The Kimbers

You see this kid?  I love this kid.  He has the BEST smile.  It seriously melts my heart every time he shows it to me.  I think it is a combination of his small, tight teeth, the light in his eyes, and of course, that dimple.  Russell has a very tender heart.  He is cautious.  It doesn't take much for him to become wary of a situation or a person.  Having to do something out of his comfort zone is the worst thing for him (which is why he still isn't potty trained, but that is a whole other post).  He loves to be held.  He loves to have others play with him.  Hearing "no" to something he really wants will send him to the floor in devastation.  He also loves to tease.  Sometimes he will do something that he knows is semi-naughty, but he'll give a bit of a smile in hopes that it will save him from being disciplined. It often does.  He loves to be funny, and even though sometimes he isn't actually that funny, it is still good to hear him laugh.  I know in some ways, he is a little more self-conscious than most kids. He needs a lot more attention than his sister.  He is a momma's boy through and through.  But he is precious and he is mine.

We recently took him to the dentist for a six-month checkup.  We've been taking him regularly and he never had a problem, so you can imagine my shock when the dentist told me he had THIRTEEN cavities.  THIRTEEN!  And they are bad ones too.  Ones that are going to require pulpotomies (like root canals for baby teeth) and caps and sedation.  And I feel horrible.  I feel horrible because we weren't flossing.  We were only brushing once a day, and since Russell usually had to be tackled down somewhere to get the brushing done, we hadn't been using fluoride toothpaste either.  And Russell is a grazer.  And sugar's biggest fan.  His absolute favorite things are candy and soda.  And though I don't usually keep either of those things in the house, he still has fruit snacks, and he still grazes all. day. long.

We went to the pediatric dentist this morning for a consult.  I left in tears and find myself blurry-eyed about every five minutes.  I am so mad that I didn't know this was coming.  I would have flossed!  I would have switched his toothpaste!  I would have made him drink water after he ate to rinse his mouth out a little!  So many things I would have done.  But I didn't know.  I didn't know that the combination of his grazing and the particular mix of bacteria in his mouth would essentially ruin his teeth at the ripe old age of three.  I mean, some of his teeth he hasn't even had for more than a few years!  I didn't know that this was going to cost us thousands of dollars to fix.  More than it cost to bring him into this world.  And though that is devastating, I think the thing that makes me the saddest, is that his smile isn't ever going to be the same.

I know that he will still be the same kid inside.  His personality won't change.  But somehow it seems, that if his smile changes, which is my absolute most favorite thing about him, that in some way he will be changed.  I feel like part of him is broken and it is my fault.  The dentist was very nice and told me I wasn't the only mother to go through this.  He said we live and learn and that we can now make sure that Owen doesn't have the same thing happen to him.  And at least they are baby teeth.  At least we get a chance to do it over.

But for now, I'm sad.  I'm sad he has to go through this.  I'm sad that when he opens his mouth wide for that big laugh he loves to laugh, that you will be able to see man-made artificial metal instead of white, innocent little teeth.  I guess you could say that I'm mourning a little.  Or a lot.  He's still my baby in so many ways.

Me braving the gusty winds while standing under one of the Window arches at Arches National Park in November.

January.  The month of goals, self-betterment, and new beginnings.  The problem is, I can hardly catch my breath in my efforts to keep up with life as it is, so who has time to notice that I'm supposed to be starting anew?  I feel like I'm still chasing December 29th.

The first time I decided to publish my New Year's resolutions, I was pleasantly surprised at the end of the year to see that I had accomplished almost all of my goals.  The next year didn't turn out so well.  Last year, I smartly declined the role of making any resolutions at all since I was pregnant with Mr. Owen.  And since Mr. Owen's arrival, I have found that keeping up with three kids and the housework is much more overwhelming than it was with only two kids for reasons I can't quite articulate.  Why should one more load of baby laundry make it feel like I can't EVER get the laundry done at all?  Why should a nursing baby make me feel like the dishes have doubled?  Why do a few extra baby toys on the floor make me feel like I am trying to master a corn maze rather than just get through the front room?

Even with all this, I feel I want to somehow improve on last year's non-efforts at goal-making.  So here they are:

1. Lose 10 lbs.
2. Do good things in my life "more often."

Let me explain.  I feel like I need to quantify my weight loss because just saying "lose weight" in no way keeps me from reaching for a fifteenth cookie.  And though I am pretty good about getting to the gym and exercising, I know that if I don't do better with my eating, I'm not going to get anywhere.  Lose 10 lbs, therefore, encompasses a desire to eat better as well which will hopefully reflect in a definite number on the scale.  Ten pounds is also just slightly more than the weight I still carry from my pregnancy, so I don't think it is too lofty of a number.

As for number 2, I feel like life is just too busy for me to say that I want to blog once a week, get to the temple every month, play with my kids for at least an hour everyday, etc, etc.  Instead I am only going to hold myself to doing those things "more often."  I will hug my kids "more often." I will try to get to the temple "more often." I will try to be more organized, make dinner, exercise patience, write in my journal, read scriptures, play trains, and paint fingernails "more often."  You get the idea.

Consider that my theme for 2013.

• As you can see, I'm doing some construction on my blog.  I'm feeling the urge to work on it and maybe pretend that I'm an actual blogger by doing more than one post every three months.  If you are worried about having enough time to read my witty thoughts, don't.  I'm sure it will pass before I get anything real done.
• For the first time ever, I have most of my Christmas shopping done!  And it is only December 3rd.  Feels good.  I'm hoping to save myself all those annoying little last-minute trips for one or two things that seem to escape my mind until the 22nd.
• I love my kids.  All of them.  Really.  I just wish they would let me get some sleep at night!
• Do you ever get that paranoid, insecure feeling that abounds in 7th grade where you suddenly think that your friends don't really like you--that they merely tolerate you?  I'm going through some of that right now.
• Pie, pie pie!  November and December are all about pie, right?  Honestly, I'm already a little pie-d out.  But if you want to make a really easy, knock-everyone's-socks-off, out-of-the-ordinary pie, try this easy chocolate chip cookie pie.
• I usually avoid Christmas radio as much as possible.  I'm more of a classic carol kind of girl.  I like the songs that are in the hymn book and really could do without Rudolph and Frosty.  However, my kids love any song that has anything to do with Christmas so I'm tolerating them this year.
• Chad and I are planning on spending some of his bonus on a new bed: mattress, headboard, bedding, the whole works.  Only I can't find a comforter or quilt that I like.  Any suggestions of where to look?  I figure I need to find that before I can do anything else.  I also figure that once I do find something I like, I'll want to paint, get new curtains, new furniture, new stuff on the walls--because that is what we call snowballing, people.  WORD!  

I am loving this chubby, happy, easy-going baby boy.  I have a lot more to say about him, but I'm planning on saving it for a future post.