freaky.. It's just freaky...

How when I have some feeling or some dreams of things happening...they happen..?

OMG. Just freaky.

I don't mind if it's a happy dream or a happy feeling. Just hate it when it's a negative one.

Haih.

There's no words to express what I'm feeling now..just a myriad of emotions.

I guess this is what emotions do to us...they just plainly hurt us and cut us deeply..sometimes I guess what Sern Liang says is true to an extent...

'Love is just an excuse to get hurt'

And it's so true. Hrms...emo-ness is bound to occur. I guess I don't know anything anymore. Is it good to be emo? Is it bad to be emo? Am I overly emo? I just sound dam emo on my blog..? But in real life I don't like to show it?

I'm just randomly writing stuff. I guess I'm at a slightly lower point of my week..don't know why. I need a life. Hrms...and what Lisuen said struck me..that I'm an emo person. Sensitive man? I don't know. I just hope I'm not overly sensitive.

Leaving in 3 weeks. Haven't even settled how I'm going to get back to Nottingham from London. I guess I should look forward to leaving to UK. Leave everything behind. I'm bringing it all on myself. I'm way over my head at the moment. The knowledge doesn't hit me as hard as it should. Too lazy to move.

Haih..ah well..no point mopping about it. Need to get somemore angst music to get my mind off things:) heh...  ¶ 6:03 PM 0 Comments

  Picciesss..=D

After 2 flaming lambos..the torment. x_x

Camwhoring with my hot chicK..!:)

Raymond feeling my boobies man..hhahahahaha..=D

My boss and I camwhoring..=D

JuJu's reunite..! hahahahaha..:D

My boss acting cute..hahahahahaa...

21st birthday present from Huei Yuih, Tsuen, Ray:) Highlight of the dinner man..

I swear all the waiters were looking at me..ahhahahaha..:D Be proud and show it off!:D

Staring innocently at the egg carton trying to imagine what would come with it...

Bakerzin cake thanks to GracE...dam shiok weh..:D

All the ladieeesss...as they say..I'm a pimp:D hahahahaha..

My happening eating buddies...:)

Thanks everyone for coming for the dinner!:) heheh..had a blasT!

  ¶ 12:50 PM 0 Comments

  reminisce.. It's been a great break
I know it's time
For me to snap back into reality

The time I spent here
Has gone by
In a blink of an eye
Like streams of flowing water
So the streams of time flow

Three more weeks to go
Before I leave this place I call home
To know not whether I'll be returning
To know not my future at the moment..

But all I can think about
Is when I'll be able to see you again
Time back here has been
A roller coaster ride up and down
Which now has settled for the moment

I don't know how long more
But I'm going to wait as long as I can
For you
Just for you :)

---<@  ¶ 2:37 AM 0 Comments

  Sorry I just want to dedicate this posts to my friends whom I might have abandoned or ignored during my whole emotional roller coaster.

I'm sorry for neglecting anyone. Didn't mean to. But rest assured, I'm back to normal:) Or more like I've sorted myself out....heh..:)

Just gonna enjoy the next few weeks I have left here...

WaheY!!:)  ¶ 5:30 PM 0 Comments

  21sttt early birthdayyyy.. I take back my words..ahhahaa..

I'm not shutting down this blog..but I'm just gonna minimize all the emotional shit here..:P

ANyways, yesterday was one hell of a day!!! HAhahahaa:D

I decided to celebrate my 21st birthday with my friends in MAlaysia (note : it's WAYY earlier than my actual date). It was crazy!!!!

We had dinner at Italiannies 1 Utama. I told them 730 pm but most people streamed in at 8.30pm...true malaysian timing weh!!

But the best of course would be Grace who decided to grace us with her presence and make a grand entrance at 9 pm!! HAHAHAHA..:P

There were about 19 of us if I am not mistaken. The food was soooo good...but I felt it was wasted..tell you guys in a bit.

After having Italiannies and receiving my presents, my good friends Huei Tsuen, Huei Yuih and Raymond decided to give me a present..a VERY interesting present indeed..a BRA with 21 sewn on it. OMG. It was dam fun tho to wear it...I finally know how it feels like to wear a bra..hahahahahahhaha~!!!

Took loads of pictures but got to get the pictures from people!! UGGHH~!!!:)

After the bra, we went to Laundry Bar in the Curve where I reached a point that I felt like really dying. What are friends for huh except to make u do superbly embarassing things and make u drunk on your 21st birthday? Hahahaha:) It was good tho..I kind of expected all this..just that I didn't expect to drink till I felt like puking. Now even the thought of a Flaming Lambo makes me wanna puke... X_X hahahaha...I had 2 flaming lambos which were nice but the after effect..was like..I was flying! Then had 2 beers..and 1 black label thanks to Jocelyn. -_-. I never felt so....shitty before!! Puked before I went back..and slept with a massive headache.-_- Decided to skip work~!:)

But it was all dam fun..!!!

Thanks to Ken Zen, Kah Kit, Rodney, Chui, Soo, Su Yin, Sern Liang, Wing Ken, Ivan, Raymond, Elicia, Lisuen, Huei Tsuen, Huei Yuih, Ee Mei, Crystal, Julian and...er....who's the last person? OH!!! Grace! haHAHahaha:D Thanks to Wai and Jennifer for coming later to just drop by and see me.:) heh...

It was a gooooooooooood timeeeeee...mann..wish it didn't have to end! Ah well..piccies coming up soon!:) Oh..special thanks to Huei Yuih and Raymond for bringing their cameras and snapping pics for me:) Hehhhhh:P  ¶ 11:52 AM 3 Comments

  Live with your own shit - I have to constantly remind myself of this

Handle it yourself, no one is going to be there for you except God of course..

I don't know if I can keep on doing this..

I want to shut this blog down...want to..not sure yet..

I don't want to care anymore..

Don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to!!!!!!

I just want to disappear into my secluded small lil space where only I exist..which is here la of course..

Why are some things so simple yet so hard to do?!?!?!?:(

Haih...I think I'm closing the blog down and I'm gonna try to not post anymore.

Goodbye my emotional outlet space..I've had enough of this shit.

------<@  ¶ 9:07 PM 0 Comments

  rantings Hrms.

I wish I could punch something at this moment to get my mind off things.

Haih....I hate thinking. I hate the misery. I hate the thoughts of what might happen. I hate this entire thing.

BLEHHH~!!!!!!

I guess all I can do is sit down and watch the show...maybe I should detach my damn emotions and desensitize them nicely so I don't even care what happens..? Sounds good..wish it was that easy..

SIgh~  ¶ 6:47 PM 0 Comments

  hehz.. For you I will

I guess I'm feeling like an idiot now..

But there are things I need to settle straight first before I do anything else...

And I'm not gonna give up on you..be it a stupid decision or not..

Putting on my emotions on the line

I'm already burnt..what's more to burn?

Time to sleep...  ¶ 1:20 AM 0 Comments

  Anger/Frustration/Emotional No one is worth my tears.
Turned out hardened as stone.
My heart is like an empty shell
It grows worst and worst each day

I hate how this world works
I hate all this shit
I hate it all...

I regret introducing friends to girls I like
Only to see them fall for my friends and not me
I regret bringing them all out to chill out
Only to get hurt

I'm so sick of all of this
Sick and tired
I don't want to sound selfish
But try being in my shoes
And all you can see is hurt
All you can see is potential enemies
No more friends
Trust in people is nothing more than just words

I don't want to turn into such a monster
But at this rate
All I can see is self gain
Self pleasure, self fulfillment
What the crap is the use of thinking of others when others just think bout themselves?

I really just feel like dropping it all
Taking on a new leaf
I felt this last year
I feel it again this year
There's only so much I can take

All I want to be is someone with no damn emotions, no damn feelings
It all just gets harder and harder
And this is my ranting spot
If you think I'm an arse who just can't handle the realities of life
I guess you are right
I guess I'm just sick of how this world functions
So just leave me be...  ¶ 12:43 AM 0 Comments

  Pensive, emo, whatever.. Pensive.

You know not how I feel
It seems you've made up your mind
And I don't know anymore

What should I do?
I don't want to be in the way
Yet I don't want to seem so damn selfish
But in this kind of things, who isn't?

I just want to leave you be
I want you to be happy
But if it costs me my happiness
What should I do?

It's so damn hard
I'm going out of my mind
Being so damn pensive about this
When all I know is
That you don't feel the same way I do
That your feelings is for someone else

Then why am I still hoping for something
That will never come to be?
I guess I'm just a fool to do what I'm doing
God help me...  ¶ 2:39 PM 0 Comments

  :( These wounds go deep
These wounds go way back
I thought I had moved on
Only to find myself stuck where I left off

I can't take this anymore
I can't see it anymore
I can't be there anymore
Cause it hurts so much

But that's what I always tell myself
Only to find myself still being the person
At the sidelines looking in
Longing to belong

I guess all I can do is watch
Come and go
I can't care too much
Cos I only end up getting hurt each time I do

I'm just in a mess
And I can't take it anymore...
Even to let me die and not feel this
Would be something better than what I feel now..  ¶ 2:50 AM 0 Comments

  random I'm glad things are done.

I'm glad we had that conversation. The really long conversation.:)

I don't know why..but I just feel happy.

Hrms. On a side note, it was torture to sleep for 3.5 hrs only and then work.

Somehow I still feel like I have a few more questions..but ah what the crap..it can wait.

Hrmmmmms...I'm flying to UK soonnnn..aaaaAahhh~!!! CRAP!!

Work for another 2 weeks! Then I'm a free man..road trips and clubbing timeeee~!:) And also packing to go back...

I guess I'm a person who likes to talk really honestly and I just love the time spent talking and understanding the person..hrms:)

And my situation is one of a kind situation la...weird. :P hahahaha..

Alright, I'm gonna get some sleep. I'm gonna need it.:)  ¶ 1:11 AM 0 Comments

  aimless.. It blew up in my face.

I knew my vibes were good...hrmz..just didn't expect it to be this good.

Oh well..I guess it's just time to move on...

No point getting pissed angry and super depressed..it ain't the first time anyways.

I don't know what to do anymore....  ¶ 12:27 AM 0 Comments

  Center of my focus.. Grab life by the balls and swing it around at your own way..

hrms...o_O

On another note, don't mind me for my post before this.:) It's just that I've got too much time on my hands to think.

I just found out that..everytime I take my mind and take my focus of God, everything just screws me over..and I hate it.

Or basically, more like I screw myself over. But from now on, I'm not gonna move the center of my focus anymore. You are the center of my focus, Jesus!!

Reminds me of a song

You are the Holy one
You are the risen one
You are the center of my focus Jesus

You're the lover of my soul
And I adore You only

It's all about You (x3)
It's all about You, Jesus!

The words just sink in deep at this moment. Think about it.  ¶ 12:05 AM 0 Comments

  thoughts.. I realised for a very long time that my blog is a very emo blog.

Hahaha..d'uh!=.=

Is it wrong to be so emotional in my writings? If I can't express it in real life, so I express it here la. Just because I'm emotional doesn't mean that I'm unstable man. It's just that there are things that just sinks deep and gives a big cut till I need to think and express myself.

I find that my blog is a very good way to release my emotional side instead of bringing it to people who will then think I'm some freak who has no stability at all.-_-" And of course, the only thing that would make me freaking emo is of course...girls. Hahaha. At least I'm admitting it.

To be not emotional is to be a robot. Sometimes I wonder why people treat emo-ness as a negative thing? My writings are borne out of frustration or sadness of the reality that I'm seeing. And sometimes, it's better for me to blog it then to go and keep it in and die. Pfft.

But soon, I'm planning to change my blog to a better one...if i can find the time to modify it.:P

On a different note, I wish I knew somethings which I don't know if I want to know. Hahaha. It has a dual effect.

I'm seeing things as it is...and I'm feeling things in a different manner. Hrms. And it's affecting me whether I like it or not.

I don't want to expect anything...but it's hard when I realised I didn't let it go when I thought I did. Maybe I should just stop thinking of all this nonsense. And somehow I know I shouldn't worry..but on the other hand I am? Sigh~

On another note, is it better to live for the moment, or think logically and let it slip by? Ah. Screw it la.

I shall just enjoy it now....and when the time comes, I'll make my move:)  ¶ 1:58 PM 0 Comments

  I feel like everything's gonna blow up in my face soon.

Pfft.

Whyyyyyy??!?!?!

ARGH!  ¶ 5:59 PM 0 Comments

  Goo goo dolls - Iris Just love this song...:)
HRmss..

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am  ¶ 12:28 AM 1 Comments

  uncertainty. Sigh.

I feel kinda left out at the moment. Seeing that Grace and Ray are enjoying themselves in Singapore. Hrms. It's not like I wasn't invited la...more like I couldn't go due to my damn work commitment!!! *stabs work!!*

Anyways..got only another 4 weeks left here. Time sure passes by. My future is so uncertain at this moment. I didn't know I could feel this way again...but here I am back at square one. Falling back to the place I thought I'd moved on from.

It's so hard to let go of things. Not when you care.

Pfft. 2.5 weeks left of work. Can't wait for it to end!:)

1 more year of torture......and uncertainty beckons after that. Been thinking of Australia. Might be thinking of going overseas to work instead of coming back straight. Might even do a PhD. So many uncertain things at the moment.

Haih...  ¶ 12:49 AM 0 Comments

 

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Receiving Gifts.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Receiving Gifts:		7
Quality Time:		6
Acts of Service:		3
Words of Affirmation:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz  ¶ 12:46 AM 0 Comments

  Not ready... I'm not ready
I'm not ready to go back
To go back to the land far far away
To go back to a land of unfamiliarity

To a land which does not feel like home to me
I'm not ready

I'm not ready to face people there
I'm not ready to face it all
To face the different environment
I'm not ready to face the reality of my final year
I'm not ready to leave
To leave you
To leave this land I was brought up in

I'm not ready
For the flow of time to continue
For life to go on mercilessly
For my transition from student to worker
From youth to adult
For the uncertainty of my future
For so many things that if I named them all
It would just take up this whole post

But most of all
I'm not ready to leave everything behind  ¶ 12:51 AM 0 Comments

  Penang... Wa hey..I'll be gone to Penang for the weekend. Not that I'm a frequent poster..but just to let you all know.

I'm sorry if the post before this sounded bit angst filled..but that's the truth. I feel so dam frustrated with this already. Sigh...but after talking to Grace, I've come to a conclusion that it's not easy for you girls not to keep us as options also..especially if you do have some feelings for the guy but just not enough to be together with him. But please, just be a kind person and either be honest with the person, or just say you don't like him. If he really likes you, he will wait. -_-"

Sleeping at 5 am isn't my sorta thing...well, I feel like I'm leaving civilization to go on a non stop eating and sleeping trip for the next 3 days...and I was just starting to think of weight loss. AHHH!!!-_-"

See you guys then..  ¶ 1:04 PM 4 Comments

  Okays.

I've been having a long chat with a friend..and I've come down to a point where I must lay it down.

What's with girls taking us guys as options? What's with girls going for the bad boys? And what the crap is with good guys ending up the last?

Sometimes I think this is all way off. Way crooked.

Sometimes I wish girls would be direct enough...come on la..we guys had the balls to say it out..now it's the girls turn to be brave enough to be direct.

We don't want to be left hanging you know? Do you girls know how it feels like to be hanging? OMG. If you knew it, you won't do it. It's the worst feeling in the world. No certainty of the future. Not knowing if what you're doing will bring you somewhere. Do you think it's easy for us guys to put in effort and wait ar? Screw it man..it's dam hard! Wait for awhile is ok...but don't make us wait and give us mixed signals in the process...

Don't ever take us as options. If you don't want us to take you as options then please don't take us as options. It pisses me off to the core. And after awhile, girls will start to complain where are all the good guys...when when there were good guys, you girls turned them around and broke their hearts and made them as hard as rock. Trust me la..this is what actually happens cos I know it first hand. The principle of treating others how you want to be treated should be of first priority la. Don't be so dam selfish.

Grr...

Can't take it la. Where injustice occurs, I am dam frustrated.

Bah.  ¶ 2:05 AM 0 Comments

  back to normal. Pardon me for my emotional side lately..it's been one hell of a few days.:P

But rest assured..the BEAR is back..

And what I wrote in my previous posts, are really the real expression of me. No doubt.

I'm not planning to take it down so I can reflect next time.:)

Time to laugh and be myself for the next 50 days~!! WOOHOO!!:D  ¶ 11:45 PM 0 Comments

  warning : emo post ahead. undergoing cycles of emotional stress and strains.. I look at myself
All I see is a lonely boy
A boy who hasn't grown at all
And just when I thought I did

I still fall for the same thing I fell
I still feel the same way about people
As I did before I left
I still have my issues
Which are currently causing my self destruction

I still see myself in a small frame
I guess I had preferred it over there in the UK
Where life had been easier
I didn't have to worry or feel this way

Whatever feelings I have now for anybody
Is just meant to die
To be cut short
To be incinerated before they can even bloom
To be kept to myself
To be left unknown to them
Till maybe the time is right

This world is so screwed up
I just can't take it anymore
Why can't it be as simple as it should be?
I've faced so much hurt
It's just damn unbearable at times
That sometimes I believe
It's pointless to love anyone
But yet I keep on falling back to the same place I escape from

I guess it was never meant to be
Sometimes I wish I was some closet person
That no one can come near
And just let me live in my own world
Without anyone to hurt me
To inflict emotional pain
To allow me to have that self realization that things will not work out

I just put on a smile as big as I can
To try and forget of the pain I've faced
But behind all the smiles and laughter
Lies the real person behind the bear persona
The lonely and insecure boy who hasn't grown up one bit

Pfft...I am starting to sound pathetic.
But this is who I really I am
This is my jaded self
Jaded from simplicity to complexity
And I hate it so
Because all I want to be
Is that cheery old me
Where I didn't give a damn about emotions

Just leave me be..  ¶ 9:51 PM 0 Comments

  picture mania!

Grace releasing the bimbo in her and the bear just smiling:D

The 2 sisters who are very dear to me..:)

Whoaaa...loads of 'fish' down there wehh~!!!

Introducing...the 3 girls!:P

Smoking pose.

U wanna mess with us? o_O

Tsuen :P, Yuih :) and Me :D

One big happy family..:D

*wags finger* No shots like this plss..but i like!:P HAHAHA..

The bear pimp and his hot chick at the Sunrise Jazz Fest~:)

  ¶ 8:22 PM 0 Comments