I love this time of year as my sweet baby girl’s birthday quickly approaches. It’s such a sweet time of reflection of her growth and the joy she has brought to our lives. This strange world of parenting is becoming more and more familiar even though every day brings new endeavors.

I remember several of the nursing staff two years ago commenting on what a good seamstress my doctor was, as if there is such a thing as “beautiful scar” in the world of c-section births. “Perfectly straight”, they’d say. “Going to heal up very nice.” One of them even ventured out to say I might could even wear a bikini, ha!

Maddox just woke up tonight which is still an occasional thing, but becoming more and more rare as time passes by. I held her in my arms and just marveled at the Lord and His goodness in this blessing. How in just two years time can she grow so much? How in just two years can she go from fitting right into my arms to nurse at night to filling the length of the entire chair? She can answer my questions, she has an opinion (ok, she always has had an opinion but now she can communicate it), she’s talking in sentences, she’s learning to share, she says thank you for the pajamas I bought her almost a month ago each time she wears them, she already has quite the sense of humor, she lights up the room, she is bursting with life and energy, and she’s far from the baby that was born two years ago.

I have never really thought twice about the literal scar that I carry. But figuratively, the one that says I was sedated, and missed the very exciting moment of meeting part of the rest of my life, that one, I think about often. I’m more tuned into tv births than what I was my own. A part of me will always grieve missing the birth of my child, always. And sometimes it haunts me and everything within me breaks. But this is my scar to bear.

And, over time I am reminded of truth. That my seamstress started knitting my full of life little girl together in my womb long before she entered the world. My seamstress created her. He has a plan for her and her life. He knows her number of days and the number of hairs on her head. I daydream of the day I see my seamstress face to face. I hope maybe on the big screen (after picking from the coca-cola tree) maybe, he’ll show me that day two years ago, a give me a glimpse into the operating room the day she was born. And if Maddox is there, laying across my lap, it’s then, that I have fulfilled my calling, to raise her in Christ, the Seamstress.

It’s been entirely too long since we’ve updated our blog. I’d like to say I’m going to try and do better about updating, and I am saying that, but just don’t hold your breath. Kapeesh?

It’s been quite a whirlwind in our little life lately. We moved! We are so thrilled to be in our new home and are ready to enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Chad took a different engineering position with the same company in our hometown. Because we had only lived in our previous home for less than 4 years, we decided to FSBO our house. And low and behold the Lord sold it in ONE day, that’s right. One. Uno. I tried to remain as professional as possible when I was pretending to be a realtor when the offer was made, but my jaw couldn’t help it, hit the stinkin’ floor.  Modern day miracle folks, it’s the only explanation. Houses don’t sell in one day this market other than God himself doing that work. I’m just sayin’…

So fast forward a bit, the moving company packed us up and moved our whole house into a storage building. No, we didn’t live there. My gracious mother in law opened up her home to us and took full advantage of making Maddox as rotten as possible before we moved out. She was wonderful to have around, and I told Chad we should really consider getting a nanny. ha! Maddox wasn’t the only person that got spoiled at Meme’s if I’m honest. I miss the built in babysitting, the housecleaner coming, clean sheets every week (just being honest, that doesn’t quite happen around here)

The search for our new home seemed like forever, but I think that had something to do with not having a home. We started out the process by saying we really aren’t that picky. Chad’s “only request” was that the house have a sprinkler system. He said he just wanted to be where his girls are. Don’t ooo and awe too quickly now, because we all know he’s super sweet, but he did become a little more particular once it was go time. We both did. It’s such a big decision where to put your family. And for me, working within the home, seemed to make the decision even more difficult. Too much pressure. I have commitment issues apparently when it comes to buying a house. One house would not be good enough, the next would be too good. And I’m sure that’s just the way it goes, but this being our third home finding the “right one” was harder than ever. Like trying to put a puzzle together without a picture kind of hard. I still wonder would we have had to pull over and have a good cry if our realtor wasn’t my sister in law. I’m so glad she was, and not just because she’s awesome, but because buying a home is such a big decision.

We have always had fixer uppers, and in this one we painted one room, moved our stuff in, and a house turned quickly into a home. Ahh-mazing!

So, here we are in our new home almost 90 percent settled in. And it’s bliss. Pure bliss. We couldn’t be happier with the home the Lord has blessed us with. His gifts are good. Sometimes bigger and better than we could imagine, and times better than what we would give ourselves. (Disclaimer:) I’m not a prosperity gospel believer,  but sometimes I have to be reminded that my Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Ps. 50). So my whirlpool tub, my open kitchen, my family that fills this home with joy and laughter, they aren’t mine. They are grace granted upon me from the Giver of Life. We have already been able to have people over and open it up, and feel truly blessed that in the busiest season of our lives we can just live, at home.

Since there are no fireworks this year I thought I’d share a picture of our little firecracker with you.

One year ago…

2011…

Can you believe the difference a year makes? I was looking back at pictures and videos last night and am I just amazed at the change and growth! I’m sure you won’t sob like a baby, find comfort in chocolate, and go to bed like I did, but it is nevertheless, pretty amazing.

I love the 4th for so many reasons. One, I am a summer girl through and through. Two, it is one of the few holidays where we aren’t spread thin. We usually have the opportunity to actually enjoy ourselves with family and friends. We can soak up those sweet moments and make memories. Love it.

It is such an honor to live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, worship, and live our lives as we see fit. Thanks to all who serve our country. Happy Birthday America!

Happy Father’s Day Papadaddy. Thank you for being such a wonderful provider, protector, and encourager. You are such a great daddy. Thank you for all that do.

From the first moments of my life you have been there looking over me and taking care of me in so many special ways.

Thank you for teaching me about Jesus, and not just by saying but by doing.Thank you for praying over me and turning to the Lord when things get hard. Thank you for being a man after God’s own heart. I hope one day I can know Him and serve Him like you. Thank you for raising me in home of grace, because I might will need some of that sweet grace throughout my life. You are a great example of who God really is, a protector, a provider, grace-giver, and a disciplinarian only in love. Thank you papadaddy.

Thanks for honoring my momma the way that you do. Someday, I will look for a husband, and my standards will be high because of you. Thank you for not allowing my needs or my mom’s needs go unmet. Thank you for being intentional to date, honor and cherish her, and showing me what love really means. Thank you papadaddy.

Thank you for knowing when to hold my hand, and when to let go. Someday I will say, “See ya later dad!” And on that day, you can be confident that you have done a great job, and even though you may cry, I will be ready for that big scary world, because of you. Thank you papadaddy.

I love you with all of my heart.

-Maddox

A few weeks back we celebrated Maddox’s first birthday! I get teary eyed almost everyday and stand amazed at God’s creation of her little life. She has brought an indescribable blessing and abundant joy into our family. I never knew having children would teach me so much about love.

I had a blast planning her party!!

Yes, that is an old fence in my house, and you don’t have to tell me I am crazy. My husband took care of that already.

We had a house full of our sweet family and friends. Thanks everyone for cramming in to celebrate! It was such a special day.

She dug right into her presents, and her cake! And, being the generous girl that she is, she really wanted to feed her cake to everyone. Fortunately, her papadaddy was the only sucker taker!

Happy Birthday to our sweet baby girl. You are so full of life, energy, and joy. You are a very passionate and determined little girl that lights up any room! I cannot wait to see what the years will bring and the plans the Lord has for your life. We are blessed to be your parents and pray that you will use all of that passion within your heart for God’s kingdom and His glory. Praise be to Him for giving you life and breath.

I have to say, having the first year under our belt really feels good. I don’t think I did it gracefully enough, but we made it! I am love, love, loving the toddler phase.  I cannot wait for our trips to the zoo and the waterpark, and all of the learning that is right around the corner.

I absolutely cannot believe that our little critter is just two weeks away from being a whole year old. She has taught Chad and I so much and it is truly a joy to be her mother. If it is even possible to sum up a year in a blog post, I’m not so sure. Because there were days I thought we would never make it this far, and now, looking back, it went too fast. I wish I could have bottled up some of those moments and bring them right back to me. But, time keeps on ticking and I have learned to enjoy each moment because before you know it, another moment is happening and memories can only be made here and now.

Some things I have learned in no particular order:

1. There should be support groups for babies with reflux and colic. Seriously.

2. Babies are individuals from the moment they make their appearance. Who knew? I think I gave myself way too much credit as a parent before I became one, ha! I quickly realized that I can only guide and direct, and the good Lord did the creating.

3. Breastfeeding is hard, and takes extreme dedication.  I may never run a marathon, but making it this far is like running through the big yellow ribbon at the end with arms raised (insert several fist pumps).

4. Good parenting is hard. Persistence is key.  There is no easy button or shortcuts if you want to avoid visiting them in prison.

5. Above persistence seems easy theoretically, but sometimes you just want to                  . Fill in the blank (sleep, have peace and quiet, get on with life, go to the restroom, be yourself, runaway, jump off a cliff, take a shower, etc.)

6. It is really, really hard not to laugh when your child is being disobedient. I don’t know that I will ever figure this one out, but I am pretty sure once that sweet innocence wears off it will become much easier, at which point I will be writing “It is really hard not to throw children through the wall when they are disobedient.”

7. It takes approximately five days before child’s father recognizes that child’s mother is looking and now smelling rather peculiar and may or may not need a shower.

8. Being a stay at home mom is not at all what it looks like in the movies. I got lots more kudos in the workplace, less messy, and  a paycheck. But, the benefits here are pretty much priceless and this gig has been such a growing experience for our family.

9. The sound of a baby saying “momma” is hands down better than any of Beethoven's masterpieces. Now when she is sixteen and using a sarcastic tone, probably sounds like nails on a chalkboard. But, for now it’s bliss and I can’t get enough of it.

10. Things I do now determine if my children will be living in my basement/asking for money in 25 years, and not challenging children to be independent equals a not so happy retirement for me. The pressure is on, and just to clarify, (for now) my standards remain higher than not having kids living in my basement when they are old enough to buy a case of beer. And, we don’t have a basement. Just to clarify.

11. “They grow up too fast” never made sense until now. I remember putting those little tiny plastic dinosaurs in the bathtub before bed and waking up to a life sized reptile in the morning. Babies are pretty much the same as those toys from the 80’s. I just looked up one day and my little girl is walking and talking politics. (She’s conservative in case you were wondering.)

12. Grandparents, disposable diapers, and car rides are all gifts from God.

13. I should have slept more pre-baby.

14. I would never, ever, ever, hack it as a single mom. Ever.

15. My baby’s belly laugh can make the world around me disappear. Such a blessing. 

16. There is no such thing as “having it all together”. If someone appears to have this quality, they are just better actors. At least that is what I tell myself.

17. Sleep training is effective, and probably harder on parents than children. Call me mean, but for us, it worked wonders and I love our five minute bedtime routine. It has probably been my biggest saving grace that Maddox goes down for naps and bedtime without a fight. The extra adult time with the hubs really does make us both better parents, and taught me how to put our marriage first. Easier said than done, but totally worth it.

18. This list is getting really long and if you made it this far you are probably really bored. Maybe you should get a hobby.

19. Sick babies=everything stops, and then it only takes up one line in the baby book. At the time it seems like the world and to think someday it will be just a distant memory

20. God’s infinite grace, wisdom, sense of humor, and love has been shown to me is this little package.

What are your parenting truths?

This is such a sweet song that struck a tender chord in my heart this morning. I had a cheesy post for my husband scheduled, but this seems more pressing than cracking jokes about how I love my husband’s need for power-strips, and curb jumping.

One of my favorite verses is Zephaniah 3:17. It says that the Lord will quiet you with His love, and that he rejoices over you with singing. I know these moments of quieting a little one with love, and I’ve seen my  precious baby crash into my arms and be completely vulnerable to being held in my arms. In the same way our Father desires a relationship where we are allowing him to quiet us with his sweet love. He wants to hold us when nights are long, when times are tough, when we’ve had too much, and can’t get enough.

And much like the lyrics of this song He’s saying:

I will catch every one of your tears. (Psalm 56:8)

He’s saying Find rest in me my little one. (Matt. 11:28-30)

There is nothing to cry about tonight.  (Matt 6:25-34)

Let me tell you how perfect you are to me. (Psalm 139:14)