you had me at hello;

i feel spastic.

im full. with..
chocolate cake.
apple pie.
fudgy brownie.
carrot cake.

i think friends are funny.
but some make me feel...
hmmm.

croak.

i have no idea whats going on. why is everything seem to be getting a bit awry? why does it all seem to be going down the drain? oh gosh, lately i've been putting in so much effort only to get slapped in the face with a large trough of bullshit. i dont know why i even bother. i mean, i cant take it anymore! i dont like subjecting myself to this bullcrap, and yet, i still take it in. i totally abhore going through this emotional dip. its honestly taking its toll on me, to the extent that the big D may even come to play.. and thats the last thing i need. sigh. i was told not to think so much. i was told not to care about all those ignorant people. i was told not to worry about it all. but the fact is, it all affects me directly. and its making me wanna burst out like niagara falls. sigh. oh wells. nothing much i can do about anything already. shall not think about it.

its times like these when i see things..
see things the way i had hoped were not true.
many a times i find myself trying to do something, trying to make a difference hopefully in the lives of the people around me. and as much as i dont seem to do so for many, the few that dont take me for granted make me feel loved. its assuring.
today a lot of emotions have surfaced, at least on my part, and as much as i am upset i feel this way, i am still glad i am aware of what is going on in my life.
the effort that goes into the hope of a sort of bonding, seemed to have been flushed down the drain. disappointed? yes i am. but i cant help it if others dont appreciate. and so, i've decided. do unto others what others do unto me. at least at this point of time. cos everything seemingly seems to stagnant. and i feel unloved. its an oddly annoying feeling actually. oh wells.
there are moments when people are also so insensitive. surely we have this innate ability to sense a person's loss and sadness right? oh wells, but who am i to say anything. some people say im insensitive. hmmm, but its just upsetting to know that people whom you've journeyed with for such a long time can actually fail to see the hurt i've experienced. i know i shouldnt ask for much, but all it takes is just an 'are you okay?', and i'd know you care. thats all it takes.
and when people are feeling down, i think providing input on your point of view should come much later, especially if the person is having a battle with his/her emotions. have to juggle whatever logic you say and this turmoil of emotions can be pretty tiring. therefore, people, if im feeling down, and i decide to confide in you, please just LISTEN. thats all it takes. i dont need you to provide me with defences on your part or give me a lecture. just LISTEN.
oh wells, i seriously think i've got loads on my mind at this point of time, and typing it out here wouldnt ease the load. but i just wanna say thank you, to the people that have stuck by me.
zhen. :)
okay, gotta head to bed now before my biological clock gets all screwed again.
good night loves.

friendships.

hmmmm.

i think im beginning to get really thick skinned. to the point whereby my words just sounds so stupid and i make myself seem like a super not shy arrogant brat. i think i have to stop it. its becoming super nonsense lah. but oh wells. hopefully time'll fix things.

okay okay today, or rather yesterday evening, was the knights' commissioning. i was like super happy to see gerald, terence, tim, iggy, mel, noel and benji getting knighted! like seriously super proud of them lah! but in any case, the entire event was spectacular. all i can say is that God is truly amazing.

haha during supper, terence and i were like seriously stoned to the music. ahaha im sure mosey would know what on earth i was talking about. it was super funny lah! but oh wells, im so glad i've found a friend in stanley.

and right now at this very point of time, all i want to say is that.. its been super long since i last felt like that about any living being. the HOTNESS. like omg. seriously, i was like going all *thump thump* and telling van, rach, ron, drey and gerald about how i felt. so paiseh lah! but im so glad i saw mango. haha zhen, you'll know what im talking about.

okay okay enough nonsense. i think i should head to bed soon. really need to move on with life.. oh wells.

the past few weeks have seriously made me super.. i dont know how to say. its like, the entire sequence of events have proved to be extremely upsetting and i know as much as i should stop thinking about it and move on with life, i cant. the impact it has had on me constantly makes me wonder, what on earth am i doing with my life? why do i subject myself to such mental torment and allow all this get to me? i mean, im cheerful bubbly aint-gonna-let-nothing-get-me-down drea. but.. everything * says or does totally makes me go nuts. and - is seriously annoying. the very look, sound or smell of - makes me wanna turn and run. ahhhh im so gonna slap myself. like seriously.