really have no idea!) we are not friends any more. This distance is not my doing, but after being slighted and snubbed quite a few times....... G... I got the idea. But it didn't change the place she held...... holds? in my heart. I didn't give up at first, but after a particularly icy cold shoulder, I decided I would stop doing this to my self! I decided to go on with my life and just forget her, not in a bitter way, but just move on so that I didn't have to carry the bleeding heart of a one sided relationship! I was determined! And I did! I didn't think or worry about her, wonder or even need for her friendship. I must say! Impressive! for I think about 6 months I was free!!! Free Free FREE!! Until!!! Until I dreamt about her!?!?!?!?!!! RRAAARRRR!!! DANG those dreams that awaken all of the feelings that I try to dispose of and forget!! Curse them that overthrow my hard won battles!!!!!!! (G- I sound frustrated!) So yes, my dreams...... The worst part, the most ridiculous thing about it is that as I said, it's not once in a while, it's not once every few months, or even every month, but sometimes every other day! And at least every other week!! Haunting! HAUNTING!!!! No I haven't figured out how to control my dreams (no I haven't tried either! ;) How can I ever move on and not long for one that I dearly loved if so often, so frequently, I dream that we are friends (man! I sound pathetic!) The most recent one (and this is getting embarrassing!) I dreamt that we were both at church and she paid me no heed, but I watched her and wondered why she didn't love me anymore? So I decided to ask her and she told me it was because I had personality flaws??? To best describe. But then I told her that I had changed and she was happy and she wanted to go out to lunch with me and we were really friends and I felt so happy I couldn't believe it! But then I woke up.

It was Amber's birthday! For her 8th birthday Mommy and Daddy took her out on a date with just her to P.F. Changs. We had fun and we tried to make it really special for her.

we FINALLY decided to take her! We let her choose 2 friends and had fun with the rest of the family!

My son is so independent! He has a drive and he will do what needs to be done to accomplish what he wants done! This is a good thing! Doesn't he look like an angel?

This is not! He wanted oatmeal for breakfast. Of course he knows how to make oatmeal! He watches me make it every other morning! You just dump the oatmeal in the.....cup? and put it in the microwave for a million seconds and that must do it! Riiiiiiiggghhhtt.









Yes well, we smelled something burning down stairs so we ran down to see what it was! The down stairs was brown with smoke! The smoke alarms did not go off!!!!! WE COULD HAVE DIED!!!!!! (ok probably not but still!) Aaaa! We were all choking! Brett and I throwing windows and doors open as quickly as we could! We reluctantly opened the microwave to find my son's breakfast! We made him eat it of course!



....... he he just kidding! melted cup and charred oatmeal! Great! This is the typical thing that happens if I don't make it downstairs before him! If he makes his own breakfast I pay pay PAY! Some day surely all of this will pay off right?

Ahh..... The simple pleasures in life! Every night we go to bed. Same old dreaded bathroom routine! Set my cup of water on the bathroom counter. Sit and stare at the the toothbrush in my hand and the tube of toothpaste. Sometimes I even sit down and stare at them thinking of how much I don't want to brush my teeth! Yes silly as it is.... I don't like to brush my teeth! I do love the clean feel of them when I'm done..... I just... I don't know! I think I just don't like the toothpaste! It's soap in your mouth! Yes it might be tasty, but see those bubbles??!!! SOAP! I know... I know. (but what you don't know is that this is a tangent. Let me move a long) But heaven forbid that I EVER miss a night! Faithfully I wash my mouth out with soap! And after I get past that mountain, I take my cup of water and drink my vitamin down and head to bed. No big deal. Routine and mundane. But then something happens that brightens and brings magic to my night every time!! Brett turns the fan on (I'm smiling and laughing just at the thought)!! Most of the time I forget and don't think about what will happen next, but almost every time without fail!! The little mini fan on his nightstand whirls and as it whirls it starts to scoot it's way off and falls on the floor!!!!!!! TA DAH!!!!! Now this isn't what's so funny! What brings such elated, gleeful, joy to my soul (and I should be ashamed to admit this I admit) is that every time Brett gets so irritated!!!!! Because he's already in bed and he has to get out of bed and pick up the stupid fan!!! He growls and he throws the covers back! And he picks up the fan and replaces it trying to carfully place it so that it won't happen again (which doesn't always work he he) all the while so aggravated!! He He He Ha Ha Ha (I'm laughing my head off as I write this) It never fails to brighten the dullest of nights! Ha ha ha I LOVE IT!!!!!!! It's the simple things that bring me pleasure in life! I know. What in the world's wrong with me? ;)

Childish and silly I know......but fun! :) My friend did this so I tried it too and.... hmmmmm not too far off and as you can see (he he)..........

You Are Ariel!

Headstrong and fiesty. You have a mind of your own that's full of romantic dreams about the world around you. Exploring exotic places is your ultimate dream, and although you can be a little naive you'll realize that there is something to be gained from your family's wisdom.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Before we begin, Huge THANKS a million times over to my very talented mom for clearing us out of chaos and setting us up in decor! ;) Now...... Welcome to our home!

I love these pictures of Spencer because they tell you so much about him. He's sleeping with his spider man hat because he insisted on wearing it to bed! As he does much every night. He wants to sleep with things like any normal kid would, however, he wants to sleep with things like his truck, or his train, or helicopter. One truck he insisted on sleeping with was about the size of his torso! Can't be comfortable or cuddly!!!
The next is one I had to get!! Sporting a mini "crack" because he put his pants on himself backwards! but insisted on them staying that way. He's eating lunch and as you can see instead of the water that I gave him, he now has carrot water which he always frequently does little things like that.
And I just love the last one. Always demanding that "I wanna hewlp you!"

So it was our neighbor's birthday the other day, and they brought some left over red velvet cake for us. Naturally the children were very excited, so I split it up, and I gave Brenna her share, and me my share, and spency his share, making sure to leave some for Amber. We finished our cake and I made sure to put Amber's piece up higher on our.... (high counter? Lunch counter? Breakfast Bar?) whatever you want to call it!!! so that NO ONE would get to it. And then....... I went to the bathroom, a daring and dangerous move! And yes. I'm sure you can guess what I came back to, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this story. Yes, there he lay on the floor next to the ....... tall counter. He lay on his back with his arms spread wide. The piece of cake consumed. When I came he stared with his head turned away and a distant look in his eyes. I stood for a moment looking at him. Laughing inside at the way he was not acknowledging my presence. "Spencer, did you eat that piece of cake?"
His response was distant and kind of dreamlike.
"No," he continued slowly " Brenna did... it was a long time ago."
Still laughing even more inside! "Brenna didn't eat the cake," as I observed the evidence on his mouth, I put him in time out and told him why he went in there. A few minutes later I went in to get him out and we had the routine conversation,
"Spencer, Why are you in time out?"
"Uhh..... Because I hit Brenna." his default answer.
"Nooo....."
"Uhh, because I took the cake and I ate it just like cookie monster, like this," and he continued to demonstrate how he shoved the cake in his mouth and gobbled it up, a pretty good cookie monster imitation. Now really trying not to laugh out loud!!,
"That's right. Do you know why else you're in time out? Because you lied. Do you know what lying is? It's when you say something happened that didn't really happen."
"Oh! like this, I'm sorry that didn't really happen." He said with an apologetic demeanor. I was laughing so hard inside! The logic of a 3 year old!
The other day I read him the Gingerbread Man story for nap time. He liked it and told me that he wanted to make cookies like that and I said ok we can make cookies like that, but then he said, "No, I don't want to make cookies like that! Because then we will have to find them and catch them! I don't want cookies like that!" I assured him that we wouldn't make our cookies run away. He still didn't like the idea, but wanted different cookies. We will have to try around Christmas time. Last year when we were driving on a trip, he was trying to take a nap and the sun was in his eyes and he said "Daddy, turn the moon on! Turn the moon on daddy!"
He is all boy and soooo headstrong! but when there's no whining involved he's a really cute kid! He loves, no, he INSISTS on always helping! In the kitchen, whatever you're doing!! He's always dragging a chair over to the counter, the sink, emptying the dishwasher! He's always got a plan and he's always busy! All the while I'm saying NO!!!! WAIT!!!! NOT....... but it is cute..... if you can just get past the inconvenience of it and see his good intentions of helping and learning and experiencing. He is absolutely curious!

So this past weekend was conference weekend. We enjoyed lazing about (and also finally got patio furniture! We've been wanting chairs and a swing for, oh, about 7/8 years now!) It was ....hmmm...... I'd like to say nice, and I was going to say nice, but let's just tell the truth here...... Frustrating! Usually conference is this great spiritually feeding weekend, but I'm afraid I was left wanting because the lovely little darlings kept..... trampling the food....... should we say? Yes. So I have to admit that I felt a little frustrated that I feel I missed out, but hey! That's what the May Ensign is for, right? Ok sorry! Back on subject! So the last session of conference Brett and I are sitting on the couch, I with the baby and Brett is "feasting" solo over there. As we're trying to watch, the gardeners come to take care of our lawn and one of them is using the edger on the grass. Now we don't have cable so it's just bunny ears (the only pet I'm glad to have right now! ;). So the edger is creating an interference with our tv reception and it starts buzzing and fuzzing a little bit on our tv. Sometimes things like this tend to bother children and my Brenna is especially one of those children. So I see her looking out the back door, watching them, a little distressed. She keeps going back to the door and watching them. She starts looking really upset. So I tell her, "Brenna don't worry, they'll be gone soon and then it will stop." She doesn't say anything, she just lays on the couch with Brett and after a bit she starts to cry, so I tell her " I know Brenna! How bout you go play in your room until they leave and then when they're gone you can come back out." And Brett says,
"That's not why she's crying honey."
"Oh. Why is she crying?"
"She's crying because Mr. Spot got blown away."
I covered my mouth so as not to laugh even though the situation was pitiful! Poor Brenna! Earlier that day she had been outside and caught a lady bug, she made a house out of grass for it on our patio chair (she even named it Mr. Spot! She's so cute!), and I had seen the gardener with his leaf blower blow off the chair and I wondered what in the world he was doing! But now I know. I was witnessing the tragedy of Mr. Spot..... Gone with the Wind.