back to normality and new year resolutions!=) Ah...

I feel as though a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulder!

I feel as though now I'm more care free...no more thinking! YES!=p But it's a mixed feeling..hmm..good and bad..I guess it's good to learn something again.

Anyways, everything is back to normal except a few minor changes.

Here are my new year resolutions..I don't know if I can keep them or not..but anyway..

1. Stop drinking and clubbing so much! This will be a challenge. Since coming to UK, I've been drinking more than I should...sighhh!! Nvm! This year..I will completely stop it! Or at least go once in awhile..but no drinking. I must abstain!!!

2. Gain as much experience in every field.. I want to expand my mind. Gather as much experience and knowledge as I can in my engineering field and in other fields related with my career. Even to be independent...I want as much experience. I want to build up my character and myself.

3. Be more independent. I want to be less dependent on people. I want to be able to do things myself instead of depending on others. I want to learn how to live my own life...I want to take control and let God lead me. I'm done depending on people...only causes hurt, anger, frustration and disappointment.

4. Meet more people. I want to expand my circle of friends. I want to meet a variety of people....because that's what I came to the UK for. No point shutting myself away and isolating myself from the world...if I were to do that, I should've stayed back home.

5. Lose weight. HAHAHA..this has been in my list for years now. Weird thing is...I actually LOSE it...but then it comes back! HAHAH...but in this one, I would also like to add to be fit! I need to start going for jogs and building myself up. I want to be able to achieve something.

6. Gain my First Class average again. It seems unlikely at this point...hahaha..but I hope I can really do it. I really want my average to be in the First Class again for my 3rd year. I want to get a first class honours degree....because it means a lot for me to do so. I try to force myself to study and read up more...but I'm not that kind of person. So 2006 will be a year of putting more effort into my studies. I can't slack anymore.

7. Walk closer with God. I want to be able to experience God everyday...not lacking His presence. I want to know what His purpose for me is in this world. I'm going to do my quiet time more often, pray more often...and I might consider fasting. Anyways, I want to see revival here.=)

8. Decide whether I want to do a PhD or not after graduating. Tough question. I'm interested...but 3 years is a bit too long for me. Still thinking. I'm more inclined on doing a PhD then to not do it. I am uberly interested in the field of Energy and Fuels. Don't know why...but I will need to decide it by the end of 2006!=)

Yeah..those are the new year resolutions of mine that I can think of so far...hmmm..=P Guess it would be interesting to meet all of them! EHehehe...but anyways..a new year awaits!=)

Happy new year everyone!=)  ¶ 6:49 AM 0 Comments

  emo post... I am at a dead end now
I cannot see the light through this situation
I know I screwed up big time
I know that it can't be your fault but it's mine
Mine to begin with mine to end

I'm sorry for reacting the way I did
I'm sorry for the misunderstanding
I'm sorry that I screwed up everything
I'm sorry for so many things, it would not suffice to put it here

I want things to be back to the way they were
Or is it too late for that now?
I don't want to face the coldness
But maybe I deserve it

Thoughts run through my mind
Giving me no rest
No taste from food
No comfort in sleep

I just want to say I am very sorry and I wish you would let me know
And that I really want things to go back to the way they were
And that you would talk to me and stop giving me the cold shoulder

Some things can be ignored
And some can't....this thing that is plaguing me can't be ignored..sigh.  ¶ 2:57 AM 0 Comments

  small things... Small things
How I let them bother me
How I let them pull me down

Small things
How I let them change me
How I became someone I'm not

Small things
How they depress me
How they control my mind

Small things
How I hate you
How I hate the change you bring to me

Small things
How I wish I could just smash you into pieces
And not care about you

Small things
This is the last time I will ever
Let you take control of me

Small things
Be gone forever because
I will not let you in anymore

-= this is my own poem so it's copyrighted! ngeks..=-  ¶ 10:45 PM 0 Comments

  pfFt... Running out of luck
Taking the wrong steps
Only to find myself falling down

Hurting people unintentionally
Getting shot down mercilessly
With no one to pull me back up

Words that seem so harmless
But constantly bruises me with no mercy

Words that once built me up only to break me down again
Friends once trusted but only to hurt me

Emotions playing aroud with me
Leaving me in a dazed state
Frustrated and at the same liking it

Feelings that want to be expressed
But are only held back to prevent hurt and confusion

I guess I'm jaded from my past experiences
Trying hard to learn from them
But are they making me into someone closed up?

The last thing I would want to ever experience is to not be able to love someone again..

I'm losing my faith in people

Trying to grab them back, trying to give them benefit of doubt...but it's just plain hard.

Random thoughts and expressions that have been in my head for a long time..  ¶ 7:40 AM 0 Comments

  High Beautiful dawn
Lights up the shore for me.
There is nothing else in the world,
I'd rather wake up and see (with you).

Beautiful dawn
I'm just chasing time again.
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.

But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Beautiful dawn
Melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?

Beautiful dawn
You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.

High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,

Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

-=A superbly nice song by James Blunt=-  ¶ 7:39 AM 0 Comments

  friends and thoughts i've been pondering on.. Friends. What makes a person a friend?

I've been pissed off with my friends lately. Sometimes, I don't know whether it's me who is in the wrong or is it just my friends?

Do I have a problem? Is there something wrong with my attitude that turns people off? PLease somebody...be honest enough to tell me! So far I never had this problem of mixing around til I came here...

It's like...the true friends I have mostly are the ones I make back from home. The friends I make here are just unpredictable at times. I mean, for the past 2 weeks I've been feeling like shit. Constantly shot down and only at least ONE friend cares to pick me up..cares to let me know where I'm wrong at times..I consider him a brother already. If any of you has a problem with me, just say it in my face..confront me about it. I'd be more than happy to know what I do that either pisses you off or makes u feel uncomfortable. You know how shitty it is to get shot down constantly without anyone to help pick you back up? And when you do pick yourself up, only to get shot back down again?

Pfft. Friends it seems. In my criteria, I would consider a person a true friend and I would only acknowledge them to be my true friend if

1. They are honest enough with me to tell me what's wrong and not just hide it away and get emotional at me for no reason, brave enough to come up and confront me on matters that affect both me and them.

2. They build me up not to bring me down, but to constantly push me higher.

3. They give me good honest opinions when I tell them my problems..and they listen too of course.

4. They accept me for who I am and would be honest enough to point out my flaws so I can be a better person.

5. Someone whom I can trust more than anyone else...we can also click VERY well to the point where I don't have to say anything and they know there's something wrong.

Bah. I try so hard to keep myself calm on these matters, but no matter what..I can't deny it. This is my definition of a true friend. I guess I'm just too naive at times. Thinking friends are all good. I go all out to defend them and what do I get? I get taken for granted. I get pushed away, tossed around and shot down. I get treated as if I'm worthless. Well, screw it. If you're my true friend, you would never ever do what I've just stated above or I'll just be plain disappointed with you.

Pfft. Alright. Gonna stop on that. Been pondering about it for days...

Met up with Crystal and Tsuen today at London. Felt so....nice. To finally meet friends who have seen me through my ups and downs...who I consider TRUE friends. Miss them right now. Went lunching and shopping with them and took some pix..=) ehehe..felt really good. Train rides were really long.

That's it for now. Any longer and all the readers will be half asleep..:) Take time to ponder...  ¶ 9:19 AM 0 Comments

  short update.. heiya people...

just to put a short post on this blogsite before I update it again in another week's time...=)

paris SOOOOO rawked!=) Visited so many places. woo hoo..some people were just being plain asses I tell you..grr..I can't stand people who only think about themselves and being just plain spoilt an stuck up. screw them.-.-"

the trip was really fun if u minus of people like that...cos they just spoil the entire trip at one go..hmmm..

anyways..it was quite fun!! Got to visit so many places!! Eiffel tower, arc de triumph, bastille, the Louvre, the opera house, the national academy of music,galeries lafayette...and so much more.

food there was expensive..stuff there was just plain expensive as well...but the trip of just going there and experiencing paris is just fun!=) not knowing how to speak french was even more fun! LOL

alright..just to leave a short note. I'm in sheffield now enjoying life...till 30th comes when I have to sit down and study..sigh. okay then. till nxt time!  ¶ 10:04 AM 0 Comments

  random quick updates.. hello people.

Sorry for the long presence of disappearance. I have been extremely busy with courseworks. I have finally managed to complete all my work with the trade off of my sleep. Sighz. Handed up my last assignment today which was my lab report. I only managed to finish it at 6 am this morning. I had to work 2 full days!!!!

SIGH!! It's finally over!!! Now's it's time to go and party!!

I'm evicted from the halls. Will be going down to London, Paris, Sheffield, Halifax and then back to Nottingham. Should be a really cool time!=) HMmmm..going to visit Hillsongs London this weekend. WOOHOO!=)

Had to pack up today. Craziness. Weevien was kind enough to help me pack but um..most of the time I was packing and she couldn't pack anything because I was busy clearing up stuff. But still, it was nice of her to volunteer.=)

I'm dead tired now. I won't be coming online for awhile. So...please do bear in mind that I'm travelling around and there will be no internet access till I'm back in nottingham. So, I just want to wish all of you.....

A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

May we all never forget the reason for the season. Christmas is not about Santa Clause, parties, drinking,presents or happiness. It is about Jesus. It is about God sending Jesus to earth to die for our sins. We should take this time to honor Jesus's birthday. I realise that Christmas is too commercialised. The true meaning has been masked by fictitious things of human minds. Hmmm..sad.

Anyway...time for me to sleep!!=) Till next year y'all!!! CIAOZ!  ¶ 9:47 AM 0 Comments

  Piccies update..!

Being harassed again by Seng and Cheng YAngg!!! OMG!=P After Formal Dinner at Cheng Yang's room.

My friends say I look like a boss with two chicks..eheheh..=D

Do I look like some kind of high class mob? HAHAH..=D Don't mess with me!

Me, Han, Cheng Yang, Joachim and Jae before the Formal Dinner.

Ben, Cheng Yang, Me, Joachim and Seng after Formal dinner.

Note that Ben and Cheng Yang look like gangsters who are pissed....haha=P

The Rutland Posse After Formal Dinner..we look like some kind of mob...

Joachim, Cheng Yang and Me at Snug!

  ¶ 12:06 AM 2 Comments

  the one.. I know it's still early for me..or is it? But I was just wondering...

How would we ever know if we have found the one that we're meant to be with?

For me, I believe that if were to meet her, the only way to know if she's meant for me is with constant prayer and direction from God.

But what happens if let's say I'm overly sensitive and I feel like she is the one for me but in reality she doesn't think so for me? wooo..

LOL. It's just some random ponderings...born out of boredom at times.

I never believe in love at first sight. Firstly, because that is just too superficially shallow of a person..-_-"

For me, I believe love grows as you get to know that person more and more, and discover that she has the qualities that you look for in a girl that you would want to live with for the rest of your life. Not only that, but she is able to give constant support to you and make you perform at your best. I believe that support is vital in a relationship. No one would want a partner who would put them down everytime they want to do something? Or who wouldn't even mutter an encouraging word to them? BAH..I know I wouldn't want someone like that.

To me personality and character is the utmost vital thing that I would look for in a girl instead of looks...but then again if I were to say looks don't matter, that's a fat lie! Hahaha..looks matter to an extent but they do not dominate my preference to love someone. HmpH!:P

But at this moment, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I still want to enjoy myself. But not being ready for a relationship doesn't mean I can't like anyone...that'd be gay!-_-"

Girls are just naturally too troublesome at times...causing huge emotional problems on nice guys like me..LOL!:P Not a sexist remark okay..it's true to an extent. But I bet girls would say the same thing about guys...bah..-.-"

And I never believe that friendships between guy and girl can ever remain platonic...hmmm..

Alright. Time for my sleep....multicomponent coursework tmr!!!:P  ¶ 9:10 AM 4 Comments

  thoughts..love..and emoness..:p Just got back from clubbing with the korean soc. It's 3.20 am now. I've got a class at 9 am tmr. Don't even know if I can wake up in time...but there were a lot of girls..=)

My shirt got wet with some vodka redbull thanks to weber..and my jeans got soaked in beer thanks to ben. Sigh. I didn't really enjoy my time out that much. Don't know why. Maybe I'm losing the interest to go clubbing...

So hear I am..sitting in front of the computer. Typing out this entry. Thoughts race through my mind.....

I always cannot understand why nice guys come last? I was just talking to my friend elicia, and not only her...but my other girl friends also would say this phrase to answer my question :

"Save the best for last ma..."

I don't know. But to me, I think it's damn unfair. It feels as if..after the girl has been used and have all the fun she wants with other guys, then she comes to the nice guy. And the nice guy being the nice guy he is, would not turn her down....but don't you think it's unfair?!

BAH!! Imagine buying something broken and used for the price of a unbroken and unused item. Wouldn't you feel cheated?-_-"

So if anyone could help enlighten me....I really want to know why is the world so.

If that's the case, there shouldn't be any nice guys on the earth...then girls would truly appreciate nice guys...=/ Nice guys should just change their entire character and take on the bad boy character which seems to get a lot of girls..hmmm..

Love is such a pain at time. Yes, I know love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as all good. But love hurts..and it's a fact. It's like when you don't have interest in anyone or love anyone, your life is carefree...enjoyment of every moment of life. But once love comes in, it messes up your life....I'm not saying love is bad. I actually like being in love..or loving people. Especially when I'm interested in someone, everything changes. Perceptions of messages, calls, chats, time out together..it just changes. You become more urgent when it comes to things pertaining this...but when you're just friends and have no feelings, it's just a common thing that you take for granted..

Weird huh?

Was just posting this because of all the blogs I've read which all have some sort of emoness in it...and it's a really nice feeling at times..=) But not when it makes you doubt yourself and start being paranoid...it's like hell!-_-" But everyone's got their inner demons to take care of.

That's my entry for now..I'm off to sleep..zZzZz...  ¶ 11:18 AM 2 Comments

  the next time I fall in love... Love, like a road that never ends
How it leads me back again
To heartache
I'll never understand
Darling, I put my heart up on a shelf
Til the moment was right, and I told myself

The next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Now, as I look into you eyes
Well I wonder if it's wise
To hold you like I've wanted to before
Tonight, I was thinking that you might
Be the one who breathes life in this heart of mine

Next time I fall in love
I know better what to do
Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Next time I'm gonna follow through
And if it drives me crazy
I will know better why
The next time I try

Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love
Next time I fall in love with you

-nice song by peter cetera....sighs..=P i'm not in an emo mood..but it's just a nice song..  ¶ 9:58 PM 0 Comments

  ups and downs... It's cold. It's 1.35 am. I should be sleeping...

I think I'm eating too much..sigh..but the cold weather here is affecting me.

I've got tons of work to complete. I'm having doubts..whether I can actually complete them in time. I hope so....

My faith in God has been increasing ever since. I want to see a breakthrough in my life..!

Paris trip is after next week...that's dam quick..!!! But before going, I have to complete my assignments...

Well..I don't know what to write...I've been in ups and downs lately.

I never knew moods can swing so badly at times. Maybe it's just the stress from work.

I miss food back home. I miss my parents. I miss my friends. I miss my family...

But anyhow, life is good here despite the homesickness at times. I might be returning home in June, depending on my house contract...

I somehow feel uncomfortable at times...........can't share why here.

Going to do some reading now. Sorry for this pointless entry..

Had german sausages and fried mushrooms on Saturday. Was really good...=) Might be watching Narnia this Friday...depending. Clubbing on Wed...not too sure bout that..but it's a korean soc gathering....korean chicks!:P

Uhm..but I've got work. I guess I'd just stick to my work til I'm at least 60-70% done with it. I need ideas for HYSYS simulations...any other chemical engineering readers have any ideas? Please give me some...need it for my final question. LOL!:P  ¶ 9:35 AM 0 Comments

  hall food... baH!!!

hall food is SO NOT NICE..!!!!! grrr..-_-"

I wonder how they can stand eating it?!!?! OMG. They need to be exposed to the beautiful and exotic foods of Malaysia...and they will know what good food is!!!

ughhh...sorry. it's just that..the food here fills up too fast. and then 4-5 hrs later..u'll be hungry again.-_-"

and it's so filling that it makes u feel like puking. everyday there's a different dish..but somehow they all taste the same! AAAHHH!!

I'm soooooo wanting to move out..but I've got another semester here. T.T

But I guess I shouldn't complain, cos I've paid for it....and food is food..sigh!

Yesterday's dinner at weevien's place was good...!! Hehe...a taste of good chinese food is always 10 times much better than hall food!!! AAAA!=P Me and Joachim went over to her place for dinner....and then to magic soc for a performace..really interesting I must say.

Hmmmm..Paris trip in 3 weeks..coursework deadlines in 2 weeks...*shakes head*

I'm stuck on where to go during christmas..-_- I wish I had a house...

  ¶ 3:01 AM 0 Comments