ABC... 123

February 1st, 2011 Travis and I decided that yes, we were going to get married. We both had such strong impressions individually and together that this was right.

Travis was so sweet and without me even knowing he took Ashley with him to the jewelers to pick up my ring. Ashley had this green jewelery box for months before Travis and I even met and she always talked about putting pretty jewelery inside it. Travis told me later that Ashley had brought that green box with them and instead of putting the ring in a fancy ring box, she asked the guy all on her own if he could put the ring in that green box.

I got home from work that afternoon, it was a Thursday, and the first words out of Ashley's mouth were, "We got the ring Mom, we got the ring!"  Travis was there too and all he could do was laugh. Knowing that he already had the ring made waiting for the actual proposal really hard.

Saturday, February 4th, Travis proposed. It was really sweet. He took me up Provo Canyon to a park that I can never remember the name of. We walked up this path, I remember not saying much because I wanted him to just get to the proposal, I was dying. So when it happened it was so great. He had the ring in that cute green box of Ashley's. It was priceless.

A few days after Travis proposed I was hit with the strongest force of fear that I have ever felt in my life. The whole thought of getting remarried terrified me. My divorce and what happened was the most traumatic experience of my whole life. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on a million times. I kept on reflecting on that pain that I first experienced almost 4 years ago. I remember back then praying for half an hour on my knees and just wanting the floor to open up and eat me whole because my heart hurt so bad. I was paralyzed with fear.

I didn't know what to do. I knew in my heart it was right to marry Travis. I knew Travis was a worthy, honest, loving man. I felt like I was walking through Jell-O. Fear is my biggest weakness. I prayed like crazy for help to overcome this fear, and when I did, I felt such a sense of peace, but when I thought so much of the "what ifs" I would freak myself out again.

Travis was so sweet and he listened to all my fears and worries. I listened to Elder Holland's talk, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" several times. I love this part of the talk,

 

 

This opposition turns up almost anyplace

something good has happened. It can happen

when you are trying to get an education. It can

hit you after your first month in your new mission

field. It certainly happens in matters of

love and marriage. (Now I am back to those

returned missionaries.) I would like to have a

dollar for every person in a courtship who

knew he or she had felt the guidance of the

Lord in that relationship, had prayed about the

experience enough to know it was the will of

the Lord, knew they loved each other and

enjoyed each other’s company, and saw a lifetime

of wonderful compatibility ahead—only

to panic, to get a brain cramp, to have total

catatonic fear sweep over them. They “draw

back,” as Paul said, if not into perdition at least

into marital paralysis.

I am not saying you shouldn’t be very careful

about something as significant and serious

as marriage. And I certainly am not saying that

a young man can get a revelation that he is to

marry a certain person without that young

woman getting the same confirmation. I have

seen a lot of those one-way revelations in

young people’s lives. Yes, there are cautions

and considerations to make, but once there has

been genuine illumination, beware the temptation

to retreat from a good thing. If it was right

when you prayed about it and trusted it and

lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when

the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment.

You can win over your mother-in-law.

You can sell your harmonica and therein fund

one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t

give in.

Certainly don’t give in to that being who

is bent on the destruction of your happiness.

He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself.

Face your doubts. Master your fears.

“Cast not away therefore your confidence.”

Stay the course and see the beauty of life

unfold for you."

 

 

This quote was exactly what I needed to hear. I knew it was right to marry Travis. I knew it even before I met him. I just had to have faith and move forward.

 

The day of our wedding I woke up to a blizzard in Orem. It didn't matter we were getting married. Trav and I drove to the temple together. We were both really excited, nervous, and jittery. I was mostly nervous about getting in a car accident on the way to the temple.

 

When we entered the Draper Temple automatic peace filled me. I knew again, this was right. My Mom helped me in the Bridal Room. I knew exactly what to do, I had done this once before. :)

 

When Travis and I entered the Sealing Room together and I saw our families just smiling at us I was so grateful for all of their love and support for the past 4 years for Blake, Ashley and I. I could not have made it through without all of their help.

 

The sealing was wonderful, I thought I would cry, but I was just so happy and excited, I couldn't. This day had finally come, and for so long I thought it never would.

 

Heavenly Father answers our prayers. He lets us feel certain emotions and go through certain things to make us stronger and wiser, if we choose to. We can either become bitter or better. I am so grateful like Elder Holland said that I stayed the course and saw the beauty of life unfold before me.

 

Getting ready for our second date, I was a bit frazzled. Blake and Ashley were home now and I didn't want them meeting him before our date when he picked me up. When it came to dating and my kids I was very protective, Mama Bear. My dates never just casually met my kids, ever. Cousins were in town so I had Blake and Ashley stay upstairs while Travis came to my back door to pick me up.

Right before he picked me up I was nervous. This was our second date, what if he tried to kiss me? "I am so not ready to kiss yet," I thought.

When I opened the door and saw Travis standing there smiling at me I immediately felt calm. I loved that he always greeted me with a hug. It wasn't weird, or forced, it just felt natural.

For our second date we went snowshoeing up at Snowbird. It was a lot of fun and a great workout. I loved that we had the whole afternoon to just talk and walk. Travis is a very good conversationalist. He listens intently, asks questions and always has great input. This date he asked me about my divorce and such. He did it so tenderly and I felt like I could just open up to him and I did. It was at that point of the date I knew I had found a great friend. Not just a date.

We ended up snowshoeing for 5 hours. It didn't feel like that long at all. It was in his car coming down the canyon, Travis was talking about fluorescent lights (I can't remember what even got us on that topic) that I looked over at him with his cute snow hat on that I got the confirmation again that I was going to marry him. This time I wasn't freaked out at all.

When we pulled into my driveway, Trav said, "Well, I would love to take you out again." I said, "Sure, I would love that, when?" "How about tomorrow night?" Trav said with a cute smile on his face. Right when I looked up at the house my sister Honey was taking the garbage out. She looked stunned that we were right there and she jumped back. It was hilarious. I think she was trying to give us more time alone. We were already out of the car and I introduced Honey and Travis, and then I said to Travis, "Why don't you come in and meet my family?" I felt so comfortable at this point.

I am the youngest of seven kids. I have a big family. We walked in and I remember my family looking stunned because I was adamant  that he wasn't to meet my kids on the second date. Travis was greeted by my family, a lot of people, with a lot of kids running around. He took it all very well, and when he left my family said they really liked him.

We have seen each other everyday since our second date. Our second date felt like the "seal the deal" date. Everyday after that just got better and better. The very next day, Trav held my hand for the first time, and New Years Eve we had our first kiss.

The first weekend in January we had our first "serious" talk about our relationship. You know the DTR. Dating with children is a very different situation. I didn't want my kids to become attached too quickly to him for fear something would happen and it didn't work out. This was really just my fears talking, I knew it was going to work out, I just didn't know how long it would take. Travis was so good to take everything in stride. Not once did he get freaked out because of my kids. Even when he saw them both have separate major melt downs. He didn't even miss a beat. He just said to me, "What can I do to help you?"

At the end of January my Bishop called me into his office to give me a new calling. He first asked how things in my life were going. I told him that I had been dating a great guy for just under a month. He then asked more about Travis. It was great to talk to my Bishop and get his insight. After that meeting with the Bishop is when Travis and I first talked about getting married.

I sat excited and scared and stared at his name on my phone for a good two minutes without even clicking and reading the email. I was thinking in my head am I ready for this? I clicked on the email and began reading. He started out by saying how he knew my Dad. I love the line that says, "Your Dad spoke very highly of you and you seem like someone I would love to get to know." So sweet. He then said he would love to take me out sometime. The whole email made me feel at ease. He didn't make me feel awkward or pressured. I loved how Travis emailed me first and told me a bt about himself. I walked inside and went straight for my computer.

I made a mistake in my last post. Trav first emailed my Dad Thursday, December 15th and I got this first email Monday, December 19th.

I contemplated if I should wait a few hours to respond or to just respond right away. I decided to respond right away. I told him I would love to go out and then told him a little about myself. That night we sent 4 emails back and forth. Trav said he would call me the next day.

Tuesday I didn't let my phone out of my sight. I didn't want to miss his call. Blake and Ashley were with their Dad so I was free to talk anytime. Travis had given me his number so I already had it in my phone so I would know when he called. When my phone rang and it said "Travis" I was scared. How many times should I let it ring? Will I sound as scared as I feel? I answered my phone after two rings and said "Hello!" As friendly and confident as I could. I loved how he said "Hi Charisse! Travis Beckett here." He said it so cute and confidently. Our conversation just seemed to flow, with no awkward pauses or one person dominating the conversation. We ended up talking for an hour. Travis asked me out to lunch for Thursday.

Not even 5 minutes after we talked Travis called me again. This time he wanted to see me sooner, Wedsnesday.

Getting ready for our first date my bed was covered in different clothes, I had no idea what I was going to wear. Finally, I picked an outfit, got ready and headed upstairs. When Travis rang the door bell, my heart jumped.  I opened the door and my first words were, "Hi Travis, you look so familiar." I know that sounds cheesy and weird, but I thought we may have gone to the same Institute class. Travis greeted me with a hug. He looked so cute! By the time I had left the  porch he had already hugged me twice. I remember thinking thats odd, but I didn't care, he was really cute!! Travis says I was just a two hug kind of girl!! :)

After the date we ended up talking in his car (just talking, I promise :)) for an hour. I felt like we really connected.

Christmas was that weekend so we didn't see each other again for almost a week, but he did call me the 23rd and asked me out for a second date. He had texted me the day after our first date and told me he had a great time.

My family was all in town for Christmas and wanted to see what Travis looked like so my sister Honey pulled Facebook up on her phone. The phone was passed around all my sisters and everyone saw how cute Travis is.

Christmas Eve right before I went to bed I heard someone coming down the inside stairs to the basement apartment really fast. My sister Honey bolts around the corner. "Oh, no Reece!" she said. " I just got an email that says Travis Beckett confirmed you as a friend on Facebook. When we were passing the phone around the friend button must have been hit." Oh great. I told Travis about my family and their names and that I had a sister named Honey. What would he think? I wasn't even Facebook friends with him. All I could do was laugh.

December 26th Travis calls again just to say hi and that he is excited for our second date on the 28th. We talked for about half an hour. Travis said that right after he hung up the phone with me he said to himself, "I'm going to marry that girl!!"

I am so far behind on this blog that I need to rewind 9 months and document how Travis and I met, dated, and got married all within 3.5 months.

Back in November 2011 I remember being so discouraged and depressed about "the singles scene." Being single after being divorced with children is very eye opening to say the least. I did my best every weekend that Blake and Ashley were with their Dad to get out and have fun and try to meet new people. I remember one night coming home after a dance and just feeling totally defeated emotionally. At this dance there were creeper old guys, weird guys and I just didn't want to be there after awhile. I came home and hit my knees with tears in my eyes and said,"Heavenly Father if that is what is left I am fine with being single the rest of my life." After my prayer I really did feel like I was going to be single the rest of my life and I was totally okay with it.

As December began major trials hit me, one after the other and other. One major one was my arm I had broken earlier in the year wasn't getting better. After so many physical therapy appointments, which were $80 each time, and doctor visits with different surgeons not one doctor would operate on my elbow. Each doctor would say they didn't specialize in elbows only shoulders or knees. I was so mad. December 14th, I came home and just cried to my Mom, and I remember being so mad I said "Why does everything have to be so dang hard?" I didn't say dang, I said the other d word, and I felt totally justified saying it. I was so fed up with everything being so hard, I wanted atleast one thing in my life to come easy. 

December 15th (the very next day) my Dad calls me from upstairs and says, "Hey Reece, I have a guy here who wants to take you on a date!" What on earth!! I had just gotten out of the shower and had a towel on my head. Thankfully a guy wasn't actually at the house my Dad got an email. "Come see this email, Reece." Email, what? I had tried online dating for a month. Never again. Worst date of my life!! I walk into my parents room feeling nervous, sick to my stomach, but curious. Before my Dad read the email I asked him what the guys name was. My Dad replied, "Travis Beckett." The Spirit hit me like a ton of bricks, "thats him" he said. I had this undeniable confirmation that I indeed recognized his name, but also knew I was going to marry him. I stood there stunned, remember my prayer? All in a few seconds I rationalized how that could not be, I didn't even know this guy, I had told Heavenly Father that I was okay not being married. I was terrified to say the least. Then my Dad started reading the email. This guy seemed normal, nice and funny even. My Dad had told him before that he had a daughter with two kids and Travis was more than welcome to take me out. If you know my Dad this is not unusual of him. Everyone a matchmaker he says. Travis was just emailing my Dad to see if that offer still stood and if he could get my contact info. My Dad said, "So Reece, what do you think? I stood there still shocked and terrified, but something deep down said "do it." I told my Dad to give him my email and phone number.

Three days later (Travis said he waited that long because he too was scared) I was coming home from a doctors appointment. I had finally found a surgeon in SLC that not only would do my surgery but specialized in elbows. Major tender mercy. As I pulled into the driveway my phone lit up. That meant I had an email. I looked to see who from and I remember gasping, it was from a Travis Beckett.

For the past two years every time we passed flowers at Wal-Mart or Costco Ashley would say really loud, "Mom, I'm going to get you red roses when you get married." I am so happy that now Ashley can give us red roses!

I am so grateful to my Dad for setting us up. Travis is the most honest,loving, kindest man I have ever met. Blake and Ashley just adore him. I think they like him better than they like me!

Right when I woke up this morning I immediately thought about what happened today 7 years ago. I was finally able to bring my sweet baby home. It was such a happy day.

Blake is such a light in my life. For many years I have thought that he was wise beyond his years or I would say he has "an old soul." I was reading in the B of M and this described Blake perfectly, he has a "sober mind." Blake is such a good boy. He knows what is right and he is not afraid to share what he believes with anyone. I really admire him. Heavenly Father knew I needed my sweet kids. I love them to pieces.

Blake getting ready to open his present.

A fun FHE activity with Mater!